Heart of the Matter (25 page)

Ellen nearly collapsed at the sensation. The wetness between her legs spread, and she knew the slightest friction from Kate’s leg between hers would set her off. She pulled Kate’s shirt out of her pants and found the heated skin of her back, then dipped below Kate’s waistband to the slight curve of her buttocks, soft and smooth to the touch. Blindly she found the button and zipper in the front and fumbled to unzip it.

“Bed,” Kate demanded. “Now.”

Not breaking their hold on one another, they stumbled and kissed, fondled and stroked their way to the bedroom. Once they had kicked off their shoes, they fell onto the bed, still entwined in each other’s arms. Kate climbed on top, grinding her pelvis into Ellen’s thigh, ready to come in an instant. But she needed Ellen naked, needed to feel hot flesh on hot flesh, nothing separating them.

They undressed each other, nearly tearing the clothes off their bodies. When they were finally naked, the feel of Ellen’s skin on hers nearly made her come, and she wanted to bury herself in Ellen’s lush body. She found Ellen’s nipples again, desperately sucking and licking them so she would never forget how they tasted. Sliding down Ellen’s stomach, she traced a wet line with her tongue to the pale triangle between her legs. She pushed Ellen’s legs apart and sucked in her breath at the pool of moisture waiting there.

“God,” Ellen gasped. “Please, please, Kate, whatever you do, don’t stop.”

Ellen was on fire and could barely form a coherent sentence.

Her entire being was merely the flesh and nerves that Kate played at will. Nothing else existed.

Kate buried her tongue deep between Ellen’s slick folds, probing and tasting Ellen’s desire. Finding her clit hard and swollen, Kate pulled it in between her lips, flicking it rapidly back and forth with her tongue.

“Oh, yes, God, yes. Don’t stop, please don’t stop!” The sound of Ellen’s voice barely penetrated Kate’s blind desire to take her. Spurred on by Ellen’s words, she sucked harder and moved her fingers to find the hot opening, slipping in and filling her.

“Jesus, Kate, oh, Jesus, that’s so good…so good.” Ellen’s voice faded, as though she were calling from a great distance. Her muscles clamped down on Kate’s fingers, drawing her in even deeper. She spread and flexed them, wanting to touch and soothe every inch inside of Ellen. Kate was driven, though, driven by a fire that filled her belly, and this time she simply wanted to fuck Ellen. She wanted to fuck her until she screamed and came and drenched her with her come. Pushing in, she rapidly withdrew almost entirely out of Ellen, then forcefully plunged in as far as she could go.

“Yes!”

Ellen reached down and grasped Kate’s hand, roughly forcing her fingers inside. It felt so damn good to have her there, to feel her fingers fucking her. She’d never let herself go with anyone this way, never abandoned herself without concern as to how she looked.

All she wanted now was to come, for Kate to make her come. She wanted Kate to own her.

Kate pumped her with all she had, thrusting in and out as fast as she could. She felt Ellen’s body stiffen and knew she was at the edge.

Leaning down, she put her lips back on Ellen’s stiff clit. As before, she stroked it with her tongue, all the while filling and fucking her with her hand.

The incredible sensation was building and twisting, climbing higher and taking Ellen’s breath away. It filled her belly and traveled up her body to her breasts and neck. With one last thrust it exploded, taking her along for the ride. “Kate,” she called, sobbing into the air as she came convulsively. The tremors ripped through her along with her sobs, and she couldn’t tell where one began and the other ended.

The force of Ellen’s orgasm stunned Kate, and her tears finally fell. She stilled her hand, leaving it inside Ellen, and rested her head against Ellen’s thigh. Despite her desire not to, she wept bitterly, for all that might have been. The accident hadn’t changed only her appearance, but had redirected her life in a way she might never have chosen otherwise.

Finally withdrawing her fingers, Kate slid up to Ellen’s side and enfolded her in her arms. She held and comforted her, knowing this was good-bye. When Ellen could finally move, she trailed her fingers from Kate’s throat, down her belly to just above her hairline.

