Her First Vacation (21 page)

Colin had decided that he would stick to Garret like glue
for the remainder of the trip. He knew the meeting with Garret’s contact would
not take place on the ship. Every single person on the ship had been checked
and re-checked until there wasn’t a detail of their lives that hadn’t been
evaluated. There were a number of people who might have been involved in
activities that were not precisely legal, but none of them was into anything as
serious as what Palmer was up to. Which meant his contact was not on board. The
meeting would take place on shore somewhere. Garret would make the meeting,
exchange information, then come back to the ship. Colin would follow him,
identify the contact and tag him,
then
other agents
would go after him while Colin stuck with Garret. Provided everything went
according to plan. Palmer would be taken into custody right before the ship
docked back in Florida. That would minimize any chance he might have for
forming any last minute escape plans. Colin would take him into custody, and
they would be met on the ramp by an army of other federal officers that would
then take Palmer off Colin’s hands. It was a simple plan. Colin knew very well,
though, that simple didn’t always mean easy.

The first problem arose when Colin was forced to watch
Claire have breakfast with Garret. There was no way to miss the strain on her
face, the tiredness in her eyes. She hadn’t slept well, and Colin knew he was
to blame for it. And it appeared that he’d done it all for nothing, because she
clearly hadn’t taken his warning to stay away from Garret seriously. He watched
as Garret rose from the table when she walked up and leaned forward to kiss
her. She turned her face at the last moment, so the kiss fell on her cheek
instead of her lips, but that was hardly soothing to Colin’s tightly strung
nerves. Garret helped her to her seat,
then
sat beside
her. Too close beside her. The waiter came and they ordered, then she fixed her
beautiful gray eyes on Garret when he reached out and took her hand. Colin
watched as Garret wove his fingers through hers and felt his stomach clench as
memories of doing the same thing slammed into him. Their hands had clung
together like that while he’d been sinking into her. He shuddered,
then
forced the memory away as he focused once more on the
pair sitting several yards away.

Claire wanted to pull her hand out of Garret’s grasp, but
didn’t because she knew it would hurt him if she reacted that way. His grip on
her hand wasn’t casual, though. It was intimate. His fingers laced with hers.
It reminded her of Colin, of the way they’d done the same thing while making
love. She sincerely hoped the flush she felt sweeping across her face was not
nearly as visible as it felt. The moment she saw Garret’s frown, though, she
knew she was wishing in vain.

“Are you all right? You’re suddenly very flushed.”

She nodded, dropping her eyes from him as she lied. “I’m
fine. I just didn’t sleep very well last night, that’s all. I guess I slept too
much yesterday while the antihistamine was in my system.”

He gave her hand a squeeze. “We’ll make it a light day
today. I had planned to take you ashore, but we’ll skip it and stay on board
instead.”

Claire swallowed convulsively as she shook her head. “No, there’s
no reason for you to change your plans. Go ahead and do whatever it was you had
in mind.”

He reached out and caught her chin, lifting her face so
their gazes met. “I have no interest in doing anything that doesn’t include
you.”

Claire could see his intentions in his eyes. They dropped
to her mouth for a moment,
then
lifted to meet her
gaze once more. He was going to kiss her. She knew she couldn’t allow it. So
she cleared her throat as she slowly leaned away from him.

“Listen, Garret, I think we need to talk.”

She saw the frown that settled over his face. He quickly
covered it though, with a strained smile. “This sounds ominous.”

The attempt at humor fell flat. She shook her head,
then
didn’t say anything as the waiter arrived with their
food. She used that as an excuse to pull her hand out of Garret’s grasp. Once
the waiter had gone, she picked right up.

“You know I have really enjoyed all the time we’ve spent
together, Garret.
Really.
I’ve never felt
so...appreciated as I have when I’m with you.”

His frown was back.
“But?”

“Well, it’s just that I’m not looking for an affair.” She
felt herself flush again as she voiced that lie. She might not have been
looking for an affair with Garret, but she’d certainly had one with Colin. She
just hoped Garret took this flush to be nothing more than embarrassment over
the delicate nature of what she was saying. “I told you from the start that I’m
not that kind of woman.” Another statement her actions two nights ago had made
into a lie. “I just can’t be that casual.”

Garret’s face was tight with tension as he held her gaze.
And there was a look in his eyes that made Claire
feel
vaguely uneasy. As quickly as it had appeared, though, it was gone as he nodded
slowly.

