Grasping at Eternity (The Kindrily) (14 page)

Shiloh intervened. “Cool it, you two. Just give Nathan the glasses so he can try them.”

Carson rifled through his suitcase and reluctantly handed me a heavy contraption that looked like a blend of glasses and binoculars. The lime green lenses glinted as if a light shone behind them.

“Let’s go outside and give them a test run,” Shiloh insisted.

Carson’s face spoke volumes. He didn’t believe they would work. I wanted to tell him I never expected him to successfully create miracle glasses. I never believed in Shiloh’s impossible theory.

 
I set the apparatus on the desk. “We’ll test it later. Right now, we have to meet the others.”

Shiloh’s eager grin disappeared, but Carson nodded, looking relieved.

I was relieved too. I wanted one more night of staring at the sky and believing—no matter how ridiculous—that somewhere, Maryah’s star might exist, and that it, and our love, was waiting to be rekindled.

∞

We all gathered on the launch field, watching balloons light up the sky.

Maryah used to have the most expressive face. One of my favorite pastimes was watching her delicate features twist and dance as thoughts ran through her mind. Tonight, her expressions gave nothing away, so I focused on her eyes. They were devoid of all light—like gazing upon the Black Hole. They used to sparkle like emeralds. My emeralds, my treasure,
then, now and eternally
.

What I wouldn’t give to hear her speak those words again.

The crowd whooped and whistled as more balloons took to the sky. Faith excitedly pinched Maryah’s hip. The “All Burns” tradition began. Every burner ignited as orbs of color floated across the sky.

Finally, Maryah’s eyes twinkled.

For a few sacred moments, joy flooded through her. I couldn’t look away. Even as an almost empty shell of a being, she was stunning. She lowered her chin and turned toward me. Alas, she smiled. Not a false or uncomfortable smile like she exhibited throughout the day, but a genuine smile. I took my place by her side.

“It’s breathtaking,” she whispered.

The breeze blew strands of hair across her face. I resisted the urge to push them away. “Indeed, it is.”

“You get to see this every year?”

“Almost every year since the festival began.” I felt safe saying it. She had no knowledge of the length of the festival’s history, or that she’d been here before.

We stood together, watching hundreds of glowing balloons. It felt as if Maryah and I were the only two souls on Earth. At last, I admired the sky with the one soul whose beauty easily surpassed the heavens we looked upon.

I wanted to stay with her in that moment forever, but the first loud booms of fireworks erupted. It startled her, but she smiled when the explosion of color burst through the darkness.

“All this fuss for you and your birthday?” Maryah teased through chattering teeth.

I removed my jacket and wrapped it around her. “I assure you, all of this is about much more than me.”

Maryah

“Maryah, wake up,” he whispered. “Maryah.”

I slowly opened my eyes. My body jerked, startled by the sight of Nathan in my hotel room leaning over me in the dark. “Nathan?”

“Shh, I’m trying not to wake Faith and Harmony.” Glancing at the clock, I saw it wasn’t even 5am yet. “I’d like to request your company on a clandestine journey before the others awaken.”

“Could you speak more mainstream? I have no idea what you said.”

“Would you like a behind-the-scenes tour of the festival?”

I had to be dreaming again. Why in the world would Nathan want me to go anywhere with him? Especially at five in the morning. I pinched my wrist, and Nathan lifted his eyebrows. I shrugged. “Thought I might still be asleep.”

“Do you always talk in your sleep?” he asked with that dizzying angelic smile.

“Sometimes.”
 
Faith and Harmony were still sleeping—or pretending to be. We weren’t exactly quiet, and Faith wore a close-lipped grin.

“Take a few moments to collect yourself. I’ll wait for you in the hallway. Bring a coat. It’s chilly out.” He got up and left while I lay there dumfounded. I hadn’t agreed to go anywhere with him. Up at five a.m. on vacation—with Nathan: pure insanity.

After changing, and finding my coat, I quietly left our room. Nathan was leaning against the wall in the hallway.

“It’s five in the morning!” I said in a hushed voice.

