Hanging on (Jessica Brodie Diaries #2) (13 page)

He paused long enough for us to each unceremoniously strip our clothes and get into the tub. He poured the Scotch and floated in beside me, putting an arm around my shoulders.

“They are an extremely loyal breed and incredibly smart and trainable. However, you need to be firm on discipline and a commanding leader to earn their respect. A soft hand with a Dobie and the dog will walk all over you. Once you are their top dog, though, the alpha, they will lay down in traffic to see you safe.”

It occurred to me William was just talking to fill the silence, and it soothed me to hear his voice.

“A lot of people think they are mean and evil. And I supposed they would be to someone that is trying to do their master or family harm, but these dogs are playful big dopes most of the time. Great family dogs if the owner is responsible and knows the traits of the dog. Like any working dog, obviously.”

“What do you mean ‘working’ dog?”

“Oh, well dogs are bred for certain things. Labs are bread to retrieve ducks. Blue Healers to herd cattle. Doberman Pinchers are for protection, mostly. They were thought to’ve been bred originally by a tax collector in Germany for protection and companionship. So you always have to be careful with a dog that is bread to protect. That is why I let the dogs sniff you earlier. You being with me means your scent is a friend. To them, you are family. They will protect you like their pack.

“They’re majestic, though.” William started to get that faraway look he got when he was talking about the intellectual side of his pursuits. “If you get past the image they have in movies, they are extremely graceful dogs with an incredible overall agility. They love to wrestle, they fetch, they swim, they like to chew toys and carry stuffed animals around; they can be as peaceful and playful as a lab to their family, but when you are threatened they have more bite than bark.”

“But...isn’t that dangerous?” I asked, loving to be the devil’s advocate when he got going on his projects. I was pleased to talk about something that didn’t matter. Focus on something trivial. William was, too.

“It is definitely dangerous to robbers or criminals, and people that don’t treat them and train them properly. But if you teach the dog to be more social and less aggressive when they are young, then they remain only dangerous to those breaking into your house, or attacking you.

“My dogs have been trained to guard the ranch. We have a lot of expensive animals and equipment on this property; a Doberman can cover a lot of ground. Six Doberman, which is how many I have, can cover everything on the ranch of importance, and make it their priority. They will attack, but they will not kill unless one of my family’s lives are in danger. I was taught by a specialized trainer, working with the dogs, on how to control them, commands to initiate or stop—basically how to properly control them and make sure I was responsible enough for that kind of training for a protective dog. It was intensive. It wasn’t undergone lightly.”

“They can kill people?”

“All dogs can kill people. Mine are trained like a military dog. Which these dogs were used for in World War Two. You’ll see, though. They will be your best buddy in the world. They just want to hang out with their master and do whatever we do. They are really elegant dogs.”

We sat in silence for a while. Then, because I worried, in a small voice I asked, “William?”

“Yeah?”

“Will Dusty get out again? Do I have to worry about him or his friends coming after me again?” Tears filled my eyes at the thought.

William reflexively tightened his grip on me. “Scotty will see to it that he or his friends don’t get bail. I am not sure about anyone else, though. They’ll probably question Dusty about that probability, but I don’t know, Jess.” He sounded so sad and forlorn. “I won’t let anything happen to you. Okay? I won’t let it.”

I nodded mutely, the tears overflowing my eyes. I just leant my head on his shoulder and let the tears come. We sat that way long enough for our hands and toes to prune, our drinks largely untouched. We listened to the sounds of the night on a farm, which was amazingly peaceful; horses off in the distance
whinny
, cows
moo
, and an overall quiet settle on the night. It calmed my mind and let my thoughts get drowsy.

When I started to fall asleep I felt William put our drinks away, stand, and take me in his arms. I let him lift me out, climb out himself, and lift me again to carry me to the bedroom. It would have been sweet and romantic any other time, but now it seemed like I was folded in my blanket once again. I breathed deeply and closed my eyes, letting him take me where he may.

