Hello Loved Ones (25 page)

Richard smiled and brought his hands together. He still had a way of moving that was graceful.

“Lenny found me a couple of months ago.”

About the time of his graduation. She felt the heat of that moment, sitting in the stands when they called his name.
Not present.

“He didn’t tell you,” Richard said. It was an accusation. “I gather he gives you some trouble.”

“Nothing I can’t handle,” she said angrily.

He smiled. This time there was nothing graceful in his look. “You look like you could handle a few things. You got yourself a man?”

“None of your business.”

He leaned forward and grabbed her hand. “Aww,
Prudy!
You’ve missed me, haven’t you?”

There was unexpected comfort in his touch. She closed her eyes. For one blessed moment she didn’t feel so alone. Then, suddenly, he stepped close and she felt his breath on her ear. One hand went to her waist, his fingers pressing gently into the soft spot above her hip.

“You must be drier than a bone,” he whispered.

She gasped and pushed him away. “What’s wrong with you? Your daughter is missing and —”

She stopped. Not his daughter. She should tell him. Right here. Right now. But that would change all that he believed, and she couldn’t do that yet.

Sometimes believing is all a person has.

Sally

Sally clutched the letter in her hand.
It was a pleasure to hear from you. I’ve thought of you often
. She still couldn’t believe these weren’t her father’s words. He didn’t know anything about the banquet or about her invitation. He wasn’t feeling flattered that she reached out to him. And he certainly wasn’t dreaming of seeing her again. How she hated her mother for making her hope!

“I’m feeling kind of sick,” she said.

Cash shot her a quick look. “If you’re going to lose it, do it out the window.”

“Bet you think we’re all crazy, huh?” she asked.

“Nah.” He reached for her hand. She hesitated a second before taking his. Was he just being nice so he could make a move on her?

He cleared his throat. “Doesn’t it make you think about throwing in the towel? I mean, if your mom wrote that letter, it’s because she sure as heck doesn’t want you seeing your dad.”

He was right. This would be the time to give up. That’s what her mother wanted her to do. She’d never understood Sally’s feelings about her dad. Never wanted to hear Sally talk about him. Never had one good word, not
one
, to say about him. But
this
!

“It’s not her decision!” Sally said angrily. “It’s mine.”

“But she might have good reason. What do you really know about the guy?”

“He’s my dad. That’s all I need to know.”

Cash frowned. Great! Now he was jumping on the bandwagon? He was supposed to be on her side!

“Just drop me off at the Torchlight,” she said. “I’ll run in quick and—”

“Whoa there,” Cash said, “That wasn’t part of our deal.”

“But—” Sally stopped.
But we’re holding hands!
How idiotic that would sound!

“You don’t even know when he’ll be there. Christ, it’s not even noon yet.”

“Just swing by anyway, ok?”

“Let’s go to the dunes,” he said eagerly. “Some of my friends will be there.”

She took a deep breath. “I...I can’t. I don’t have a swimsuit.”

He let out a laugh and her cheeks burned. Oh, right. Teenagers didn’t go to the beach to swim. He looked at her pointedly but she couldn’t think of anything to say. Abruptly he dropped her hand. Flung it, really. She pulled it back to her lap and cursed herself for ever letting him touch her.

He moved restlessly in his seat. “This is such a waste of my time.”

“I thought you might do it as a favor, because we’re...” she paused, “...friends.”

He acted like he wasn’t listening. He tapped his thumb on the steering wheel, keeping the beat with some private tune. She wished she could rewind him like a cassette tape. The truth was she
wanted
him to hold her hand.

“I thought you liked me,” she said.

He glanced at her. “Maybe I was starting to, but right now I could go either way.” He brushed some dust off the dashboard with his fingers. “Anyway, you don’t like me.”

No, she didn’t. She couldn’t wait to get out of this car. So why did she have the feeling that once he dropped her off, she’d miss him? Was it just the touch of his hand on hers? Or was it something more?

“Well, you move kinda fast, don’t you?”

He shrugged. “Life is short. Besides, there’s only two weeks of summer left.”

“Let me guess. You have a girlfriend at school.”

“No. I don’t want one neither.”

“Then why were you talking about you and me dating?”

“When did I say that?”

“When we left Stuckey’s. You said we could consider today a real date.”

He shrugged again, as if she was boring him immensely.

“Dating someone don’t mean you’re boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Oh.” Was this something everyone understood? She could see that to call a boy your boyfriend after one date might be premature, but what about after two, or three? And what about holding hands? That meant something, didn’t it?

“What does dating someone mean?” she asked.

“It means you have fun together and want to hang out.”

“How’s that different than being boyfriend and girlfriend?”

“Definitions are unnecessary.” He wore a squinty look and kept turning his head back and forth like the plain houses and brown scrubby lawns they were passing were simply fascinating. “They create expectations.”

“My only expectation was that you get me to my dad.”

He was scowling now.

“Why don’t you get your brother to go?”

“I’m not telling Lenny anything about this! And I don’t want you to either.”

“Hey, I have no desire to talk to him.” He lifted a ropey arm to adjust the mirror, then laid it coolly on the back of the seat. “But you and me can still hang out.”

Sally rolled her eyes. “Yippee.”

He flashed her a hot look but she didn’t care. Did he think he could insult her and not get a little payback?

