Haeven (18 page)

"That's very good. Excellent," Artur said and
pulled his hand away. "This will make you very vulnerable, you know
that don't you?"

"I'll do what I can," Herrik replied.

"What do you mean?" I didn't like the ominous
tone in Herrik's voice.

Artur looked very grave but neither he nor
Herrik would answer.

"Emily why don't you go and finish your
lunch."

I reluctantly obeyed and found my way back to
the kitchen. I was too keyed up to eat any more of the meal I had
managed to scrape together and sat pushing the food on my plate
around while I waited for Herrik. A few minutes went by and he came
into the kitchen and took the seat beside me. He leaned his elbows
on the table and buried his face in his hands. I knew he was trying
to think of a good way to say whatever it was he wanted to say.

"There was no other way..." he began...
"you 
were
 dying, Emily! I had no doubts! Three
days - and you hadn't opened your eyes or changed positions or
taken more than a sliver of a breath. You were so cold and no
matter how many blankets I wrapped around you or how hard I tried
to rub some life into you, you just wouldn't come back. Then you
started shivering and shaking so badly and you kept calling out to
me. You sounded so hopeless, so desperate!"

"Three days!" I was dumbfounded by the idea.
"It wasn't a dream then...you forced me...you made me..."

"Yes! I had to! I had to help you! It was
maddening and I couldn't let you...I had no choice," he searched my
face hoping for understanding.

"But it's done something to me, hasn't it? To
us. It's done more than just kept me alive. That is how I knew
Daemon was your son and why you and all the others are here."

"Yes. I had hoped it would pass."

"What?" I asked utterly confused.

Herrik gingerly took my hand and for a very
brief moment he opened his mind up to me. During the short span
that passed I felt everything he was feeling, knew everything he
was thinking. It was such a surreal experience seeing how
complicated he was - so strong yet so compassionate, so intelligent
and thoughtful, appreciative and giving. I saw all the things he
loved and honored and how little his own problems were when
compared to those of his friends and the people he cared about.

It was warm and comforting and peaceful bound
up in his all his thoughts until I came to one place that seemed
set apart from all the others; walled in and dark and terrifying.
When I came to it Herrik immediately closed back up startling me
out of all the unfamiliar sensations he was sharing with me.

"But I'm not sharing them with you."

"What do you mean you're not? How else would
I have seen so much?"

Herrik raised his eyebrows as if to say that
if I thought about it I would understand. I tried to imagine what
he was implying but I was completely puzzled and couldn't seem to
grasp the possibility of what he was suggesting. He saw the
confusion in my eyes and smiled lightly.

"I'm not sure exactly what it is either.
You're not like me or any of the others, you wouldn't have been
able to eat and drink like you've done if that were the case. But
you are certainly changed Emily and to use Artur's phrasing it
makes me vulnerable. If anything were to happen to you, Emily, it
could mean the ruin of everything we have built here. Do you
remember what I said when I told the council that you needed to
stay, about what Daemon did to you?"

"That it was forbidden," the word rang out
ominously.

"Yes."

"And if anyone knew what you have done to
me..."

"Yes."

"You have to fix this Herrik! I can't...I
can't live like this! I'm not like you! I'm not like any of you! I
don't want to be like you!"

"I can't."

"Why?"

"It's complicated and as far as I know
there's only one way it can be undone."

"Oh, God!" I searched his eyes hoping to see
whether I had guessed correctly but all I found was a sympathetic
sadness that made me wish I was anywhere but there just then. "I'll
never be able to leave now, will I? But there must be
something...something you can do!" my voice was full of anger and
accusation. Herrik shook his head.

"Come," Herrik took my hand. "There's no one
in the garden right now, let's walk and put all this aside for now.
We can finish our talk later after we've had a chance to stretch
our legs and ease our minds."

"Ease our minds? How can you even suggest..."
before I could finish my sentence Herrik reached out and brushed a
lock of my hair behind my ear. His touch was so mesmerizing, so
soothing. All my anger and resentment fell to the wayside then his
hand found mine.

