Heart of Tantric Sex (2 page)

 E 
VERYONE IS INTERESTED IN SEX. It is the one subject that continues to be of undying fascination, if not obsession, throughout the millennia. You can tell immediately when sex is the focus of a conversation; heads move closely together and there is a hushed intensity, a virtual thickening of the air. But when people are afraid to talk about sex or ashamed of sex and its "animal" nature, there can be a palpable feeling of separation, a screen of isolation and tension surrounding them. The fact remains that whether sex is being discussed or ignored, repressed or expressed, enjoyed or endured, it is the single most significant aspect of our lives.

Sex is always in the mind. It forms a central theme in our thoughts and daydreams. It is part of our chemistry, as each sentient creature on this planet was created in sex from the union of male and female cells. Our recognition of this begins early in childhood when we naturally fondle our genitals with innocent comforting delight, and our sexuality accompanies us throughout our lives in various stages of development and expression. It is the source of a great deal of pain and pleasure, of comfort and discomfort. It often determines our happiness and unhappiness, our ecstasies and our agonies.

The simple act of painting our toenails or lips and the splashing on of perfume or aftershave are steps towards attracting sex. This is highly obvious today when we are constantly saturated with sexual images, words, and films. The media use sex to advertise, to disgrace, to scandalize, and people use it to control, to entice, to abuse and abandon. Our obsession with fashion and appearance has a lot to do with sex. Being seen by someone as attractive gives us vitality and confidence, even if we don't find that person particularly attractive. When desire is shared we see the possibility of love, and this fills us with joy. It is what each of us truly longs for, to love and to be loved. Nothing can take its place. And when we love someone, sex becomes an ongoing means of communication.

Sex can also be the cause of miscommunication, of arguments, violence, confusion, discontent, and restlessness. I've heard it said that men think about sex every three minutes and women think about it every six to seven minutes. Whatever the real statistics, the fact remains that we as human beings are in an ongoing relationship with sex, whether we like it or not.

Sexual energy and the life force

There is simply no way of containing sexual energy; it is the life force itself. Even though in our minds we often try to separate sexual energy and "other" energy, the truth is that it is all one and the same thing. Energy is simply energy with an inherent capacity to move, and it moves, whether the life force expresses itself through sex or survival, in art, athletics, or music. And try as we might, we cannot repress or ignore this energy, we can only learn to channel it in the most intelligent and uplifting ways.

As prevalent as sex is, it is a rare person who has discovered a way to derive full satisfaction or a loving heart from its practice. In inquiring into the phenomenon of orgasm, modern research reveals that an "average" sexually active person experiences orgasmic ecstasy for twenty seconds a week, ninety seconds a month, thus eighteen minutes a year.* And this is based on an orgasm lasting ten seconds. Even ten seconds can seem quite an achievement! So in fifty years of sexual activity we have the privilege of experiencing orgasmic ecstasy for about fifteen hours in total. This is astonishing (and distressing) when you consider how many times you make love and how much additional time is spent dreaming about it and agonizing over it!

Obviously, love and sex are not in a satisfactory state for most of us. Sex is not the orgasmic, innocent, spiritual force it is meant to be, transporting us into a world of love and true passion. It does not deeply fulfill us, giving us the strength to face each day with enthusiasm, nor does it have the power to take us beyond the pressures or limitations of our day-to-day life. Sexual problems between men and women are common, such as sexual abuse, frigidity, ambivalence, premature ejaculation, impotence, and sexual disinterest.

Sex and intelligence

In order to reverse this and find the depth of sexual satisfaction we seek, we must begin to bring intelligence into our view of sex. We have to start looking at it within a new framework, to see it from a different perspective. We must look beyond reproduction or immediate physical pleasure and gratification. This new picture will give us fresh insights into sexual energy, how it best responds, and how to utilize sex as an ongoing creation of love between men and women. And the good news is that sex is an extremely healthy and empowering force, which we can enjoy and use to our great benefit.

