Hate Me Today (Save Me #3) (16 page)

Jason

I toss Vanessa her pants, or maybe I shove them in her face, who knows. I can’t think. My chest is constricting to the point that I can’t breathe and I need a fucking drink. Right. Fucking. Now.

Confusion swirls in Vanessa’s eyes. “What the hell is wrong with you? What happened in the last ten seconds?”

I’d ask myself the same thing right now if I was her. One second we’re having one hell of a night and the next she has to go and fuck it up by telling me she loves me. She can’t love me. She deserves better than I’ll ever be.

“You need to leave. You need to go back to my house, get your shit and leave.”

Tears brim her eyes and I feel like an asshole but I know I’m going to feel worse when we’re done here. I’m doing this for her, making her leave will make her happy down the road. Even if she can’t see it right now.

“What are you talking about? I thought
-”

“Don’t think, Princess. Just fucking do what I tell you too like the good little bitch you are.”

My face stings as she slaps me but it’s nothing compared to the crushing feeling in my chest. Every good thing in my life right now is centered around Vanessa but I know down the road, this will be better for her.

She pulls her pants on, covering her gorgeous body and folds her arms over her chest but doesn’t move other than that. I know I’m going to have to say something to make her hate me, to make her want to leave.

“The night we got together, not the first time when I fucked you in the shower because you were a pushy, whiney bitch, but the next time… I only fucked you again to prove that I could. To prove that you were easy and I could get in your pants if I wanted. Every time since then was to prove to myself that I could do whatever I wanted to you. I just kept it going to see how long it would take me to get bored. Guess I’m officially bored.”

I have to stop talking for a second, afraid if I don’t remind myself why I’m doing it, I’ll just tell her I was kidding and go another round with her. She needs to realize that I’m not worth her loving me and if it means I have to make her hate me than that’s how I’ll do it.

“I don’t do relationships, Princess. You should know that. But you we’re a good fuck while it lasted.” I start back down the hill to where everyone is and I know they will probably kick my ass when they find out what I just did. “I’ll give you forty minutes to get your shit and go before I expect you gone. This last fuck used the last of my energy and I’d really like to get a good night's sleep without you clinging to me.”

I have to give it to the girl, the tears may have been there but she never let
s them fall until I turn away. I hear her sob behind me right before I hear the gravel crunch under her feet as she walks away.

Everyone stares blankly at me when I get back to the fire. They heard, there was no way for them not to hear all the noise we were making. I drop into my chair, dropping my head into my hands.

“What the fuck was that?” Abby is the first to speak, cutting me deep with the tone of her voice. “You two have a fucking video shoot in two days and have to record this month and the crossover set. What the hell were you thinking?”

Shit. How fucking stupid can I get?

I scrub my hands across my face before chucking my water bottle into the flames.

“Fuck this shit. None of you guys would understand, so just fuck off
all right?”

Abby stands as fast as she can, making her way over to me and bends over me, bracing herself on the arms of my chair.

“I might be pregnant but I will still kick your ass. The hormones will turn me into pregnabitch before you can even blink so I suggest you watch your damn tone and figure out how the hell you’re going to make your career work now that you just broke both of your hearts.”

“Back off preggosaurus, I was just putting shit back where it needs to be. She just happened to need to be somewhere other than my bed.” I try throwing out some shit words, making myself sound like I’m fine but in reality I’m fucking dying thinking about what I just did. Her cries echo through my head from when she walked away, driving me crazy.

I slide down in my chair when Abby backs off and fold my hands behind my head, avoiding talking about the elephant in the woods while I wait for my time limit to be up. I have to force myself to stay in the chair even after everyone else leaves. The pity looks from everyone as they leave make me want to lash out but I know they didn’t do anything wrong. It’s my fault she’s gone. My fault she’s crying and my fucking fault that she won’t be in my bed when I get back to the house. I’ll have to keep my mouth shut if I see her with guys. Guys that will see her perfect body.

A perfect body that could be mine forever if I was worth it.

Vanessa

Sweatpants. I walked outside in sweatpants. Yup, I’ve officially lost my shit. I’ve never left home without being put together.

Home… who the fuck am I kidding
? My home isn’t in Jason’s arms anymore where I thought it was. It’s a room at the Union Station hotel. You’d think I’d be used to hotels and random beds since I’m in them most of the year, but right now the beds seem more cold and lonely than usual.

I throw my hair into a knot on top of my head and slide my sunglasses into place before stepping out into the crowd that has formed around my car since I parked. Somehow the location of the video shoot got leaked. I’m swarmed and people are screaming my name. News of Jason and I breaking up hit the press a few days ago so I’m bombarded by ridiculous questions about that.

I ignore them, trying to push my way through but it isn’t until Tyrone steps through the crowd and wraps his arm around my shoulder that I get anywhere. I stop along the way, signing autographs for a few people before I’m hauled inside and thrust into hair and makeup.

