Heart and Snow (Texas Highlanders Ice Hockey) (2 page)

Why was he already thinking baby?

He steeled his shoulders and focused back on the coach’s so-called pep talk, which was more him just yelling at them for a while. He knew the drill. They were horrible team players and had clocked out on early vacation, but there were still weeks left before the break and they needed to get their ass in gear. Same lecture every year.

After they were dismissed, Cody headed toward the locker room. Darren elbowed him in the side and pulled him away as the others walked toward the locker room without them. “Dude, what was up with you today?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You sucked today.”

“Thanks,” Cody snapped. “Don’t hold back for my sensitivities or nothing.”

“You don’t have sensitivities, jack ass.” Darren laughed and took his gloves off. “Look, I know what’s going on, but no one else does. You’re just looking like a big fucking grump. You have to get in gear before Rogers and Jenkins decide to pull from the minors instead.”

Cody frowned, and put his hand on his friend’s forearm. “You didn’t tell anyone, did you?”

“It’s not my news to tell, man. Did you guys talk about this yet?”

Cody shook his head. He couldn’t help but think about it, but talking about it with the person that mattered? Yeah, that hadn’t happened yet.

“Don’t let this stew more, Cody. Talk to your wife.”

“Man,” Cody resumed walking toward the locker room. “You’re sounding more and more like Val every day. You’re getting all feelzy and shit.”

“Feelzy?” Darren laughed. “Maybe you should talk to her. Val, I mean. She is a counselor for the team. It’s kind of her job.”

“I don’t need your girlfriend analyzing why my wife failed to tell me she was fucking pregnant.”

“She’s the team counselor. She’ll listen.”

Cody scowled at his best friend. “You think it will help?”

“Absolutely.”

He stopped at the door to the locker room. Loud echoing voices from inside broke the silence of the hall as he thought about what Darren suggested. See a professional? Was that where he and Jo were? Had they regressed down to needing a mediator? He was somewhat resistant to the idea, but they were at an impasse. He just couldn’t seem to bring it up to talk about, and she couldn’t stop.

He let out a long sigh. “I’ll talk to Jo about it.”

Darren nodded and lightly punched him in the arm. “Awesome.” He pulled open the door, the stench of sweaty pads permeating the air with putrid feet stink. Cody followed his friend in, quiet where Darren was outspoken, lost in the train of thought he’d sparked.

CHAPTER TWO

Jo knocked on the office door, leaning in a little on the frame. The team counselor’s office had an open feel to it, with big open windows that flooded the room with sunlight. Even her desk was a light wood color, like maybe chestnut. The room invited people, and maybe that was why she liked coming there to talk to Val.

Valerie Chase looked up at her, smiling when she recognized her. “Hey, Joey. How are you?”

“Hey, Val, you busy?”

“Not at all. Come in.” Val set the stack of papers she was reading down and folded her fingers together. “I never see you here. What can I do for you?”

“Oh, just thought I’d say hi.”

Jo liked Val. She was a new addition to the little Highlander family they had going on. Not only was she the newest employee in the Highlanders organization, but being with Darren had made her the newest unofficial hockey wife.

“Are you feeling okay?” Val’s concern was palpable. It was sweet, and so perfectly suited to the personality. Val was fun, could turn the charm on in a hot second and listened so intently she could have played back a recording. Not to mention she was quite possibly the greatest bullshit detector in the state. Jo supposed it came with the territory. Val’s job before the Highlanders was working with pregnant teens. And who knew better how to bullshit than a teenager?

Jo nodded, trying to fight back tears she had no control over. This pregnancy was going to be the death of her if she spouted tears every single time someone asked how she was feeling. She’d been on edge for days, with no end in sight. Her body was one big jumble of nerves. “Yeah, I’m good. Morning sickness seems to be passing now.”

Not many knew about the pregnancy. But Darren had been at the doctor’s office, and he was Cody’s best friend. Val was his girlfriend, and had asked to make sure he could talk about it with her. Now that was communication. It made Jo just a little jealous. She couldn’t remember the last time that Cody had confided anything in her.

Val smiled. “That’s great to hear. I’m glad.”

Uncomfortable silence surrounded them. Val probably knew Cody was pissed at her. Darren was the best friend, after all. Trying to keep a secret on a hockey team was impossible. Those boys gossiped more than old church ladies.