“I know who and what you are, Claire. Believe me, I understand.”
He reached out and caught her hand once more. “But what you don’t seem to
understand is that I’m not looking for an affair with you.” He sighed. “I
thought I’d made that much clear to you the other day. Obviously I wasn’t as
clear as I thought. So let me just come right out and say it.” His grip on her
hand tightened marginally. “I’m in love with you. I think I have been from the
moment you stared me in the eye and told me in no uncertain terms that you
wouldn’t be just another woman I lured into my bed.” He smiled ruefully. “I’ll
admit that in the beginning I saw you as a challenge to overcome. I thought I
could wear you down. But I was the one who got seduced. By all you are.
Your heart and soul and everything that makes you so incredibly
special and unique.
For the first time in my life, I want more than a
woman’s body. I want the whole woman. I want you.”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Claire could feel tears gathering in her eyes. He was
baring his soul to her, and the things he said touched her deeply. He was
offering her everything she’d ever wanted. Acceptance for
who
and what she was.
Understanding.
Love.
She ought to feel elated. She should be especially pleased that she wasn’t
really even afraid of having him meet Diane. If the things he said were true,
then he wouldn’t care how beautiful Diane was. Some part of her was almost
tempted to accept what he was offering her. But she couldn’t lie to him like
that. Nor could she lie to herself. The truth was
,
she
wanted all the things he was offering her with a desperation that was too
intense for words. But she didn’t want it with Garret. She wanted it with
Colin. She wanted him to look her in the eye and tell her he loved her as much
as she loved him. If she accepted what Garret was offering, it would be worse
than a lie. It would be cruel.
To him, even to her.
She blinked back the tears in her eyes and forced herself to hold Garret’s
gaze.

“You can’t imagine how much what you’ve said means to me,
Garret. I don’t believe anyone has ever loved me before. Not really. Not
unconditionally. And I’ll admit that part of me, a large part, wants to grab
hold of it and never let go. But it wouldn’t be fair to you if I did that.
Because I can’t say I return your feelings. I care about you, certainly. But
I’m not in love with you.”

As she’d spoken she’d seen the emotion slowly leech out of
Garret’s face. By the time she finished, the expression in his eyes was as hard
as flint. His grip on her hand was tight enough to be nearly painful. And out
of the blue, she remembered Colin’s final words to her. Garret wasn’t what he
seemed. The warning had been so unexpected, so…out of place. She’d told herself
it was just Colin trying to keep her from going from him to Garret. Like some
kind of game in which she was the prize, Colin wanted to be the only winner.
But now the warning seemed all too sincere. Because there was something in
Garret’s gaze that made her want to get away from him.
A
coldness that sent a shiver along her spine.
His grip on her hand
tightened again, causing her to grimace in discomfort.

“Garret, you’re hurting me.”

He didn’t let her go. He showed no sign at all that he’d
heard her. Just when she thought he might actually do damage to her hand,
though, he jerked away as if her touch burned him.

“You’re a tease, Claire.
A miserable,
heartless bitch of a tease.”

The words hit her with almost as much force as a physical
slap. She drew back with the same swiftness as if the blow had been physical.
“Garret-“

He cut her off. “I don’t know what the hell I was
thinking,
when I said I loved you. No one can love you. You
won’t let them.” He shook his head as he threw his napkin down onto his plate.
“And why would I want you, anyway? You’re so damned cold that I’d probably
freeze to death the moment I got inside you.”

She felt herself pale. The last was accompanied by a sneer
of pure disgust. He pushed away from the table. “I’ve wasted enough time
chasing after you. I’m going to find a real woman. And you can go on being a
frigid little virgin for the rest of your pathetic life!”

His voice had risen toward the end, so that Claire knew at
least a few of the other people around them had heard the last of what Garret
had said. She felt herself blush, felt nausea rise up in her throat as he
turned and stalked away. Dear God, how could he be so cruel? She felt the tears
come to her eyes, felt them slipping down her face. And still she sat there,
too shocked and ashamed to move while people were whispering around her. The
trembling started in her hands and spread to the rest of her body with alarming
swiftness. Garret’s words kept ringing in her ears.
Frigid.
She’d been called that before.
And cold and pathetic.
All words she’d heard before. All part of who and what she’d been accused of
being so many times in the past. By her mother and her sister and even the one
man she’d allowed
to take
her to bed. She’d heard it
all so much that she had begun to repeat it herself, believing she was what
she’d been labeled. Two weeks ago, even two days ago, she’d believed it. She’d
assumed she must be cold and frigid because she hadn’t felt anything at all
when she gave her body to a man. But then Colin had come to her room. He’d come
to her bed, and suddenly she knew that all the things she’d been before the
night they’d shared didn’t mean a thing. He’d taught her that her past was
nothing more than a lie she’d allowed herself to believe. He’d taught her that
she was every bit as much a woman as her mother or her sister or any other
woman. She was not frigid. She never had been.

