Her Love Ran Crimson (Crimson Series) (20 page)

I see the truth in his eyes. It settles my nerves.

He continues, “I didn’t come here searching you out. I swear. It was just fate that brought us crashing into each other, not once, but a couple of times. I’m nothing like my father. I never want to be anything like him. I understand what he does and those are his choices. A while ago he made it clear what is more important to him and it wasn’t me. That’s the reason I moved in with my mom. I know my dad is shady and I want nothing to do with it. I left. I made the decision to leave and it was an easy choice for me. If I told you when we first met who he was you would have never talked to me. You would have avoided me. I just couldn’t risk not getting to know you. Something happened when I first laid eyes on you. I didn’t want my father taking anything else away from me. He took my mom away from me when he decided to cheat on her. He broke up our family. I just couldn’t let him do anything else to ruin me. I was being selfish, but with the best of intentions.”

Whoa, this is the first time he has ever talked about his mom or dad. Maybe he has said simple things, but never anything this important about them.

“I’m working on building things back with my mom after I chose to live with him. I was young and when she decided to move out I blamed her. I never fully understood what happened between them, but I’m working on it. Maddie, please say you’ll talk to me again. I need you in my life. Even if it’s just as friends. I need you. You mean the world to me.”

I smile because I feel the same way too. It’s just not that easy. “Jase, look. I get it. In a messed up way, I get it. It’s just…I’m leaving. I’m getting out of here. I will only be here for three more days and it’s something I have to do. I forgive you, I do, but that’s all I can give you. It was going to turn out this way anyway, me leaving. I told you this before and it’s still my plan.” I look down at my hands that are picking blades of grass. I don’t look up in fear of being caught by his eyes, scared that he is going to make a huge fuss about me leaving.

“So you’re really leaving? Just like that? Where are you going?”

“Yes, I’m really leaving. I don’t know where I’m going yet. Maybe if the situations were different I wouldn’t have to go, but I have to, for me. I’m sorry.” He reaches out for my hand and the sparks start all over again. This time though, they are different. Like a light that is bound and determined to stay on no matter how hard I try to shut it off.

The longer I keep my hand in his, the stronger the pull between us gets. Not able to break the electricity between us, I don’t make a move to pull my hand away. I let the energy surge. I know whoever ends up with him once I am gone is going to be the luckiest girl in the world. I scoot over until I am sitting next to him and rest my head on his shoulder enjoying the last moment together we will ever have.

We sit there in silence just enjoying the company of one another. It’s like a silent goodbye. I didn’t think it was possible, but my heart breaks a little more just sitting here. I am trying as hard as I can not to cry, but my heart disobeys me and tears run down the side of my face soaking into Jase’s shirt.

When lunch is over we get up quietly, not saying a word. We still having our hands locked together as we walk toward the doors, knowing we have to go our separate ways. We walk slowly trying to milk the last seconds together. Once we get to the doors he crushes his body against mine and squeezes me hard like he never wants to let go of me, like he knows this is out last moment together. He eases up and looks lovingly, but sorrowfully at me and drops his lips to mine. He gives me a goodbye kiss for the books. I feel a tear on my cheek and I know it is his. This is just as hard for him as it is for me.

He stops kissing me and whispers in my ear, “Goodbye, Maddie,” and walks past me. When I turn to look back he is walking away. This is the first time he isn’t watching me leave. It’s me watching him leave. As he grabs the bottom of his shirt and wipes his face dry I know I have just lost him.

Chapter
Twenty-Four

Today is the day I graduate and I am one step closer to leaving. I’m growing more and more concerned as the time is approaching. Today Frank told me he is coming to my graduation. I never planned on him going, but when he explained to me Dixon’s weird fixation on me and him thinking he would be lurking around it all clicked. He is not going for me. He is going to see if he can spot Dixon. Since Dixon knows Frank wants nothing to do with me he thinks he would have the balls to show up thinking he would be nowhere near the place. It’s sad how everybody knows. I really don’t want him there, taking from my moment I accomplished all by myself. There is no use in arguing it, though. I won’t do anything out of the ordinary and draw any sort of attention from it. I will do everything possible to stay calm like nothing is going on.