“It’s not really an easy thing.”

“No.” Val shook her head. “It never was for my girls either.” The teen girls that came to the outreach center where she had worked generally didn’t have much in the way of a support system or money. Joey had both, and yet, she still felt so lost. She couldn’t even fathom what a sixteen year old girl would feel.

“I bet you think that I’m really spoiled, don’t you?”

“Why would I think that?”

“Because it’s true. I am spoiled.” Joey sighed heavily. “I have money, I have a home. I have a husband that loves me. I’ve never had to want for anything. I shouldn’t have anything to complain about, right?”

“You don’t sound like you’re complaining at all.”

“How do you manage your relationship so well, Val?”

“Manage?”

“You and Darren. You two make it look so easy, so… happy.”

“Do we?” Val chortled. “I don’t see it being easy. He’s stubborn and won’t take no for an answer. I’m stubborn, and whiny and always want my way. I’m so very on and off that it probably drives him insane. It’s amazing that he puts up with my bitchery.”

“Is that a word?”

“It could be.”

More silence fell. Jo’s thoughts were plagued with everything from trying to figure out what night contributed to the conception of this child to how she’d learn how to change a diaper or breastfeed.

“I had thought that Cody and I would be set in our lives by now, especially after he joined the Highlanders.” Jo sighed and flopped in the chair across from Val’s desk. “Children were never part of this life we’ve built here.”

“Is being a parent so bad?”

“No… I don’t think so. But it just wasn’t in the plan.”

“God, if only everything went according to plan,” Val laughed. Then the smile faded. “But if it had, I would not have Darren now. So, I can’t really say I’m a fan of good plans anymore.”

“Cody and I… we talked about kids early on. We agreed before we got married that kids weren’t for us.” Jo’s throat felt like she was being choked. “Look at me, Val. I’m not a mother. Cody even calls me a Barbie doll. I… I wear high heels and go to tanning salons and drink fine wines and run the other direction when people bring their children around… How could I ever be a mother?”

“You remind me of my mother,” Val said. “Unlike me, she’s tall, skinny, former beauty pageant winner, and she did all the girly things I never did. At the outreach center, I saw younger versions of her, sixteen year old girls who had no idea what to do with their lives because they made a mistake. They had to reevaluate themselves.” Val came around the desk and pulled up another chair so she sat directly across from Jo. “You and Cody have a good foundation in your relationship. You should trust yourself. And each other.”

“Cody doesn’t trust me.”

“Sure he does. Cody’s issue isn’t trust. He’s not angry. He’s scared.”

Jo stared at Val. “Scared? Did he say that?”

The thought of Cody being frightened of anything was laughable. He was her brave hero. He was the one who always knew what to do. He handled the money. He handled the big home purchases. He fixed the sink and if he couldn’t, he was the one who hired the guy to fix the sink. He rescued her on the side of the road when her car crapped out. God… now that she thought of it, she didn’t really do much of anything, did she? What was her function in this relationship?

“No.” Val admitted. “But this is my job, to read people. And in Cody, I see fear in him. He loves you, but he’s scared.”

“So what do I do? Let him run? I’m not cut out for single parenthood.”

“I’m not going to tell you what to do, Joey. Especially not with something as important as a child. Besides, that’s not what I do.” She sighed. “I can tell you this. There are hundreds of babies out there, all waiting for adoption, that will never know the impact of love like what you and Cody have. That baby you’re carrying… it’s very lucky to have two parents who have good heads on their shoulders and can make an educated decision like this.”

“So, I should keep it?” She asked, cocking an eyebrow up.

Val laughed. “I’m not gonna make that decision for you.”

“Spoilsport.” Jo pouted, but she knew Val was right. This was their baby, their decision. And Cody was a part of her life, the biggest part. He deserved that much, even if he was being an ass. She’d made the mistake once already of not talking to him about it.

“I bet Cody would be willing to help with the decision, if you let him.” Val was a mind-reader. That’s all there was to it.

“What if he doesn’t want to be a father? What if I have to choose between him and this baby? What if I end up alone?”

“I doubt that will happen, but if it does,” Val paused, thoughtful and then smiled at her, “I’ll be here for you to talk to. After all, that’s my specialty.”