I have no idea what the treatment for the video is so I just sit back and let them do whatever they’re going to do and then follow the director
's instructions.

When I wrote this song I never expected it to catch on. It was just a song I could use on stage to piss Jason off because he knew it was about him. Then things got better between us and I wasn’t singing it to him anymore.

Today though... the only way I’m getting through this video shoot is to think of everything he’s done to piss me off. Every insult, every bad look, and the batch of bullshit he spewed out at me the other night.

I’ve done nothing but cry for the past three days. Poor Mandi has been trying to work me out of this funk, knowing that we were going to have to work together a lot this month even though we aren’t on tour.

I step out of my dressing room after they finally make me presentable and put on my bitch face, knowing Jason is around here somewhere. I’m not going to let him see how much he hurt me. I round the corner onto the set where everyone else is. As soon as Jason sees me, he wraps his arm around the blonde extra next to him. She giggles and flips her hair like the bobble head she looks like. I make it through the entire day without breaking down. The only time I actually ask for a break is to take my meds and then I’m right back at it until we wrap up around eleven. I’m tired, hungry and feel like I’m going to be sick for some reason.

Mandi laughs at something Tyrone says behind me as everything starts getting fuzzy. Leaning forward, I brace my hand against the wall by the elevator and press my forehead against the wall next to my hand, trying everything I can to make it stop. Mandi’s voice fades in and out. I try to focus on what she’s saying but I can’t and before I know it, everything goes black.

Jason

I watch it happen but still can’t believe it. Vanessa sways, her head pressed against the wall. Mandi rubs her hand across her back as she talks to Vanessa but her voice is too low for me to hear.

I just figure she’s finally letting out the tears she’s been holding back all day behind her tough exterior. I saw them in her eyes. The only time she even looked at me though was when the director told her she had to.

That hurt, fucking killed that she wouldn’t even acknowledge that I was next to her. What did I expect though? Could I really expect her to go back to acting the way she used to when I was an asshole to her? Over the past few days the words I said to her have replayed in my head over and over, crushing every happy second that I had with her.

It isn’t until I see Vanessa’s knees buckle and she falls back against Mandi, that I realize it’s something more than just a rough day. The panic around us when it happens is nothing compared to what’s going on in my head. Without thinking I rush over to Vanessa, pushing people out of the way to get to her. Mandi glares at me when I drop to the floor next to her but I ignore her, trying to get Vanessa to wake up. Someone asks if they should call 911 and as much as I want to scream yes, I say no, knowing that if we do the press will know about if before we even reach the hospital.

“I need her phone,” I say to Mandi because I know she has it. Mandi does nothing but continue to glare at me. “Give me her goddamn phone, Mandi!”

She pulls the phone from her back pocket and hands it to me. As fast as I can I scroll through her contacts until I find the one labeled "Dr. Close I.C.E". and press send.

The woman answers and I tell her everything I know before she even asks me what happen
ed. She has me do a couple of things, shit like taking her pulse, which is fine. When she gets all the information she needs she tells me she’ll be where we are in about five minutes.

Five minutes is five minutes too damn long and it passes as slow as it possibly can. When the doctor shows up, I get kicked out of the office I moved Vanessa to. Not until after she woke up though. Dr. Close said Vanessa passed out because she took her medication on an empty stomach and is mildly dehydrated and that she’s extremely upset that Vanessa has not been in for her appointment yet. The only reason I was kicked out was because when Vanessa woke up, she used all her energy to tell me to get the fuck out.

Well, at least my plan to make her hate me is working.

Vanessa

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s hovering. Over the past few years I’ve gotten used to people being around, someone always being near me, but never hovering. Since I passed out the other day that’s all it’s been. Someone watching my every move to make sure I eat and take my meds at the right time and someone is constantly shoving a bottle of water at me.

Needless to say, I want to run away.

Today’s the day we’re supposed to do this crossover concert for the label with Sex On Sunday. As much as I like the guys in the band, it’s just one more time this week that I have to see Jason. One more time I have to fake my way through the day when all I want to do is beg him to tell me he was joking. Or at least to tell me why he would tell me all that shit about him not caring about me and then try to take care of me the other day when I passed out. The look in his eyes when I told him to get out wasn’t the look of someone who didn’t care.

“Good news, bad news.” Mandi pushes her way through the door, stopping right in front of my chair with her arms crossed over chest. “Which first?”

I cock my eyebrow, really not wanting to play this game today. “Just tell me, Mandi.”

“
OK. Bad news is that Sex On Sunday had to cancel. They’re stuck on the other side of the huge storms that are moving through and they aren’t letting anyone through.”

For half a second I feel a little better thinking that since the other band won’t be here, I won’t have to perform. Mandi bursts my bubble right after it forms.

“Good news is you still get to play.” She raises her arms like she’s cheering for me. “That’s good news. You have a lot of people coming to see you play and they’re going to love the show today because they’ve been loving it at the other shows you do.”

