Hadrian's Wall (34 page)

I think I understand it.
What Adrian Senior couldn’t to do for his wife, he wanted to do for
others...for me.

The silence was lengthening. He seemed lost
in dark thoughts. On impulse, I shook his hand and my gesture made
Adrian look up with inquiring eyes. I said nothing. I just smiled
and he smiled back. The sad moment had past, but the complicity
born between us keep hovering around us, involving us in a
sensitive bubble.

Suddenly he looked at his
watch and declared, “I think it’s time...the warm milk should soon
take effect. Although I think the boredom of listening to talk is
probably much more effective to help you sleep.”

“Absolutely not! I loved talking to you. It
was so...enlightening. I imagined you to be a entirely different
person, you know?”

He narrowed his eyes, completely aware of me
now.

“And now what do you think
about me?”

I shrugged, embarrassed. Where to begin?

“Dunno. Apart guy unlike mortal
people—intellectual, sophisticated, cold.”

He grimaced. “Wow, I’m a
snob...an anorak-wearing geek?”

I shook my head, denying
vehemently. “No! I meant to say that before you looked so...unreal.
I considered you unattainable. And now you’re here, talking to
me.”

It was his turn to shake my hand.

“Believe me, I’m very
real.”

After that, I didn’t know
what else to say.
Gosh! Nothing witty that
someone with a tolerable
I.Q.
can say?

He stood up and pulled me
by the hand. “It’s time to go back to my rounds. And you must go
back to bed because you have a full day ahead of you.”

Only then did I realize
that I had interfered with his work. Very embarrassed, I tried to
say goodbye quickly, but Adrian didn’t let go of my hand as I
expected when I tried to get away. Unexpectedly, he pulled me to
his chest and put his lips on my forehead.

“Sleep with the angels.”

The deep voice whispering against my skin
gave me goose bumps. I looked up and saw that his smile was
anything but angelic. My eyes held his for a long time. It was
difficult to break the charm and he was not helping at all, facing
me like that. I spun on my heels and walked away.

I didn’t remember to
breathe until I was inside the elevator.

12

PERFECT BUBBLE

The mattress shook slightly, pulling me from
the world of dreams. During an infinitesimal second of transition
between slumber and wakefulness I thought I heard the sound of a
sigh...and could swear that gentle fingers slid over my shoulder
down to my wrist, triggering a succession of little and delicious
electric shocks. Now...yes, I was fully awake. I opened my eyes
slowly exposing me to the room plunged into shadow, but laziness
won out and I closed them again.

Suddenly, an imaginary
voice echoed in my head while scenes of a misty dream tried to
emerge. However, my mind could not capture them. “Don’t leave me!”
I was submerged in feelings too difficult to define—as if my body
was numb. I turned my face into the pillow, trying to concentrate
on the voice. Unexpectedly, I noticed the aroma of perfume
impregnated in the pillowcase. Its fragrance seemed familiar to
me.

I turned onto my back and
opened my eyes again. I stretched slowly, testing the muscles of my
arms and legs. I was still tired, though it wasn’t an unpleasant
sensation. I felt exhilarated because I awoke with an unshakable
certainty about what I wanted to do from now on. This realization
pushed the strange dream and the perfume smell out of my
thoughts—something that would never have happened before. In fact,
at this point, I would have been panicking; but that was the old
Melissa. The new Melissa woke up with a different way of seeing
things. I can’t tell if this is the result of therapy, from
the
wasted
visit
to the
Resort,
or
from the revealing and simultaneously surreal conversation between
Adrian and me. The fact is that something had triggered the process
of change in me.

I cast a glance around the silent room and
stretched again, this time with more impetus. It was at that moment
when I realized that this was my last night in the Caledonia
General Hospital. Wow! I felt as if I had been hospitalized for an
eternity. I almost regarded this hospital as my home.

Home...although the
hospital wasn’t a home, it was the only home I knew. My physicians
should have taken that into consideration. Adrian Cahill Senior and
his son must have taken this into consideration, especially after
the crises and hallucinations. Now what? What would be my next
move? As incredible as it seemed, I wasn’t even a little worried.
This sudden calm astonished me.

I checked my digital clock.
Six o’clock—time to get moving. I got up slowly, but I had to hold
onto the edge of dresser to avoid falling. I waited until the room
seemed to stop spinning before I felt stable enough to tiptoe into
the bathroom. After completing my morning hygiene and changing
clothes, I returned to the outer room. I yawned, looked at my
unmade bed—inviting me to climb back in it. I shook my head to ward
off sleep and began to pack my things.

Half an hour later, I put
the suitcase and a bag filled with clothes near the door and then
left the room carrying two other large bags that contained the
extra clothes that I had decided to put in the hospital’s
charitable donations basket.

After completing that
task, I went down to the ward to say goodbye to Bernice.
Unfortunately, I had no a gift to give her. I had committed myself,
but of course, had no money, so I decided to give her one of my
most recent drawings. At first I resisted doing this because, in my
mind to give someone gift of a drawing done by me, seemed like an
arrogant, childish gesture. Besides, I didn’t believe that my “art”
was equivalent to any trinket I would buy if I’d had the money to
do so. But then I thought ‘
What the hell!
I need be more confident if I want to succeed in
life
.’ And I definitely did not intend to
fail.

Contrary to my pessimistic
expectation, Bernice was overjoyed with the gift, much more than I
could ever have imagined. Excited, she said that she’d always
wanted a portrait of the lake. She embarrassed me showing the
drawing that I had done to all of her colleagues as they came on
duty. Lucky for me, at that early hour, the nursing staff was
small.

