Goodbye Secrets (The Lost & Found Series book #2) (34 page)

“Oh, baby, please don’t be mad ... I’m so swamped.” He started kissing my neck. His hands rose to my breast. “Mmm ... I need you, baby.”

“Get off of me!” I shoved his hands away and turned to him. “What are you doing?” I yelled.

“Becca, I don’t need this shit, baby! You haven’t kissed me or touched me in months. I have been patient, but I need you now!” He pulled me to him aggressively.

“What are you talking about?” I tried to push him off.

“Just fucking kiss me, Becca!” He held my head in place and attacked my lips. I pushed him away and smacked his face. He pressed his hand to his cheek and shook his head.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Maybe you’re overtired,” I said, still in shock over the fact that I slapped him.

“Becs, you have a tiny birthmark right here.” He went to touch me, but I backed away. He took in a deep breath. “I just want to show you. I’m not going to do anything else.” He reached again, this time kneeling in front of me. “Right here.” His finger poked at the area between my pelvis and leg. “I’ve kissed you there a million times, baby. I know every inch of you. Shall we see if I’m right?” He looked up at me and started to pull my pants down. I pushed him away.

“You’ve seen me in a bathing suit. You probably saw it then.” I backed up to the sink.

“Becca, it’s the size of ... of a pencil dot! I wouldn’t be able to see it unless my face was right there. And, like I said, it has been—many, many times!” He was up against me. His mouth found my neck again. I remember feeling scared. He was behaving so strangely.

“Ray, please stop.” My voice shook.

“No. I want to make love, baby. It’s been too long.” His hands cupped my breasts again.

“Ray, you’re overtired. We’ve never made love. Ray, please, you’ve got to stop.” I started crying.

“We have made love, baby! Jesus, Becca, I can’t live my life like this! You’re going to lose me ... you don’t even remember to care.” He sounded so defeated.

“Of course I care—you’re my best friend, Ray. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want a relationship with you, either. I can’t. I won’t get hurt again.” I fought to regain control over my tears.

“I won’t hurt you, Becs. We’ve been together for two years—I’ve proven myself. I won’t hurt you, baby.” He held my face.

“You can’t promise that.” I pulled away from him again.

“Where’s Annie?” He let go and backed up.

“Sleeping. I’ll send her off to school in the morning.” I turned to close the box of sugar packets and put it away.

“Good night. Tell Annie I love her,” he said, and left before I could turn around.

“What did you do when you left?” My hand covers his. He keeps rubbing my belly, and it’s making me nervous.

“I called my mom. I was brokenhearted ... once again, Lucy!” He taps my belly.

“Is that your permanent nickname for me?” My fingers lace with his.

“Until you remember everything, yes.” He brings my hand up to his lips for a quick peck.

“Then what happened? Wait, is that when your mom called me about Christmas at the inn?” I ask.

“Yes, it was our year to have my parents over for Christmas anyway. So, my mom suggested we all just stay with you to give you and I more time together.

“Did it work?” I ask as I try to remember for myself.

“Eh ... not really. I, uh, couldn’t stop. Not proud of myself, baby.” He sighs.

“Ray, I don’t remember you forcing yourself on me.” My brow furrows.

“I didn’t. I couldn’t stop eating! It was terrible.” He shakes his head.

“You asshole!” I elbow him.

He laughs. “No, baby, it wasn’t as
merry
as the year before, but it was definitely ... mmm ... so good.” He moves my hand to feel his growing excitement. I use every ounce of willpower I can muster to push my desire away.

“We went to Maine for your birthday again, but you were completely off. I told my mother that she had lost her magic. You wouldn’t even kiss me. It was weird.” He sits, pondering.

“We slept in separate rooms.”

“Yeah, I was pissed! You had one with Morgan—not like I could creep in. You wouldn’t even watch a movie with me. I felt like it was over between us. After that trip, I backed off. Not like before, but I gave you space.” He gets up and grabs a water out of the fridge.

“When did the whole
Star Trek
sleepover happen?” I take the water from him and sip it.

“Huh?”

“I had a flashback last night of you coming over. I had PJs for you, and we were going to watch
Star Trek
. I was drinking wine, so I guess that diet was over!” I laugh a little.

