Grayson (This is Our Life Book 1) (13 page)

I head for the shower to wash away the grime and filth from the unyielding desert and my intense work out. Turning the water on, I wait until it heats up, leaning down to take off my combat boots and slide down my fatigues.  I grasp the back of my shirt with my good arm, taking care not to tug too hard on my partially healed shoulder.  Left completely naked except for my dog tags, I step under the relaxing spray in an effort to lessen the pounding ache in my chest. 

My thoughts return to seeing Ella earlier.  Holding her sweet body close to me.  Her smell intoxicated me.  The memory from the past of her soft body entwined with mine and her moans of pleasure fill my senses.  Before long, a yearning need stirs within me. 
Yeah, I’m horny as fuck.

Leaning back against the tile, my head falls forward into the raining water flowing down my chest.  Droplets of water cascade down my abs as I reach for my hardened cock, gripping the protruding member hard.  Sliding my hand from root to tip.  Once. Twice. Up and down with long then shallow strokes, finding a rhythm that feels good.  My pace picks up as I remember my fantasy of ramming into Ella from behind.  Her tight channel milking my cock.

My eyes close as a sexy mental movie plays of Ella in front of me on her knees as I ride her body from behind.  Her breasts bouncing harder each time I pound into her back and forth.  My breathing escalates and shortens as my strokes become choppy.  In my mind, I envision her head turning toward me, looking up at me with longing, lips parted, ecstasy written on her face. 

“Fuck!” I’m lost.  My spine tingles as I continue to pump my cock. My balls draw up tight as the sensation of her pussy squeezing me sends me over the abyss.  I come hard, finding my release.  I lean against the wall for a few minutes until my breathing is normal.  It’s over just as fast as it began and unfulfilling because she’s not here.  My body is reacting to the powerful connection we shared so many years ago.  There’s never been a doubt.  She owns me.  Body and soul.

Friday rolls around sooner than expected.  I’m caught up in a whirlwind of emotions.  Since the moment I left Grayson in the hallway, I haven’t been able to think about anything else.  I know, I know.  Crazy, right? 

“Why did I agree to this?” I sigh. 

I’m engaged to another man.  But Grayson and I have history together.  From the very beginning when my family moved to Lakeview, I had my eyes on him, mystified by the boy he was.  He sparked a burning in me that could only be quenched by him.  Call it a crush or just plain puppy love, I was hooked when we finally became friends...then more than friends.  A blush covers my cheeks, thinking about him as I walk into TMC to begin my day.  Can I do this?  Can I really have lunch with Grayson and just be friends again? 
Awkward to the 200th power!

Leaving Michael this morning rakes on my nerves.  Not because of him, but because of me.  I haven’t told him about Grayson and it is eating me up.  And to make matters worse, I’ve distanced myself from Michael.  Not intentionally, but it’s like getting a Hershey bar and eating some of it, then getting a most beloved Godiva chocolate, which is your ultimate favorite! 
Am I wrong for that?

Hell, the only person who knows about us in my circle is Savannah, and she hasn’t been helping any in the advice department.  So I’ve been left to my own devices to figure out what to do and say to Grayson Blackwood. 

Michael asked me again this morning if I was ‘alright’. 
Shit.
 

“Ella.  What’s going on?  You know you can tell me anything, sweetheart.  I feel like there’s a wedge between us and I don’t know why, or how to stop it,” Michael appealed to me. 

He knows me well.  Knows that there’s something niggling at my consciousness and I’m not telling. 
I just can’t.  Not yet.

Pushing away from him caused a burning in my chest.

“Everything’s fine, Michael.  It’s just been a long few weeks.” 

I had to walk away from him, because I knew if I didn’t, I would spill it all, but I’m not ready.  Thank God we’ve been on different shifts this week.  Today was the first time we had a few minutes to spare.  Once I get my answers, I can talk to Michael.  He deserves to know the truth.  But Grayson and I have to talk first.

The other thing is the constant feeling of being watched, which is totally wigging me out.  I did let Savannah know yesterday during our lunchtime.

“Hey, Vanna.  How do you know if someone is watching you?”  I asked.

Savannah looked at me as if I’d grown another nose or something.

