Heart and Snow (Texas Highlanders Ice Hockey) (4 page)

She shook her head, not meeting his eyes this time. “Cody, I’m so sorry—”

“Hang on a sec. I was irritated, pissed, but not because you made that decision, but because you didn’t come to me first. You didn’t talk to me, Jo. We’re a team. If one of the guys tried a play that I hadn’t seen before or made a change in the lines that they hadn’t talked to me beforehand about, I wouldn’t know how to react and that’s kind of where we are. You’ve been making all the calls here, and I’m just expected to go along for the ride.”

“We talked about children, Cody. We both decided we didn’t want them.” She pushed her salad around on her plate with her fork.

“I know we did.”

“I didn’t think that your feelings would have changed. I’m going crazy over here. I didn’t know what to do or how to do it. I’m so deathly terrified.” Her eyes welled up with unshed tears, but she clenched her jaw. That was one of the things he loved about her, how strong she was.

“We’ve always done everything together, Jo. This shouldn’t have been any different.”

“I’m scared. My feelings about this pregnancy changed my mind about kids, but I didn’t think you would change your mind. And I didn’t want it to come down to me choosing between my husband and his baby.”

He covered her hand with his. “I know that we’re not in the ideal situation to have children, Jo…”

“A baby isn’t something that we can just give back, Cody. It’s a lifetime commitment.”

“It’s not like we can’t afford a kid. I make good money.”

“It’s not just about money. You’re on the road all the time.”

“I’m not always going to be a hockey player. Eventually I’ll retire.” The statement was weak even to his ears. He still had a good ten years of playing time if he had anything to say about it.

“And in the meantime, I’m stuck changing dirty diapers and up to my ears in bottles and pacifiers while you’re out playing a game with your buddies.”

“Jo—”

“I can’t do this alone, Cody. I’m not a mother.” Tears escaped, sliding down her cheeks. She broke her gaze from him, and pulled her hand back to quickly wipe the tears away. “Damn it.”

There wasn’t much he could say to make her feel better, yet that was all he wanted to do. Yeah, he’d been mad, but he understood a little more about why she had kept it from him. Fear made people do crazy things. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

“Don’t I? Do you really want to be a dad, Cody?”

The question wasn’t surprising, but he wasn’t prepared for it. Being a parent would change their whole dynamic. Their lives would change completely. They had plans to travel the world. Something that wouldn’t be possible later, after the birth. There would be diapers and pee-wee league and pacifiers and later, there would be sports practice and all the things that would prevent them from having the full life they’d wanted. But on the other hand, would all that really be that bad?

He shook his head. “I never did before.” The sentence shook her visibly, so he quickly added, “You know how I grew up, Jo. You know my dad was a jerk. Publicly a jerk. I haven’t even seen him in years. And Mom? She’s currently going through her second twenties. I don’t want that life for any child I bring into this world.”

“You are not your dad.”

“Am I not? I’m a pro hockey player. Like him. I’m a goalie. Like him. Hell, I even play for the one of the same teams he did. Newspapers and blogs across the country have compared me to my dad.” Cody shook his head. “I can’t get away from that.”

“There are similarities, but that’s surface only. I wouldn’t have married you if you were anything like your dad.” Jo sighed, leaning back in her chair. She looked disappointed. “Cody… I wish you’d see what I see.”

“Look, I know it’s not the most ideal situation. But it’s a reality, and our responsibility to make sure we’re positive about this.”

“Is that the only reason you’d consider being a father? Responsibility? Doesn’t any part of you want this baby?” She didn’t mean it as an accusation—he could see that—but it felt that way.

The shrill tone of Jo’s phone broke through their conversation, saving him from answering the question that he just wasn’t sure of. She glanced down at the screen and groaned. She took in a cleansing breath, exhaling on a shudder and answered her phone. “Hi, Mom.”

Cody leaned back, his heart in his throat. Parents made him nervous. His had been hideous people. Or at least his dad had been. The only good thing they’d ever done for him was let him have his hockey practices growing up and generally leave that aspect of his life alone. Of course, his dad would have had to be around to be involved, and he’d been too busy screwing puck bunnies and drinking his liver away to care about his family. He’d never made even one of Cody’s games growing up.

