Harlequin Historical May 2014 - Bundle 1 of 2: Notorious in the West\Yield to the Highlander\Return of the Viking Warrior (55 page)

She tapped her foot on the ground. ‘It doesn't look old to me.'

‘I strained it a bit during the climb. We rode a great deal without stopping. My muscles always seize up. The walk ought to ease it. Movement seems to help. Always.'

‘This has happened before?'

‘Enough times. I injured the leg many years ago. It is when I sit in one position for a long time that it locks and aches, Loki take it.'

‘Have you seen a healer about it?'

‘What can a healer do?'

Her brows puckered delightfully. ‘There are things...'

‘Maybe my favourite healer wasn't around.' He leant forward. ‘You can have a look later.'

‘You are being impossible, Ash. But I will hold you to it. I want to see that leg.'

Ash absently rubbed it. ‘Some time. Not now.'

She cocked her head towards Rurik. ‘Your son wants to show you Jaarlshiem.'

‘You don't mind?'

‘He has waited a long time to meet you. Now go. I have other things to do.' Her full lips curved upwards. ‘And I do promise to rest, once I have satisfied myself that everything is how it should be.'

‘I expect you to rest whether everything is to your satisfaction or not.'

Ash shook his head. He had done something right for a change. He was going to figure out a way to get Kara back into his bed and into the marriage. It would be like he had never left. It would be as he had planned back in Viken—his wife and his family waiting for him. He could have everything.

‘Come, Far.' Rurik slipped his hand into Ash's. ‘You need to see what Mor and I have done to your estate.'

Ash's fingers tightened around the slender hand. Far. He had never expected to be called that ever. Not truly. Silently he vowed to be more worthy of that name than his father had been. He would ensure Rurik grew up with the proper guidance, rather than being continually challenged to prove his worth.

He looked over to where Kara stood discussing something with one of her women. A gentle breeze caused a strand of hair to work itself free. With her slender fingers, she captured it and put it firmly back into place. The very picture of the perfect mother and homemaker.

He owed her so much. She had made his estate prosper, but more importantly she'd given him a son. Words were inadequate. He knew that she only had to ask and he'd do his best to get anything for her.

Anything.

Ash checked his words, swallowing them. Rash statements had led to his current predicament. The one thing she was likely to ask for was the only thing he refused to do—allow her to go. This time he would take his time.

It came to him. This was not about getting her into his bed as he'd thought back in Sand, but having her in his life. He wanted her as his wife and the mother of his children, not some mythical person, but Kara. He wanted to share his life with her. And it scared him more than when he had lain amongst the corpses. To allow someone to have that sort of power over him.

Why was it that he only appreciated things when he had lost them?

Patience. It had served him well when he'd looked to regain his honour. He had to wait when every instinct in his body told him to act. He couldn't. His entire future was at stake and he knew he wanted this far more than anything else.

‘Help me to make the right choice, Kara,' he whispered. ‘Before either of us does something irrevocable.'

Chapter Nine

T
he shouting alerted Kara that something dreadful was wrong. She had just finished inspecting the kitchens and was about to go to the bath house. Anything to avoid checking up on Ash and Rurik. She owed him that much for saving her boy. What could go wrong with a simple tour? But now she could hear his voice shouting across the yard.

She picked up her skirts and ran to the graveyard where she was certain the noise had come from. Rurik stood alone outside the family crypt, weeping.

Kara wrapped her arms about her son. ‘Is something wrong? Where is Ash? Where is your father?'

‘My father...' Rurik gave a convulsive shudder and broke into fresh sobs. ‘I only wanted to show him where his gravestone was and he started shouting at me. Make him go away. I don't want him here. Far-far said that he was always disappointed in him and that I had to be a better warrior because of it.'

‘When did he say that?'

Rurik scrubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. ‘Once when we were out here.'

‘Did you say something to your father?'

‘He didn't want to see the gravestone Far-far had carved for him! Then he shouted at me because I told him he had to.'

‘Go and see Thora. I was just in the kitchen and she might have a treat for you.' Kara motioned towards the kitchen. She had to hope that Ash hadn't heard Rurik's words. She knew how much Ash wanted his father to be proud of him.

Rurik's eyes grew big and the crying instantly stopped. ‘I like treats.'

He raced off. Kara heaved a sigh as no one else appeared. What she had to say to Ash would be said in private. But she renewed her determination that she would keep Rurik safe.

She went into the graveyard and saw Ash, sitting on the ground with his head in his hands.

‘Ash? Why did you shout at Rurik?'

Ash lifted his head. ‘The boy wanted me to go into the graveyard. He said my father would be ashamed of me. I told him that I couldn't care less what my father thought.'

‘Rurik hates being shouted at.'

‘I wasn't shouting at him precisely, but I don't want to see my gravestone. Not today. And I don't care what my father would have wanted! Or how he feels about me! Why break the habit of a lifetime?'

Kara put her hand on her hip. This had all the signs of a disaster. Rurik and his grandfather used to love going to visit Ash's gravestone. Rurik had probably been very excited to show his father and then Ash had ruined it. ‘This could have been avoided.'

