Grasping at Eternity (The Kindrily) (17 page)

Where did my subconscious get this romantic garbage?

Anthony pulled a chair over and placed it in front of Nathan, sitting to face him. “I can’t imagine the anguish you’re in. I couldn’t endure it for an hour, much less eighteen years, but there is a reason for this. There is always a reason for everything. You have to take comfort in that.”

“Take comfort in what? I have nothing left to take comfort in. Every touch, every conversation, everything we’d been through together, it’s all gone—forever.”

“Not forever.” Anthony argued. “We both know how prodigious the term forever is. You thought at one point that she was physically gone forever—that you’d never see her again. Yet here she is, lusterless eyes and all, reconnecting with our kindrily.”

Lusterless? Who was he calling lusterless? My eyes weren’t beautiful or anything, but lusterless seemed harsh. And what did kindredlee mean? Now I was creating make-believe words in my dreams? I needed my head examined—again.

“She’s not the same. She’s so…empty, so hollow.”

I flinched at Nathan’s hurtful words.

Anthony sighed. “Every vessel is empty until someone takes the time to fill it. How is a ship expected to find her harbor if no lighthouse guides her through the darkness?” Anthony laid his hand on Nathan’s shoulder. “There’s still time. She was born a stranger, but not yet buried as one. This sojourn isn’t finished for either one of you.”

I’d seen the word sojourn in one of my Shakespeare assignments, but how could I dream about it if I didn’t know its definition?

Nathan shook his head. “I did what all of you asked, what Marcus suggested. I attempted to reconnect with her. It made matters much worse. I put her life in danger. I can’t forgive myself for that. For the sake of everyone involved, I can’t be around Maryah. No more grand schemes and foolish hope that her memories will resurface. It’s destroying me.” He slumped forward. “I can’t live another cycle of life without her.”

Anthony’s eyes widened. “You don’t mean…?”

“Yes, I’m going to erase.”

“Nathan, you’re stronger than this.”

I could barely hear Nathan’s next words. “Sometimes the strong become the weak.”

Cycle of life? Erase what? This dream was too much for me to handle. I wanted it to be over, so I imagined being back in my bed and pinched my wrist.

I woke up scanning my dark room. My headache was almost completely gone. At first, I thought maybe I’d imagined Helen and her miracle tea, but then I saw a half-empty mug sitting on my nightstand.

I stared at the chair where I dreamt Nathan had sat. He had been so full of sorrow it made my heart hurt. Wait. Why was I getting so emotional? Nathan Luna was probably sound asleep in New Mexico or Colorado and not the least bit sad.

 
I needed a drink, but it was three in the morning so I tiptoed to the kitchen. I’d just finished placing the mango-guava juice back into the refrigerator when the back door squeaked open. Anthony came around the corner and I almost dropped my glass. He looked exactly like he had in my dream.

We’d never crossed paths during the night. I had no idea what he wore to bed. Even in the mornings, he never came out of his bedroom until he was dressed and ready for the day. So how did I dream up his exact plaid pajama pants and wrinkled yellow t-shirt? The colors didn’t even go together. His wool slippers were identical to the ones in my dream. His dark hair was even sticking up in the same places.

“Maryah, you okay?”

“Oh—yeah. Sorry, Anthony. You startled me. I didn’t know you and Louise were home.” I fumbled over my words, trying to make sense of this latest psychic freak-out. What had he been doing outside in the middle of the night in his pajamas? “Where were you?”

“Where was I?” he repeated. “I couldn’t sleep, so I worked on my car.”

“In the dark?”

“There are lights in the garage,” he countered.

“Oh. Okay.” Anthony designed cars and planes for a living, so why wouldn’t he work on them at night? An uncomfortable silence built up as we stood there in the dark.
 

“I’m sorry about the incident with Nathan.” He stuck his hands in the pockets of his pajama pants while I stood there not knowing what to say. “Helen said you had a bad headache. You sure you’re all right?”

“Yeah, she gave me tea that helped it.”

“Ah, yes.
 
Helen and her recipes. Universal Flavorings can’t sell most of them in stores because they’re too potent.”