We were both naked as we went through the house, dripping on the floor. I could hear a dog padding after us, but paid no attention as we stopped in the center of the room. William set me down gently and dried me off, no concern for himself. Next he got a bottle of lotion off the dresser.

“Did you steal that from my house?” I asked in a daze, seeing the familiar label.

“I wanted your things stocked here so you wouldn’t run,” he said, trying for light and playful, and unable. The same held true for the smile I conjured.

My eyes started to overflow with his tenderness. Also with the fact that he was thoughtful enough to get all my hair and body products, and bring them here so I would be more comfortable. He wanted me around often enough to make it seem more like home.

My chest constricting, I reached up to kiss him, needing his comfort. His body. But he backed off quickly. He wasn’t ready. He was trying to stay strong for me, to be the man society said he should be, but he needed his own safety blanket. He needed a way to assure himself that he could take care of me when there were so many ways to make that impossible. So many things that could go wrong. So many unknowns. I was not sure how these little gestures of brushing my hair, carrying me through the house, putting on lotion would help, but somehow they were, so I let him do whatever he needed.

He put lotion on my body, not going over my woman parts in any way differently than my arms. When he was satisfied I was smooth, he kissed the top of my head and asked that I wait there for him, he wasn’t going far. The dog, the largest in the pack, moved to follow its master, and was commanded to stay with me. Without one second of indecision, the dog padded back over, next to my legs, and sat down.

William came back carrying a large dog blanket. He still had not a stitch on him and I could see the play of his muscles under his tanned skin, his powerful body bending and twisting as he put the dog bed on the floor on my side of the room.

William’s eyes hit mine, finished with chores and unsure what to do next. He stood strong, but his walls were crumbling. He was losing the fight to stay strong. It was my turn to protect.

I crossed the room with quick, light steps, reaching up to rest a hand on his cheek.

“William,” I said, “you did everything in your power, more than most men would, and you kept me safe. You saved me.”

He shook his head as a stray tear leaked from his eye.

“There was nothing you could have done differently,” I went on. “You did everything right. Without you I would have—”

“No.” He squeezed his eyes shut, pain lancing his face. “Don’t.”

After a moment to collect himself, his eyes drifted open and he looked deeply into mine. Into
me.
It was an unnerving feeling. It was like he stripped away all my defenses and looked into the private areas where I stashed my secrets. The days of hiding things from him were over.

“You would have let him kill you, wouldn’t you?” he asked in a strained voice.

I nodded. It wasn’t rational, and now seemed extreme, but that was exactly what I had been thinking.

He continued to stare into my eyes. “You wanted to send me away so you could basically commit suicide.” It wasn’t a question.

“I wanted to send you away to save your life.”

William clutched my arms, his control wobbling, the pain he was feeling visible on his face.

Across the room, the dog stood.

“I nearly came apart when you tried to leave the state,” William said in a low tone, his eyes overflowing. He wasn’t trying to hide his emotion from me. We were past that. “Do you know that? When you tried to leave me, safe and in one piece, I panicked. How could you think I could live if you died? Died because I couldn’t protect you? Do you think me a monster? That I could walk away from you at all, let alone like that? Walk away from the woman that I love?”

My heart raced. He clutched my arms hard and shook a little. The dog moved closer, sounding a soft growl.

“William, how could you've lived with me if Dusty had...? You would’ve been revolted by me.”

I didn’t even realize I’d been thinking it until it came out of my mouth. I didn’t realize the intense shame I would have felt, even though none of it was my fault. It crippled me. Made my insides squirm until I wanted to crawl into a corner and die.
That’s
why I’d wanted to fight even at the cost of my own life.
That’s
why I could barely think back on the alternative outcome without feeling dirty. Unclean.

I needed to call Dr. George tomorrow.

“How could I live with you?” William whispered, incredulous. “What do you mean? You
must
think I’m a monster.” There was such pain in those words. Pain to match my fear and shame. “How could I live with
myself,
you must mean. How could I live with my inability to keep you safe? When you were with me the whole time. How could you possibly think it’s
you?
” He shook me a little harder, his anger at himself letting the control of his strength slip.