The last set of words she says comes out so rushed that I think I hear her wrong but by the look on her face I know I didn’t.

“Joking, please tell me you’re joking,” I cry. I can feel the tears I’ve been pushing back starting to fight me to get out. Mandi shakes her head sadly.

“The label says that it’s done such great things for your tour numbers that instead of canceling today, they’d just do it this way and let Jason pick his songs. The guys are down there working now and they said you have to come down so you know what you’re doing.”

I stand up fast and Mandi takes a few steps back like she’s afraid I’m going to hit her or something. Instead, I veer off and head for the door, anger, hurt and some stupid emotion I can’t put my finger on bubbles just under the surface, waiting to explode.

I can do this, right? I mean I did it at the concerts with him and the fans loved it. It’s all about the fans. Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I will make it through the rest of the night. The whole walk down to the stage I replay everything hateful Jason has ever said to me, trying to remember how I made it through before. I need my take no shit attitude back and when I hear the words
"Only fucked you ‘til I got bored" run through my mind again, I think I found it.

“I figured when you heard the news you would call Abby, begging and crying to cancel.”

Jason’s voice hits me when I round the corner, breaking my heart and pissing me off all at the same time.

“Why would I do a thing like that?” I growl, spinning around on him.

He shrugs. “I just figured after I sent you crying the other night you would have backed out of this so fast my head would have spun. But look at you all feisty and shit. Good for you, Princess. You always were hotter when you fought.”

I step up to him, fighting the urge to throw myself at him because even though he’s saying all this shit, it’s not hitting his eyes like it used to. It’s like he’s having to force it.

“You want to fight? Well this is me fighting… fighting to get away from you. Fighting to forget every single thing that we ever did. This is me fighting to replace you. But don’t worry, one thing I won’t ever have to do is struggle to remember why I should hate you. You did a damn good job reminding me of all those reasons the other night.”

I drag in a shaky breath, determined not to cry or back down. Jason’s face hardens, a sinister smile forced onto his face. He pushes me back, forcing my back against the opposite wall and drags his thumb across my lips. I fight the urge to close my eyes and lean into him, instead I swat his hand away, glaring at him.

“We truce while we’re working… remember?”

“Yeah I remember something about that shit. I think that might have gone out the window with your speech about only fucking me ‘til you got bored the other night. Well now the only time that truce is on, is while we’re on stage. Other than that you can go fuck yourself.”

I tap my hands condescendingly against his chest and push him away, slinking down the hallway before I completely lose it. Stepping up onto the stage I bump fists with Jack and slide onto the stool next to him, waiting for that asshole to come back from wherever he was going when he passed me and go over the set list with the guys.

~*~*~*~

I lower the microphone a tiny bit when I step up to it, push my earpiece into place and wave at the crowd. I listen to them scream and can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. It pushes everything that’s happened away, the fact that I’m probably on the verge of a breakdown isn’t on my mind. The only thing on my mind is making these people happy. I’ll deal with my shit after.

“I know you guys were really excited to see Sex on Sunday play with us today but there’s been a bit of a change. With the storms and tornados rolling through between us, they aren’t allowed through but we have something we hope will make up for it.”

I roll my eyes when Jason drapes his arm over my shoulder, telling the audience that we’re going to be playing back and forth like we do when we’re on tour. They love it, they always do. We roll through a few of our songs before we start into the back and forth with covers. As much as I hate to admit it, I actually do like this part. Not because it’s with Jason but because I get to do covers of amazing songs.

OK
… maybe some of it has to do with the fact that I’m doing it with Jason.

Jason starts us out with
"Casual Sex" by My Darkest Days. He totally rocks out while he’s singing and the audience loves it; unfortunately, I love it too. I have to do something to try and piss him off as much as he has me.

Devon
counts us in for "Operate" by Three Days Grace. The subtle way Jason bites the inside of his lip is something most people would miss but I pick up on it and it lets me know I’m getting to him. Even if it’s just a little.

Seamlessly
, Jason growls out the opening line to "Dirty Little Thing" by Adelitas Way as I’m finishing up. Singing about doing a chick that can’t say no to him and says please when she’s begging for him. He winks at me, making me cringe thinking about some of the things we’ve done together but I’ll get him back for his song choice when he’s done.

I slide around Jason as I sing
"The Sex is Good" by Saving Abel, willing myself to touch him without feeling it. I drag my finger across his back before pressing myself against him, singing directly into his ear. His body is rock hard as I swing my body against his ass. Leaning up, I swipe my tongue across the shell of ear when I sing the line about him being hot as hell. It drives everyone crazy, including myself.

I’ve never done anything like that on stage. I’m hyped from the reaction I get but at the same time, it’s killing me. The second we’re done with the set I rush off the stage and grab my keys from Mandi.

I have a few days off before I’m supposed to start recording and I need to be as far away from Jason as I can. Where’s a better place to go to forget what a mistake being with him was than the one place that will remind me of every other bad decision I have ever made?

My parent’s house.