The next thing I knew we were in the garden.
We walked silently for nearly an hour before Herrik began leading
us back towards the pond.

"I'm sorry for the way things have turned
out. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"I know." I glanced up sideways at him and
when I met his eyes I couldn't find the will to look away. I tensed
up and reflexively grabbed his leg, "No...please..." I suddenly
realized what he intended to do. He couldn't undo what he had done
but he could hide it, lock it away deep within my mind where it
would all be forgotten.

"You need to relax," he asserted, "or it will
hurt."

"Please," I begged as I felt Herrik take my
hands and turn my palms over. He began running his thumbs back and
forth across my wrists and slowly my worry and fear seemed to ebb
away.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. He sounded very
far away. I could barely hear him even though he was sitting right
next to me. Then I felt little pinpricks behind my eyes and all the
events and all the emotions tied to them began swimming around on
the surface of my mind. They slowly got cloudy or misty for a
moment and then it felt as though they were being sucked away. I
briefly tried to hang onto them but as suddenly as they were there
they were completely gone and I had no recollection of what had
just happened.

"Emily," someone was calling me. "Emily?"

I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder nudging
me awake and slowly opened my eyes.

"Emily. What are you doing here?"

"Herrik?" I sat up utterly confused.

It seemed as though I had been curled up on
one of the benches near the pond and had somehow fallen asleep
there.

"Are you alright?"

"Uh...yes...I think so. I'm just..."

"Exhausted it would seem," Herrik chuckled.
"Here," he held his hand out to me, "let me take you back to your
apartment."

I gingerly grasped his fingers and for a
moment just sat there utterly confused by what was happening.
Glancing up I saw him looking down at me with a slight frown of
worry creasing his brow. I felt like I was seeing him for the first
time.

"Herrik?"

"Yes, Emily."

"I'm...I'm," I looked down at my feet. I
wasn't sure what I wanted to say. "I feel like...I feel
strange."

"Strange how?" Herrik sat down beside me.

"I don't know. Ashamed. I guess I just want
to apologize. I know I said some things."

Herrik shook his head as if to say it wasn't
necessary.

"You've been so nice to me and I know I
haven't deserved it."

"Emily," Herrik started to interrupt me.

"I know you were just trying to do what was
best for me and my family. I'm sorry I've been so difficult and
caused you so much trouble. I should be thankful," I looked away so
he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have kept so
much from you. I should have told you why all of this was
necessary."

"I understand," I turned back. "I'm not sure
how but I do!" I earnestly insisted.

"I know," he sighed. We both sat quietly for
a few moments and when the awkwardness finally started to subside
Herrik spoke again, "So, back to this sleeping on a bench thing,"
he teased then grew serious again. "Do you need me to talk to
Artur?"

I wondered how he knew.

"Penny may have mentioned something in
passing."

I took a deep breath, "I don't want to
disappoint him."

Herrik smiled, "I know what you mean.
Everybody feels that way! Artur is...well, he
just 
is
 isn't he? He'll understand, though, I
promise. It's just too much especially after all you've been
through."

He sounded so confident and sure. I smiled
and nodded. "Thank you, Herrik. Thank you for everything."

It seemed sudden and strange but I started
to feel a sense of normalcy creeping into my life. As Penny and I
grew closer my homesickness began to abate. I continued to study
with Artur and sparred with Avery or whoever was on-hand if Herrik
happened to need him for something.  I took care of my
share of the domestic responsibilities around the apartment if
Penny didn’t get to them first. She taught me how to cook and
clean, to do my laundry and ironing; all of which I did without
complaint because for whatever reason it all started to feel
right
. I even helped out in the common areas if there was
time and I was needed.

Though most of my days were quite full there
were occasions when I had a few too many hours to myself. Those
were the times I found myself thinking and wondering about life and
what was going on in the world beyond the compound. I would miss my
family and my friends and long for a chance to see them again or to
at least to know that they were well. Sometimes the melancholy
would settle in and stick with me for several days and it would
distract me from all the other things I should have been doing.

