Gunz and Roses (16 page)

The insufferable pain that took up space in her gut was too much for her to handle. Checking the time on her cell phone, she saw that it was 9:00
AM
. It was early, but Gray had to speak to Gunz. Another second couldn't go by. She needed to know how he felt and where things between them stood.

 

Gunz lay flat on his stomach, snoring loudly as his cell phone rang. He'd only been asleep a couple of hours, but it felt like an eternity. Gunz could hardly lift up his arm to answer the phone. By the time he did, the caller had hung up. Yawning, he checked the screen. Gray's name screamed out to him. Instead of calling her back, he placed the phone on the nightstand and closed his eyes.

“I'm gettin' ready to leave, so you can call her back,” Devin announced, placing on her bra.

Gunz's head promptly spun around in her direction. He'd completely forgotten she was there.

“What you talkin' about?” He rolled over onto his back.

“You ain't gotta front, Gunz. I know that was what's-her-face.”

“Don't start.” He yawned, rubbing his eyes.

“Trust me, I'm not.” She smirked. “I enjoyed myself last night.” Devin leaned across the bed and got in his face.

For a second, she and Gunz stared at one another. The look in his eyes spoke volumes. He didn't want her anymore; even after she'd been everything he wanted her to be while it was dark. Devin was his freak, pretty yet docile. She was the picture perfect image of a wet dream. He could have her any way he desired. In the bathroom, carwash, three at a time, or over the kitchen sink. She didn't care as long as for that moment she had his attention.

And yes, she was selling her soul for emotional gain, but in life, you had to pay to play. Loneliness was not an option. So what that every time they finished having sex he discarded her like the empty condom wrapper left on the floor? During those instances of satisfaction, he was hers, and that old feeling of what they used to share was brought back to life.

“You gon' call me later?” she questioned, even though she knew he wasn't.

“Yeah.”

“A'ight.”

Devin grabbed her purse, blew him a kiss, and left him lying behind.

“Lock the door on your way out!”

Ready to start his day, Gunz snatched the covers from over his body, sat up, and placed his feet on the wooden floor. The remnants of his sexapade were sprawled all over the place. His John Varvatos T-shirt lay crumpled by the bedroom door, while his Dolce & Gabbana jeans and underwear rested before his feet. One unopened Trojan magnum condom was tossed at the foot of the bed.

Gunz wondered if he should call Gray back. The answer came back right away as no. She should've trusted his words and believed that he was trying to do better by her. She had to realize that in order to deal with him, trusting his word was a must. In certain situations, there could be no arguing or questioning his motives. For her to understand that, he would have to put her on the back burner. The true challenge for Gunz would be making his mind coincide with his conscience.

 

A little over two weeks had passed since Gray last heard from Gunz. After calling him a couple of times, she finally gave up. Gray missed him terribly, but she wasn't going to risk the chance of coming off desperate. Her friends kept on telling her to wait until he called back, but with each day that passed, the hope in her heart dwindled. She just couldn't believe that it was over. How could he just give up on them so easily? Was the way she reacted that horrible? Maybe he never cared for her as much as he said he did.

The million what-ifs, whys, and maybes that boggled her mind were driving her insane. Gray was a mess. Everything including her train of thought was off track. And yes, she should fall back, but Gray wasn't willing to let another woman swoop in and take what was rightfully hers. On top of that, she couldn't stand the idea of being alone yet again.

Gray had also received devastating news from Truth that Rich's best friend Fortune had been found murdered. Truth was overwhelmed with grief. Fortune was like a little brother to him too. Gray didn't convey her thoughts to him, but she wondered if Gunz had something to do with his murder. The autopsy report came back that Fortune had been dead since the night of Gray's party.

The mere thought sent chills throughout her body. She knew she was dealing with a thug, but the realization that he could so easily take a life alarmed Gray. Maybe the way things ended was for the best.

Gray stood in front of the copy machine and closed her eyes. The loud buzzing noise calmed her down. She didn't even realize that someone else had entered the copy room.

“Gray,” Ra'Shawn called out.

“Huh?” She jumped.

“My bad. I ain't mean to scare you. You a'ight?”

“Yeah, I was just resting my eyes.”

