Grayson (This is Our Life Book 1) (15 page)

I’m eager to speak with Aabdar.  He’s the key to unlocking the chaotic web of theories we are chasing.  He knows Mustafa’s organization and we need his intel.  I enter TMC to find Styx and Beauty waiting outside Aabdar’s room for my arrival. 

“He refuses to let us in,” Beauty snaps as I approach. 

He doesn’t look happy with the situation.  Can’t really blame him.  This situation is beyond fucked up, and the waiting has begun to grate on everyone’s nerves.

“I received a call from his nurse.  Let me see what’s up and I’ll brief you when I’m done,” I comment.  Not waiting for a reply, I knock on his door and enter the room.  Aabdar’s sitting up in the hospital bed.

“You’re looking better,” I say in his native language.  I’m not fluent, but I can get my point across most of the time.  “Heard you wanted to speak to me.”

Aabdar glances at the door with a worried look.  He seems apprehensive about talking.  When he notices my intense stare, he drops all pretenses and answers, “Yes, I requested an audience with you.  I also asked for you to come alone.  Yet two of your men stand guard outside my door.  You have a problem, Captain, and it needs to be discussed privately.  Without other ears around.”

I’m completely stunned.  That son of a bitch is speaking perfect English.  The entire time he has understood what we’ve been talking about and led us to believe he was ignorant of our language. 

“Shocked you, have I? Let’s just say the same intel you are trying to gain, well, my government is also.  I’ve been in deep cover, trying to break this cell for years.”

“Your government being?” I manage to toss out.

“I’m not at liberty to say.  We don’t have long, Captain, before your troops will become restless,” he voices as his eyes narrow on the door again.  “Are you aware of what a sleeper is, Captain?”

He shifts his gaze to me, and I notice it’s not apprehension like I believed earlier but awareness of his surroundings.  I’m seeing him in a different light as a soldier and not a civilian.  

“Of course I have knowledge of what a sleeper is, for fuck’s sake!  They’ve been popping up all over the world, wreaking havoc on innocent civilians.  Pipe bombs in subways and other public transits have been the most vulnerable to their vicious games.  What does this have to do with Mustafa and his cell?”  I inquire. 

“There is one among your…” he begins when a bullet enters through the window, shattering the glass, and buries itself between Aabdar’s eyes.  Instant death. Blood and brain matter is splayed on the wall.  I drop to the floor, searching for cover, as the door bursts open and Styx is firing at the window and dragging my ass out the door.

“What the fuck just happened?” I’m yelling at Styx.  “Where the fuck is Beauty?”

I’m panting from the adrenaline pumping through my body.  I haven’t used my firearm since being shot, and I’m not able to respond like normal.  I had grabbed for my pistol when the window burst, but the ache that began rendered me incapacitated for that split second.  Styx’s reaction probably saved me from another hospital stint. 

“Beauty received a phone call from an informant and said he would be back later,” Styx replies as the MPs arrive on the scene. 

I’m stunned again. “Didn’t I say to stay the fuck here?” 

“Yes, sir,” Styx agrees quickly.

“We’ve got problems.  Big problems.  We’re going hunting, Pete, hunting for a rat,” I relay to Styx as we turn to leave. 

Aabdar’s confession has literally pulled the chair out from underneath me.  Now, I’m not only dealing with his death and the ambush on my team, but a sleeper.  Dangerous times, and I’ve brought Ella into the mix.   

Michael hasn’t talked to me since that night, except once a few days after leaving.  I don't blame him at all. I’ve seen him checking on patients, passing in the hall, but he just looked at me with sad eyes and smiled.  I realize I’ve broken him. 

Now, as I enter the doctor’s lounge, Michael approaches me.  He wants to talk about us, and once again I have to remind him there isn’t an us anymore.  We can only be friends.

“Ella, I need to talk to you,” Michael says as I start to turn around and leave the room.  He is the only one in here, and I’m not in a good place to talk to him.  It’s still an open wound for both of us, and I don’t want to see him hurt.  Hiding won’t solve anything.

