H. A. Carter (9 page)

No matter how glad I am that I let John live,
I'm almost just as happy that I took JJ's life. If ever there was a
man who deserved to be punished for his crime, it was him. That
horrible son of a bitch.

I know he's rotting in his own hell right
now.

I waited frantically next to the rusty metal
slide for several anxious minutes, sure she wasn't going to show
up. I had arrived twenty minutes early, and was now awkwardly
counting down the time. I paced nervously back and forth, wearing
down a smooth path in the grass. I shook my head, angry with myself
for actually believing something could go right in my life for
once. How could I be so stupid to think she was telling the truth?
I must have been delusional thinking someone would ever care about
me.

I threw my hands up in quiet frustration and
turned to walk home alone. I strolled about five steps before a
tiny rock struck the small of my back, landing on the ground with
dull thump.

“You'd seriously stand me up?!” a whispered
cry of annoyance echoed out of the darkness.

My feet stopped, I shifted my gaze behind me.
Joanna appeared out of the shadows, her arms folded in outrage. Her
skin glowed heavenly in the moon light, and I almost thought I was
hallucinating. She cocked her hip to the side, tapping her foot
steadily, staring at me intently, waiting for an answer.

The shock of her presence silenced me as I
stood motionless on the damp green grass. The corner of her eyebrow
shot up in a vexing hypnotic glare. My mind raced in hurried
desperation to find a suiting answer.

“Um, I....I...uh..,”

“Can it, Carter. Just promise me that you're
staying and we'll call it even.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came
out. My tongue seemed to have lost all function, and spoken English
suddenly became foreign to me.

Say something, Stupid!

She rolled her eyes and sauntered over to my
half stunned immobile body. Her confidence

beaming even through the darkened night sky.
The glow of her skin radiated brighter than the stars, giving it a
porcelain like shine. Breathtaking wasn't even close to describing
it. She was utterly perfect. I had thought, in that moment, no
other girl could have ever looked so beautiful.

She slowly reached out, a devious smile
twinkling in the corners of her mouth. She slipped her delicate
fingers into my sweaty hand. I stopped breathing altogether, my
heart thundering out of control.

“Well, now that you didn't stand me up, what
should we do for our first date?”

This is all just a dream.

I'm going to wake up soon.

I'm going to wake up and it will all be just
a very bad dream.

Can that be possible? Had I not given away my
soul already, I'd say I'd trade it in return for escaping this
nightmare.

I have nothing left to trade, however, and
They don't make light deals.

Who the hell am I kidding, anyway?

Just accept your fate, Harvey. Accept what
you did and reap the punishments. I just wish I knew that there was
an end to all of it.

A muffled enraged voice seeped through the
walls of my room. My mother's irate yelling awoke me from a deep
sleep. My eyes fluttered open heavily. I peered at the clock. 12:43
am.

Who could she have possibly been talking to
this late at night?

I rolled laboriously out of bed and shuffled
to the door. The floorboards gave a soft groan as I turned the
squeaky knob.

The phone slammed hard and fast before I
reached the living room.

“Mom? Who are you talking to?”

“Uh...just Helen. She's...she's having a bad
night.”

Helen? Helen doesn't even call during the day
let alone in the middle of the night. Despite being my mom's best
friend, she wasn't really the phone call type.

My mother stomped away toward her bedroom,
scraping her fuzzy slippers against the rough hardwood floors as
she went. She waved her arm in the air, motioning for me to go back
to bed.

I hesitated just long enough for the soft
click of her door to sound before picking up the phone.

I pressed the smudged redial button and
waited quietly as the phone began to ring.

Bring!

Bring!

Bring!

“For fuck's sake, Trina, stop calling me!
Sarah is going to wake up! I told you, I'm not helping that little
bastard!”

My breath caught in my throat. My hands began
to quiver with dreadful apprehension as the voice on the other end
of the line spouted a few more profanities before rudely hanging
up.