‘How?'

‘You yelled at Rurik because you were far too stubborn to let me look at your leg earlier. What sort of man shouts at a six-year-old because of what a dead man might think?'

‘He needs to accept that men shout or otherwise he will be no good on the battlefield.'

‘Will you allow me to see the leg? Now?' Kara knelt beside him. ‘If you had done so earlier, maybe you wouldn't have such pain. Rurik has been through enough today without this. You were his new hero. You destroyed him.'

‘Forget it, Kara!' Ash made a cutting motion. ‘Obviously there is nothing I can do which is right in your eyes, so just forget it. What is the point of explaining? And I told you before I know how to deal with my injury. I've learnt how. It wasn't the pain in my leg. I don't know if I can do this.'

‘Why did you bother to come back, Ash? Why won't you accept any help?'

‘Just go!'

‘I will go, but maybe you should think about why you came back at all.'

Ash dropped his head on his knees, rather than watch her walk away. The sheer pain in his leg was excruciating, but it was nothing compared to the searing pain in his heart. And there was nothing anyone, not even a skilled healer like Kara, could do to ease that pain.

He had frightened his son. Rather than being a hero, he had behaved like the snivelling weakling his father always used to say he was. And he knew he couldn't play at being a hero any more. He couldn't be the man he wanted to be for Kara and that hurt worse than the pain in his leg.

Ash pressed his hands to his eyes. He might not be able to be the sort of man his father wanted him to be or even the hero of Kara's girlish dreams, but he could be a father to Rurik. He could be the sort of father he'd wanted as a child, the proper sort who taught his child skills, rather than shouting at them. And he wasn't prepared to walk away from Kara. Not yet, not until he'd tasted her lips.

‘Go? I have just begun to fight, Kara, but this time, I am fighting for you on my terms, not my father's.' Ash wiped his hands on his trousers. ‘And the place to start is looking at my grave.'

* * *

Coward, she was being the worst sort of coward. Avoiding Ash. Finding little jobs to do so that she wouldn't have to confront him about his behaviour at the graveyard.

She wanted him to like it, but was certain he'd object to various things, when it shouldn't matter. His opinion should make no difference. She refused to go back to being the girl whose entire well-being hinged on whether or not Ash smiled. She was proud of her accomplishments and she wanted him to think her a good mother, but after Rurik's little escapade, he must think her awful.

Kara pressed her hands against the low table where the wool skeins were spread, ready for her inspection, and willed the doubts to be gone.

Her women had been busy while she was away. She couldn't fault them, especially Gudrun. She could always tell Gudrun's skeins because of the way she wrapped the thread. No one else managed that little twist at the end. Gudrun had done all that she'd said. Kara was impressed by how much she had managed to do. Unfortunately Gudrun's efficiency meant that, after she'd finished the inspection, she would have run out of excuses. She would have to return to the hall and face Ash.

‘What would you do? Would you go to the stables and see if the horses were bedded in properly or go to the great hall?' she asked Dain, who gave a soft woof in response.

‘My thoughts exactly. The stables next and then the great hall.' Kara bent down and stroked his silky fur. It helped to be back amongst her animals. They never judged her. It was so much easier than dealing with people. Over the past few years with Hring's illness, she had not been able to escape as often as she might have liked, but she jealously guarded the time she had with her animals, allowing them to have free run of the house.

What could she say to Ash after he had saved Rurik, and then frightened the boy with his shouting over nothing? She'd lost her temper, but it didn't change things. Ash was going to be precisely the wrong sort of father for Rurik.

‘Here I find you.' Ash's low voice flowed over her. ‘I never thought wool would take precedence over guests.'

Kara dropped one of the skeins and sent several spinning whorls flying. Dain gave a sharp bark and disappeared out of the room. She hurriedly bent down to pick everything up, concentrating on that, rather than on Ash's solid figure in the doorway.

‘Hardly guests. This is your home, where you grew up. Were you expecting a ceremony?'

‘My welcome was eventful enough, but I wanted to know why you have gone into hiding. I wanted to let you know I looked at my grave and my father's. Thank you for the runes on both stones.'

‘I thought you might want some time alone.'

‘It was harder than I thought to go to that graveyard.'

Kara resisted the urge to smooth the creases from his forehead. His father's death was hard for him. For her, she'd seen the relief in Hring's eyes when he had died after years of struggle. Ash only remembered his father in good health.

‘Your father would have appreciated it.'

‘Rurik said—'

She put her hand up. ‘Hush, Rurik is a child. Your father did appreciate you. It was why Rurik wanted to show you the gravestone.'

‘I wish I believed that.' He captured one of the whorls and dropped it on the table. ‘At the
tuntreet,
I felt more at peace than at the graveyard. But even after you had gone, it took me an age to work up the courage to look at the runes. I'm glad I did. The words were simple, but my father did put the stone up. And the pain in my leg has eased. I know what to do with it. It knots up sometimes.'