Having completed this task,
I prepared to face the last and perhaps most sensitive task. Would
I see problems where none existed? Well, I couldn’t tell for sure
because I felt so excited. I walked slowly through the hospital
corridors, not realizing that I was about to have another of my
“hallucinogenic oddities.” While my mind was arming the trap, I
absentmindedly watched the health care professionals performing
their tasks with ease and safely amidst the chaos.

The emergency room...the intensive care
unit...and the surgical center. Those places are prohibited to
unauthorized people like me, so I could only watch from afar
through the glass doors and the half-open partitions. As always,
someone appeared to shoo me away. They asked what I was doing
there, so I said that I was heading to the clinic, so they urged me
on and forgot me.

The routine of a hospital
was full of events that strengthen the value we should give to
life. In difficult times, when we hit rock bottom, just to see how
everything can fall apart when our health deteriorates. On the
other hand, curious things can happen in the hospital routine. The
hustle and bustle of a group of interns beginning their morning
rounds, for example. I’d bet that they weren’t residents, because
they looked at everything as if it was a big thing. They “flew” by
my side, trying to keep pace with the determined supervisor. The
physician definitely had a
scowl!

One of the guys was so
focused on trying to disguise a yawn that he stumbled on his untied
shoelaces and crashed on the floor. Apparently he wasn’t used to
waking up so early or he’d had a rough night. He looked sideways
and forward to make sure that the supervisor hadn’t seen the little
incident. Of course, nobody saw it. The other students were too
worried about keeping up that they didn’t pay attention to anything
happening behind them. The intern quickly tied his shoelace and ran
to catch up.

I let out a giggle and the
young man glared at me before disappearing through the double doors
leading to the Surgical Center. I stood there laughing alone. In a
few years, the spontaneous behavior of the intern would be replaced
with the haughty attitude of a doctor. Well, that wasn’t funny.
Actually,
it
was
tragic. I remembered that my last task still awaited me and I
turned on my heels.

As I headed to the
elevator, the issue that compelled me in that direction fully
occupied my thoughts and I started to waver. I was undecided.
Should I see Dr. Barringer now? After all, our next scheduled
consultation was next week. Would visiting him at an unscheduled
time be considered a breach of etiquette? I stood there thinking
about it. Finally, I decided that I couldn’t leave the hospital
without saying goodbye to him.

The door to the waiting
room of his office was open, but no one was there. It was early, so
I decided to return later, at a more appropriate time. What shall I
say when I see him? I walked aimlessly, my mind so focused on
trying to answer this question that I didn’t even notice that I was
walking in the wrong direction, away from the elevators. When I
realized what I’d done, I found myself lost in a succession of
corridors going in several directions—up, down, right, left—stairs,
doors, unfamiliar columns... Now what?

I took a deep breath and
decided to try retrace my steps back to Dr. Barringer’s office;
however, the sound of two male voices made me stop. Apparently,
they were talking in a confidential tone. I paid attention, trying
to hear what they were saying.
You and
your habit of listening behind the doors
... Well, what I preferred to call a coincidence had already
helped me avoid certain complications in the past...so
excuse me
...

“I’m starting to believe
this whole situation is a big mistake... The result of the last
Council meeting is a warning sign that we should not ignore,” said
one of the voices.

“You thought I wasn’t
aware of their movements. That’s it, isn’t it? It wasn’t exactly a
surprise to me. Look, I don’t mean to sound imprudent, but I will
act according to
my
best interests, not the Council’s.”

“Well, you’re acting
irresponsibly! Don’t you realize that it’s impossible to have the
best of both worlds?” said the other man. He heaved a deep sigh and
began to speak again, this time employing a more measured
tone.

“She doesn’t suspect what’s
happening around her and she has expressed a desire to leave.
Maybe...maybe it’s what we should provide to her—a safe departure
to anywhere she wants to go. It would be better than keeping her
here, surrounded by conspiracies which only confuse her more and
more every day. Do you really believe that you’re protecting her,
acting like that? Wouldn’t it be safer for her to leave without
causing repercussions?” A low, hoarse chuckle, but devoid of humor,
made me realize that I was hearing Adrian Cahill’s
voice!

“You’re a fine one to talk
about damages!” He laughed again. “If I hadn’t rescued her from the
hands of that ‘beast’ she wouldn’t be alive now. How can you
believe it would be safer for her to stay away from me?”

What the hell is going on?

The one I thought was Adrian groaned as if
in pain.

“In some ways, I can’t
deny that you’re right. Keeping her here may not be the ideal
solution...and I’m not so sure that I should interfere directly in
her life.” The way he enunciated his words revealed how difficult
it was for him to admit that. “She’s an independent girl, also
sensitive and talented, who wishes to succeed by her own merits.
I’d give her the world if she wants, but this is not the best
strategy to gain her trust.
Only the truth
has such power and it is precisely what I cannot give her.”
He sighed, disheartened. “Oh,
yes...
I’m aware that I’m taking a huge risk
of losing her because of who I am
. That’s
the only reason I’m trying to go easy on her...as much I can go
easy...

“Adrian...”
I guessed right!
“You
have to let her leave before you hurt her and hurt
yourself.”

“It’s not so simple,”
Adrian interrupted energetically. For a few seconds, the voices
stopped. Suddenly, Adrian said, “All I know for sure is that I have
to protect her. It’s the reason for
the
scheme
that...”

“No, I don’t want to know
anything about your
schemes,
if for no other reason than I will have a clear
conscience when I say,
I knew
nothing
, if she ever asks me. Ian may have
readily agreed with you because in his mind,
keeping her close to us jeopardizes the most important rule
and your machinations supposedly are avoiding problems from now
on.
However, things have become more
complicated for me. I cannot lie to my patients. They rely on my
knowledge and trust is everything in
the
kind of work I do
. I’ve been walking a
tightrope. My ethics were impaired just to attend her, especially
when I decided to remain silent about everything that
happened.”