Jo’s parents were nothing like his, which he’d found out the first time he’d met them. And maybe that was why he didn’t run screaming in the other direction when they called their daughter. Cherry and Ed Reynolds were amazing parents to their three kids. Maybe if he’d had them as parents, this pregnancy wouldn’t have sideswiped the two of them so thoroughly. Maybe he could look forward to being a dad, instead of having this intense dread.

*~*~*

“Hi, Mom,” Jo straightened in her seat, and pasted on a fake smile. True, her mother couldn’t see her, but Cherry could smell drama miles away. And honestly, Jo wasn’t ready to tell her nosey family about this mess just yet. “What’s up?”

“Oh, I’m going shopping for Christmas dinner today, and I wanted to make sure you and Cody were still coming. You are, right?”

Jo dropped her head into her hand, leaning forward on the table. Shit. She’d forgotten about Christmas since they were dealing with this baby stuff. She’d never missed a Christmas with her family. But she wasn’t sure that she could face her family this year.

Cody’s hand brushed against her arm. She looked at him and mouthed “Christmas” to him. His eyes widened as he understood and leaned back in his chair again. His eyes flickered with something, but he shuttered his expression just as quickly as his emotion had surfaced.

“Joey?” Her mother inquired again.

“I don’t know, Mom. Um, Cody might have a game that weekend.” Or a baby. Whatever.

“Nonsense. You guys always manage to make it out on Christmas Day no matter what. Doug is bringing his new wife, and I really would like you two to get to know each other. She seems nice.”

What Cherry failed to mention was that Doug’s new wife was actually New Wife #4. His marriages had stopped being a cause for celebration a long time ago, and Jo had stopped trying to be friends with the women that would eventually divorce her brother.

Cody tapped on her arm.

“Hang on a sec, Mom.” Jo covered the phone and whispered, “What is it?”

“We should go,” he said.

Jo blinked, processing what Cody had said. “I’m sorry, what?”

“We should go. We go every year. They’ll know something is wrong if we don’t. And with everything going on, it might be nice for you to spend some time with your family.”

Jo lowered the phone. “Cody, my family doesn’t know about the baby. And if they find out, there will be a whole other issue. And what about you? You’re always bored there.”

“I can watch the Cowboys game with your brother.”

“You hate the Cowboys. Hell, you hate football.”

“Better than tea with your little sister.”

“She’s nineteen. She doesn’t do tea parties anymore.” Jo rolled her eyes for good measure.

“See? Even better.” Cody grinned, wiping his face of that undecipherable expression he’d had.

“You’re sure you wanna go?” Jo frowned. She was way apprehensive about being near her family with such a huge secret. She’d never kept anything from her family before. She needed to tell them soon, but she didn’t want their opinions clouding what should be between her and Cody.

“Yeah. We should.”

Jo scanned his face, looking for any of his usual tells when he was trying to spare her feelings, but found none. Could he actually want to see her family? Probably not, but he seemed sincere in his desire for her to be happy. The thought had her nearly in tears again. She grabbed a napkin and dabbed her eyes so it wouldn’t ruin her makeup. Slowly, she nodded. “Okay. We’ll go.”

She raised the phone back up to her ear. “Sorry, Mom. Um, we’ll come up Thursday morning, okay?”

“Great! I can’t wait! I’ll make my famous red velvet cheesecake for dessert.” That had Jo’s mouth watering. That was her favorite and her mother knew it.

“Love you, Mom. See you then.”

“Love you too!”

Jo ended the call and set the phone down on the table. She ran her hand over her face, and stared at her half-eaten sandwich. Her stomach was starting that rumbling thing again. She glanced at Cody. “You’re sure about this, right?”

He nodded. “It’s going to be fine.”

Somehow she didn’t really believe him.

CHAPTER FIVE

Week Seven

Cody stared at the snow-covered house in front of them. Morning, Texas was just about the smallest town he’d ever seen. Tucked up in the panhandle of the large state, it was a sleepy little town. Even after ten years of marriage, he still was amazed by the quiet of the town.

He’d always lived in a lot of cities. Montreal, Buffalo, Tampa Bay, and finally Fort Glasgow. His father had been through a lot of teams in his hockey career, bouncing from each for various reasons, most of which culminated in the one reason that mattered: Dad didn’t play well with others.

