Heart Of Marley (16 page)

“No! I don’t. All I feel is the rain!”

Brianna opened her eyes and looked at me with the most intense expression I had ever seen on her innocent and pure face.

“Well, I do, Cam! I don’t know how to describe it, but I feel something out here! With you! It’s something I’ve never felt before! I feel…” She closed her eyes briefly, her chest rising as she looked at me again, contentment covering her face. “Happy. But it’s so much more than happy. I feel at ease. I feel completely unfettered.”

“You don’t feel wet?!” I shouted over the thunder.

She laughed. “No. I definitely feel wet…and maybe a little cold, but it’s worth it to have this other feeling, Cam.”

“You’ve been spending far too much time with Marley in the theater department.”

A sly smile crossed her face and I saw what she was talking about…one look and I knew that something had changed in Brianna. Don’t get me wrong. I was always attracted to her, but when she was dating Mason, she became a bit of a shy girl, completely at odds with the outgoing friend of Marley’s that would be over nearly every day with Carla and Kristen. Right then, I saw a glimpse of the old Brianna, her smile wider than I had seen in years. I couldn’t help but think that Marley had something to do with it.

“Maybe so. Maybe knowing that I’m not alone has released the tiger inside.”

“When did you ever think you were alone?”

Her eyes grew hooded and she sauntered up to me, making my entire being harden under her powerful gaze. “That doesn’t matter, Cam,” she said, her body a breath away from mine. “None of it does anymore. All that matters is this moment. Right here. Right now. I want more moments like this. Promise me we can have more of this.”

I swallowed hard, completely turned on as I tried to keep my eyes focused on Brianna’s face and not her wet shirt that was becoming somewhat transparent. “I’ll give you anything you want, Bri.”

“Cam…” she said breathlessly.

“Yes?”

“I want you to kiss me. Kiss me like you mean it. Kiss me like you’ve never kissed any other girl before. Kiss me with so much magnitude that it makes me forget…”

I crushed my lips against hers, stopping her from finishing her thought. I had always been respectful the few times that we had kissed over the past several days. This kiss was completely different, though. It wasn’t soft or timid. It was passionate and ravenous. Our bodies intertwined as we devoured each other. I craved her more than I could remember wanting anything before in my life.

“Cam,” she said, tearing away from the kiss and staring at my heaving chest.

“Yes?”

“What did it feel like?”

“What? What are you talking about?”

She avoided my eyes and looked out at the ocean, the waves growing strong and tumultuous with the storm that was soaking us. “When you pulled the trigger and shot him, what did it feel like?”

Running my hand through my wet hair, I took a deep breath. “It felt… It felt vindicating and remorseful at the same time, Bri. I knew I had to do it, but I still can’t forget the look on his face when he fell over. I remember watching him for hours as he begged me to help him and I wondered whether he would ever die…whether I
wanted
him to die. I knew that I didn’t. He did horrible and disgusting things to Marley. Did he deserve to die for it? I don’t think so. And I’m glad he didn’t die.”

She snapped her eyes back to mine. “He’s not dead?”

I slowly shook my head. “No, he’s not. I shot him in the stomach a few times and in the leg. I was only eleven so I did the best I could.”

“What happened?”

I looked at the sky and began to get nervous when I noticed lightening streak the horizon. “Here. Come with me.” I grabbed her hand and led her down the shore toward a small alcove hidden from the beach by trees, sheltering us from the storm.

“What is this place?” she asked as I lowered myself to the ground. She followed suit, sitting next to me.

“Somewhere I come to think. No one knows about it. Well, I’m sure they do, but no one ever really comes here. Of course, you know about it now, but I’m okay with that.”

“Really?”

I grinned, wrapping my arm around her drenched body, trying to warm her in the chilly evening air. “Really.”

“So…”

“Right. Buck.”

“That’s his name? He sounds like a scumbag,” she commented.

I shrugged. “Yeah. He was charged with a handful of offenses…rape, child endangerment, assault. He was sentenced to forty years, eligible for parole after twenty. Well, Marley found out that he was released about six months ago after only serving five years. And when we were in Charleston on Sunday…”

“That man.” She gasped in shock. “The one that was staring at her…?”

I nodded slowly. “Yeah. I needed to get her out of there. I’ve spent the last decade of my life trying to protect her. And I have a feeling that I’ll be spending the next decade of my life doing the same thing. So I guess it’s a good thing that you know about it because trying to save Marley from herself is sometimes a full-time job.”

“What do you mean, save her from herself? She’s not…?” She gave me a knowing look.

“No!” I exclaimed quickly. “She’s definitely not suicidal or anything, but she has good days and she has bad days…and then she has really,
really
bad days.”

“And nightmares?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Really bad nightmares. You saw the result of that. But that’s not even the worst of it.”

“What is?” she asked.

“The hopelessness that finds her.” I paused for a moment and thought about how to explain it. “When we got home early Monday morning, our aunt and uncle were waiting for us. Monday was a really,
really
bad day,” I explained. “She told Uncle Graham that there is no God.”

Brianna simply nodded in response. This was not the reaction I had expected from her. I actually thought that she would be slightly aghast at the notion, but she remained rather unmoved by the idea.

“You don’t think that’s a bit rash?” I asked her.