“Oh. That wasn’t until the following February. Man, you pissed me off!” He plops back down onto the couch.

“So, nothing happened until then?” I look at him, confused.

“No. I mean, yes. The pictures of us at the carnival ... we made love the night before and that morning, then that night ... so on and so forth. Mama got her magic back.” His smile becomes huge again.

I try to think back to that weekend.

Elise yelled at me over the phone. Between her and Hazel, I gave in and cleared my weekend. Ray picked up Morgan and me that Friday morning. The girls got right to giggling in the backseat. Ray took our suitcase and slid it into the back of the truck, underneath the bed cover. He looked well. He was wearing the outfit I had bought him for Father’s Day. Plaid shorts in light, creamy shades of blue, gray, and white with a matching polo. He wore black flip-flops aviator sunglasses. I’m not a fan of aviators, but I had to admit—they looked great on him. His hair was shorter, but choppy—the way I like it at that length. He had a great tan going from all of the work he’d been doing outside.

Ray loves to design, but he doesn’t like to just leave it at that. Whenever he can, he gets his hands dirty with the build. He’s a hard worker by choice.

“What are you thinking about?” He touched my cheek.

“Oh, I was admiring your tan.” I pushed his sunglasses up. “I can’t see your eyes with those. Hi.” I smiled.

“Hi.” He took them off.

“You are putting sunblock on, right? Especially on your ears?” I reached up and grabbed his right ear gently. He winced and touched the small of my back as I leaned in closer to look. His ears were clearly burned. “Ray, come on! I’ve told you a million times to apply it in the morning before you leave. I bought you some and put it on your dresser! Do I have to come over in the morning and apply it myself?”

“Hi,” he said again, completely ignoring my sunblock tirade. “It’s nice to see you, baby. I’ve missed you.” He nudged my lips with his. I nudged back. His right hand came up to my face to steady me so he could deepen the kiss. He groaned—a dull, aching sound.

“Shit, Ray!” I pulled away.

“No, baby, please.” He brought my face back to his and kissed me again.

“Ray, I forgot the crumb bars on the counter.” I stepped back and gave him a crooked smile.

“That’s why you’re pulling away?” he asked, unsure.

“Yes. I promised your mom. She’ll have my head if I forget them. I’ll be right back.” I kissed him quickly and ran back into the inn.

“All set?” he asked when I handed him the dish.

“Yep. Let’s go! By the way, McNeil ... your ass is looking pretty sweet in those shorts.” I swatted his butt and walked around to the passenger side. We both got in and Ray started the truck.

“Hey, babe?” He looked over at me, then at the girls. He leaned over. “You still on the Pill?” he asked quietly in my ear.

“Yeah, why?”

“Oh ... you’ll find out.” He kissed my cheek and took my hand before he drove down the hill of the driveway.

Our two-hour journey only took ninety minutes. I kept yelling at Ray about his speed, but he just pulled me over to him and slung his arm around my shoulders. I leaned up against him, putting my feet up on the passenger seat. It was relaxing, as if we were on a sofa instead of the front seat of a truck.

On the last leg of the trip, the girls fell asleep in the backseat. I felt drowsy myself.

“They asleep?” Ray asked softly.

“Mmm-hmm,” I murmured. Ray slowly slipped his hand into my tank top.

“Shh,” he whispered as his fingers found my left nipple. He began to play with it, running his fingertips in circles around it, tweaking it harshly. I held on to his arm, trying not to make a sound. “Feel good, baby?” he whispered.

“Yes.” I tried to catch my breath.

“Are we almost there, Ray? I have to pee,” Morgan grumbled. Ray casually slid his hand up to my left shoulder.

“Almost, baby, can you hold it for ten more minutes?” he asked her as I tried to compose myself.

“Yeah, I guess.” She turned the other way in the backseat. Ray’s hand started to slide down again, but I smacked it lightly as I sat up against him so he wouldn’t have such easy access. I put my left arm around his shoulders and my right hand on his chest.

“Wait,” he said, and brought his arm down from my shoulder.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He smiled and grabbed my hand. I rested my head on his shoulder. Ray placed my hand on the zipper of his shorts. He was as hard as a rock.