“Sorry. I don’t sleep much, and this is my favorite time of the day. Tranquility and stillness hasn’t been lost due to the busyness of the world yet. Shall we go?”

How could I argue with tranquility? How could I argue about anything when he looked at me so tenderly with his heart-stopping green eyes? “Fine.”

Neither of us said another word until Nathan paused at the lobby doors. “May I assist you with your coat?”

“I’m okay, but thanks.”

He held open the door, and I stepped outside. The cold hit me like a bucket of ice water. I gasped and zipped up my jacket to my chin.

“It’s freezing out here!”

“I’m sorry, but such is the desert at night. It will get warmer when the sun rises.”

He put his hand on the small of my back. Even through my coat his touch sent a delicious shiver through me. I subtly leaned backward, wanting to feel more of him against me—even if it was just his arm. The shoulder of his jacket brushed my ear and I had to force myself to keep from whipping around and throwing my arms around him. How did I become so boy crazy?

A red Mustang with black racing stripes was parked nearby. The engine was running, and when Nathan opened the door for me, a wave of heat poured out. I practically dove into the passenger seat.

“There’s cocoa, tea, cider, or coffee for you.” He nodded to four steaming cups on the dashboard then shut my door.

I stared at them, amazed someone could be so thoughtful. Thoughtful of me.

He climbed into his seat, leaned over, and held the drink holder in front of me.
  

“Which one is the hot chocolate?” I asked.

He handed me the largest cup. “Some things never change.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” He threw away the remaining drinks in a nearby trash can.

He got back in, and his heavenly scent filled the car. Between him and my hot chocolate, I was almost drooling. “You didn’t want any?”

“No, but now I know which you prefer, so I won’t bother with the other choices in the future.”

The future. Did he plan on hanging out with me again? “That was really nice. Thank you.”

“It was my pleasure.”

As he drove, I glanced around his trashless, spotless interior. “Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.” He pushed a button and Ella Fitzgerald started singing,
Someone to Watch Over Me
.

“Oh my god, I love Ella!”

His expression bordered on smugness. “You seem like the type who appreciates great music.”

“Most people our age have never heard of her.”

“Yes well, maybe you and I are old souls.”

I stared at him with astonishment. “My cousin says the same thing.”

“She must be perceptive.”

“She is. I miss her.” I mouthed the words to Ella’s song in between sips of my drink.
Looking everywhere, haven’t found him yet. He’s a big affair I cannot forget.
“Do you prefer Nate, Nathan, or Nathaniel?”

He cocked his head, like he was giving it serious thought. “I answer to any of them.”

“You introduced yourself as Nathaniel, and I’ve heard Louise call you that a few times, but Nathan seems to be the popular consensus.”

He silently stared ahead while Ella sang my favorite line:
Tell me where’s the shepherd for this lost lamb
.

He cleared his throat. “No one has addressed me as Nathaniel in quite some time.”

“Okay, I’ll be different. Nathaniel it is.” He seemed more like a Nathaniel. Something about him was so sophisticated and charming, like he belonged in an earlier era when people were more well-mannered. My parents would have loved him.

We pulled into Balloon Fiesta Park. Shiloh, Carson, and Dakota waved through the glare of the car’s headlights.

“The boys are here!”

Nathaniel cut off the engine. “They’re assisting with our launch.”

“I thought that wasn’t for another couple hours?”

He opened his door. “Not
the
launch,
our
launch.”

I went rigid. The numbing revelation allowed him time to reach my side of the car. He opened my door, but I didn’t move. “You want
me
to go up in that balloon?”

“You’ll enjoy it.”

“But it’s dangerous.”

“It’s far from dangerous. The correct word is enchanting.” He extended his hand, but I didn’t budge.

“But it’s so dark out.”

“You know the old saying, ‘when it’s dark enough, you can see the stars.’”

I peeked out of the car at the sky. “I can see the stars fine from here.”

He burst out laughing, and that erased my fear. He reminded me of an old Jazz song I never got tired of, no matter how many times I’d heard it. The song began all sad and gruff with a saxophone and bass, but then exploded into upbeat trumpeting that made me want to dance like a madwoman.

