Grayson (This is Our Life Book 1) (12 page)

My mind is a mess.  I’m stuck sitting in this fucking meeting and concentration isn’t possible.  I’m on a conference call again with General Fox and his staff.  Plotting our next move against the terrorist cell we’ve been infiltrating here.  Guns.  This entire ordeal centers around controlling the shipments of arms in this area.   Speculation, theories regarding our ambush, and the cause for it fly around the room.  We are the suppliers, and attacking wouldn’t benefit Mustafa and his gang.

Yet, all I have thought about for days is Ella.  Ella.  Ella.  She’s in my every waking thought, and it’s really starting to wear me down.  I need her. I need her to want me again.

I’ve never lost faith that one day we would be together.  When I received my Dear John letter, I never gave up hope of finding her and demanding answers, answers only she could provide.  Sure, I’ve dated other women over the years, but the thought of Ella always stopped me from taking the next step.  Obviously, she didn’t have that problem.  She’s with Dr. Barnes now.  How am I going to help her remember our promises?

I learned at an early age how to deal with pain.  It was survival of the fittest, where the weak fell by the wayside and only the strong survived.  I saw it with the animals on the ranch and felt it with the punishment my father dosed out.  Even with all that, the thought of someone else touching what is mine rips my soul into pieces.

I remember how she felt in my arms.  The completeness she evoked.  I want that again, and nothing is going to stop me.  Not even Ella’s stubborn self.  She will succumb to my will, one way or another. I just need to figure out how to do that.

A throat clears and I realize everyone is looking at me.  Vaguely remembering what we we’re talking about, I acknowledge and the conversation keeps going.  Shortly after, we break and head to TMC to visit Aabdar.  Hopefully, he will be awake and shed some light on the events.

Beauty and Styx are with me as we enter Aabdar’s room at TMC.  He’s improved since our last visit. He looks like a street fighter after a bout with an angry gorilla, and I’m furious as fuck!  The bandages around his head have been removed, and the bruises are a violent purple and blue.  His eyes bulge from the sockets as his eyelids begin to move back and forth. 

I think he’s waking as he mumbles a word that stops me dead in my tracks, “Traitor.”

What does he mean? Traitor.  One word.  Is it someone in the ranks of the cell or is it more?  Someone I know? 

I glance behind me at Beauty and Styx wearing frowns, concern etched on their faces.  A noise catches my attention, and I’m turning around again as Aabdar begins to struggle as the nurse quickly inserts a sedative into his IV.  I had wondered why his arms were strapped down.  It seemed odd, but watching him fight the bonds as he is trapped in his nightmare justifies the extreme precaution. 

“Has this been happening often?” I direct my gaze to his nurse.

Nodding, he replies, “Yes, sir.  We are bringing him out of the medically induced coma.  His consciousness is returning slowly.  Another few days and he will be awake and aware.  Right now, he’s fighting to wake up, sir.”

“What have you heard?”

“Nothing that makes sense.  Something ‘bout a traitor and an ambush.  Everything else has been garbled words we couldn’t understand.”

“Here’s my cell number. Call me if he says anything new.  No matter the time.  It’s imperative you call me.  It could be a matter of life and death.”

“Yes, sir,” the nurse chants.

I signal for the guys to follow me as we exit the room. 

Leaving TMC for the evening after the latest incoming wounded are tended and settled, Savannah and I head over to the gym.  We call it the gym, but really it’s just a mobile home on steroids.  Fixed up with state-of-the-art workout equipment.  You get what you get in the desert! 

I know that something is on Savannah’s mind due to her lack of conversation.  Every comment I make she diverts with a shrug or a haughty, short laugh. 
So not like her.
  Not wanting to dig too deep because of my encounter with Grayson and not ready to spill, I let it go.  We settle into our routine and climb onto the treadmills.  Side by side we run for a few miles. 
I needed this. 
I needed to clear my head so I can think rationally about everything that went down with Grayson.

Finally, I can’t keep it inside anymore. Needing my BFF’s advice, I let loose the events in the stairwell the other day. 

“So...what do you think, Vanna?” I lay it all out for her scrutiny. 

Watching her face as she gathers her infinite wisdom, I could swear she seems sad. 
What does that mean?
 

“Don’t leave me hangin’, Savannah!  I can’t take it,” I breathe out in a huff.

With an extremely long inhale she says, “Well, Ella Bella...I just don’t know what to say, honestly.” Again, I see the sadness in her eyes. 
What is going on?