“You’re no prize, you know,” she added.

He pursed his lips. A moment later they slowed for a red light and he turned to face her.

“I’ve got feelings too,” he said, with a look so like a hurt little boy, open and unflinching, that Sally was instantly sorry. In a burst of spontaneity, she leaned forward and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“Hey!” There was that grin, transforming his face. “That was nice! Do it again.”

She couldn’t see that it would harm anything. She leaned toward him and right before her lips made contact, he turned his head. Just like that, without a moment’s notice, she was having her first kiss. An honest-to-God, lip to lip, someone-likes-me
kiss!
It was so much easier than she ever imagined. And nicer. The softness of his mouth surprised her. She felt a scratchiness above his upper lip and a warmth on her face as he exhaled from his nose. She squeezed her eyes shut tight, vowing to remember this her whole life through.

“You smell good,” he murmured, pulling away.

How
did she smell? She wanted to ask him, but that would definitely not be romantic. Instead, she’d check the soap in the bathroom the minute she got home and use the same kind every day.

She ought to thank him. Not just for the compliment, but for giving her this gift.
Finally!
She’d been kissed! But before she could speak he swooped in again. This time he put his hand on the back of her head and moved his mouth around hers so that what might have been one little kiss grew into five, ten, more kisses until something in her belly went rubbery. Was this making out? Dear God, she was
making out
in a
car
with a
boy
! She knew she had to make him stop, but this was an even bigger compliment. She must be good at this! Look how eager he was for more!

“Green light,” she mumbled, putting a hand on his chest and pushing him away. He sighed and stepped on the gas. They got on the highway and rode a while, that quiet between them again, only this time the air really was super-charged. No mistaking. They shared something special. She looked over and he was smiling too.

She leaned her head out the open window. The sun was on full bake but the heat no longer seemed oppressive. The air rushing by lifted her hair and rustled the letter she held in her lap. She looked at it again. Yes, her mother did a terrible thing. But maybe she deserved a break. As long as everything turned out okay, what did it matter?

What did anything matter now? She had a boyfriend! Her very
first
! Her stomach fluttered. So Cash wasn’t her absolute ideal. Her father wouldn’t be ideal either. That didn’t mean she couldn’t appreciate them for what they were.

Suddenly she was dying to know
everything
about Cash! His favorite subjects in school. Did he want to be a mechanic? Did he have any brothers or sisters? She’d even talk baseball.
Anything.

“How long have you worked at the Texaco?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Not long.”

“You like it?”

Another shrug. “It’s okay.”

Well. The wind was whipping too loudly to talk anyway. And Cash seemed to prefer the radio. He cranked it up and they listened to song after song as the miles spooled out, until Sally began to feel that old feeling close in on her. Hey! Here I am! She checked her reflection in the side mirror just to be sure she was there.

But every so often he would flash a quick smile—that
smile!
How she lived for it!—and she was reminded, this was a
companionable
silence. They had plenty of time. That’s what his silence was saying.

So she couldn’t explain the fear that gripped her as they drove into Holland. They came to a main road that led to opposite sides of town. A right turn would take her home. A left would take them out over the tracks.

Tentatively she said, “About the Torchlight…”

He groaned. “Then can we go to the beach?”

She tried to imagine herself at the beach with him. Would they sit on the sand, hold hands and talk, or would he expect her to go back in the bushes, where the easy girls went? Was she one of those girls now? Maybe it was the same as her journey to her father, the thing she knew when she first set foot in Cash’s car: there was no going back.

“Maybe just for a half hour or so.”

He turned the wheel left. “This better be quick.”

Sally sat staring at the squat concrete building. There were no windows. Just a beige brick wall, a blue steel door and a neon Schlitz sign.

“Go ahead,” Cash said.

She didn’t move. “I can’t.”

He rolled his eyes. “Oh for chrissake.”

“You go in first.” If she could follow him, she wouldn’t be so scared.

He shook his head. “I’m not going in. You get your ass inside or I’m leaving you here.” He put his foot up as if to push her out of the car. “Go!”

“You’ll wait, right? No more practical jokes.”

He killed the motor and gave her a sugary smile. “I promise.”

She still didn’t move. “What should I say?”

“The same thing you were planning to say in Kalamazoo.”

That was different. Then she thought her dad had read her letter and he would know immediately why she was there. Here, face to face with him, she’d have to explain everything. And what if he was drunk, or with his buddies? What if they made fun of her? What if she became tongue-tied and couldn’t get her story out and looked like some stupid, awkward loser? Or worse, what if he denied knowing her?

Cash sighed. “It’s hotter than hell just sitting here. And I don’t got all day.”

She opened her car door. She’d never expected it to be easy. She crossed the gravel lot and pulled on the steel door. It was so heavy she thought it was locked. She tried again and it opened with a loud sucking sound. Inside, the room was so dim all she saw was the exit sign shining over the back door. Then a TV playing in the corner. She stood blinking a moment. A man at the bar turned.

“I don’t know anything about it,” he said loudly, holding up both hands.

She looked behind her. “Uh…”

The man leaned forward and squinted at her. She walked toward him cautiously.

“Nope, not here,” he said. “Someone beat you to him.”

“To who?”

“Richie. Another kid was in here the other day. They left together.”