“Helen makes teas for Universal Flavorings?” My family drank that brand for years, not to mention it lined the shelves of every grocery store I’d ever been in.

“She founded the company.”

“That’s like, the biggest tea company in the world!”

“Mm, hmm. She’s done well for herself.”

No wonder the Lunas lived in such a big house. Helen must be a millionaire.

 
“Well, I’m going back to bed.” He reached the hallway and called out, “Sweet dreams, Maryah.”

I paused, shaken up by his choice of words. He couldn’t possibly know that I’d been dreaming about him. Paranoia was getting the best of me again.

 
I went to my room and climbed into bed. My eyes were only closed for a few seconds when I heard a rustling behind my headboard. I sat up, and could’ve sworn I saw Nathan reflected in my dresser mirror, but when I turned around no one was there.

Just dandy. Nathan was my real life nightmare who wouldn’t stay out of my dreams, and now I was hallucinating about him when I was awake. My brain was officially on the fritz.

Maryah

Faith and Harmony picked me up for school as usual. Faith seemed to have more energy than normal if that’s humanly possible.

“Good Morning, Ma-Ma!”

“Mama?” I asked, not amused.

“Ma-Ma. It’s short for Maryah, but twice, so it’s double the fun!”

“How can you be so energetic this early in the morning?”

If a drug existed that made people excessively happy and overly optimistic, Faith overdosed on it daily. I crawled into the back seat and mumbled hello to Harmony.

“Hola, Maryah,” Harmony said.

I almost gasped. She never greeted me with more than a head nod if she greeted me at all. I expected her to join the dark side with Nathan and Carson and never speak to me again. If Harmony were in that balloon she probably would have cheered on Nathan in his mission to kill me.

Faith backed down the driveway. “How are you doing after the, you know, balloon escapade?”

“Fine. I’m just exhausted.” My dream about Nathan left me tossing and turning all night. Why would I imagine him to be so sweet after he tried to kill me? And since when did my mental dictionary include words like sojourn? Faith loved Shakespeare, so maybe she’d know what it meant. “Faith, do you know what sojourn means?”

“Sure!” she answered, keeping her eyes on the road. Harmony on the other hand, whipped her head around to look at me. I was grateful for my sunglasses. With both of our eyes covered, it wasn’t as uncomfortable as it could’ve been.

“It means a short visit,” Faith explained. “A temporary stay.”

“Got it.” I pretended to examine my fingernails while Harmony continued glaring at me.

 
Faith elaborated. “There are theories that a soul completes many sojourns throughout its existence. That we come back life after life to learn and experience things.”

“Like reincarnation?” I asked.

We had just stopped at a red light. Faith put the car in park and unfastened her seatbelt. She turned in her seat, crawled up onto her knees, and stared at me over her headrest. “Do you believe in reincarnation?”

Faith’s craziness rarely fazed me, but this was weird even for her. “Faith, focus on the road.”

“It’s a yes or no question.”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know like it’s a ridiculous concept and it’s impossible, or like it’s a humongous world and anything is possible?”

“I mean I don’t know what is or isn’t possible.” The light turned green and people honked behind us. “The light is green!”

Harmony snapped her head back around and mumbled something, but it wasn’t loud enough for me to hear.

Faith fastened her seatbelt while horns blasted behind us. “That’s a good answer. You’re only seventeen. How could you know the answer to such a mystical question? It’s a sign of wisdom that you admit you don’t know. It’s your heartfelt answer, and as long as you follow your heart, you can never be wrong.”

“You’re only seventeen, do
you
believe in reincarnation?” I asked mockingly.

“Yes.” Faith and Harmony’s answer echoed through the car.
 

I stared at the back of Harmony’s black and purple head. I expected this kind of belief in an improbable theory from Faith, but Harmony’s certainty surprised me.

Faith looked at me in her rear-view mirror again. “Want to learn about it? I’d be happy to share what I know!”

“Sure,” I answered, not caring if we ever discussed the topic again.

“It’s a virtuous trait to be open to new things. There is always more to learn.” Faith could go from childlike to savant in the blink of an eye. Sometimes it was hard to believe she was seventeen.