Kate caught her hand. “It’s okay. I want to just hold you.” Ellen shook her head. “No. I don’t want to just hold you. I need you. I need to feel you come. I need to take you and make you feel that. If not for your sake, then for mine.” She withdrew her hand from Kate’s grasp and continued her journey downward between Kate’s legs. Her lover’s thighs were coated with her wetness, and Ellen followed the trail of moisture to Kate’s waiting folds.

Kate opened her legs wider. “Don’t wait, I need you now,” she pleaded.

With no further encouragement, Ellen slid inside, finding no resistance. She held her breath at the wonder of Kate and pushed another finger inside, filling her. This night she wanted to make it last, but Kate was having none of it.

“Faster, I’m so close.”

After only a few thrusts, Kate jerked and came, her eyes half open. Ellen thought she had no tears left to give, but they fell lazily down her chin. She placed a gentle kiss on the tip of Kate’s clit, drawing it into her mouth. Kate’s body jumped at the added sensation, and she shuddered again before the first orgasm completely receded.

When Kate was still, Ellen closed her eyes and wept.

❖

General Beauregard meowed and bumped his head into Ellen’s head, waking her instantly.

“Ouch, Beau,” she whispered.

He really did hurt. She petted him and he fell down next to her, wanting to be held, too. Ellen glanced at the clock on her bedside table. Three o’clock. Kate’s arm rested over Ellen’s hip and she nestled into Ellen’s back. Being spooned by Kate felt so good, and she rolled over to face her. Startled to find Kate awake and looking back at her, Ellen touched her cheek soothingly. She tried to think of something to say, but couldn’t. What could possibly be said about their lovemaking?

“Have you been awake long?”

“A little while,” Kate replied. “My internal clock is screwed up.”

Ellen stared at her, trying to memorize the way Kate looked at that moment—sexy, sleepy, and totally irresistible. God, she was so in love with her. What the hell was she going to do?

“That was amazing,” Kate murmured.

“Mmm, yes, yes, it was,” Ellen agreed.

Kate ran her fingers through Ellen’s hair, scratching and massaging her scalp. Ellen yawned, wanting to stay awake, but Kate’s touch was putting her back to sleep. Her body, completely sated, called to her for rest. Although she fought her fatigue, her eyelids drooped and she relaxed into the massage. How could she be so utterly content and so utterly unhappy at the same time? Her mind wouldn’t work. Besides, it was senseless to ponder the impossible.

When Ellen awoke she was alone in bed. She listened carefully for any sound from the bathroom or the rest of the house. Hearing nothing, she got up and threw a robe on, calling Kate’s name. She could smell coffee in the kitchen, and when she went in, a note was lying on the counter next to the coffeemaker.

Ellen,
Had a few errands to run. See you later.
Kate

Bewildered by the abruptness with which Kate had left, Ellen poured a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. She couldn’t think of anything she might have said or done to cause Kate to leave without saying good-bye. Last night had been so miraculous, her body still hummed. She had been certain Kate had enjoyed it, too, but now she wasn’t sure.

Sighing, she left her coffee untouched and returned to the bedroom. Since it looked as though the day would be a long one, she might as well get back to her research. She had fallen far behind, unable to focus. But things were about to change. With Kate moving to London, all she would have was time.

❖

Kate jogged past the Lincoln Memorial as she rounded her lap on the Mall. She turned and headed back down Independence Avenue, feeling the burn in her legs and lungs. Running had always helped her work things out, but this time it failed her. She had avoided seeing Ellen this morning because she didn’t want to talk about what was happening between them.

She had to pack and put things in storage, and quickly find a place in London. Fortunately the personnel department would help her in that regard, and she had left it completely up to them. She didn’t care where she lived or what it looked like. Again, it would be someplace merely to sleep, nothing more.

It was time to pull away from Ellen emotionally. Kate had become far too attached, and last night had been a mistake. But she couldn’t help herself. Ellen was so captivating, and Kate’s body refused to listen to what her mind knew she shouldn’t be doing. For the first time in her life, she might be falling in love. She wasn’t completely sure, though, not knowing what that was like. But if it meant an overwhelming need to be near that person, a passion so intense it made her want to cry, and a pain so great at the thought of leaving it almost made her heart stop beating, then Kate had all the symptoms.

God, why now?