“Oh, did you and your man straighten everything out?”

“I guess you could say that.” She grabbed the papers that she'd copied and placed them in a stack. “We don't talk anymore.”

“Damn, that's fucked up. I'm sorry to hear that.” He faked concern.

“I'll be okay.”

“I know you will, 'cause this weekend I'ma take you out.”

“Really?” Gray laughed.

“I mean, that's if you're not doing anything.”

“I'm not.”

“So it's a date,” Ra'Shawn shined his megawatt smile.

“It's a date.”

 

“So how you want your makeup done?” Heidi asked, stepping back with a foundation sponge in her hand. She and Gray were in her bedroom.

“I think I want a brown smoky eye and a nude lip.”

“Now, who is this guy you're going out on a date with again?” Heidi searched through her makeup case for her M.A.C. foundation spray.

“His name is Ra'Shawn. He's the senior editor at the magazine.”

“Okay, a brother with brains and bank. Now, that's what I'm talkin' about.”

“Right. Ra'Shawn's a huge step up from what I've been dealing wit',” Gray said, holding her head still.

“Don't front. Gunz got hella bank too.”

“I know he does. I'm talkin' about sophistication-wise.”

“Mama.” Heidi's eight-year-old son Harlem peeked his head into the room.

Gray loved her godson. He was the cutest, chubbiest thing she'd ever seen. His skin was the shade of Colombian cocoa. He was four feet tall and weighed a hundred and three pounds. Heidi had done an outstanding job at raising him so far. Harlem was one of the most smart, respectful kids Gray knew.

“What?”

“Can I have a snack?”

“No!” Heidi turned around, pissed.

“Pleaaaaaaaase.” He placed his hands in the praying position and batted his eyes.

“Harlem, you just had two pieces of pizza, a sandwich, and chips. Hell no!”

“Well, can I least I have some water?”

“I don't care.”

“I mean some chocolate milk.” He changed his mind.

“No!”

“Maaaaaaan.” He closed the door hard, disappointed.

“And stop slamming my goddamn door!” Heidi yelled behind him. “That's all his li'l butt want to do is eat. And I swear him and Jerrod don't bother me until I'm on the phone or got company.”

“You better leave my baby alone.” Gray laughed.

“Let yo' baby come live wit' you and eat up all yo' food then.”

Gray sat silent.

“That's what I thought. Now, back to what I was saying. How does Ra'Shawn look? Is he cute?”

“He's cool. He kind of reminds me of a dorky version of Wood Harris.”

“All right!”

“Babe.” Jerrod interrupted her.

“Yes.” Heidi squinted her eyes.

“What time
G's to Gents
come on again?”

“I don't know. Why don't you use the TV guide on the television?”

“I ain't even think of that. What's poppin', Gray?”

“Hi, Jerrod.” Gray couldn't help but giggle.

“I know y'all in here on some sneaky shit, but that's cool.”

“Boy, please. Ain't nobody on nothing.” Heidi dismissed him.

“Uh-huh, tell me anything.” Jerrod twisted his mouth to say he didn't believe her as he closed the door.

“Anyway,” she resumed her conversation with Gray, “even though you haven't said anything, I know you're hurting over what happened between you and Gunz.”

“I am, but on the bright side, at least I know where we stand now.”

“So now that you've had time to think, do you think that what he was sayin' was the truth?” Heidi placed brown eyeliner onto Gray's eyes.

“I honestly don't know what to believe.” Gray sat still. “From the jump Gunz didn't want to go. It just fucked me up that the one time I asked him to do something for me, he couldn't do it. Anything he ever asked of me, I did.”

“Well, everybody's not going to do the same things you do, Gray. Just 'cause you chose to behave one way didn't necessarily mean that he was too. And besides, you should never allow yourself to be so readily available for a man. Let the muthafucka wonder where you at and what you're doing sometime.”

“You're right. Sometimes I don't even know why I care so much. It wasn't like he was my man or nothing.”

“You love him, so naturally you're gonna care. I think you should try and call him one more time and tell him how you feel.”

“Nah, I'm good.”

“Why?”

“Gunz has made it perfectly clear how he feels about me. Fuck him.”

“Do it your way then. That's on you.”