I continue on trying to rationalize the mess I’m in now.  “I know that I love Michael.  He’s been there for me and helped me heal.  But seeing Grayson again, it’s brought back so many memories.  It’s like I can’t even breathe anymore,” I mutter out as I take a deep breath. 

Noticing my anxiety is buzzing wildly, Savannah stops her reps and puts down the weight she was curling.  She walks over to me and puts her arms around me in a warm, loving embrace. 
Just what I needed.
  Although with the comfort come the tears.  I wipe at my eyes furiously and chastise my behavior in the middle of a room full of people. 
I’ve gotta pull myself together.
  She smiles that beautiful Savannah smile and goes back to her weights as if saying ‘enough said’, leaving me to continue mine.

Finishing up the rest of our workout in silence doesn’t help my battered heart.  The conversation I had with Grayson plays over and over in my mind.  None of it makes any sense to me.  He ended our relationship.  He told me to move on.  I need answers, and Grayson is the only one who can give those to me.  Can I ask him?  Should I even bother?  I have a great man in my life.  A man, who is willing to give me the world when I become his wife.  It’s not far off from the hearts and flowers kind of love I always dreamed of, yet it’s enough.  He’s my comfort zone.  Although isn’t that what Grayson told me before he left?  He was leaving to make a life for
us
.  And the way Grayson’s touch felt was electrical, zapping my defenses bit by little bit.  Like coming home. 
No!  I’m not going to think like that.  It’s not fair! 
I’m so confused and the quiet is killing me.

Clearly, I’ve had enough of it. “Are you ready to go?” I ask Savannah in a mournful tone while reaching down to pick up my bag and wiping the sweat that’s pouring down my head. 

She shrugs back at me, “Not just yet, girly.  I’m just getting into my grove.”  Finally, I get a cheery response out of her. 

“You go ahead, Ella.  I’ll be a little while,” she replies.  “Besides, I’ve got my sights set on a hunk-o-licious over there.” She nods her head in the direction of a guy with his back toward us who has an enormously beautiful physique doing squats with...is that 600 pounds? 
Whoa!

Before I leave, she stops me once more. “Look, Ella, I know right now things seem out of whack and wonky.  But I promise you...it will all work out in the end.  You’ll see.  Remember this though, things aren’t always what they seem.  Sometimes we judge before all the facts are heard.  Just sayin’.’” 

She leans in to give me a big hug and a kiss on my check. 
Wow!  No truer words were ever spoken.

Stunned momentarily by her words of wisdom, I leave the gym and begin walking down the path to my quarters.  The hair on the back of my neck begins to stand on end; a creepiness enveloping me sets my already fluttering heart to a pound.  Feeling as if someone is watching me, I sprint the rest of the way home.  I unlock the door hastily, get inside, and bolt it locked again.  Safe and sound.  “Whew, that was freaky weird.”  Going into the kitchen, I grab a bottle of vodka and take a few shots to calm my nerves.  Two become ten
maybe,
and the last thing I remember is being put to bed by gentle arms. 
Michael
.

Over the next few days, a lot of weird things begin to happen.  The feeling of being watched has intensified.  Walking up and down the stairs at TMC is giving me the willies.  Like when I was heading up to the roof yesterday to meet Savannah for lunch, I heard the door open down below.  After making it to the top, I waited patiently to see who was behind me, but no one ever came. 
Weird, right?
  I mean, it’s weird because that’s not the first or last time it’s happened.

I remind myself that I need to talk to Savannah about it, maybe even Michael.  I just don’t want anyone fussing about me.  Although if someone is watching me, I need to tell somebody. 

All caught up in my head, I run smack dab into a solid, muscular body.  A startled scream leaves my lips before I even realize whose it is.

“Whoa, Bluebird.  What’s wrong?”  Grayson’s worried voice instantly relieves my chilling thoughts.  “Ella, are you okay?  You look like you’ve seen a ghost.  And not just because I’m standing in front of you, either.  I’ve seen you around here all week.” 

His smile broadly reaches out to his eyes, and I catch a peek at his intense dimples. 
Yummy.

Startled by the fact his hands are on me again, I say breathlessly,  “Oh, my apologies, Grayson.  I was just thinking about some things…” I don’t want to say more. 

I feel the sudden urge to spill everything to this man about the strange things happening around me. 

“Excuse me.  I hope I didn’t hurt your arm or anything else.”  My eyes roam over his well-honed, chiseled body. 
Damn, he grew up well.  Stop it, Ella!
 

