Guarded Hearts (8 page)

L
eaving the coffee shop, I can still feel my blood boiling. I can't believe I just walked out. Her words just set me off, people thinking about partying and drinking. Man, there is more to life. What I wouldn't give for Sky to be here now, to be able to experience the here and now.

Damn, she's beautiful. But fuck, she's not what I need. I need to get my mind off her. Heading into my apartment, I throw the keys down and walk into the spare bedroom that is now a mini studio. I walk and stand behind the table thinking about how different it could've been. This was supposed to be Sky's room. I put on my headphones, turn on my computer, turntables and mixer, and begin to do some beat mixing. Music helps me forget about her for a moment. It helps ease the pain of his loss. It helps me pass the time a little faster and by the time I realize it, it's past midnight.

H
eading to Club Po!son, I put my music on and drive. Arriving at the club, I take a moment before heading inside. I throw my head back in my seat, close my eyes, and feel the beat of the music throughout my body. Suddenly thoughts of Olivia invade my mind.
Damn it!
I feel so caught up, yet lost. Turning off the ignition, I grab my stuff and head inside the club.

Walking in I see Mandy at a distance, and as she turns around she sees me and begins to make her way towards me. It's dim and I can't read her face. It's Friday night and the club is going to be busy, and I'm not in the mood to take shit from her. I don't stop so she can catch up. I keep walking to my table to set up, and when I look up and see her in front of me she gives me a smile.

“Hey, Mandy, what's up?” I say, keeping myself busy by setting up and knowing she probably already talked to Olivia.

“Hi, Nix. I just want to know how you're doing,” she says, sounding concerned.

“I'm fine, thanks.” I make eye contact, letting her know that I know why she's asking.

“Nix, I talked to Olivia, and she told me you just walked out on her. She isn't even sure why, but did something happen?” she asks accusingly.

“Look, Mandy, I’m gonna be honest with you. I'm just not into her. I mean, she's beautiful, but not my type,” I tell her as I look for my playlist on my laptop and making our conversation seem unimportant.

“Okay, so you just walk out, very gentlemanly like of you. Maybe you're not her type,” she says sarcastically.

I look over at her as I give a side nod in agreement and bump my fist against her shoulder. I'm not in the mood to give her an explanation, so all I say is, “Maybe.”

She turns to leave, and I begin to go through my playlist when I see her turn back around out of the corner of my eye.

“Nix?”

“Yeah?”

“A bunch of us are going out to Myrtle Beach tomorrow. Come with us. We’re going to be meeting at the house around two to head out from there. It’ll be fun.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I tell her, not wanting to say yes, knowing Olivia will be there. I feel my heart race a bit. I’m not sure if it's because of the thought of her or the incident that happened back at the coffee shop.

“Alright, then,” she says, and heads back to the bar to prep before the crazy night starts.

I
t's Friday, I'm alone, and Mandy is working. My mind is going a hundred miles an hour trying to figure out what went wrong with Nix, what I said or did that make him just walk out on me.

I grab a towel and head for the shower. Hot showers are my favorite. The way the water burns my skin makes it hard to determine the pain, whether it's from the hot water or from the ache I feel inside. I love the water running down my face to mask the tears, and the quiet helps me to collect myself. It's my own therapy. I get out, wipe the steam off the mirror, and hate what I see. I can’t believe he has made me like this. I'm better than that. I wipe the mirror again and take another look, and I make myself see a strong, confident, beautiful woman and not the broken one from moments ago. I walk out to my room and sit on my bed, still in a towel, when I hear a knock at the door.

“Come in,” I say while making sure my towel is securely wrapped around my body.

“Hey, girlie, we’re going out tonight and you must come with, so get dressed. We’re leaving around ten,” Kylie tells me rather than asking.

“Where are we going?” I ask, knowing not to argue, and even though I'm not in the mood it might be good to get out.

“Club Po!son,” she says excitingly. I don't answer her; I just give a nod and see her walk out. Hearing my door close, I walk over to my closet and begin to look for a killer outfit. I choose my favorite black leather mini, hot pink tube top, and my black high heels. I'm going to be cold, but I have to look my best tonight. I know he will be there and I want him to see me.

Walking into Club Po!son, the first place I look is towards the DJ booth, and that’s where I see him. I have to stop to catch my breath.
Hijo de su madre
, I hate how he does that to me. He's looking down, too caught up in the music. He has on his headphones and the light from his laptop slightly illuminates his face, and he's beautiful.
No, Olivia, he doesn't want you
.