“I don’t know, Cam. Do you blame her for thinking there is no God? I can see how she would feel let down and abandoned. She had to endure more horror and trauma than anyone I know. Where was God on those nights?”

I stared straight ahead. “I know. I hate to admit it, but I feel the same way sometimes. I guess I just have to remind myself that I don’t see the big picture yet. Maybe God ignored her constant screams and cries for help for a bigger purpose. Maybe she was meant to endure that trauma for a reason. I can’t dismiss what I hear my uncle preach about on Sunday. About God’s purpose. Even if it’s not God, per se, there’s got to be a reason for it. If there isn’t, what point is there?”

She leaned into my body and I felt a warmth I couldn’t remember experiencing before in my life. “There has to be a point,” she murmured, and I couldn’t help but feel uneasy about what her words could insinuate.

I
HAD
BEEN
DREADING
today since receiving my letter from the Jessamine committee naming me as a finalist in this year’s display of grotesque perversion that had become a yearly tradition in this town. Nearly every other girl that had been chosen as a finalist was excited and would talk in animated voices about what they were going to wear to the formal Jessamine Introduction Gala. I, however, felt none of that excitement. To me, it was more something I had to do out of duty and obligation than something that brought me joy.

Today was picture perfect. The sun was shining and the temperature was pleasant. I opened the windows to my room to allow the salty ocean air to blow through as I went about getting ready for the big event.

A hurried knock sounded on my door and my aunt burst through. “Are you almost ready? Doug will be here any minute, Marley. You can’t be late.”

I huffed as I sat down on my vanity chair, allowing her to manhandle my hair and coerce it into some sort of style worthy of a reluctant beauty queen.

“What have you been doing up here all morning?” she continued, barely even taking a breath. “Are you trying to sabotage your chance of winning this? All those other pageants and contests were child’s play compared to this one. This is the one that could earn you a spot in the Miss South Carolina Pageant. Don’t ruin this for yourself by showing everyone that you don’t care.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” I responded quietly. I had no energy left for fighting her. It was futile anyway.

“I need you to be excited about this opportunity. It will reflect poorly on me as a member of the selection committee if my own niece isn’t enthusiastic about this.”

“I am excited,” I lied. “I guess I’m just nervous. That’s all.”

“Oh, Marley Jane,” she comforted, her tone softening. “You have nothing to be nervous about. Today is just a day to introduce our finalists to the town, to show them that you’re all worthy to be Miss Jessamine, even if you don’t win…but you’ll win. I know you will.”

I simply nodded as she finished pinning my hair back, allowing a few of my waves to fall in front of my face.

She took one last look at her work and her expression dropped. “Marley, do you have a cardigan to wear with this dress?”

I shook my head. “No. It’s too warm for a sweater, Aunt Terryn.”

“Yes, but…”

I lowered my eyes, knowing what she was referring to. I had no problem letting people see the scars from the years of abuse, but the notion horrified Aunt Terryn. Then they would ask questions and would talk about poor little Marley Jane Bowen.

Heading toward my closet, I found a light white shrug that complimented the sleek emerald green knee-length dress that Aunt Terryn brought home for me a few days ago when she found out that I had yet to get a dress for today.

“That’s much better,” she said, relief washing over her. “Put your face on, Marley Jane. This is important.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I said as she turned to leave.

I took several steadying breaths. “I can do this,” I said to myself. I kept repeating those words over and over again as I gazed into the mirror, putting my makeup on as Aunt Terryn had taught me all those years ago. Opening my drawer, my eyes settled on my mirror compact…my life vest for the past few years. I flipped it open and stared at the razor blade it contained, the sharp edges beckoning me…inviting me…telling me that it could release all the pain, even momentarily.

“You okay?” I heard as I was about to pick up the blade. Snapping the case shut, I turned to see Cam standing in the doorway. He saw the expression on my face and quickly closed the door, pulling up a chair and sitting next to me.

“Stupid question, huh?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Definitely.”

“Just turn it off, Mar. It will be over before you know it. I’ll be there for you. And so will Doug.”

I looked at him, ready to snap under the weight of the mask I had been forced to wear. “Doug’s expecting to see the Marley he knows that’s excited about all this ridiculous pageantry. It’s getting harder and harder to be that Marley, Cam. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend to be someone I’m not. What if he sees the real Marley and doesn’t want to be with me anymore because of it?”

He planted a gentle kiss on my forehead just as I heard the doorbell ring. “Then I’ll kick his ass. Believe me, I think he knows who you are more than you realize. And maybe you should let him see the real Marley because that’s the Marley I love.”

“Only because you
have
to love me.”

He shrugged. “I don’t have to. I see lots of brothers and sisters that can’t stand each other. I’m glad that’s not the case with us. Now finish up. I’ll go stall Doug and calm down Aunt Terryn.”

“Thanks, Cam.”

He sent me a warm smile and left me to finish getting ready. As I put the final touches on my makeup, my eyes kept wandering to that compact. It was tempting me, promising to dull my inner turmoil.

Flipping the case open, I swiftly raised my dress and dug into the skin of my inner thigh with the razor, tracing the word that had been carved in my flesh for the past few years. I exhaled, allowing my pain to leave me momentarily, and felt at ease for the first time all day. Quickly placing a bandage on my most recent bodily mutilation, I readjusted my composure.