Colin was ready to get up and go to her. Against every
logical thought in his head, he was ready to take her in his arms and protect
her from the words he and half the other people in the dining room had heard
Garret say. There was no doubt that Colin hated Garret Palmer. He wanted
nothing in the world more than to put him down hard for every one of the crimes
he’d committed in his sorry life. But at that moment, Colin wasn’t thinking
about Garret’s crimes. Not even about Charlie’s murder. Right then Colin was
just thinking that he wanted to hurt Garret because he’d hurt Claire. It was as
simple as that. Colin was going to bring Garret down because of what he’d just
done to Claire.

Colin clenched his hands into fists. Garret had called her
frigid, and Colin knew it had hurt her badly. She’d been called that before,
and she’d believed it. Hearing it said again would just reinforce her doubts
about herself. She’d run away and hide again now, probably for the rest of the
trip. And then she’d go home and right back to her boring little life. She’d
probably withdraw into a shell so thick no one would ever touch her again. All
thanks to Garret Palmer. Maybe even thanks to
himself
.
Because he’d started it, hadn’t he? He’d gotten close enough to her to get to
know her. He’d been the one to force her to see that she was so much more than
what she appeared to be on the outside. He’d been the one to encourage her to
take risks. And he’d been the one to take her to bed,
then
walk out on her. He’d told her she wasn’t frigid. He’d showed her in a thousand
little ways that she turned him on like no other woman ever had. But Claire
wasn’t experienced enough to recognize those silent signals. She just knew that
in the end, he hadn’t wanted to stay with her. And she’d spend the rest of her
life blaming herself for it.

Colin pushed his chair away from his table. Claire’s eyes
were filled with tears. It would destroy everything he’d tried to do if he went
to her. It would tear down every bit of work he’d done to get himself close to
Garret if the man ever realized he and Claire had been lovers. But Colin
couldn’t make himself care. He couldn’t make himself sit there and watch her
fall apart like this. He was just about to get to his feet when he saw her take
a deep breath and lift her hand to wipe the tears from her eyes. A moment
later, she rose from her chair and turned to walk from the room with her head
held high and her back and shoulders straight. And just like that, Claire
proved to him one more time that she was stronger than he gave her credit for.
He watched her go, feeling a sense of pride he had no right to experience. She
wasn’t his. She never would be. But damn if he didn’t wish she were.

Claire didn’t go to dinner that night. She wasn’t entirely
certain she could deal with facing both Colin and Garret at the same time. She
wasn’t really hiding from them though. She’d simply chosen to avoid places she
thought either of them might be. So she’d watched as people boarded the launch
to go ashore, and when she didn’t see either of them in line, she decided to
get off the ship. She spent most of the day wandering through the markets of
the small island and ate a late lunch that meant she wasn’t hungry when dinner
came around anyway. She picked up a few more souvenirs for her mother and
sister and even a few trinkets to put in her classroom next year that she knew
would fascinate young eyes and minds. Brilliantly colored woven rugs and
intricately carved masks. The children would love them. It was getting dark
when she finally took the last launch returning to the ship. She was pleasantly
tired and pleased with her purchases. And most of all, she was content that
she’d finally accepted the full truth of who and what she was. Along with that
self-acceptance had come others. Like the fact that she loved teaching so much
she knew she would never be able to give it up. But she didn’t love living in
her hometown. She didn’t love living with her mother and sister and the way
they both constantly made her feel as if she would never be good enough. It was
time for some real changes in her life, time to finally break completely free
of the past. When she went home, she would get an apartment of her own. She
would teach next year, but the next she would find somewhere else to teach.
Somewhere that wouldn’t hold so many uncomfortable memories of the misery of
her past. She would start her life over. Alone, yes, but at least on
her own
terms. And who knew, maybe someday she’d meet a man
that could make her forget Colin.
Maybe.