“Says the woman who's too afraid to tell her man to take a bath,” Gray countered.

“Shhhhh, you tryin' to get me fucked up.” Heidi looked over her shoulder to make sure the coast was clear.

“All right then.” Gray arched her eyebrow.

“Fuck you. You know I'm right. Yo' ass should've told him the truth. I'm on team Gunz. Fuck whoever this other nigga is.”

“Maybe you are right, but me and Gunz have already talked, and he told me flat out that he wasn't ready for a relationship. So what am I supposed to do? Sit around and wait for him to decide when and if he wants to be with me? Hell no. Fuck that. Gunz can kick rocks down the street until his feet get tired as far as I'm concerned.” Gray tried her best to convince Heidi and herself.

 

Tiger Woods fought for the Grand Slam of Golf championship, while Black Star's underground hit “Brown Skin Lady” played softly throughout the room. Sol Lounge was a quiet afternoon hangout spot where young black professionals frequented on Sundays and sipped wine. The atmosphere was mellow yet hip and contemporary. The bar was uniquely designed with a bookshelf behind it, which took up most of the wall. Full liquor bottles took the place of fine literature, while lamps of all different shapes and colors added a funky flava to the space.

Gray sat with her thick caramel thighs crossed. A glass filled midway with Moscato wine rested in her hand as she surveyed the room. She had to admit Ra'Shawn's choice for their date was a pretty good one.

The scenery was magnificent, and the people were gorgeous, but the company Gray kept was B.O.R.I.N.G with a capital B. The entire evening, Ra'Shawn did nothing but go on and on about his Porsche 911 GT2 and million-dollar house on the beach in L.A. Gray thought he would've caught the hint when she tried to switch the subject, but that made him discuss materialistic bullshit even more.

“So are you enjoying yourself?”

“Yeah, this is nice.” Gray half told the truth.

“Yeah, it's pretty nice, but there is a club in L.A. that's killin' this place. Me and the owner are really cool. I never have to pay to get in, and he gives me a complimentary bottle of Chandon every time I come in.”

“Really?” Gray gave him a look that said she couldn't care less.

“If things continue to go well between you and me, I'ma have to take you there sometime.”

“I'm scared to fly.”

“I'll hold your hand the whole way there, baby.” Ra'Shawn reached out and took her hand.

Gray wanted to throw up. She could literally feel chunks rise in her throat.

“No need.” She released her hand from his and curled her upper lip.

After that, things only got worse for Gray. Coultrain's soul-touching melody “Blue” began to play, melting her heart. Thoughts of Gunz instantly popped into her mind. She didn't want to miss him, but the universe wouldn't allow it. At night, in her sleep, in her dreams, and during the day she yearned for him. Gray longed for the sound of his voice, and would give anything to be in his presence.

Suddenly, the room became quiet. Every woman in the room had her eyes diverted toward the door. Gray's eyes followed theirs. To her surprise, she found Gunz, Watts, and Bishop. Instantly, they connected eyes. Gray felt naked under his gaze. She wanted to run over and leap into his arms, but Gunz didn't have anything for her. After initially catching eyes with her, he quickly diverted his attention elsewhere. Gray felt suffocated. She quickly gulped down the rest of her drink and excused herself so that she could go to the restroom. She needed room to breathe and gather her thoughts.

Gunz shook hands with a couple of big wigs he knew then made his way over to the bar. His jaw was clenched so tight there was a struggle for him to breathe. He needed a stiff drink and quick.

“Ain't that your girl over there?” Watts pointed.

“Yeah, look like it.” Gunz tried his best to seem nonchalant.

Watts could sense that Gunz didn't want to talk about it, so he left the conversation alone.

On the outside, Gunz seemed cool, calm, and collected, but on the inside, he felt awkward and out of place. He wanted to go over and grab Gray by her neck for disrespecting him. Yeah, it was his fault things were the way they were. Yes, he was being selfish, but so what? Gray was his, flat out. His biggest fear was that if they stepped from across the room and took a chance at love, they'd lose the unexpected feeling that brought them together. And yes, the way he felt for her grew more and more each day, but that didn't mean they should rush into things. Gunz didn't want to be tied down. He simply wasn't ready.