I look away and promise myself not to think about him. I'm supposed to forget about him and show him what he could've had.
Fuck!
Resisting the urge to glance that way is going to be hard. The girls and I head towards the bar, and I notice Kylie making a detour, heading straight towards Nix.

I take a seat at the bar and see Mandy approaching me. “Hey, you came to see me?” she asks.

“Of course. It's Friday, and I need to get my mind off things,” I tell her.

“So you're in need of a Po!son Apple?” The Po!son Apple is the club’s specialty drink. I don't even know what's in it, but I'm so tempted not to have her hold the alcohol.

The sisters and I have our drinks, all except Kylie. I turn around to look out onto the dance floor and I can't help myself when I look over at the DJ booth. I see Kylie laughing at something Nix must have said. I have to admit, I'm jealous. He likes her and doesn't like me. I can feel my heart race and feel the bass in the music coursing through my body. I scan the club and notice a guy looking at me. I give him a smile. He winks at me and begins to head towards me.

“Hey, gorgeous, wanna dance?” he asks in my ear. I set my drink down, look back at him, and take his arm so he can lead the way. As I'm walking toward the dance floor I glance back to the DJ booth and see Kylie running her fingers down Nix’s chest. Then I can't see anymore, because bodies are blocking my view. I turn around and focus on dancing. I can feel the adrenaline, everyone around me moving. My eyes are closed as I feel the beat and move with it, when suddenly I feel a hand on my hip. I open my eyes to see the guy who asked me to dance. He's good-looking, tall, with blonde hair and a muscular body. I can’t see his eyes, because it’s so dim, but he wants me. He turns me around so my back faces him. He places both hands on my hips and we keep moving to the music. Keeping my eyes closed, all I can think is that his touch doesn’t compare to Nix’s.
Dammit Olivia, stop it!

The beat continues as the song changes, so I turn around to signal to him I'm heading back to the bar. He nods and we begin to walk together. He places his hand on the small of my back to guide me through the crowd.

I see Kylie at the bar, laughing and flirting with another guy, and I'm confused about the Kylie and Nix situation from earlier. I take my seat and my drink.

“That was great, thanks,” I say to the good-looking guy. I feel someone looking at me, and my instinct is to look towards the DJ booth, and as I glance at it I find Nix looking right at me. We make eye contact for a minute until a voice breaks in and I look away.

“Can I get your name, beautiful?” I am not sure if I want to give him my name or not, but I soon realize he at least wants me.
Mensa
, I sound just like my mother.

“Sorry, but dancing is all I'm willing to give tonight, sweetheart,” I say to him.

“Well, beautiful, if you change your mind I'm over there.” He leans down and kisses me on my cheek. “My name’s Adam,” he whispers in my ear and walks away.

“Why in hell would you let that walk away?” Kylie yells over the music as I turn to face her.

“I'm not interested,” I say, looking over at her.

“Maybe you might be interested in him,” she says, pointing to the DJ booth. I turn and find Nix still looking our way.

“I think he's more interested in you than me,” I say curtly, not sure what happened with them earlier but curious to know.

“Nope, wrong there, sister. He's been eyeing you since you walked in. You should've seen him when you were on the dance floor. Why do you think the music changed so fast?” she confides, and I begin to get more confused about this situation. He wants me, he doesn't want me.

I decide to make a bold move. I start to make my way towards the DJ booth. I step up towards Nix and he looks at me, unsure of why I'm here. I lean in, and he slides off his headphones from one ear as I lean in to whisper to him. I request a song. I don't know if people usually request songs, but I do, and it fits the occasion. I lean back and look into his beautiful eyes. I can feel my heart racing. He nods and I turn to leave. I'm nervous as I walk back towards my sisters. I have to focus on walking so that I don't fall.

“Come on girls, let’s dance!” I yell as I hear “Concrete Angel” by Gareth Emery come on, and I think I hear someone screech in reply. I find a spot on the dance floor where I know he can see me. I begin to dance with the girls, feeling every word of the song and the beat. I close my eyes for a moment. I turn around towards Nix to find him looking at me. I don't break eye contact as I dance to the song. It's not long before the song comes to an end and transition to another song. I walk off the dance floor and out of the club. I feel the need to escape from the emotions he is evoking in me, the feelings of being unwanted all over again, that I am not good enough to have something that I want.