Haeven (32 page)

When we got home my dad opened my door for me
and I slowly stepped out of the car. I spun around and around as
they all looked expectantly at me. I just shook my head no. My dad
wrapped an arm around my shoulder and led me towards the house. He
let us all in and together we went from room to room in an attempt
to reacquaint me with the life I had supposedly once lived
there.

It was exasperating and when it was over I
told them all that I thought I might like to go to my room and lie
down for a while. Evan offered to bring me upstairs and I happily
agreed.

Over the next few months I was told story
after story and shown picture after picture but nothing ever came
of it. I started to become resolved to the fact that I would never
get my memory back. I couldn’t recall anything from my youth, had
no idea what had happened to me and where I was and who I was with
and how I had spent the past 7 years of my life.

Evan had been home from college when the call
came with the news that I had been found. He was getting ready to
head back, though, before his entire first semester went to waste.
As the day drew near I began to consider whether or not I should
think about college or a job of some sort. I knew I needed to do
something or I would just go crazy from all the care and concern my
mother was smothering me with not to mention all the appointments
to specialists she thought I should see and inevitably dragged me
to.

I had never finished high school though, and
never taken the SAT's. I wondered if I could pass a college
entrance exam and what exactly I would like to study if I could.
Then I started testing myself online hoping to get a better idea of
what I knew and what I was suited to. Surprisingly I seemed to know
a great deal.

"Huh," I thought, "where did I learn all
this?"

It made me wonder what else I might know. I
tried languages and learned that I could read, write and speak
French quite fluently and seemed to know a smattering of 3 or 4
other languages. Then I wondered what else I could do. On a whim I
decided to ask my mother if she would take me to the local music
store.

We wandered around for a few minutes and I
absently caressed a number of instruments. Nothing felt quite right
to me until I ran my fingers across one of the electronic keyboards
that was on display. There was a stool obviously placed in front of
it for anyone who wanted to sit and test the sounds. I sat down and
instantly knew where to poise my fingers and begin. Smiling I
started striking the keys and marveled how naturally it came to me
and that I seemed to have a decent amount of skill.

My mother laid her hand on my shoulder and
looked down at me in disbelief. I shrugged and pushing the stool
back stood up. "I don't know," I said. "I have no idea how I know
how to play but I guess I wasn't idle for the past 7 years!" I
started to laugh but my mom found absolutely no humor in what I had
said.

I started to apologize but someone walked
into the store and when I saw him my heart seemed to skip a beat.
He smiled and brushed by us and when he did I had an odd sense that
I had seen him somewhere before, just recently. I tried not to
think about it and shook the feeling away then took my mom's elbow
and suggested we leave.

That night over dinner I told my dad what I
had learned about myself. He wasn't as surprised as I thought he
would be and oddly said something I hadn't managed to think of
myself.

"Someone must have thought a great of you to
have gone through so much trouble." My mother and Evan stopped
eating and looked from me to my father. "What?" he asked. "Look at
her! She's beautiful and obviously been very well cared for. I'd
like to thank whoever she's been with..." he tried to sound as
though he was joking but it didn't go over well.

My mom angrily threw her napkin down and
stood up, "Whoever she has been with has taken 7 years of her life
from her, from us! Nothing more!"

"Mom," I called after her but she was already
halfway up the stairs and didn't answer.

I didn't see her again until the following
morning. I made breakfast for us and while we were eating together
I started to confess my idea to her about going to school or
finding work.

"No! Absolutely not!" she countered and
before I could argue my point she stormed off again.

My dad came into the room just as she raced
up the stairs and asked me what all the fuss was about.

"I told her I was thinking about college or
maybe getting a job. I don't understand! What am I supposed to
do?!" I looked at him imploringly.

He took a deep breath then settled into the
seat my mother had so recently vacated. "Did you make this?" he
changed the subject momentarily.

I shook my head and answered, "Yes."

He started picking away at it, "Mmm, this is
really good," he said. "What did you put in the eggs?"

"Salsa," I smiled across at him.

He sipped her coffee and cleared her plate,
"I know you're restless," he began.

"She won't let me out of her sight!" I rolled
my eyes.

"Well, try to see things from her
perspective. She thought you were dead, Emily, that she would never
see you again."

I opened my mouth to speak but couldn't find
any of the right words to say.

"And now you're here and suddenly she has a
daughter again! You can't imagine what that means to her, to all of
us. We've missed you Emily. You may not remember us but we remember
you! We love you and we've missed you. I know it's hard for you to
imagine under the circumstances and that you can't see how much
you've changed but we do. All we want is a chance to get to know
you again. How can we do that if you push yourself away, if you
take yourself away?"

"I'm not ready. I can't just open up like
that and love you all again! I don't even know you!"

"I understand, sweetie. It's going to take
some time and we might never get there after all you've been
through..."

"How do you know what I've been through?!" I
felt angry tears spring into my eyes.

"I'm only guessing. Please don't be upset,"
he looked terribly disappointed with the turn the conversation had
taken. "I'll talk to your mother. We'll make some adjustments but
in the meantime..."

"I'm sorry," I whispered my heart was
suddenly full of regret after hearing the tone in his voice. "I'll
try. I promise, I'll try."

My dad smiled weakly and hoisted himself from
the chair, "Do you happen to know how to make pancakes?"

It was the last thing I expected him to say,
"Yes," I grinned back, "I do!"

A few days later I found myself in the
driveway saying goodbye to Evan. I was really going to miss him. Of
the three he had been the least intrusive and the most willing to
accept that it was very unlikely that I would ever remember him
other than from the present on. He told me all about himself, his
friends, and the things he loved and hated. Maybe it was because he
was young and still used to meeting new people that he was so
willing to let us take our time getting to know one another.