“I’m needed in the OR in fifteen minutes, Michael.  Can we talk later?”

“No. I only need a little of your time, babe.”

“I’m not your babe anymore, Michael.  We’ve talked.  What more is there to say?

“I don’t believe you.  We’re perfect together...you’re just confused and need time.  I’ve been thinking...maybe if we left and went back to the States, it would help you clear your mind.  We could request leave today.  We’ve been here for almost six months.”

“Michael, please...please don’t make this harder on us…”

“I’m not trying to hurt you, Ella.  I’m trying to save us.  Less than six weeks ago, we were planning our wedding.  You and me.  We belong.  He’s your past.  We’re the future.”

Not knowing what to say to him, I turn and leave.  What he said is replaying over and over in my mind, but I know my future’s not with him.  Not anymore.  He’s on a new path and will find the right person for him.  Just not with me.  It will take him time to heal, but my hope is he will. 

Six hours later, exhaustion has settled into my bones and I’m leaving the OR ready to go home and crash.  The soldier we operated on lost both legs from a land mine.  It will take months of recovering and more surgeries before he is up and going again.  But he will live and that’s what matters most.  We did all we could to get him set on the right track.  I can feel the depression slowly inching its way into my mind as I shake away the cobwebs.  I wish I had a tub of cookies ’n cream ice cream right about now to drown out the worries troubling me about my earlier run-in with Michael.  I swing the double doors from the intensive care unit open, and leaning against the wall is Grayson.  Damn, he looks good as he makes his way toward me.

“Hey, Bluebird, we need to talk. Got a few minutes to spare?” he queries with a grin, showcasing his gorgeous dimple.

I evade his grasp, immune at the moment, and continue walking.  “Not today, Grayson.  It’s been a rough one.”

“I need five minutes.  We gotta talk about what happened at lunch the other day.  We both need answers.  Can’t keep running.  You belong with me.  Sooner or later, we’re gonna have to face those questions together.”

I stop and give him an about-face, enraged he just won’t let the issue go for now.  Placing my hands on my hips and giving him my ‘I’m not gonna budge’ look, I firmly reply, “Yes. I. Can.  I said, not today.  I’ve had a shitty one and right now I want a shower and bed.”

He’s stunned at my outburst and lifts his hands in surrender. Not waiting a minute more for him to say anything else, I turn and continue on my way out.  I’m maxed out from dealing with both of the men in my life in one day. 

Surrendering to my job has been a blessing for me.  After a few more nights of crying for Michael’s pain and being scared to death of what the future holds with Grayson, I am ready to go forward.  I have to.  While trying to get a grip on the things that have transpired over the past week, I walk on autopilot through the hospital.  So many feelings have me on edge.  I know I did the right thing for Michael and for me.  I really don’t know where this is going with Grayson, but I know that I can’t live with regrets. 

TMC is now on lockdown because of the shooting two weeks ago.  Damn.  My heart hurts thinking about Grayson right in the middle of all it. 

Grayson has been hanging around the hospital on and off this week. 
Sigh. 
I know he’s watching over me.  Not that we’ve had a real sit-down to talk about the elephant in the room. He’s giving me space.  Time to focus.  And if he’s not here, Johnny or Pete mysteriously show up.  As odd as my life has been lately, it’s a welcome distraction.  Those creepy feelings of being watched have disappeared too. 

I catch a glimpse of Johnny, or Animal as his team calls him, propped up against the far corridor.  Dressed in his army fatigues, his bulging arms crossed over his massive chest.  Johnny was always a big guy.  Now he has filled out nicely.  Instead of a boy, a man stands before me. 

“How’s it going, Animal?”  I laugh at the animal part, ‘cause it’s just so damn funny.  Soldiers and their nicknames.  “What are you up to today?”

“Just people watching, Ella,” Johnny replies as a grin covers his face. 

Hmmm.  Something is strange about that comment, but I let it go.  Like I said before, it comforts me right now. 