Turning left on Seventeenth Street, she slowed to a walk, her heart pounding and the sweat pouring down her back. The morning had already begun to heat up, and she hugged the tree line and the shade it provided. Crossing Constitution, she detoured onto the Ellipse, enjoying the park and the views it provided of the nation’s capital. The White House was obscured by the dense foliage, but knowing it was there gave her a thrill.

Living and working here had been personally satisfying and professionally challenging. The Washington political scene was where the action was, what she had always been most interested in covering. New York and its financial news bored her, and California held no interest whatsoever. Past overseas jobs had temporarily held her interest, but she had never contemplated living abroad permanently.

Her hand rose involuntarily up to her face, her fingers tracing the lengthy scar line. It no longer revolted her, had in fact become a part of her and who she would become. It signaled a change from the old Kate to the new, and though in some respects she wished it wasn’t there, in other ways she knew she might never have found Ellen without it. Kate had a job now, which was a good thing, but it took her away from the city she loved and the woman she loved. She supposed it was just as well, though, since if she couldn’t have the woman she loved, the city would no longer hold the same appeal.

❖

Ellen’s mother Barbara claimed her husband had alienated all the nurses on the floor and she was the only one left to tolerate his obstinacy, so he was able to go home early. With promises to take him in for checkups, she wheeled him to the curb and Ellen drove them back to their house. Joan was there preparing lunch while the children played in the backyard.

“Hallelujah, it’s good to be home,” Ira exclaimed. “And real food for a change. How about some wine to celebrate?”

“You will do no such thing,” Barbara admonished him. “Don’t get your hopes up. We’re not having anything rich or exotic, just soup and sandwiches. Then you’re getting into bed.”

“Oh, no. I can’t take being in bed anymore.” Barbara eyed him skeptically. “If I let you lie on the couch with the remote and a blanket over you, will you promise to be good?”

“Cross my heart,” he replied, making the mark across his chest.

Once they had ensconced him on the sofa, she and her daughters prepared lunch. Barbara couldn’t help but notice Ellen’s lackluster movements and stopped what she was doing to watch. When she realized Ellen was pouring milk for the children in bowls and soup in their glasses, she finally intervened.

“What’s the matter, Ellen?”

Joan stopped cutting the sandwiches in half and looked up.

“What do you mean?” Ellen asked.

Barbara looked down at the bowls and glasses until Ellen did likewise. Flustered, Ellen poured the soup back into the pan on the stove and took out new glasses for the milk.

“I guess I’m distracted,” she admitted.

“Distracted about what?”

When Ellen didn’t answer, Joan spoke up. “It probably has something do with that
woman.
I still can’t believe you would see someone like that, Ellen. I mean,
really.
If you’re going to insist on seeing women, at least you could find someone who isn’t so…so…” Unable to find the word, Joan shivered as if she was disgusted.

“That’s enough, Joan,” Barbara said sternly.

“She’s Kate Foster, Mom,” Joan continued. “You met her at the hospital. Now she’s unemployed because of that accident and her face is horrible. You shouldn’t be getting mixed up with someone with her reputation, Ellen, that’s all.” Ellen whirled on her sister, her fury finally unleashed. “She’s a courageous woman, Joan, someone you should emulate. And she’s not unemployed. She’s just accepted a position with CNN in London.” Her voice caught and her hand shook at the thought, and she leaned against the counter.

“Oh, Ellen,” her mother said, reaching out to her.

Ellen hadn’t meant to talk about Kate, not now, not with her father just home from the hospital, but thoughts about her were consuming Ellen. Kate had altered her life forever, and now she was about to lose her. It was all too much and she welcomed her mother’s embrace.

“Honey, did you talk with her like I told you to?” Ellen shook her head and brushed her tears away. “I couldn’t, Mom. I just couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m in love with her, and I have to let her go and be who she needs to be.”

“Love?” Joan exclaimed. “You’re in
love
with a woman? Oh, Ellen, please.”

The snap inside was almost audible to Ellen. Her relationship with her sister had always been tenuous, and now she didn’t care that they were related by blood.

“What is it, Joan? What is it about my personal life and my preference for women that you don’t like? Not that it’s any of your business, but who the hell do you think you are that you think you can dictate to me who I may love and what I must feel? Don’t you have anything else to occupy your life so you have to butt in on mine?”