Hello Loved Ones (27 page)

She considered hugging him, just to break the ice. But not with her mother standing there. Instead she stared at him.

“I can’t believe it.”

“Kids, you all go inside for a bit, and let the pastor and I speak with your father,” Prudy said.

“I’d rather stay,” Lenny said.

“Me too,” Nell said.

Prudy sighed, exasperated. “What do you want, Richard?”

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“No.” Prudy moved as if to block the door.

Another chuckle. “Lenny told me about this banquet thing.”

“Does that mean you want to go?” Sally asked.

“You’re going to the banquet with Phillip,” Prudy said.

“Pastor Voss,” Nell added quickly.

Sally sighed. Was her mother really going to keep this up? Even now? “It’s a
Father-Daughter
banquet.”

“Dammit, Phil! Say something.”

The pastor took a deep breath and shuffled his feet.

“What’s there to say?” Richard answered cheerfully. “It sounds like fun.”

“And I’ll be there to look after her,” Nell said hesitantly.

“Yeah, what’s the big deal? Now that he’s here,” said Lenny.

Sally watched her mother eagerly. It felt good to have everyone on her side. It was her mother’s turn to accept it. Sally won! She was getting exactly what she wanted!

“Honey, I know you’re angry with me,” Prudy began.

“Can you be here Saturday, seven o’clock?” Sally interrupted.

“It’s a date.” Richard gave Prudy a triumphant look, then narrowed his eyes at Pastor Voss. “Well, love to stay and chat, but if I’m going to shine up, I’d better get my suit to the cleaners.” He reached over and tugged on Lenny’s t-shirt. “Anybody want to loan me some money?”

Lenny’s jaw dropped.

“Aw, I’m kidding!” He winked at Sally and hopped down the steps.

Sally heard her mother’s hard angry breathing and the sound of Pastor Voss smacking his lips. Never mind them. She clung to the railing and watched her dad disappear down the sidewalk, praying that he’d be back. But of course he would. Imagine it happening like this! He walked right up to her house and singled her out. And not because of her letter. Because he wanted to. Like it was meant to be. She wanted to jump around so every person she’d ever met could see. I did it! He’s here! She felt ten feet tall.

Nell

Dear Diary:

First of all, nobody’s perfect. Second of all, I DO NOT hate the sinner. Only the sin. Assuming there was sin, which I am by no means ready to believe.

Nell stopped with her pen poised, remembering the way Pastor Voss had looked in the police station, his face wrinkled with distress. It wasn’t just his car he was worried about. He cared about her, too. It was obvious in the way he pleaded her case with Sergeant Van Zandt, convincing him to keep her on as a crossing guard.
She’s a remarkable young woman
. Those were his exact words! When she heard them she knew.

There was no fighting her love for him.

With an explosive sigh, she threw her diary onto the floor, which wasn’t like her. And let it lay there, which was even less like her. Her whole life was unlike her now. It had gone all topsy turvy. Maybe it was just the world seeping in. Far away, soldiers were dying in the jungle. There were assassinations in Atlanta and Los Angeles. Riots in Detroit. Heads busted in Chicago. Her brother breaks a nose. Her mother lies. Sally runs away, and she steals a car. Where would it end?

Fortunately, Nell was worldly, in her own way. No one would guess it from looking at her, but she was what you called
savvy
. For example, she was no longer unnerved by the possibility that her mother had had a relationship with the pastor while she was married. That she might even have
slept
with him. Because Prudy was a just a practice run for Pastor Voss. Whatever spark was between Prudy and him was in Nell now, a full blown flame. She just had to find a way to make him see. She needed him to fulfill her role in life. Oh, she wasn’t one of those sappy doormats who
has
to have a man. She was no feminist either. It was simply a practical matter. She was meant to be more than someone’s sister, or daughter, or wife. She was called to spread the word of God and in order to do that, she needed a man of God. The fact that she loved him—in spite of everything, she loved him!—was icing on the cake.

Finally she picked up her dear friend, dusted off the cover and turned the tiny key in the lock before tucking it into her dresser drawer. She took the fabric Sally had chosen for her dress and studied the peachy-orange sheen of it as she spread it carefully on her bed.
Can’t you buy me a dress?
Sally had asked their mother.
Nell can make you one, same as she did for herself. Take it or leave it
. Then Prudy went on banging things around in the kitchen, which seemed to be all she’d done lately.

The bodice was almost finished. There was just some pleating across the front that needed to be done by hand. Nell worked the needle in, out, in, out. It made her think of sex. She bit her lip, ashamed. If she was going to make it work with Pastor Voss, she had some work to do on herself. Pure of heart. Clean of mind and body. That should be her focus. But that wasn’t so easy for a savvy person. She could only hope he’d appreciate that about her.

There was so much about her to appreciate! Her own dress hung on the back of her closet door. Look at that craftsmanship! Her seamstress abilities were quite remarkable. She could whip up costumes for the yearly Christmas pageant, sew sashes for the Christian Youth Crusaders, make curtains for the rectory.
Darn his socks
. It was that pesky va-va-voom she was worried about. Could she make herself attractive enough? Could she get him to dance with her at the banquet? Would he notice that she was surprisingly light on her feet? Or would he be too busy watching her father for signs of disaster?

It was a mixed blessing, all right, having her father back. It left her
amour
in the clear. But to what end? Would she have any chance to shine with her dad in the room? She felt little pinpricks of hurt thinking how her dad had stood on their porch and never said one word to her. It was all about Sally.