I have hidden money in a locker at the train station along with some clothes and things I want to take with me when I leave. I will be leaving pretty much everything behind. It breaks my heart, just thinking of the stuff that used to be my mom’s. Things I’m so familiar with and having to leave it all to Frank. Also, the one person I am leaving behind.

I have been thinking about Jase a lot. How we parted ways. Just thinking about it hurts deeply, knowing today will be the last time I ever lay eyes on him. I will never feel his strong arms holding me again or his amazingly passionate kisses on my lips. There will always be a spot in my heart that holds the memories. Feeling a little sorry for myself, I get up from my bed and take a long look in the mirror, wishing I was more comfortable with the reflection staring back at me.

The time has come for me to get to school. I leave knowing Frank will drive on his own. I get in my car and crank the engine. I get a couple streets away before I reach for the radio playing the one band that has always been there for me making the hardest of times easier with their words of wisdom: Otherwise. Whenever I blast their music and roll the windows down, letting the wind blow through my hair I feel free, even if for a moment. Their lyrics always put me in a better mood and the smooth voice of Adrian Patrick when he belts out a note still gives me goose bumps. I drive a little slower than I normally would just wanting to make this moment last a little longer, welcoming the calming vibe it gives me.

I’m not nervous to graduate. I’m more anxious than anything. Pushing myself to the bone to close this chapter of my life has been a hard road. The reward that comes at the end has made it worth every tear I have ever shed. I know my mom is watching over me and proud I have made it through the darkest times of my life and that much closer to breaking free. The only thing missing besides my mom is someone to share this with. I might be young and have my whole life ahead of me, but being forced to grow up so fast has been hard. Not having a regular life most teens have has been hard. I never went to prom, never went on a real date. But making my mom proud and doing what she had always planned on doing is the best reward.

After getting to school and getting directions from faculty on where to sit and what to do, I take my seat. I am sitting a couple seats away from Jase. I am comforted knowing he is close and will be cheering me on. We lock eyes and he mouths, “I love you,” to me. I turn into a blubbering mess. I want to say it back to him because I know in my heart I love him, but I still can’t say it. I’m not strong enough for that and it’s not fair to say it back knowing I’m leaving, so I just smile and keep my eyes forward to keep from breaking down and crying. I hold onto the bracelet that he gave me and that I have never removed. It’s the one part of him I will take with me.

Finally, after everybody’s name has been called and the ceremony is over I don’t waste a second looking for Frank. I sneak off the field and make my way to my car, wanting to get out of here and to end this day and get one step closer to executing my plan.

When I get to my car Jase is sitting on the hood of my car. I slow my step and watch him. Wondering what he is doing here, I take a seat next to him and clasp my hands in front of me. “What’s up high school grad? Congrats,” I say solemnly to him.

“So…you’re really leaving huh?”

“Yeah, I leave Friday. I’m getting kind of nervous, but anything seems better than being here. I’ll make it. Don’t worry.” I nudge him with my shoulders, hoping to relieve the growing tension between us. I wish it wasn’t this on edge feeling between us.

“I know you’ll be okay. I just wish you didn’t have to leave. I wish I was enough for you to make you stay.”

“Jase, this has nothing to do with you, you know that. I have to leave. You know why.” He stands up and grabs my hand and hugs me so tight I feel all the air rush out of my lungs. Wanting to remember this moment forever, I grip him tighter hating that this will be the last time I see him. I’m scared for my heart to let go.

When I finally know it’s time to let go, I back up and rise up on my tippy toes and kiss his cheek. I wouldn’t want to get caught by Frank on my last day here. Moisture fills my eyes and finally I don’t care if he sees me weak. I want him to know what he means to me. How he has had the most amazing impact on my life. He has made me stronger and made the last couple of months the best months I have ever had. I just hope he believed me when I told him I forgave him because I truly do. I owe him so much. He pushed me when I needed it and made me do things I would’ve never normally done and I actually enjoyed them. He cared for me when nobody else would. God, I’m going to miss him something awful. The only thing keeping me going is knowing he got to know the real me and wants me to be better. How he was always there for me in the roughest times, not having to be there. Always being there to save me from myself and some horrible things I have almost done to myself. He has saved me and I hope he knows it’s something I will never let myself forget.