“What do you mean, being watched, Ella Bella?”  Her curiosity was piqued.  

“Well, ever since I left the gym last week, I’ve had this strange feeling I’m being followed.  Weird, right?”  I continued on, trying to make light of the haunting feeling.  “At first I thought maybe it was just Grayson watching me, but nope.  I don’t think he’d try to scare me.  And I know the feeling of his eyes on me.” I blushed as I recalled Grayson’s attentions.  “Anyhoo, it’s giving me the creeps.  What do you think?” 

The concern for me was written all of over her face. 

“First of all, if your gut is screaming something’s not right, sugar, then it probably isn’t. You need to let the security team know that something is off.” She pushed that last part as her main point.  “We can’t be too careful here, Ella.  Everyone is on high alert.  We’ll go to the security office right after work and let them know what’s going on. I won’t take NO for an answer!” 

She finished, and I understood her meaning.  Either I did this or she’d do it for me.    

“Second of all, you thinking about Grayson more often than not, Ella Bella?”  Savannah eyed me with a look that told me she could read me like a book.

I was caught off guard, yet I couldn’t lie to my best friend.

“Well, yes.  He’s been at the hospital several times this week.  I’ve seen him; he’s stopped and talked to me.  Not full-blown conversations like the one in the stairwell, yet enough to drive me crazy.  And to be honest, I haven’t been able to keep him out of my mind.” I took a breath. “I just can’t help it, Vanna!  There are so many answers I need.  Things left unsaid between us.  Once I have those answers, I’m sure I can move on.  Right?” I finished up with a question.

Savannah eyed me skeptically, but then her scowl turned into a smile. 

“Well, baby cakes, if that’s the closure you need, then yes!” 

That’s when the convo ended and we had to go back to work.  I wanted to talk more about the eerie feelings, but at least now it was out there in the universe. 

I’m making my rounds and everything is going normal. It’s time for lunch with Grayson.  My belly is doing flip-flops; it’s a bundle of nerves. 
Just lunch, Ella.

Then I get that creepy ass feeling running down my spine, and I’m scanning the halls, trying to find the culprit.  Looking to the end of the hallway, I see several soldiers leaning up against the wall, casually talking to each other.  Nothing looks out of the ordinary, and my eyes connect with one of them.  A brief moment and then it’s over and done, yet it was a little unsettling.  Maybe because every single one of the men is a scary-ass-looking soldier.  Permanent menacing scowls mark their faces.  I shake off the nagging emotion due to my anxiety levels being way above my head.  I’ve been treading water for too long and now I’m drowning.  Everyone's a suspect to me right now. I continue down the passageway to the mess hall. 

At the end of the corridor, I’m blocked. 
Well, this is awkward.
  Each one of the men eyes me suspiciously.  Like they want to ask me a question or twenty!  I try to make my way through the human meat locker to the door.

“Excuse me, guys.” 

“Ella?  Ella Anderson, is that you?” 

I turn my gaze, hearing another voice from the past. Leaning up against the far wall is Johnny Smith from home.  And right next to him is none other than Pete Fuller. 

“Holy Mackerel!  Aren’t y’all a sight for sore eyes.   It’s none other than Killer and Johnny Appleseed,” I joke and hurry over to both of them. 

Taking turns, we hug like the long lost friends we are.  Styx hugs me real tight, and I can hardly breathe.  Same old Pete!

“Ella, you are lookin’ mighty fine in those scrubs, darlin’.  And my friends call me Styx now, ‘cause I’m dy-no-mite!” Pete wiggles his eyebrows up and down.

Johnny is trying not to crack up as he hugs me, and it feels like old times in the View.

“Isn’t this a coninkydink, I’m meeting Grayson for lunch today and y’all all show up here.  Hmmm.  What’re y’all doing here anyways?”

“Just following orders, ma’am,” Styx replies.  “Playing follow the leader.  Grayson’s our Capt’n.”

“That’s good to know, boys.  Some things never change.”  We continue to catch up until I notice the time and see I’m late for lunch. 

“Shit, boys, I’ll catch you later.  Good seeing you.”

The smells of fried chicken, fresh bread, and cooked veggies assault my senses.  As if on cue, my stomach begins growling. 
Oh dear.
  Food is what I need. 