She paused in her stitching. There was something to the way Sally went about her little escapade. Boldly. Unafraid. Nell admired it in a grudging way.

She stood abruptly, letting the dress fall at her feet. Why wait for the banquet? Did she really think that in one night she’d impress Pastor Voss so much that he’d suddenly fall madly in love with her? One way or another, she’d have to tell him of her feelings, and there was no better time than the present. She hurried to her dresser and studied her face.

“The squeaky wheel gets the grease,” she whispered. Maybe it wasn’t
exactly
apt, but close enough. First savvy. Now squeaky. Because Sally wasn’t the only one who deserved to be heard.

Nell’s heart was pounding so loudly she almost couldn’t hear her own knock on the pastor’s office door. She heard him call
come in
, so she gripped the doorknob and turned. Her palm was slick, causing her to fumble a moment before she could push it open.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” she said in a shaky voice. She cleared her throat and tried to breathe. No one liked a shrinking violet.

“No, no.” Was that a look of disappointment on his face? Maybe he was expecting that dunderhead Daisy, with her crimson fake nails and witch-cackle laugh.

“If it’s about my car,” he said, “you really don’t have to say any more. I’m not angry with you.”

“I’m not here about that.” She stopped. Should she keep standing, or sit down? She couldn’t very well throw her heart down on his desk without some kind of preamble.

“I thought I’d come see if there are any last minute details you need help with,” she said.

He had his glasses off. It made his face seem over-exposed. He blinked.

“No, I think everything’s under control. Mrs. Dekker always sees to that.” He rubbed his lenses clean with a handkerchief and put them back on.

“I’ve checked the decorations,” she continued. “Everything looks wonderful.”

Why didn’t he ask her to sit? Because he didn’t want her to stay. She should go. In fact, what on earth was she doing here? Had she lost her mind? She’d never been alone in a room with a boy, never mind a man. Yet here she was. Something had brought her to this moment.

“Are you happy with the way things have turned out?”

He stared at her a moment. She wondered if he heard her.

“Oh, yes. Of course. Everything’s lovely.”

There was another pause, like he was waiting for something from her. This was it! Say it! But she couldn’t speak.

“Well,” he said finally, and shuffled some papers into a pile in front of him before standing. “I need to go unlock the back door for the florist delivery. I can walk you out.”

No! She stepped quickly in front of the door, blocking his exit.

“All the girls are looking forward to dancing,” she stammered. “Will you be dancing?”

He smiled and punched his hands into his pockets. “I’m not much of a dancer.”

That’s right. Steer the conversation. You can do it.

She gave him what she hoped was a coy look. “Oh, but you shouldn’t miss out. If you like, I’d be happy to dance with you.”

He looked embarrassed and didn’t answer. Maybe he really did think of her as a delinquent for stealing his car. Maybe he lumped her with Lenny. Two troublemakers. He might have forgotten all the work she did for the banquet. He certainly wasn’t giving the impression that he was on top of things.
On top of
… Oh! Her cheeks flamed. This wasn’t the time for sexual thoughts!

“You know, about the car. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for that.”

“I understand why you did it.”

“I don’t want you to think I would commit a crime so casually. I’m not that kind of person.”

She saw a look of patience settle over him. She also saw the effort it cost him. “Of course not,” he said, and she thought
no, not politeness! Anything but that!

She forged on. “I’m the kind of person who… well, I have some very specific goals.”

He nodded. “Your mother mentioned you’d like to be a missionary.”

So he knew! This was a good start.

“Yes, but if there was a way I could serve the Lord right here, in my own community…” She stopped and gave him a very direct look.

“There are many ways to serve the Lord,” he agreed.

She rushed on. “I admire the work you do. It must be very lonely, and terribly hard, leading the church all alone, without someone at your side.”

Now his brow furrowed.

“You’ve done a wonderful job!” she added quickly.

But he was shaking his head in a way that made her heart sink.

“Nell, I haven’t done a wonderful job. I’ve failed miserably. If only you knew how badly I’ve failed.”

“Don’t say that! Because…” she took a deep breath. “Well, I know all about you and my mother, if that’s what you’re referring to.”

His eyebrows shot up. “What do you know about Prudy and me?”

“I remember the way you used to come over all the time. I know you had feelings for each other.” She reached out and touched his arm. “It doesn’t matter to me. That’s over.”

He stared at her hand. “What are you saying?”

Her words tumbled out. “I have feelings of my own. For you. Loving feelings. And I know you don’t feel the same about me. Not yet. But I would be very good for you.”

He took a step back and pressed his fingers to his temple. “Oh, no, no.”

“I’m 21 now! I’m ready to be married and start a family.”

“Nell, I’m flattered. But please, don’t say any more.”

He didn’t take her seriously! He saw her as a girl, not a woman! She wouldn’t let that keep them apart. She grabbed his shoulder and half stepped, half fell toward him. Pressing her eyes closed, she kissed him awkwardly. Frantically. She couldn’t even be sure she accurately hit his lips. Quickly he pushed her away with a terrible sound—was it disgust?—that Nell would never be able to get out of her ears.

“I’m so sorry for the hurt I’ve caused your family,” he cried, anguished. “Your mother and your sister. And you. Even Lenny.”

He lunged for the door.

“Don’t go! I’m pouring my heart out here!”

Looking back, he said, “You may soon feel very differently about me, Nell. And I won’t blame you. In the meantime, I can hardly bear to look at you.” He turned away. “At any of you.”

She watched him go, too stunned to move. And if there was any squeak to be heard, it was only the wheels flying off her heart.