Not only would I miss him for that but my
mother insisted that someone go with me wherever I went and losing
him for a companion would mean my choices would be limited to
either her or my father.

Soon after Evan went back to school my dad's
leave was up and he needed to go back to work. My mother had been
working, too, but after using up all her leave and vacation time
rather than going back she quit. I didn't mind at first but it
quickly grew rather frustrating. I hated asking her to take me
places but there was so little to do at home. She couldn't seem to
accept the fact that I really needed some alone time too, which was
virtually impossible once she didn't have my father and Evan to
distract her from me.

Though I didn't know it, I certainly felt
that I had always been a busy, active person and now that I was
without any means of occupation I became restlessness and
irritable.

I started thinking about joining a gym or
taking a spinning class or going running. Unfortunately, my mom was
not very receptive to any of those ideas. Though she wasn't out of
shape she was far from an athlete and found excuses for us not to
take up any of my proposed activities. I took out my frustration at
her denial by avoiding her which led to spending nearly all my time
bottled up in my room.

My dad would ease some of the tension that
ensued when he came home but the temporary truce would end as soon
as he left again in the morning. I'm sure my parents talked about
it but I kept to myself and instead of trying to come up with a
compromise I started looking at apartment and job listings. It
seemed like the only alternative to me.

Several days and a number of slammed doors
later I decided to tell my mother what I had decided. I made lunch
for each of us and just as we were sitting down my father came
home. He rang the bell rather than letting himself in and since we
weren’t expecting anyone we both went to answer it.

"Surprise!" he beamed when my mom opened the
door.

I thought the surprise was him, that he had
simply come home for the day but when I stepped around my mom, who
apparently was too shocked to speak, something caught my eye.

I sucked in my breath, "Oh, my!" I exclaimed.
Sitting at his side was the largest dog I had ever seen. "What's
this?" my eyes lit up and I tentatively stepped forward and held my
hand out.

"This is Ares. Ares, this is Emily."

"And what are you doing with him?"

"Well, he's a rescue dog and I thought we,
well, you...you could adopt him."

I looked up at my dad in disbelief as I
scratched Ares' head and he gratefully leaned into me.

My father was looking earnestly at us both
waiting for some kind of response. Neither my mother nor I quite
knew what to say. I could tell she was completely against the idea
but I was just overwhelmed by it.

"A dog..." I whispered and suddenly my mind
went racing through the possibilities. I pictured myself strolling
through the neighborhood and jogging on the greenways, staying home
alone while my mom went grocery shopping. I knew exactly why my dad
had decided to get a dog, get me a dog and why such a monstrous
one. Without pausing my petting I eagerly agreed to the suggestion,
"I would love to adopt him!"

"Well, that's a relief because I already
signed all the papers and made a hefty donation to the
shelter!"

"You what?!" my mother finally found her
voice.

"It's too late to turn back now," my dad
chuckled awkwardly.

"Why didn't you tell me about this? Surely we
could have talked about this first and made a decision
together."

"Look..." my father started to explain.

"I am looking and what I'm seeing is just too
much!"

"Ugh!" my dad buried his face in his hands.
"Emily, why don't you take Ares for a walk?"

He handed me the leash and without hesitation
we were off. I stole a glance over my shoulder as we wandered away
and saw my father leading my mom back into the house. I felt guilty
about the situation but the more I thought about it the more I
realized that my dad must have known how close they were to losing
me again. He had probably come up with the idea of getting a dog
hoping it would keep me with them a little longer.

Ares must have been like a dream come true to
him. Any average dog and I might have still gone through with my
plans to move out. A, "wolfhound? Is that what you are?" I asked
out loud and Ares happily wagged his tail as if to say yes. I
doubted very much that any landlord in their right mind would allow
a tenant to keep such a large pet. And even if they would in my
heart I knew Ares was much too big for an apartment and I couldn't
possibly bring myself to be cruel enough to confine him to one.

We walked for about an hour or so before we
finally found our way back home. When we got there things seemed
dramatically different than when we left. I could tell that my mom
had been crying but she hid it well and made a very pointed effort
of trying to make Ares feel welcome. He was such a good dog as far
as I could tell and readily accepted my mother's attempt to
befriend him.

From there Ares seemed to naturally fit
himself into our lives and before long it felt like he had always
been with us and a part of our family. I couldn't imagine why
anyone would ever have given him up, he was so happy and
affectionate and eager to please.

I couldn't wait to show him to Evan when he
finished up his second semester and came home. We talked on the
phone from time to time, so he was well aware of our new domestic
arrangement but still quite shocked once they finally met.

"Ares, huh? The God of War." Then he laughed,
"Hey, you could flip that around and he would be the Dog of War,
get it?"

"Yeah," I said with a touch of sarcasm,
"yeah, I get it. Is that the best you could come up with?" I
teased.

"I've been forced to think for 2 semesters
now, I deserve a little break!"

"If you say so! It's good to have you home,
thinking or not."

I gave him a hearty hug and helped him bring
his things up to his room. By then we were functioning much more
like a family unit and it wasn't nearly as hard as it had been at
first to imagine the three of them as my closest relations. We
laughed and smiled throughout dinner, watched TV and talked about
all the little things that had happened since the last time we were
all together.

Ares started to feel neglected by the end of
the evening and despite that I had asked him more than once to lay
down he repeatedly got up and interrupted whatever I was doing by
prodding me with his nose. I got a little sharp with him but Evan
quickly came to his defense.