“Well, I’ll leave you to it then.  Later, Johnny.”  Leaving him to his ‘watching’, I finish up at the hospital and get ready to go home. 

A few days later on one of the run-ins with Grayson we decide to have dinner.  I sense his eyes on me before I notice him.  Grayson is leaning up against the nurses’ station desk, staring right at me.

“Bluebird,” he nods and without hurrying begins an extensive perusal of me.

Blushing from his intense scrutiny, my body responds in prickles of heat rushing to settle between my legs.  I clumsily stammer, “Hi Grayson.”

Grayson smirks, knowing the effect he’s having on me. He saunters my way, and I take a breath, appreciating the Adonis coming toward me. His powerful legs driving him closer while the standard-issue brown t-shirt caresses Grayson’s firm, powerful chest. 

He stops and reminds me, “Ella, we need to talk.  I’d like to take you to dinner and I’m not taking no for an answer this time.”

He’s right.  This thing between us has been building steadily. These feelings along with the unanswered questions need to be assuaged. 

Without further prodding from him, I relent. “Okay, Grayson.  But instead of going somewhere, I’m gonna cook for you.  What we have to say to each other should be said in private.  Let’s say my place on Friday.”

A broad smile and look of relief mixed with anticipation floods his face.  And once again I’m flushed as my belly takes a tumble.  It amazes me how he owns my reactions.  He is mine.  I’ve known in my heart for a while; now my mind is finally catching up.

“It’s a date, Bluebird.”

I’m going to cook for him.  Yes!  Granted, he knows from our past that I’m not a great cook.  But I’ve learned a few things over the years.  So tonight, I’m putting it to the test.  Who knows, maybe I’ll even surprise myself. 

Exiting TMC, I glance up and lock eyes with him.  Grayson is standing at the end of the steps, one arm propped up on a rail.  His smile captures me and my butterflies are back. 

“Hi.”  My voice sounds breathless, but in this moment, I don’t care.  It’s what this man does to me. 

“Bluebird.  How are you today?”  His eyes sparkle me to distraction, even when I see the worry on his handsome face.  “You still up for dinner?”

I loop my hand through his arm after walking down the steps with a huge smile on my face.  We walk in silence to my residence.  Enjoying the easy company we share.  This feels so right.  Two peas in a pod.  That’s us. 

As we come to the front door, Grayson holds out his hand for the key.  Releasing it to him, I watch as he opens the door, and we both walk through. Even though it’s been a couple of weeks since Michael left this place, having Grayson here feels like I’ve come home.  It’s not the four walls surrounding us, but the idea of sharing private moments alone with Grayson away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

I’m smiling as I drop my bag on the table.  An honest to god smile.  I can’t believe we’re together at this moment. 

The past seven years, I buried all my feelings for Grayson, but he’s slowly uncovering each one.  Reminding me of the good times we shared.  Some skeptics might believe we were too young to feel such intense emotions, but I know they’re wrong.  When you find the second half of your soul, everything else blends into the background.  It doesn’t matter your age, color, or race.  You become part of something bigger than little ol’ you; you become whole.

“You’re so beautiful when you smile, Ella.”

“Ah, shucks, Mr. Blackwood, you’re gonna give me a big head if you keep that up. Make yourself at home while I get dinner going,” I reply, casting a saucy smirk his way as I make my way to the kitchen.

Leaving Grayson I busy myself by putting the lasagna in the oven, the one Savannah and I made last night.  I’m just buttering up the French bread when I feel his eyes on me. I offer him a drink.

“What would you like to drink, Grayson?  I’ve got water, wine, beer, or if you’re in the mood for some of the hard stuff...got that too.”

“Beer’s good,” Grayson replies as he walks over to the fridge and grabs one.  He looks back at me. “You want one too?”

“Yeppers,” I chime.  I’m just finishing up the bread when I feel his arms circle me, and he hands me an ice-cold beer. 

“We need to talk.  Let’s go,” he says and grabs my vacant hand, leading me into the living room toward the couch.  We take our seats facing each other, and the conversation I’ve been half dreading, half begging for begins.