Before I could talk him down, the dog reacted. It barked three times, then threw its body at the gap between us. The night erupted around us, dogs barking and scratching at the glass door. The large dog between us, battering William backwards, reaching its paws to William’s chest, growling in his face. Snapping once, a warning.

I nearly peed myself, William completely forgotten.

William stepped backward, blinking, staring into brown dog eyes instead of mine. His hands let go slowly, so as not to drag me along, as the dog pushed him back another step.

“Down,” he commanded softly, his voice weak, his body spent. The dog complied immediately, but didn’t sit down, still alert.

Although, those dogs always looked alert, so who knew.

The chorus outside died down to a few whines, now that the dog inside was calm. It must be the leader. The assistant to the top dog, the head of the pack being William. Me being just another bitch.

I was too sad to chuckle.

“Jessica.” William stepped forward and crushed me to his chest, digging his face into my neck. “It would never be you that I would shy away from. Not ever. Do you hear me?
Not ever!
Not for anything.” He held me tighter and took a deep, raged breath.

He loosened up enough to put his face inches from mine and look into my eyes. “I love you, Jessica. I think I always have. I am positive I always will.”

He didn’t wait for a response. He kissed me deeply and thoroughly, our bodies pushed together. I could feel his taught muscles against me, his growing manhood against my stomach.

I felt light. Weightless. But I felt grounded at the same time. I felt like I had taken a serum that heightened my senses, but nothing stood out more than before. Except William. To William I was affected. His smell. His presence. His closeness. His breathing, which was quicker than normal right now. I noticed every rise and fall of his chest, every play of his muscles as he stroked and touched me. His heart beating through his sturdy chest. His stubble against my face. The way he let his emotions for me overflow into a world of their own. A deep river that connected us at its origin and flowed across time and space to merge with a deeper body, a more expansive oasis.

“Easy cowboy.” My sultry voice was soft and sweet. It conveyed all the things that I was feeling right now. “Let’s make it to the bed, first.” I let my words be playful, but the rapid surge of need filled me.

He shook his head slightly to ward off butterflies and let out another raged breath. A sudden insight led me to realize that neither of us had been down this path before. We were walking unprotected on an uncharted plain into a place where each of us could be ground into nothing if the other so chose. We were opening ourselves to each other as we had to no other. As we rarely had even to ourselves. The events of the night transpired into a level of trust I shared with no other.

He ran his hand up my body. He bent me over backward gently and kissed each nipple. He flicked his tongue along my areola and sucked. I let out a moan. He softly bit and sucked harder, slipping his hand between my legs into my warm, wet slit. He worked his fingers on my pleasure button as heat coursed through my body.

Chapter Eight

“I love you Jessica. I want you so badly. I want you as my own.”

He backed me to the bed and laid me down. He stood above me with his large cock jutting out. He opened my legs and kneeled down, lightly licking and tasting my inner thighs. He slowly, ever so slowly, moved up my leg, giving me Goosebumps.

Finally he reached my sex, licking lightly, then softly blew to enhance anticipation. I opened my legs wider, begging with my body. He opened my slit and took a long taste, his lips and tongue exploring. Two fingers worked inside me, messaging upward, hitting exactly where I needed him, his hot mouth teasing my clitoris.

I lost all thought. The rising increasingly mounting, his sucking, tasting, rubbing and touching going faster, harder. I moaned and arched, positioning myself to enjoy the experience fully. At last the tidal wave of satisfaction broke over me and I cried out a final time, my body shuddering.

He climbed up onto me, inserting himself, his need obvious. His large manhood thrust deeply, hitting all the right places, and the dance began. He took it slow. Almost too slow. I begged and pleaded for him to go faster, scratching his back and biting his neck, but he wouldn’t relent. He kissed and rocked, telling me sensual nothings with a smile, heightening the sensation.