His phone vibrated in the center console. He picked it up.
Speak of the devil
. He didn’t want to talk to his father right then. Not when they were about to see his in-laws. He ignored the call and shoved the phone in his pocket. He wasn’t sure what his father wanted, but he was sure it would make his day worse.

Jo had passed out in the side next to him during the drive. It kind of made him smile, because they’d never had a trip where she stayed awake the whole time. In fact, he almost didn’t want to wake her then, because she hadn’t been sleeping well lately, but no doubt if he didn’t, her family would be coming out to see what was wrong. Plus, it was cold out there.

He gently shook her shoulder. “Jo. We’re here.”

She whined a little in her sleepy state and stretched as much as she could in the passenger seat. His eyes fell to her stomach. She wasn’t showing yet, even if she had the signs. Sometimes it didn’t seem real, this pregnancy thing. He could almost pretend it wasn’t real.

She gripped the blanket over her body and opened her sleepy eyes, blinking a little in the light of the snow around them. “We’re here?”

“Yeah. Let’s go say hi, and then I’ll come back for our bags later.”

“I slept the whole way. I was supposed to drive partway…” Her sentence trailed off in a yawn. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Cody kissed her cheek. “You’ve been pretty tired lately. I’m glad you got some rest.”

She sat up. He opened the door, bristling in the snippy cold of the winter air. This couldn’t be more than twenty degrees here. So different from six hours away, where the lowest average temperature was in the fifties.

She slid her feet back into her boots while he came around the Jeep. He opened the door, and helped her out, her hand warm against his palm. She shivered and zipped her coat up. “I think it might be cooler than last year.”

He chuckled. “I think so too.” He ran his hands over her arms, rubbing them to keep her warm. It was almost a habit for him to do so. He barely noticed he did it at all.

“Come on.” She grabbed his hand again and led him toward the door.

The wooden steps squeaked as they walked up to the door. Jo pushed the heavy wooden door open as if she belonged. For a moment, he always felt a little jealous here. Jo’s family was welcoming, nice. They’d accepted him on first meeting when he was thinking about asking Jo to marry him. They’d never judged him, even though the two had a hockey background.

Cody just took a deep breath and followed her in. He’d met all of Jo’s family before, but with his family being such losers, he found it more difficult to be around hers. He wasn’t sure what to do with good parents. Especially Ed, Jo’s father. He felt like he was always not up to par with that man, though he’d always been nice to him. Cody often wondered if he had a sign around his neck that only fathers could see that said, “I enjoy making your daughter scream naughty things at night.”

“Mom?” Jo called into the house. “Dad? Anyone?”

As his foot hit the hardwood floors, a familiar female voice broke the cool silence of the large living room. “Joey? In the kitchen, honey.”

Jo smiled, a big one that Cody hadn’t seen on her in a while, and made her way to the kitchen. Cody stood back in the doorway while Jo gave her mother a hug. “Joey, baby. You’re late.”

“Sorry, Mom. There was traffic on the way out of Fort Glasgow.”

“That’s all right.” Her mom was like Jo, tall and blonde. Her hair was probably a little less sunshiney than the bright color of Jo’s hair, since she had a smattering of gray intermixed, and didn’t actually dye her hair like her daughter did. She wiped her hands on a dishcloth and returned her daughter’s hug. “Glad you made it.”

Hints of family resemblance, the way her lips turned up like her daughter’s, and the way her eyes had that glimmer of a happy life in them eased the tension from Cody. Jo’s pregnancy had put a lot of stress on the two of them, and it would be nice to spend a couple days pretending to be that happy couple they once were again. Not to mention, Jo’s demeanor had completely changed.

“Thanks, Mom.” Jo’s smile lit up her face. There was something magical about it. Cody’s shoulders eased down from their tensed position some more. They’d be okay here, he thought.

Cherry took her hands and held them out. “You look different. Did you color your hair again?”

Jo pulled her hands back to her body and shook her head. “No, Mom. I didn’t.”

“Hmm…” Her mother frowned. “I can’t quite put my finger on it. You look beautiful, though, baby.”

“You always think that, Mom. It’s required Mom Thinkage.”

“Nonsense,” Cherry said. “If you looked like shit, you know I’d tell you.”