Hate Me Today (Save Me #3) (14 page)

Vanessa

I sit between Mandi and Jason as we get everything situated for the break in the tour. She’s trying to tell me something about when I’m supposed to start recording and a show or something but Jason’s hand keeps slipping higher up my bare leg, sliding under the hem of my flimsy shorts. Suddenly I’m grateful for the blanket over my lap but can’t concentrate on anything but Jason’s fingers.

“Vanessa, I need you to pay attention,” she laughs.

I shake my head, resting it on the back of the couch and try to listen to what she is saying.

“I just want to know what hotel you want me to book you in while you’re on break.”

“It doesn’t really matter, does it? It’s just a bed. The last place was nice, book me there again I guess.” I shrug off the empty feeling suddenly inside me. That’s all I’ve had since I walked out of my parent’s house. Just another room with a cold and lonely bed. Some were nicer than others but they were all the same in the end.

Jason’s hand stills on my leg and he captures my full attention with his voice. “Why do you stay in a hotel? Why haven’t you bought a house or rented a place yet?”

I think about it for a second, not quite sure how to answer him but the truth tumbles out of my mouth. “Why should I buy a house that I’m never at? It would sit unused most of the time.”

“Why don’t you just stay with me for a few weeks?”

“Uh…
,” I feel my heart pounding in my chest and I know the look on my face screams terrified. Jason reaches up with the hand that’s not currently moving up my leg again and caresses my cheek, calming me, and I lean into it.

“Mandi, can we have a second?” She mumbles something about never seeing two people go at it as much as we do but gets up and walks to the other end of the bus. “What’s the matter? I didn’t ask you to marry me or even move in with me. All I said was come stay with me while we’re on break. It can be like a sleepover.” He tilts his head, teeth dragging over my collarbone and he works his way up to my ear, his hand sliding under the edge of my panties. “A very dirty sleepover.”

My hips move against his fingers, tilting to give him more access to where I want him. I look around just to make sure we’re at least kind of alone.

“What about Carter? Isn’t he staying with you?” I whimper as his finger teases me, grazing over my clit.

“Carter is probably going to be at Travis’ more often than not. He says they’re doing good so I’m sure we’ll barely even see him anyway. Even if we do, it’s my house and I’ll make you scream as loud as I want to, whenever I want to and I won’t apologize for it.”

I sit there just staring at Jason with no clue what to do. To say I’m a little gun shy about anything serious after the shit that happened with Zach would be putting it mildly but I have to remind myself that Jason isn’t Zach
. I don’t see an ulterior motive behind him asking me to stay with him. Well, other than more orgasms which I am honestly all for.

“If I say yes, do you promise not to stop doing what you’re doing right now?” My voice is barely audible and I’m having a hard time catching my breath when he slides two fingers deep inside me, kissing me to swallow my cries.

“Even if you said no, there’s no stopping what I’m doing right now. But I promise if you say yes, even if it’s just for a little while, I will do this every chance I get.”

His fingers pick up pace, his thumb hitting my clit perfectly until I’m so worked up that the word yes tumbles out of my mouth without actually thinking about what I’m saying. All I know is this feels too damn good and I want it whenever I can get it.

My eyes start to drift closed as the pleasure washes over me. “Open. I want you looking at me as I make you come.”

My eyes snap open, latching onto his. The authority in his voice causes a shiver to race down my spine as I whisper a quick
, "Yes, Sir". I don’t even think he realizes it happens but as soon as I say the words, the corners of his mouth perk up. I knew the second he said all of the "What if I’m not dominant?" shit that it was all a lie.

“I can’t wait until we have a few weeks in a real bed. Oh, the things I plan to do to you,” Jason whispers roughly against my ear. “We’re going to take a trip down to the store where I’m going to buy things like bed straps and body wands and whatever else we can find that looks like fun. I promise over this break I will make you come so hard, so many times, that you will think you won’t ever come down from the high.”

The promises he’s making me have my insides coiling tightly. My breathing becomes labored, chest shuddering with every inhale I try to take. I know he can tell how close I am to coming.

“Please,” I beg quietly. I know everyone is only a few feet away and I’m not sure who is sleeping but I don’t feel like an audience… today.

“Please what? Doesn’t this feel good, baby? Don’t you like the way this feels or would you rather me slow down?” I whimper quietly at the loss of perfect friction he had going with my clit when he slows his pace.

Jason chuckles, the bastard chuckles because he knows exactly what he’s doing to me. With his free hand he lifts my legs to the edge of the couch. The fingers he has buried deep inside me slide further in and I know that a few more seconds like this and I’m a goner. My head drops back against the couch but I never close my eyes, I never look away from him even when he latches onto my nipple through my shirt.

“One of these days I’m going to do this in a room full of people so you better learn how to hide the pleasure written on your face. I wouldn’t want anyone getting jealous because I’m not sharing you or myself with anyone else.”

