Helpless (15 page)

             
If Natalie had collapsed at home, this insanity would have gone on for who knows how long.  But she made it to the actual filming set before fainting.  She was rushed to the hospital and there she finally told a nurse.  She was in such a malnourished state, that there was no question she was telling mostly the truth and she was put in Foster Care until Heath arranged travel for her.  That was the last time Natalie actually set eyes on her mother, though they did talk on the phone.  There was still some sort of strange connection that Natalie couldn’t seem to walk away from. 

             
Heath couldn’t understand why Natalie would even talk to Maya.  Jason knew.  That was her mother.  She wanted love from her mother. 

             
He slunk back down in his desk chair.  How could he have added to Natalie’s pain?  She was still locked into some need to please her mother, even now.  She was wildly concerned with her body and being in perfect shape.  Obsessed with keeping her career strong.  Determined to stay rich.  She had let slip her extreme fear about losing her money and becoming poor.  All these things were dysfunctions and he was trying to teach her how to observe them and gain power over them.

* * *

             
Heath turned and walked into the bushes along the fairway of some golf course.  He moved fast so his golfing buddies were busy watching the guy up for a swing.  He didn’t want their attention right now.  He puked up in the bushes as quietly as he could.  A vision of his daughter in the hospital as a skeleton just flashed through his mind.

             
He had hoped that when Natalie discovered how disgusting Jason was to her, how he used her, that he, as her father, could step in and help her.  He had hoped she would confide in him, let him spend more time with her and help her get off drugs and find other things to do.  Going out with strange men was playing with fire.  It was only a matter of time until she was assaulted or worse.

             
But that had not happened.  After he slapped the restraining order on Jason, she had seen him only one more time and then shut him off entirely.  She had that weirdo Aldo hire a lawyer and transfer the apartment lease into her name.  She blocked his phone number and threatened to call the police anytime he came near her physically. 

             
Heath returned to his group quickly.  His duck into the bushes had not been noticed and he rinsed his mouth out and spit with some always handy bottled water.  Leaning on the cart he pretended to be watching.  His mind wondered back again, he was married to Maya, a lovely model.  Tall and strawberry blonde.  She was so charming.  She had captured his heart.  He knew now the only reason she married him was because he was an up and coming star in films and the word was he was going to be a star.  He wondered if she ever even liked him. 

             
Shaking his head he walked forward with the group and took his next swing—totally on automatic.  It was a passing shot, and didn’t elicit any comments from his buddies.  He leaned against the cart again.  His brain picking up where it left off.

             
Within months, he knew the real Maya.  She was insecure, demanding, had no concept of other people having feelings.  She felt she was the prettiest model in the world and that everyone should bow down to her every whim.  Mostly people did, too. 

             
Snooping in her personal files one day when she was out, he came across some medical files.  She was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  NPD could be treated, but it took time, motivation and the methods for treatment were slow.  All things Maya would not bring to the table or had not patience for.  Still, Heath felt he loved her, the Maya deep inside.  That was when he hatched his plan.  They
were
married.  Children were a natural next step.  Maya was adamant she did not want to bloat up and have stretch marks and would never have children.  She was always pushy about condoms.  Heath was sure that giving birth to a child would spark some real emotion of love in Maya, so he actually poked holes in his condoms.  He also started to spike her drinks with vitamins. 

             
Standing in the sun, listening to his buddies joke about their golf abilities, twenty years older and wiser; Heath realized how desperate and insane that move had been.  The whole thing.  But he really wanted kids, it had not been done just as a way to connect with Maya, but to be a father.  It all turned to dust; it was all the wrong way to do it.  But wrong or not, Natalie was born and he did love her.  Maya was just too strong and mercurial for him.  He didn’t know what to do, so he ran away. 

             
Now he had cooked up another scheme that had turned to dust.  It seemed smart to hire a young professional therapist to keep an eye on Natalie.  It would take longer than normal therapy, but having that professional influence in the guise as a friend should have been pushing her in the right direction.  Then the fool went and started an affair with her.  Heath was sure Natalie would look at is as just one more way her parents let her down.  Now the divide she put between them looked like there was no way he could break through.

             
Heath sighed as he moved to the next hole.  He was clueless as to how to help his daughter.  Not looking forward to watching her self-destruct, he realized he had been feeling sick for days and it just came to a head now with that vision that popped into his mind because he knew she is not eating right and drinking too much.  He couldn’t see any future for her outside of the tray in a morgue. 

* * *

              Tonight I have an interesting fellow who is taking me out to a private dinner.  I just hung up after setting up our meeting time, he says he has bought out the Sky Deck of the Bayleaf Hotel so we will have an exclusive dinner.   I met this guy at the Greenbelt Shopping Mall.  I was browsing a high end boutique when he approached me.  He laid on some stupid line about red hair but what got my attention was when he told the clerk he would buy the leather cross body bag I had been admiring.  He slipped me a business card and told me no strings, but call him if I wanted a dinner and night out in Manila that I would never forget. 

             
He claims his name is John.  It is on the business card, but something seems a little too slick about it all.  I so believe that the info on the card is his real name.  Right.  But I don’t care.  He is not as old as most, so maybe I can have a fun night of wild sex and be able to fall asleep exhausted. 
That
is what I am looking forward to.  Well, that and to see how high a bill I can run up at dinner.   So I call him and set up the time. 