Close up, Kara saw the water droplets clinging to his hair. His clean masculine scent teased her nostrils, replacing the stench of wool and dye. She was absurdly glad that she had changed into a deep-blue gown, with a lighter blue for the apron dress over the top. Something to bring out her eyes and make her skin look less sallow. She tried to squash the feeling. Looking for Ash's approval was the way towards madness. She knew what had happened before. She couldn't risk her heart being broken again. It had taken far too long to heal last time.

Ash needed to show that he was here to stay and shoulder responsibility.

‘I had it put up. It seemed the right thing to do. Hring agreed when he regained some measure of speech,' she said into the silence.

Ash nodded. ‘Thank you, then. You have done more than I thought possible. Without you this estate wouldn't exist.'

‘The welcome feast is well in hand for tomorrow night.' She placed the skein on the table with a trembling hand. He did appreciate what she had done. ‘There will be plenty to eat and a skald to sing. He knows the latest sagas, or so Thora assures me.'

He raised his brow, acknowledging the change of subject. ‘You didn't wait to bathe with me.'

She hated the way the words brought old memories to the surface. Of Ash and her sharing a bath and then cooling off in the lake. She wrenched her mind from that memory, replaced it with the memory of Hring's revelation about Ash's intentions and his other women. Her breathing steadied.

‘The opportunity presented itself and so I took it. You wouldn't believe how much has to be done. Goodness knows when I will be finished tonight. It is always the same whenever I'm away.'

She picked up a skein and pretended to count, waiting for him to make his excuses and leave.

‘You haven't even asked me what I think of your stewardship.' He captured the skein from her nerveless fingers. ‘I thought you'd be curious.'

‘There were a lot of people who wanted to speak with you and welcome you. I knew you would find me when you had the time to spare.' The excuse sounded feeble to Kara's ears, but it was the best she had.

‘You excelled. Rurik said that it was all you, not Valdar. And I am inclined to agree. I owe you a debt I can never repay.'

Kara pretended to straighten the pleats of her apron dress. ‘Thank you, thank you very much.'

‘We need to discuss Rurik's training. It is a way I can help take the burden off you. What skills does he have?'

‘His training doesn't have to begin right away.' Kara concentrated on the wool, trying not to think about Ash's broken arm or the other injuries he had suffered during his training. ‘Allow him time to get used to you. At the graveyard, he said—'

‘His training begins in the morning. You have kept him as a baby for far too long.'

Kara stared at Ash, open mouthed. After turning her son into a quivering jumble of nerves, he wanted her to entrust the same child to him. ‘And you know how to train a young boy?'

‘I was one.'

She knew his father's methods and what they had done to Ash. The trials Hring had put Ash through made her blood run cold. Like being left alone in the woods at night, being forced to fight with an injured arm and being beaten for failing to win. No son of hers would face that sort of trial. Ever. It would utterly destroy Rurik and his fragile confidence. He wasn't that strong.

Somehow Ash had to be made to understand why Rurik had to be kept safe, instead of filling his head with nonsense about things he'd teach him and expecting him to excel. Rurik would start to love him and then he'd be let down. Badly.

A little voice warned her that she was doing Ash an injustice. Just because he'd done it to her, he might be different with their son. She silenced it. She wanted to be logical and calm, rather than making decisions based on emotion. Ash training Rurik would be wrong. She knew that in her bones. There was far too much potential for hurt—physically and emotionally—for Rurik.

‘I wouldn't want to presume on your time. You need to get your men settled before you start thinking about training. We can discuss it when you have time to spare.'

‘When I have time to spare?' A hurt expression flitted across Ash's face. He picked up the whorl and tossed it in the air, expertly catching it several times before placing it down again. ‘Was I truly that selfish when we first married? You should have kissed me until I noticed.'

‘You were always busy. Things needed doing. You were preparing for the trip of a lifetime.' Even seven years later, the excuse still sprang readily to her lips. She ducked her head, hating her lapse.

She had made so many excuses for his behaviour when, in truth, he simply had not cared. She had not been important to him. It had taken her a long time to accept that fact, but eventually she had no choice.

‘Preparation is fine, but it is the sea which decides how your passage is. Neglecting her moods can lead to disaster.'

‘You weren't to know.'

‘It sounds like you are too ready to excuse my younger self.' He tilted his head to one side. ‘I was very selfish and spoilt and utterly unfair to you. But know this, Kara—the one good thing I did was to marry you. A man could not ask for a better custodian of this estate and our son in his absence. I want you to continue to look after the estate like you did for my father. I haven't done much farming for the last few years.'

Kara dipped her head. Custodian. The word slammed into her. Ash didn't want the responsibility. ‘I want someone who will help run the estate. It is one of the reasons I was marrying Valdar.'

Ash stood silently for a long time, digesting Kara's words. Each word was another nail in his heart. He'd made many mistakes, but the one good thing he had done was to marry her. His tour around the estate convinced him of that. He had thought she'd be pleased that he wanted her to continue. He could farm. The responsibility of an estate didn't frighten him. He'd always known that he'd have to.