Butterflies erupt in my stomach but it’s not from the impending orgasm he has me sitting on the brink of. Something inside me loves the idea of Jason doing just that. The fact that we could get caught scares me just enough to make me want to do it. I tilt my hips up, silently telling him what I need but he doesn’t give it to me. He continues his lazy movements until he must see what he’s looking for in my eyes because he picks up his pace again.

“You better come right now because we’re pulling into the parking lot.”

With his approval my entire body locks up. I bite into my bottom lip to keep from screaming. Jason waits until my body stops convulsing to pull his fingers free. I ache from the loss but he kills me when he pushes the fingers he just had inside me, into his mouth, licking and sucking them clean.

“I’m really hoping since you didn’t call me back out to book you a hotel room, that you don’t need one
,” Mandi laughs, shaking her head as she walks by us.

I can’t seem to find my voice so Jason yells something smart assed back at her, letting her know that I won’t be needing anyone’s assistance but his right now.

The air outside is finally warming up. I’m glad I don’t need to put real clothes on just to get in the truck to go to Jason’s house. The warm breeze teases the edges of the thin shorts I have on. Jason wraps his arms around me from behind as we wait for the bus to be unloaded so we can leave.

“The second we’re on the road, away from everyone else, I want my cock in your mouth.”

I feel the blush spread across my face and I chew on the corner of my lip figuring out every way I will be able to drive him crazy on the ride. Mandi’s eyes connect with mine and she just shakes her head, laughing.

“Five minutes. It hasn’t even been five minutes. Tell Carter if he wants a place to stay that doesn’t sound like a whore house on sinner Sunday, I have a couch he can borrow.”

I can’t help but laugh and I pull her into me. “I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she brushes me off, whispering into my ear
, “you be careful. I know things have been really good since you two worked your shit out but I still worry about you.”

“I will. I’m not jumping head first I promise. Plus, you’ll see me in a few days and you can remind me then. Just because the tour’s on break doesn’t mean we are.”

I wink and turn back to Jason, immediately noticing the heat in his gaze and climb into his truck. My entire body filling with need even though he made me come only a few minutes ago. Just knowing what lies ahead of me, on this ride and in the upcoming weeks, has me ready to go again.

Jason

Something stirs deep inside me when Vanessa wiggles a little closer. My fingers drag through the ends of her hair before settling against her collarbone. The raised section of scarred skin where her Hickman IV was for her transplant catches my attention as I pull up to the house. She flinches a little as I rub the scar but doesn’t pull away.

I shift into park, twisting the key off and turn into her. My nose nuzzles into her soft hair, the strawberry sent of her shampoo surrounding me.

“When I get you in my bed I’m going to kiss every inch of you and I don’t want you to flinch when I get to your scars.”

Her eyes never waiver from the spot she picked on the hood of the truck to stare at. “They’re just scars,” she whispers, “they’re ugly. You shouldn’t want to kiss them.”

The vulnerability in her voice, etched across her face, crushes me. It breaks me down because even through all the hell I put her through, all the times I tried to break her, she never did; but the one thing that shouldn’t bother her, kills her.

I pull her across my lap, between my body and the steering wheel. Pushing her hair out of the way
, I lace kisses across the purple scar. She struggles against me, trying to pull away from me but I don’t let her.

“Stop. There isn’t a damn thing about you that is ugly. Those scars are a piece of you, of your past. They’re something that kept you here. The world is a better place because you are in it so don’t ever hide them or try to stop me from touching them.”

I’d love to just sit here, telling everything I just said over and over again but I look through the windshield, seeing Carter smiling at me from the deck. The sound of him whistling, telling us to get a room, drifts through the open window. Vanessa chuckles, breaking the mood she was just in. She shifts to slide off my lap but I hold tight, not quite ready to let go yet. Her fingers slide into my hair and presses her lips against mine in a drawn out kiss.

“Thank you,” she whispers, her forehead resting against mine.

~*~*~*~

I slipped out of bed a few hours ago after lying there trying not to wake Vanessa up. Now I’m just hanging out, my feet propped up on the coffee table with a fifth of Jack in my hands. It started out full, they all start out full. Now I have probably two shots left at the bottom of the bottle and all I want to do is get another.

I should be in bed with a very naked, very adventurous Vanessa but I’m not. I should be happy that two of the most important people in my life are in my house right now but all I want to do is drown myself in alcohol. Nothing new there though. It’s gotten to the point that it doesn’t even help push the memories away anymore.

Does that scare me? Yeah
. Will I change what I’m doing because I’m scared? Nope, probably not. God hates a quitter, right?

I chuckle into the silence of my empty living room.
I should be asleep, my body wrapped around Vanessa. I really don’t want her to see me down here pouring a bottle of this shit down my throat but I can’t seem to stop. I know if I go back upstairs I’ll just end up waking her up. Maybe if I bury myself inside her again it’ll help.

Leaning forward, I set the bottle down on the table and hold my head when the entire room starts spinning.
 OK, maybe it’s doing something.