He releases his hold on me and takes a step back. 

“Alright, Bluebird, if that’s the way you want to play it,” he smirks at me. 
Really?

“Seriously, Grayson, I’ve just got a lot going on right now.  If you’ll excuse me, I need to see my next patient.” 

I drop my eyes to the floor because I can’t handle his fierce attention. As I start to walk away, I’m stopped by his question.

“Hey, Bluebird.  I’m not sure how long I’ll be here, and I was wondering if maybe we could catch up.  You know, just as friends.  Maybe grab some dinner or something?” 

His pleading eyes give me the impression that he’s bringing his game. 
Just great!
  I’m a sucker for Grayson and his tactics.

I let out a huge sigh, because I know this game so well. But I can’t help it. 

“Well, maybe.  You could come by my place and we could all have dinner together or something like that.”  I lay it out, letting him know that Michael will be involved.

“Tell me, my little Bluebird...are you scared to be alone with me?”

There’s that haughty smirk again.  The old Ella rears up and I want to wipe it right off his face. 

I lean in to whisper in his ear, “Nope!”  popping the ”P” nice and loud. 

Our laughter erupts, and for a second I’m back in the View, sitting on his truck bed, sharing secrets, and busting a gut from his crazy jokes. 

A quiet settles around us as I look into his eyes. 

“Okay, Grayson.  I’ll do it.  How about lunch?  That’s the best I can do.  Even that will have to be minimal, because of the chaotic comings and goings in this place.” 

I take a deep breath and exhale. 
What am I doing?  It’s just lunch
, I lash out at my wayward thoughts.   

Grayson clears his throat and I’m drawn back to the man standing in front of me, not the boy I knew. 

“Great.  Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”  He smiles appreciatively at me, a vulnerability in his eyes that tugs at my heart.
Shit!

Before I lose what sanity I have left, I mutter, “The mess hall, right down this hallway on the right.  Eleven hundred hours on Friday.” Proceeding down the hall, I yell out to him, “Don’t be late, Grayson.” 

I peek back at him and think I see something that resembles triumph. 
Ha!  Not this time.  Game on, Grayson.

Fuck yeah! Lunch with Ella.  She agreed.  I head back to my living quarters for some much needed R&R.  With so many thoughts flooding my head, I need to focus on the mission and the next steps in locating the traitor.  What does this mean?  I need more intel to get ready for this battle.  My thoughts plague me. 

I received an email from Radar with a trail he’s located and following up on.  He wants to keep this lead between us for now, and I understand because there’s a leak somewhere and it needs to be plugged.

I try to catch up on work, but my head’s not in the game.  All I can think about is Ella and her sexy as hell pouty lips.  I want her.  It’s been hell knowing she’s close by but chooses to stay away.  Disgusted with myself for showing a lack of self-discipline, I try working out with my shoulder.  The throbbing is gone, and physical therapy is helping to work out the kinks.  Every day I get closer to being released from desk duty. 

Johnny and Styx join me at the gym and we spend a few hours there.  When we finish, we head to the mess hall for some grub.  It’s not my first choice, but food is food.  We discuss a few scenarios regarding the traitor.  Something has been bugging me for days, but I can’t put my finger on it. 

Johnny mentions the bullet wound. “You know it missed Aabdar’s heart by a millimeter and the entry was close range.  I’ve studied the x-rays, and the trajectory is almost a face-to-face entry.”

Just when I think matters couldn’t be crazier...it happens. 

“Huh?  That’s fucked up.  I’ve been racking my brain trying to remember the attack, every detail about the extraction.  Nothing adds up.  I remember parts and pieces, partly from being shot myself,” I mumble my frustrations.  “It’s a waitin’ game, fellas, and we all know the drill.  We wait for Aabdar to wake and then make our move.”

After dinner, we decide to meet early tomorrow morning with the team.  Shower and bed.  I’m exhausted.  The stress from the past few weeks have finally caught up.  And I need Ella. 

I knew in high school she was the one, and I’ve never forgotten.  Now that I actually have a chance to talk to her, I plan on claiming her. Taking back what belongs to me.  She feels the same; I could tell by the way her body reacted to mine.  Every time we bump into each other or talk briefly, I can sense her resolve fading away.
But will that be enough?

The main complication is Dr. Barnes.  I don’t want her to have regrets when she leaves him, because eventually she will be mine.  There’s no question in my mind.  No doubt.  Easing her into my arms and out of his won’t be easy.  But I’m a patient man.  I’ve waited this long for Ella.