“That’s going to feel so good, baby,” I whispered in his ear before I nipped at his earlobe. I reached my hand under his shirt to scratch lightly above the top of his shorts.

“Jesus, Becca, if the girls weren’t in this car—we’d be christening 95 North right now.” He squeezed my hand , and I bit my entire bottom lip to stifle my huge smile. He gave me a half smile. “When we get home, we’ll send the girls outside with the grandparents. We should go right upstairs and settle in. I’ve got quite the
bone
to pick with you, Becca.” His casual sexual banter always made me laugh.

“Yeah, I think we have a few things we need to
work out
, McNeil.” I played along.

“We need to
come
to an agreement, baby.”

“Well, I feel confident that we’ll be able to
relate
to each other, McNeil.”

“There may be a lot of
pressure
, considering the time we’ll have.” He sighed.

“Hmm ... could be a
tight
squeeze.”

“Oh ... I think we’ll be able to
fit it in
and
come
together as one.” A smirk crossed his face.

After a beat, I laughed “I have nothing!”

“McNeil, one!” He licked his index finger and stuck it in the air, then turned his attention to the sign coming up. “Finally!” He sighed and pulled off at the exit. We arrived within a few minutes. The truck barely stopped before the girls’ seatbelts were flying off. They jumped out of the truck as soon as Ray parked.

“Nana! Pop Pop! We’re here!” They yelled.

“Someday, baby ...”

“Someday what?” I glanced over before I opened my door.

“There’ll be a couple of boys running around with our girls yelling ‘Nana! Pop Pop!’” He pulled me back to him.

“Oh yeah, you’re in good with the Big Man? You get to pick what we have?” I meant to tease because I felt overwhelmed, but I ended up overwhelming myself more when I said this.

“Actually, I don’t care what we have. All I know is that I want to have them with you, baby.” He reached up into the hair at the back of my neck, holding me steady as his mouth covered mine. “Becs, I need to take you inside.”

“Yes.” I broke free from him and opened my door. He took my hand and we ran toward the house. The girls were already heading to the pool.

“Mama, we’ll be with you in twenty to twenty-five minutes, tops!” he said as we rushed by her and ran up the stairs of the farmhouse. I couldn’t stifle my giggle at the embarrassment I knew I would feel later.

Apparently, I didn’t run fast enough. Ray pulled my arm and threw me over his shoulder to carry me up.

“Jesus, Ray!” I gasped. He took long strides to our room, then shut and locked the door once we were inside. He put me down and we attacked each other. Clothes flew everywhere. I almost fell trying to get my panties off. Ray caught me in the hook of his left arm and threw me down onto the bed, parting me from my tricky knickers.

“Baby, we don’t have much time.” He climbed on top of me. “I’ll make love to you later, but, right now ... ” He thrust inside of me, the force of it making me arch my neck. It was aggressive and rough, but I remember thinking about how familiar he felt to me and wondering how that could be possible. Everything seemed
right
. “Babe?” He stopped. Looking into his eyes, I sensed this wasn’t our first time. I glanced around the room, and suddenly the morning we made love and cried flashed back to me. “Baby ... please ... don’t.” He commanded my attention.

“Sorry, Ray.” I leaned up to kiss him and slowly moved my hips, which encouraged him to do the same.

“Then the kiss in the rain?” I wince. I’d mention that the flashback I had during the last memory, but I know it’s pointless.

“Yes ... the infamous kiss in the rain! Why were you coming to my house again?” He takes a swig of his water.

“Annie needed her poster board for day camp. You forgot it, so I was bringing it over. Or so I thought. Seems I forgot it anyway ... I have no idea why.” My playful sarcasm does not go over well with Ray.

“Six months for a kiss and a moment that you remembered. If only you knew how much more we had done ... how much more we meant to each other. Six months, baby. It killed me.” He rests his head on my shoulders.

“Sorry.” I kiss his forehead. “I know what happened with the sleigh ride, but I don’t know when we made up.”

“The week before, my parents came down. My mom sent me to the grocery store to pick up a few things. She and Annie were baking for the nursing home like they do every year. Anyway, I ran into fucking Twinkle Toes.”

“Knock it off! You’re terrible!” I laugh.