After we parked and got out of the car, Faith locked arms with me. “After school, I’ll come over and we can do a research and retain session!”

 
“I don’t think it’s vital that I decide if I believe in reincarnation today.”

“No better time than the present. But we do have school to get through, so in this case, there’s no better time than three o’clock.”

“Great, can’t wait,” I groaned. Once Faith had her mind set on something, nothing could stop her.

∞

River smiled as I approached English class. “How was your weekend?” he asked.

“Painful.”

He flexed his calf muscle. “Mine too.”

I glanced down at the new addition to his tattoos—a black guitar with purple and orange flames surrounding it. “Your mom must be so proud.”

He squinted at me while visibly biting his tongue. For the first time ever he didn’t have a comeback.

I laughed and walked into our classroom, plopping into my seat and dreading another week of school. River yanked on my ponytail before stealthily sliding a note into my binder. When Ms. Barby turned to write on the blackboard, I opened it.

M,

Today is really tough for me. Let’s hang out after school. I’ll give you a ride home later.

Peace, River

Why would today be tough for River? He didn’t care about his classes. His hair and clothes looked perfect as usual, and looks and music seemed to be his only major concerns in life. Still, River wanted to talk to
me
about his problems? At least I’d be hanging out with someone outside of Nathan’s family circle—someone who wouldn’t want to discuss the balloon incident.

The bell rang and I met Faith at the door to tell her about hanging out with River after school.

"We had plans,” she moaned.

“What plans?”

She pulled out a book from her bag that was by someone named Edgar Cayce. “Reincarnation education, remember?”

She thought
that
constituted an official plan?

“This is important,” I whispered. “I think River’s upset about something.”

Faith glanced over my shoulder to River’s desk. “Hmph. I didn’t know Shady McShaderton had emotions.”

“Don’t be mean.”

She shoved the book on top of my binder. “I’m teasing—sort of. Okay, do what you have to do, but I’m coming over at eight. You aren’t ditching me that easily.” She poked my chin before turning and bopping down the hall.

“Do you have permission to come out and play?” River snarled from behind me.

I turned and glared at him. “Be nice.”

“She started it,” he bantered in a childish voice then merged into the hallway full of traffic. “Come on. I couldn’t be more done with this place.”

“You want to leave right now?”

“I wanted to leave an hour ago.”

“You mean play hooky?”

He stopped and leaned against a locker. “You sound so retro when you say it like that, but yes, play hooky.”

I had never skipped a class before, not without a note or a legitimate excuse. I looked around, spotting a couple of teachers monitoring the hallway. “What if we get caught?”

“We won’t. Come on, I’m really stressed about April and being here isn’t helping.”

April. I hadn’t called her all weekend. She was going through so much and like a crappy friend, I hadn’t thought about her one time because of all the drama in Albuquerque. “Is she okay?”

“I’ll tell you when we get out of here. We’ve got to act right now.” River grabbed my hand and positioned us directly behind the biggest—and widest—kid in school. He kept us blocked from the view of any teachers until we ducked out a side door. We ran for the parking lot.

I climbed into River’s Jaguar, my heart pounding and my nerves frazzled. All I could think about was how many ways we could get busted.

“Badass car, huh?” River shut his door and the engine purred to life.

A King of Hearts air freshener swung from the rear view mirror making the car reek of lemons. The leather seats hugged my body, and the windows were tinted so dark no one would be able to see us inside. “It’s gorgeous.”

He flashed his standard cocky grin and squealed his tires as we pulled out of the lot. Way to be inconspicuous.

“Why is today so tough? Is everything all right with April?”

“It’s the anniversary of my mother’s death.”

The shock prevented me from saying anything appropriate. I knew River’s father died, but I assumed his mom was still alive.

“See, told you I knew how you felt,” he snickered.

“I thought you meant because of your dad.”

“Yeah, him too. I know how hard it is to lose your parents.”

“River, I’m so sorry.”

“Did you kill them?”

“No, but—”

“So why are you apologizing?”

We were quiet for a while then I remembered River was an only child. “Who do you live with?”