“Food smells delicious.  When did you learn to cook?” Grayson smirks and takes a long pull from his beer. 

I know what he’s doing.  I see the wheels turning in that gorgeous mind of his.  He’s trying to make me comfortable.  Ease me into opening up, but it’s really not necessary. 

“Savannah got sick of eating mac and cheese out of a box when she visited.” I dive right into delivering the news, “I gave Michael his ring back.”

He looks at my ring finger and then says, “You know it never belonged on your hand.” He reaches for my finger and gently caresses the blank spot.

“The only ring that belongs here will be put here by me.  No one else.  Do you understand, Bluebird?”

I’m at a loss for words, but I should have known Grayson would say something like that.  He’s always known what he wanted and went for it.  No holds barred. 

“Yes, I understand, Grayson.  Just not sure I’m ready to take that step,” I mumble. 

I’m clearly voicing my own inhibitions.  I don’t know what I’m waiting for...a sign of some sorts with directions would be nice.

“I’ve waited so long for you, Bluebird.  It feels like forever,” he says as he moves closer to me.  We are connected physically and emotionally as he reels me in with his eyes.  “Why did you leave the View?” 

“My dad came home one afternoon after mom died and said we had to move.  I was functioning in a black cloud, so I didn’t question why.  We moved about forty-five miles away. Then when I left, he moved back.  Evan went back with him.” 

“You weren’t there when I came home for the summer.  Fuck, Ella, I looked everywhere.  No one had even heard from you...thought you just left me high and dry.  Didn’t realize till the other day that you actually believed I broke things off with a letter.  What the hell?  You know me better than that.  Never would have done something that low.  I promised you I would be back.  I always keep my promises, Bluebird.” 

Grayson is getting upset from the memories, and I’m not sure how to calm him now.  We need closure from the past, and the only way to overcome the hurt is to face it and deal with it.

“I started college and then decided the army was for me.  You know, army strong with all those drills we did in ROTC.” Lifting my balled fist to flex my muscles, I begin laughing at the expression on his face.  Priceless. 

“It was a win-win for me.  I left the View and all the, uh, memories and started fresh.”

“I got one too, you know, a letter from you telling me it was over.  Didn’t want to believe you would cut me off that way, but when I got home, you were gone.” He’s staring over my shoulder, reliving the past.  He looks so sad. 

“Addie told me you came by the ranch to say good-bye.  Kinda believed you really meant what was written in the letter then.  Cut deep after all we shared.”

“What? No...no...no.” I’m shaking. What he’s saying makes no sense.  Why would he lie? “Grayson, I didn’t send a letter.  Not me.  You sent one to me.  You are the one that sent a letter saying good-bye.  Not me.” 

He looks at me, and something in his eyes finds the truth. 

“Fuck, knew he did it.  Just didn’t want to believe he could stoop so low.  I should know better.  He’s always trying to control us.  Guess he couldn’t just let me be.  Nope, he had to go and mess with us.  Fuck up the one thing making me happy.” 

I’m not sure who’s he talking about.  It’s surreal viewing Grayson this way.  Two sides of a coin.  Same person, so many layers. 

“Who, Grayson?”

He sighs and continues, “My father.  He told me before I left he would never accept our relationship. Guess he found a way to make it happen.  You ran away so quickly, he didn’t have to work hard at it.”

“I didn’t run.  My dad moved us,” I confirm with force.

“Semantics, Ella, you could have left your address with Addie.  You didn’t.”

“I thought it was over.”

“Yeah.  You gave up that quick.”

“I didn’t give up.  Your letter said you found someone new and it was over,” I huff.

“How could you believe that after all…” he pauses and releases a deep sigh.  “You should’ve known.  But it doesn’t matter anymore.  You’re here now.  We’re together.” 

He pulls me forward into his arms, hugging me tight.  I don’t resist him.  I’m confused.  Why would his dad do that?

When he releases me, I question, “Grayson, what are we going to do?  So much has happened. It’s been so long.  It was a lifetime ago.” 