Approaching the line to grab my tray, I see a movement to my right.  I turn around and see him.  Grayson is walking casually toward me with that shit-eatin’ grin plastered on his face.  I give him a half-hearted smile in return as he grabs a tray.

“Hello, Bluebird.” And we proceed down the line to get our lunch. 

As we settle at a table in the far corner of the dining area and close to a window, my nerves go from fluttery butterflies to hair-pulling crazy.  The smells of grease and freshly baked bread drift around me, causing my stomach to wretch a little. 
I feel like I’m on a first date!
  What do I say?  What do I do?  Having had this chat with myself a hundred times this week, I thought I was ready.  Seeing my indecision, Grayson takes the reins and helps me out.

“So...you’re a nurse in the United States Army.  Um, wow.  That’s really amazing, Ella.  So damn proud of you,” he starts our discussion.  “I heard about your mom.  I really am sorry, Ella.  I know she meant the world to you.  Wish I could’ve been there,” he ends with a sadness in his eyes that catches me off guard.  He reaches over to caress the top of my free hand sitting idly on the tabletop.

“That’s okay, Grayson.  It was a long time ago.  Besides, she wouldn’t want me to sit around feeling sorry for myself, now would she?  Just like your grandma Matilda, right?” 

Realizing what I just said ensues a flood of memories. 
Shit. 
I move my hand away from his to clutch my napkin. 

“Umm...How’s life been treating you?  What have you been up to, besides getting shot and all.” I laugh, trying to make light of the tense situation. 

As I look up, I witness a flash of something in his eyes.  Pain mixed with
fire
. Shit! Gotta squelch that quickly.  Pulling at my collar and clearing my throat, I carry on. 

“It seems you went out and conquered the world, your dreams.  I’m proud of you too.” I take a huge bite of the fried chicken on my plate.  Maybe that’ll keep my mouth occupied for a while. 

We push on through lunch, finishing up the delicious crispy fried chicken, homemade mashed potatoes, and crunchy steamed vegetables. Country cooking at its finest.  Well, maybe not quite as good as I remember Grayson’s mother’s cooking.
Mmmm.  Really good
.  It’s like we picked up where we left off.  Grayson telling me a few new jokes he’s learned over the years and me listening and giggling.  I’m caught up in this stage that belongs to just the two of us.  The rightness of being here with him catches me off guard, and my hardened heart cracks a little. 
Oh shit!  I’m still in love with this man.

Grayson puts his fork down and settles back into his chair.  Crossing his arms over his impressive chest, he zeroes his eyes in on mine. 
Here it comes.

“I meant every word I said in that stairwell, Ella,” he pauses and then continues on.  “Now that I’ve found you again...I’m never letting you go.”
Oh dear. Shit. Shit. Shit.

“I just don’t understand what happened, Bluebird,” he continues.  “When I got that letter from you...it crushed me,” Grayson says. 
Wait, what?

“What
letter,
Grayson? 
You
broke up with
me
.”  My blood begins to boil.  “Not even two months after you left,
I
received a letter.  Two months!”  I emphasize my words. “I was heartsick the moment I read it. And then my mom died.  It’s hard for a person to come back from so much torment and anguish. But I did!  I survived.” 

Getting up from the table, I pause to take a look at him.  This was such a silly idea.  To play nice with the man who broke my heart. 

“Your time is up, Grayson, I have to get back to work.” 

I move to the trash bin and throw away my trash.  My movements are automatic, and I’m left feeling empty.  None of my questions were answered, and now I’m sidelined with more questions.  His time is up for now.  I have to get back to my rounds. 

Making my way around the tables in the dining hall, I chance a glance back at Grayson.  His head is in his hands.  A scene of sorrow plays out in front of me.  I want to run to him and wrap my arms around his big, sexy frame, letting him know everything is going to be fine, but I can’t.  I still need to know more. 
What letter?  He sent me a letter.  This doesn’t make sense. 

‘Things aren’t always what they seem.’ 
Savannah’s voice rings loudly in my mind.  I realize one thing for sure. I’m not over Grayson Blackwood.

I focus back to where I’m going, and my eyes collide with Michael’s.