             
He is about thirty and looks like his heritage is Asian as well as White, since English is the official language of the country, I can’t tell for sure about his background.  He only has a slight accent.  He is a little plump and he certainly suffers from a lack of fashion sense.  His clothes are too loose and hang too much.  He hair looks like he either needs a haircut or needs to decide to let it grow.  All in all, not really attractive, but he must be rich and I am bored.  Still, if this wasn’t Manila, I wouldn’t have gone out with him.  Since there is little chance of someone I know running into me at dinner here, I’ll accept for something to do.

             
He shows up in front of my hotel, Pan Pacific, in a Hummer.  A bright yellow one.  It just screams for attention.  I frown because yellow is not the greatest color against my hair.  John pops out and does that run/walk thing up to me with a huge smile on his face.  Kaki pants, darker tan button-down shirt.  The cuffs are buttoned.  The shirt is buttoned all the way to the top.  It almost begs for a tie, but at least he doesn’t have a tie on.   After all, we are going to be totally alone in this restaurant. 

             
The whole get-up looks like he is playing dress up.  I get a weird feeling, but I ignore it.  In my new outlook of accepting a life without love, I’m going to have to compromise and have some nights out with guys that are a little weird.  I’m only in the Philippines for one more day, so I don’ t have to deal with this joker again. 

             
I decide I will just make the best of it and make up some reason to cut the night out short if he gets any weirder.  Funny how I always used to think I was in control of things. 

Maya was pulling herself up on the wide sofa, pulling her wheelchair nearer to slide herself into the hateful canvas and steel prison. 

            
 
That little bitch never calls
me
.  She is skyrocketing to fame, fame that would have been mine if she hadn’t screwed up night and distracted me, distracted me so I had too much to drink and wasn’t thinking as I turned around to talk to Brad in the backseat and knocked Karon’s had up along the steering wheel.   She knows she did this to me, and she has never apologized for ruining my life. 

             
But I have patience.  I know how to get to her, I know what buttons to push.  I will get what I want and she will be waiting on me hand and foot and I’ll have her stupid, idiot manager fired and take over.  Then I will be booking all her jobs and will get some awesome interviews about being a beautiful mother of the top model in London and still working full time as manager.  I’ll have my picture put in with the magazine interviews.  People will finally hear about me again.  There is nothing that bitch can do to stop it.  She won’t be able to fire me, I’m in a wheel chair!   Once I get in, she will never be able to push me out of the spotlight again.

             
Maya lands in her chair and jerks the wheels around.  Hard, angry jabs of her hands move her toward her kitchen. 

             
If that nosy nurse had not overreacted to Natalie fainting, then her daughter would still be living here, helping out and making up for the car accident. 

             
Maya slapped together a salad, ripping the lettuce into shreds with her bare hands.  She now ignored that the counters were all wheel chair height, the entire house was ramped and modified.  At first Natalie did all of the extra work.  When Nat was taken away, Heath had a contractor come in and modify everything and then he cut her off cold.  That was when Maya spent years in a rage over having to have her house chopped up and destroyed.  Years in a rage at the world for doing this to her. 

             
Occasionally she would reach out to Natalie and try to lay a guilt trip on her, trying to manipulate her into to returning to Texas to take care of her mother.  Nat had always refused, never even coming out for a visit.  But Maya had more motivation now.  Now Natalie was really doing well in her career, now she should hand over both her time and her money to her mother to make up for all those years.  Maya was determined to keep trying until she found a weak spot in her daughter’s life, and then she would drill that spot until Nat had no choice but to return to live in Texas.

             
She will never figure out how to be a perfect girl without my guidance.  God, I wish she had inherited my intelligence, then she would have known her place right from the start and not been such a drama queen about the ice chips.  Now I’ll just have to work harder to make sure she becomes the very best. 

             
The mail has just been delivered.  Maya hears some envelopes drop onto the floor of the hallway.  She rushes out and scoops up all the mail.  Eagerly flipped through the senders to see if someone she used to know has written to her.  As usual, it is just junk mail and a bank statement.  Maya ignores the heat of shame and disappointment that flush her face.  Maya would rather die than admit that she was lonely.  Admit that she has been forgotten.

             
Her days are all the same now.  She has not left the house in three years.  There is just enough money left from her fashion days and what Heath has kicked in occasionally to keep her going.  Not enough for her to make a grand entrance back into the world.  Maya has slipped into a fantasy world and her only connections with what is really going on in the world are her magazines.  Magazines she devours and analyses.  The thrill of her day is to spot her daughter, as then she has an excuse to call Natalie. 

             
Natalie feels the sting of guilt each time her mother calls.  It is always something different that Maya uses.  Something she forgot to do.  Something she didn’t do well enough.   Some obligation or social custom she didn’t perform correctly. 

             
The only way Natalie has been able to keep from getting permanently stuck in this poison web has been her own Narcissist defense mechanisms.  Natalie had started to evaluate just how abusive her childhood had been during talks with Jason.  Now that he was out of her life, the only thing keeping Natalie from crumbling in weakness and returning to her mother is her anger and restlessness. 

             
Maya senses some of this and is just waiting to catch Natalie at a time when her defenses are down.  Then the wayward daughter will return home, and Maya will build her power agai
n
.