“What can I say, Bluebird? To me, it feels just like yesterday you were in my arms.  That hasn’t changed.  And if there’s even a small chance we can be together, build a life together, well, I don’t wanna miss it.”

I’m dreaming.  Yes, that’s what’s happening.  He’s finally here saying all the right words I’ve wanted to hear for years. I’m afraid that before long, the alarm clock is going to start blaring for me to wake up. 

“What about your dad?”

“He won’t be a problem.  We decide our future, not him.”  He takes my hand and kisses my palm then maneuvers me until I’m straddling his lap.  “You’re all I can think about.” 

“You’re really certain, aren’t you?  I mean, about us? I don’t want us to have regrets.  I really need to think...”

“You’ve thought enough, my little Bluebird.  It’s time to come home,” he whispers and captures my lips. 

His lips are gentle but firm as he coaxes me into opening my mouth.  When his tongue touches mine, all my thoughts center around Grayson and what we are sharing.  I’m getting drunk on his taste.  My head is spinning, and all the worries from the past are slowly fading away. He’s fixing the walls I’ve erected, building them back with new memories.  The possibilities of the future seem brighter. 

A moan escapes me when his hand begins to roam closer to my breast.  It feels heavenly.  I grip the hem of his shirt, trying to inch it up.  I need to touch his skin.  Before I’m able to touch him, Grayson takes my hands and breaks the kiss.

“I can’t live without you, Ella.  Don’t wanna even try. We’re meant. We can play this game...keep fighting our feelings. Chase those fleeting moments to be together, but if you ask yourself, deep down you know this between us is right...we are right.  I wanna stay with you, Ella, please say I can stay,” he pleads with me to accept his heart.  It’s in my hands now.

“Grayson.  I...I don’t want you to leave...don’t want this to end and miss our second chance…” I whisper, praying I make the right choice for us.  Searching for the right words to say.

“It’s your choice, Bluebird.  It’s always been your choice.” 

“Stay with me, Grayson, stay and show me what I’ve missed...hold me, love me, and don’t let go...don’t ever let go.”

We are going to make the best of what we’ve been dealt.  The future is ours.  I’ve been lost without him.  He’s right.  He’s home.

I reach out again to touch his heated skin, soothing my fears.  I gently gather the ends of his shirt, slowly peeling it up and over his taut skin.  When it comes all the way off, I gasp. 

"Oh…my…God!"  I whisper. 

I trace my fingers over the most beautiful tattoo of a mated pair of bluebirds beginning on his right pec and moving across his shoulder.  Grayson shivers beneath my touch, causing my body to quake.  Leaning down, I kiss the portrait he has branded on him.  A stark reminder that Grayson has never forgotten me.

As if a switch has turned on, the floodgates open, and I begin to sob.  I cry for all the years lost, for the anguish I've felt because of it, for this man who hurts just as much as I do.  I sob openly for this gift of love as my heart sings with each rapid beat.  There is no place for worry or denial.  At this moment, I realize I've always belonged to this man and he belongs to me.

I hold Ella for a long while.  Dinner is all but forgotten.  I caress her back in slow circles, pouring all the love I feel for this girl, my girl, into every stroke.  Soon, her body relaxes and her weeping subsides.  She’s clinging tightly to my neck.  It’s time to show Bluebird how much she means to me.

I pull up from the couch and grip Ella firmly. My fingers dig into her delicious ass as her legs wrap around my waist. 
Good girl. 
Her breathing is panting in and out.  I feel the change in her body, the acceptance of what we’re about to do. Her head is buried in my neck, her lips are touching, tasting my skin, and a groan escapes me.  Walking into the kitchen, Ella clinging to me, I turn off the oven and head for the bedroom. I lay Ella softly on the bed, capturing her lips on the way down.

I take my time savoring her flavor, paying special attention to her long neck, tasting her up to her ear and back down.  Her breath catches as I come back to her mouth and imprison her tongue against mine. Time to get her naked.