Walking away is the hardest when your gut is telling you to stay. I force my feet to move and hop in my car and give him a small wave and look forward as I leave the lot, our lot, for the last time.

I make it home to an empty house, wondering where Frank is. He never goes anywhere, so it puts me on high alert. Frank isn’t much of a human being to me, but I at least feel safer when he is in the house, knowing he would protect his stuff with his life. He would die trying.

I make my way to the kitchen, grab a snack, and head to my room to go over my plans. I need to have these down pat before I even attempt them. I am working with times from the bus station coinciding with times at the train station. I spent the whole night last night making a schedule. I figured it’s easier to trade from bus to train and maybe a cab once in a while to throw anybody off if I was being followed.

Every minute is planned. First, I plan on stopping and buying a dump phone and leaving mine in a trash can not close to the bus station, so If Frank decides to track my phone and have me picked up it will show I am somewhere else. I have to make it quick as I have to buy the new phone and input a number and information I have saved on my SD card. I have some pictures of injuries caused by Frank on here. Also, some recorded conversations. I don’t know why I saved them. I mean, I know I should have used them by now, but I was just too scared to ever say anything knowing he has connections deep in the system. Using them never seemed like an option for me.

Once I get all the loose ends tied up, I retire to my bed and try to get a little sleep. Sleep and I haven’t been friends lately. I haven’t been able to have my mind rest. Everything has been running through it. Jase, my mom, and hoping I am living up to what she would want from me. Making her proud is my biggest worry. Also the growing issues between Frank and Dixon even though we haven’t heard a word from him since I delivered the package that night. It’s like he just dropped off the face of the planet.

Just as I am dozing off I hear a beep from my phone. I blindly reach over and feel for it. Once I feel it, I grab it and check it. It’s from Jase.

Jase: Hi

Me: Hi. What’s going on?

Jase: Nothing. I just miss you. Wanted to make sure you are ok.

Me: I’m good. Just tired. Almost ready to fall asleep. U?

Jase: Could be better. Can I see you one last time before you leave? Please :(

Me: I’m not sure that’s a good idea.

I sit there wondering why he wants to put himself through more. We said our goodbyes. There isn’t really anything more to say.

Jase: Please, just for a minute. I have something for you.

Me: You didn’t need to get me anything. OK, we can meet, but it will be late. But just for a
minute.

Jase: Ok, let me know when and where. I will be there.

Me: Ok, see ya.

I drop my phone on the bed next to me, too tired to even reach to put it back on my night stand. I think about what Jase could have for me. Nothing comes to mind and while I can’t get it out of my head, I drift off to sleep. Anticipating my big day.

Chapter
Twenty-Five

I spent most of the day in the house as I usually do. I have only gone outside twice. Once was to take the trash out and the other time was to go get a phone as fast as I could and stash it at the bus depot lockers where I’m hiding all my stuff. Everything is ready for me to go. I’m just waiting for the time to hit. I have never been so ready to leave than right now. My legs are bouncing with the adrenalin pumping through my body.

I haven’t seen Frank since my graduation. It throws me off a bit. He hasn’t been sending me out to do things or spoken a word to me. It’s like he is avoiding me. Normally that would be something I would have prayed for, it’s putting me on edge. I need things to be as routine as possible. I have made a lot of unnecessary bathroom trips just to see if I overhear anything. No luck, though.

Getting ready to leave everything behind creeps up on me. I’m leaving in ten minutes. I slip out of my room one more time to grab a water, and I see nothing. I know where every single camera is in and outside of this house. I know I have to climb out my window and move toward the shadows by the fence to go unseen. I don’t, however, make it back to my room without seeing Frank. I get startled when I round the corner and he is standing by my door.