Sex in its highest form has an element of the divine in it. It brings you to "here," to the divinity of the present moment where you feel gloriously at ease. Everything rests perfectly in place. It is an orgasmic biological ecstasy which arises out of the dynamic interplay of opposite forces, and which is food for the spirit. Sadly, many people of religion hold the opinion that sex is a distraction on the path to God. "Avoid sex at all costs," some of us have been taught, even if you spend your nights dreaming restlessly about it and your days thinking obsessively about it.

This is a great misunderstanding and an aching loss to humanity. If sex is limited to reproduction and instant gratification and its subtle spiritual function is ignored, our life energy is dissipated, disturbing mind, body, and spirit. With Tantra, the cosmic balancing of male and female energies, yin and yang, positive and negative, dynamic and receptive, we can introduce love and spirit in our lives, within and without, and learn to live beyond the limitations of simple biology. We are offered the opportunity to return to our nature as men and women, and to find the spiritual language of love through the physical act of making love. It is a different picture of sex than the one we inherited. Tantra gives us new insights and a completely different vision of sex and its function.

Phases of sexual energy

In human beings, sexual energy is understood to run in a circular path along internal channels through the body, with two distinct phases.

The first phase and initial impetus of sexual energy begins in the brain before circling downward to the genitals
(see
fig. 1). More specifically, the hypothalamic-pituitary region and the pineal gland in the brain secrete hormones that control the endocrine system in the body and these include the sex glands. These hormones maintain sexual well-being and promote the eventual readiness for sexual intercourse. This is the first and
descending half of
the circle—from the brain to the genitals. It is known as the biological or reproductive phase of sexual energy. And it is here that we invariably release the sexual energy created in sex, through orgasm or ejaculation.

The secret of Tantra, and its prime interest, is that sexual energy is encouraged to be
retained
in the body. It is not habitually released in orgasm or ejaculation. It remains within the body and is re-circulated, and through this we fulfill our orgasmic potential. In this the second half and
ascending
phase, sexual energy is given the opportunity to circulate back to its source in the brain, so as to revitalize and nourish the "master" glands (pineal and pituitary) in the body. These glands have a profound influence on health. Sexual activity is known to release many hormonal factors that positively affect body and attitude, and since ancient times sex has been associated with longevity and spiritual illumination. When sexual energy can be re-absorbed, recycled, sex becomes a revitalizing, energizing force. This is known as the spiritual or generative phase of sex
(see
fig. 2), and here the genitals are viewed reverently as
generative
organs. Accessing this second phase of our sexual energy by allowing it to turn inward and upward, is the revelation of Tantra. It shows us that sex can be directed to create
more
life, not simply another life.

This spiritual phase of sexual energy arises as men and women learn to relax together during sex. This is contrary to the popular experience of sex as effort, an activity involving tensions and pressures. We believe that the more we
do
in sex, the more will happen and the greater the reward. We hardly think of taking it easy! What we don't realize is that genuine sexual ecstasy goes hand-in-hand with physical relaxation. The more we relax, the more we feel. In fact, ecstasy and tension are diametrically opposed; tension creates heat and restlessness while ecstasy arises from a coolness and an inner peace. Tension narrows and contracts, while relaxation opens and expands. Tension creates a peak, while relaxation creates a valley-Tension forces a release, while relaxation allows absorption.

Relaxation is the whole ambience of Tantra. It means that when we relax down into our sexual energy, instead of building it up to a peak and then releasing it, the outcome will be more life energy and more love. In re-directing sexual energy through relaxation, we can turn it inward and upward, where it is automatically re-absorbed by the body and re-circulated
(see
fig. 3). Tantra refers to this step as placing a foot on the first step of the inner ladder of growth. In time, a neglected energy pathway forges its way open in the core of the body, and we experience this from the genitals upward as a streaming electromagnetic current, a glorious golden light phenomenon. When we encourage the spiritual phase of sex instead of obstructing it as we do in our ignorance, lovemaking becomes a sacred experience filled with wonder.