“You think that’s actually going to help?” I turn around slowly, watching Carter sway back and forth in front of me.

“Isn’t it past your bedtime? Do I need to set a curfew so you’re home at a decent hour?” Empty laughter bubbles up from inside me because all I hear when the words come out is my father. Now I really think I need that new bottle.

He kicks my feet out of the way and plants himself down on the table in front of me, staring at his hands.

“Tables are made for glasses, not asses, Carter.”

“You wanna know something?”

I spread my arms out wide and lean back into the plush couch, telling him I’ve got nothing but time for him. “When you’re sober, you’re my fucking hero, my idol. When people ask me about my family, I don’t tell them that my father owns the biggest electronics companies in the states. I tell them about you. About everything you’ve done, all the great music you’ve made, all the charity work you do.”

“That shit means nothing,” I cut him off and try to stand but he pushes me back into the couch.

“It means everything. And it’s not even that you’re sober when you do it because I know better. I don’t think I’ve seen you sober since you got out of-“

“Don’t,” I bite out.

“This,” he points to the bottle next to him, “it isn’t good. There’s a difference between drinking and being mom.”

Well that's a blow.
Not only do I sound like my father tonight, but I’m acting like my mother too. Shit.

I scrub my hands over my face and stare at the ceiling while Carter stares at me.

"You're a good person, Jason. Despite what you seem to think about yourself, you are. Despite what has happened in the past. That shit only defines you if you let it. Don't let it. Be the man that I've always looked up to, the one that I'm proud to call my damn hero."

I bite the inside of my cheek, choking back my emotions that I am going to blame on the alcohol.

"You shouldn't look up to me. You should look at the shit I've done and run in the opposite fucking direction." I point to the ceiling. "So should she." I want to curl into a ball and die right about now. I want to tell them both to leave and drink myself into oblivion.

"Does Vanessa know?" he breathes.

"She's still here isn't she? That should answer your goddamn question."

"You really are stupid sometimes, you know that right. That girl put up with more shit from you than probably everyone in your life combined. She took your shit and either let it go or threw it back in your face. She walked in on you in the middle of a fucking threesome because you were trying to fuck with her and yet she's still here. By the sounds from your room earlier that I had to leave to get away from, she still likes you. If you think that your past will make her walk after everything you've already done to her then you are a bigger idiot than I thought."

"I can't tell her. I'm a selfish prick who would rather keep her and keep that from her than tell her and chance losing her."

Carter shakes his head and stands, grabbing the bottle with one hand and stuffing the other into his pocket. "You think that's going to work when you try to drink everything away this week again? You think she just won't notice that something is different? I get that you wanted her around, Jason, but you probably should have thought about that before you asked her to stay with you
this week."

Leaving me with my stomach in my throat, feeling like I'm going to puke up every ounce of alcohol I've drank over the past few hours, Carter walks out of the room. I hear him whisper that he loves me on his way out but I don't say anything back. I'm afraid if I say anything that he will turn around and put me in my place again. Because everything he just said, every single syllable that just rolled off his tongue, is going to kill me for the rest of the night.

I don't know how much longer I sit there but I know some of the alcohol settles because the room stops spinning enough to head to the bathroom. I have every intention of going back to the bedroom before Vanessa wakes up but when I get back to living room she's curled into the corner of the couch.

"Hey," she whispers.

I sit in the middle and grab her hand, flipping us so we're laying side by side so I can see her face. All I want to do is look at her, ingrain her in my mind because I know sooner or later she's either going to get sick of me and leave, or I'll fuck things up so bad that she walks away. Either way I want to memorize her while I can.

"I woke up and you weren't there. I forgot where I was for a minute."

I press my lips against her forehead, lingering there before moving down the edge of her jaw to her neck before hitting the scar from her Hickman line just under her collarbone. She stills, trying hard not to edge me away from the scar again. I can feel her tense against me but she doesn't move.

"Beautiful," I murmur against her skin.

Vanessa sighs, "Did you get out of bed to drink? You couldn't even make it 'til morning?"

"I had a few with Carter when he got home," I lie, hating myself even more than usual the second the words are out.

"Maybe staying together on this break wasn't the best idea." She pulls away from me, sitting up.

"What the hell are you talking about, Vanessa. We live together most of the time without a problem."

"I don't want to be that girl, Jason. I won't nag at you, I won't tell you what you can and can't do. But I've been up in that bed alone for hours. I know Carter came home about an hour ago, but I also know he left again about forty-five minutes ago. You smell like you bathed in a bottle of Jack. Honestly Jason, the amount you drink scares the hell out of me."

She tries to stand, tries to walk away from me when I don't say anything but I can't let her. Fear that she's going to walk out the door rips through my chest and I pull her back down to me, promising her that I'll slow down, that everything will be fine even though I know I don't stand a chance at keeping those promises; but like I told Ca
rter, I'm a selfish prick and I don't want to lose her.