Jo leaned back in the chair. Somehow she’d ended up talking to Val when it was Cody she needed to be talking to. She thanked Val and left her office, dialing her husband’s cell.

*~*~*

Gavin Ferrara managed to sneak away from his signing table, telling Misha he had to use the bathroom. But once he was out of sight from the crowd, he swerved directions, and headed up the stairs.

He was going crazy. That was the only explanation. He was stuck in some alternate dimension where he had a crush on his damn roommate. He pinched his brow, ducking his head as he rounded the corner, and nearly ran into a blonde blur.

“Gavin!” Baker’s wife placed her hand over her heart as they sidestepped each other, letting out the breath she’d just gasped. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry, Joey. Wasn’t expecting anyone to be in Val’s office. Thought everyone was down at the signing.”

“That’s okay,” Jo said, smiling. Her smile was tight. She hadn’t been around as much as she usually was. “Haven’t seen you or the guys lately. How you been?”

“Good,” he lied. “Just been playing hockey a lot.”
And lusting after my very male, very hot roommate, but let’s not dwell on that.

“Good.” She nodded. She palmed the phone in her hand, and her eyes shifted around them. “Well, I have to go. See you around.”

“Bye.” He frowned as she walked away. Both Cody and Jo had been acting weird lately.

He dismissed the strange encounter and faced Val’s door, only a few feet away. He took a breath, trying to gather the courage he wasn’t sure he had. Val knew most of the situation. He’d told her during one of the games near the beginning of the season, only because if he didn’t tell someone, he was literally going to lose his mind.

The door to Val’s office was open, and Val was inside, but she wasn’t looking up. Instead she was sorting papers on her desk. He lightly rapped on the door. Her head shot up. A smile spread over her face.

“Gavin. This is a surprise.”

“You got a minute?” he asked.

“Sure.” She sat down and gestured to the chair in front of her desk. “What’s up?”

He sat down, leaning his elbows on the desk. “I just… I wanted to say thanks, Val.”

“For what?”

“For not… you know… telling Darren what I told you.”

“This is my job, Gavin. I promised you confidentiality. For what it’s worth, Darren wouldn’t care anyway.”

He shrugged. “He’s had enough to worry about this year.”

Val sighed. “Fair enough. I still think you should talk to Misha.”

“I can’t. He’s my best friend. And if the guys found out, they’d all hate me.”

“You really think that?” Val frowned. “Because I’m not sure that would be the situation.”

“I’ve lived it.”

“Not with these guys, though. Look how they rallied around Leo Vasquez.” Leo’s unconventional relationship with a married couple had hit the papers a week earlier, leaving a shit storm behind.

“No,” he conceded. “But do you really think they’ll be okay with a man on their team that can be sexually attracted to them?”

“Why wouldn’t they? What about Leo?”

“Leo’s different. He’s off the market.”

“So you won’t even try?”

Gavin gripped the arms of the chair. He wanted nothing more than to tell Misha how he felt, how he wanted to touch him, kiss him. But Misha didn’t swing that way, and he knew better than to try to force the issue.

“You’re close with Leo, aren’t you?”

His head shot up. “What? That was one night and it was years ago.”

“Okay, I’ll take that as a yes. Not what I meant, however.” She smiled at him, threading her fingers together. “He’s had to deal with a lot of backlash for his relationship with Garrett and Brianna. He’s open with it now, but it took him more than a year to say anything to anyone. If anyone understands what you’re feeling, it would be Leo.”

That almost made sense. The situation so far had turned out okay for Leo, but really, conservative Texas was no place to openly have an alternative lifestyle. Fort Glasgow was a little better than most cities. But talking to his old fling about his new crush? That would just be weird.

“Why do you always want me to talk to people, Val?” He smirked. “Talking doesn’t solve everything.”

Val grinned, two rows of white teeth gleaming. She stacked the paper on her desk, and placed them to the side. “Talking is good for the soul. And you don’t ever talk to anyone, Gavin.”

“I talk to you.”

“You make the words. But they’re surface words. They don’t encompass how you really feel. One day, Gavin, you’re going to lose control. It’s not going to be pretty. That’s why I tell you to go talk to people now. So that doesn’t happen.”