I held the phone tightly, my knuckles turning
white, until the beep, beep, beep, was the only

sounds through the receiver.

My now pounding heart was thudding nearly out
of my chest as I peered toward my mother's door, afraid she may
emerge at any moment.

My shivering hand placed the phone back on
the hook. Panic-stricken, I suddenly became afraid to move.

Was it really him?

It had to be.

Who else would she lie about other than
him?

So, he at least knew I existed. That was
better than nothing, I guess.

But who was Sarah?

Her constant quiet screaming was almost more
than my heart could bear. Muffled tears soaked the fuzzy chocolate
colored pillow she clung to tightly. The intense fear that welled
in her eyes was overwhelming. Nausea rose and fell in the pit of my
stomach with every cry. My scrawny useless arms rocked her gently
as she wept. I could do nothing more than hold her as her tortured
soul agonized over what had happened. I feared she would reject my
touch as I softly attempted to stroked down her disheveled matted
hair. The faint odor of stale beer and wet grass swirled in wisps
around her dulled golden locks. I choked back the smell that so
boldly screamed of JJ.

Whimpers and short chokes of breath were her
only reaction to my efforts at comfort. What was I going to do? I
had to do something. It was my job to do something. If I couldn't
keep her safe now, how was I ever expected to later in life?

I cupped her delicate head in my hands,
bringing her gaze to mine. Her usual picture perfect complexion now
smeared with the remnants of her make up. She looked like a badly
used rag doll thrown to the trash. I peered deep into her eyes,
searching for that sparkle of hope that I had not lost her
forever.

“I'll make it all right, Jo. I...I don't know
how...or when...but I'll make it all right. He'll never hurt you
again. I promise you that.”

Tears erupted from her eyes until they
overflowed, running in rivers down her cheeks, washing away the
dark, already smudged, eyeliner. She pressed herself hard against
my chest and cried uncontrollably into the confines of my shirt,
saturating my clothes. I squeezed my battered broken girlfriend
close to me, trying to wish her pain away, my heart ripping
apart.

After several hours of stifled sobbing and
seemingly futile consoling, she finally began to calm. Her
breathing began to ease, rising and falling slowly and heavily. I
was grateful for her slumber, but

frightful of it just the same. I wasn't
exactly sure what the symptoms of shock were, but knew Joanna had
to be experiencing them. No one could endure what she just had and
not feel tremendous pain and suffering of some form. As she slept I
gazed down at her tattered and ripped clothing. Dirt and grass
stuck in random patches up and down her legs. The faintest of
scratches could be seen peeking out between the tears in her mint
green skirt, and her once white shirt was caked with dirt,
stretched out beyond repair. Thick fragments of flesh were imbedded
deep within her broken fingernails. I wondered which “gentleman”
was on the receiving end of her once manicured talons. Purple thumb
imprints were already developing on the edges of her tiny wrists,
and the vague outline of someone's rough grip mocked me as I
caressed her arm. My blood boiled, searing to the tips of my
fingers and curling into a tight hate filled fist. I couldn't tell
yet whether or not she was bruised badly anywhere else, or at all
for that matter, but I guessed she would be by the looks of the
rest of her. I guess they weren't into chivalry. I felt worthless
and pathetic at the horrid thought that I could do nothing to stop
the pain, or even avenge it.

I highly doubted she would let me take her to
a hospital or a police station. I knew she was scared. Hell, I was
scared enough for the both of us, but something had to be done
about this. What could she say though? We both knew that it was
next to impossible to tell anyone the truth. No one would believe
her. Not in this town, anyway.

I held her softly in my arms for hours,
watching the moon rise and fall in the night sky out my living room
window. No matter how much nausea and anger washed over me, no
matter how sore my arms grew, no matter how tired my body became, I
wouldn't leave her.

I thought long and hard as the clock ticked
away the night. I thought about my failure to defend the one I
loved and how by any chance at all that could be rectified. I had
to decide a path to take.