I was in this particular state of mind one
morning while Artur and I went over some French pronunciations. He
did his best to get me to focus but it was of very little use.
Every time he asked a question I took longer and longer to answer.
It turned into a particularly frustrating lesson for both of us and
when he realized that he was on the verge of losing his temper
Artur said that we should change gears. He suggested I go to the
gym so Avery could try to work the cobwebs out of my head.

I sighed and agreed and after I gathered my
books and papers Artur walked me to the front door and said
goodbye.  When I stepped outside though, I realized that
Avery wasn’t there.  I waited several minutes expecting
him to return then decided to head back in to let Artur know that
Avery wasn’t around and I wasn’t sure what I should do. 

“Hmm,” he said, “he must be tied up
somewhere.  I’ll walk you to the gym and have Carah meet
us there.”

“Ugh, Carah,” I said it to myself but that
didn’t keep Artur from seeing my sentiments so clearly written on
my face.

He looked at me curiously, “What was that?”
he asked.

“Hmm, oh, nothing,” I smiled.

“Right,” Artur raised his brows, “Well,
you’d better hurry, Carah’s waiting for us.”

“Already?” I moaned.

“That was where she was when I asked if she
wouldn’t mind working with you.”

“Do you think Herrik will be there?”

Artur stole a glance at me, “Now why would
you ask that?”

“I don’t know…I thought…well, I saw them
together once and I thought…”

Artur laughed out loud but didn’t
answer.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing,” Artur laid his hand on my
shoulder as we walked.  “Herrik is not there and he and
Carah are not…
together
; not that I should be telling you but
I don’t want any rumors or misconceptions getting around.”

“I wouldn’t have told anyone
anyway.  I don’t li…” I bit my tongue. 

Artur stopped short, “That is an opinion you
had best keep to yourself.”

“I’m sorry,” I bowed my head
regretfully. 

“Don’t be,” Artur sighed, “but do try and
remember who you are and where you are.  It’s safer to
keep those views very well guarded.”  I looked up my eyes
full of worry.  “Oh,” he smiled weakly, “I didn’t mean to
frighten you.  You know Herrik would never let anything
happen to you.  You are one among many though; different
and more easily misunderstood.  You have nothing to worry
about but that is no reason for you to be careless and indifferent
towards the feelings of others.”

I thought I understood what Artur was
suggesting but by then we were at the gym and there wasn’t an
opportunity to say anything more.  Carah was in the far
corner near one of the mats waiting for us and motioned to Artur as
soon as she saw us. 

“Have you seen Avery?” Artur asked when we
were near enough. 

“No.  But there’s been a steady
stream in and out of Herrik’s apartment all
morning.  Perhaps he’s there,” she shrugged
indifferently.

“You should put your things away,” she
nodded me towards the locker room.

Artur said goodbye and told Carah that if
Avery hadn’t shown by the time we were done that she should walk me
back to my apartment. 

“Yeah, sure,” she rolled her eyes.

Carah didn’t waste any time once I was done
changing.  She centered me on the mat and circled me once
or twice. “It’s been a while now hasn’t it? I always forget what a
little thing you are. Not much to you at all,” she chuckled. She
reached out to try and squeeze my bicep but I batted her hand away.
“Quick as ever though! What have you and Avery been working on
lately?”

I started to explain what we’d gone over
during the past few weeks but before I could stumble out a sentence
or two Carah went on the attack.  It caught me off-guard
and as I dodged and tumbled out of the way of her blows I tried
asking her to give me a moment; to explain that I wasn’t ready.

She just snorted, “Anyone that wants to harm
you is not going to give you a moment to ready yourself to fight
back!”

I knew she wasn’t trying to hurt me; just
testing my defenses so I cut my pleas short and tried to go on the
offensive between checking and defending her blows.  A
moment later she managed to reach out and slap me across my
face.