“You have my word,” he said. “There is no danger involved. You’re in the safe hands of the most gifted crew I’ve ever had the privilege of trusting.”

I placed my hand in his. Happy trumpets kept blaring, and his touch sent surges of electricity through me again. Worrying he felt my reaction, I pulled away and stuck my hands in my coat. He leaned in toward me, and his lips parted. A white cloud from his breath filled the inches of space between us. His lips looked so kissable that my mouth watered.

“Maryah, are you all right?”

I swallowed then licked my lips, hoping to erase the magnetic pull that wanted his mouth against mine. “Yes. Just nervous.”

As I stepped away from the car, he did that thing again where he put his hand on my back. Even through my layers of clothing, warmth spread over me so intensely I thought I’d melt.

“First hot air balloon ride!” Shiloh yelled as we joined them.

Dakota elbowed me. “I’m jealous. I’d love to go up in this thing.”

Carson was already filling the balloon with air. Dakota clumsily stumbled over to help him.

Nathaniel stepped toward the basket. He stared at me while urging me forward with his hands that had barely touched me, yet made me feel ecstatic. “It’s time.”

Carson and Shiloh held onto each side of the basket acting as anchors.

I took an exaggerated breath. “Right.”

Heaven help me.

Nathaniel

I hopped into the basket and reached out to assist Maryah with her entry. She looked unsure of how to perform the maneuver.

“Lean forward and place your arms around my neck.” The balloon fought to lift off the ground, and my body pined for her touch again.

She looked at me hesitantly then let out a shaky sigh. A puff of white mist appeared where her breath met the air. I envied the air in that moment. How I longed to feel her breath against my skin again.

She placed her hands on my shoulders and I lifted her into the basket, surprised by how light she was. In recent lives, her bodies were taller and heavier. I gently placed her down. “Hang onto the side of the basket.”

I released a steady flame from the burner and it roared like a dragon breathing fire. I nodded to Shiloh and Carson. We lifted off and floated into the air. Maryah looked even paler than usual.

“Maryah, breathe.” Her chest rose and fell as she took controlled breaths. Her tension relaxed a bit. We continued to rise higher as I guided the balloon into the heavens. “Are you cold?”

“A little,” she replied. I opened my knapsack, pulled out a fleece blanket and wrapped it around her. She looked up and our eyes met. “Thank you, Nathaniel.”

“You’re welcome.” I thought of the way she used to say my name, ‘Nathaniel,’ with eternal love, and at times, unbridled lust. I was spellbound by being near her again. She still smelled the same, like vanilla and autumn moonlight.

Please remember me
, I mentally pleaded.
I need you to remember
.

Her attention flitted away and she stared at the sky behind me. “Look how pretty the stars are.”

“Stargazing used to be a treasured pastime. With the evolution of technology and fast-paced lives, humans have lost their connection to the cosmos. People are too busy and distracted to contemplate the universe or admire the stars.”

“Do you believe in the whole wishing on stars thing?”

I guided us higher. “People have to make their wishes come true. Stars have other purposes.”

“It almost feels like I can touch them.” She stretched her hand out over the basket. “My cousin says a person’s destiny is written in the stars. That the sky is a storybook, and the stars are characters in its pages.”

 
“That’s true. Each member of our family has a star that represents them. Well, almost every member,” I added. Then I realized how strange that might sound to her.

She kept studying the sky. “I’ve heard about that. You register someone’s name and they send you a certificate telling you which star is theirs, right?”

I wanted to laugh, but her interpretation provided me a way out of the corner I’d painted myself into. “Our family members were registered before it became a popular fad.”

She tugged the blanket tighter around her. “So which star is yours?”

I moved to stand behind her, pointing over her shoulder. “Do you see Orion’s Belt? The three stars directly in front of us?” She nodded and the breeze caught her hair, causing it to brush against my chin. My body ached lecherously. Regardless of the age of my soul, my body was reacting like an eighteen-year-old. She unknowingly seduced me with every motion she made.

 
“Count four stars east of the last star in the belt, then three stars back, and one star diagonally south. That’s me.” I wanted to add,
the empty place beside me is where you belong
.