What do I do? How do I fix this? Would I be
able to take the road less traveled by, creating my own unbeaten
path? My mind thought incessantly, aching from the stress. Sadness
and despair swirling with rage and frustration. The night slowly
turned into day and by morning I had made my final decision. I knew
what path I would take.

“You Bastards! Why did you do that? Why? All
I ever ask is for it to not be that one. Just that one! Why can't
you even give me that?”

Let it end already! Just let it end!

You know, no matter how horrible it gets
Here, it still doesn't compare to the pain of that night. I would
give almost anything to be free from that memory alone.

I stood unmoving peering down at John's
slumped figure at my feet.

Please forgive me, John.

I raised my gaze, scanning the lunchroom. A
few stray kids hid under tables and shoved themselves into concrete
corners. Their trembling hands masking the reality in front of
them. They looked much like troublesome toddlers believing that if
they couldn't see me then I didn't exist. I could see chaos
erupting outside just as badly through the dirty glass windows of
the school.

Back and forth, side to side, up and down
they ran. No one could seem to decide which way to turn as they
scattered across the school's now trampled lawn.

“Harvey, we have to finish this.”

I nodded slowly, remembering JJ still lay
cowardly under the bench next to Thomas' body. I took in a deep
breath and held it, puffing up my chest and rising myself up to my
full 5' 9 stature. I'd always been told this was a sign of
dominance in the animal kingdom. Would this primal move make JJ
cower to my sudden alpha male status?

As I turned and stepped closer to him, I
realized he sure would. He immediately began to beg and plead in
such a horrific child-like manner that I was slightly taken
aback.

“Please, Carter! Please, I...I'm sorry,
Man!”

I stopped just inches from his shaking
body.

“Oh, so, you're sorry? Did you hear that, Jo?
He's sorry! I guess we can all forgive and go home now, right?!” I
mocked sarcastically.

JJ glanced back and forth from Joanna and I,
trying to judge the extent of our mercy. His eyes practically
bugging out of their sockets in anticipation. Did he really think
he would get away with this? Of course he did. He always got away
with it. Not this time.

Joanna couldn't look at him. She kept her
focus on the ground, with a few quick pleading glances in my
direction. I, however, bent down and stared straight into the
depths of his inhumane worthless eyes. My hate filled gaze boring
into his terrified soul. His entire body beginning to convulse out
of fright. I sat face to face with the great destroyer of my life
with a mixture of malice, pity, and envy. I almost embraced the
first two emotions, but still hated myself for ever envying this
pathetic piece of shit trembling before my feet.

No, envy was just something I couldn't quite
let myself feel for him. No matter how popular, strong,
good-looking, or rich he was I refused to envy him.

I turned to Joanna, who was still staring
coldly at the blood stained floor.

I have to do this. She can't live with
herself if he gets away with what he's done.

JJ crawled out from under the table bench,
his hands raised in surrender. The golden boy was now groveling at
my feet to spare his life. I wanted to vomit all over his continued
unsympathetic apologies. His thick bulgy hands were actually
clinging to my shoes now begging for forgiveness. His weak
incessant crying tore at the fragile pieces of my heart.

Why did he have to do it? Why did he just
have to take her from me? Why, JJ? Why?

I had thought once he knew the truth that
things would be different between us. Maybe we could find some sort
of peace, but this, and the sickening realization that he had known
all along just confused every hopeful notion I had ever possessed
about humanity.

Flesh and blood are not always thicker than
water.

I raised my foot out of his grasp and kicked
JJ square in the jaw as hard as I could. His teeth screeched and
cracked loudly in the echoing cafeteria. His head flew backwards in
one smooth jerk, blood spritzing from the corner of his smug
mouth.

How's that for mercy, Jacky?

He rolled back over slowly, spitting red
bubbles of sticky liquid on the floor. His breath gurgled as he
choked on his own scarlet blood and shame.