Her Perfect Man (17 page)

Now you feel terrible, after the damage is done, after it’s too late to take it back.
Kim sighed, tired to her bones. She poured some flowery-smelling bath oil into the water and stirred it around with her fingers. “Take off that thing you’ve got on and get in the tub. Tommy, close the door and leave us alone.”

“In a minute. There’s just a little more I need to say to my friend here.”

“Come on, Tommy,” Lynnette pleaded. “Don’t dog me now. Haven’t I been through enough already?”

Lynnette was already back in form. Of course it was all about her.

Kim went still at the thought. Hadn’t she heard that somewhere? Then she remembered Charlie’s voice.
Of course, because it’s all about you, isn’t it, Kim? Treat everybody like shit, cause you’re the only one who counts.

“You forgot to mention one little detail in your tale of woe,” Tommy said. “Your boyfriend never actually showed up here after you threatened to kill yourself.”

Lynnette’s face went blank. “What?”

“Your boyfriend. Mead. He didn’t know your threat wasn’t serious. Oh, maybe he
suspected
you were just playacting to get his attention. But he couldn’t have been certain. And I don’t see him here, do you? He never even called or the cops or anybody.”

Lynnette turned stark white as the words sank in, as the realization dawned that the man she loved so much had made no effort to avert her threatened suicide.

Tommy pressed on ruthlessly. “‘Course, maybe he figured he’d just wait to see if your name turned up on the evening news. He knows you’ve got a kid, right? I guess he thought an eight-year-old is mature enough to deal with a crazy mother.”

“Tommy?” T.J.’s voice piped up from the bedroom. “Can I bring my Xbox with me?”

Tommy called out, “Yeah, sure, kiddo.” He lowered his voice as he again addressed his cousin.

“You’re so busy chasing after stupid-ass men, you don’t even realize how lucky you are to have a kid like T.J. And you sure as hell don’t deserve him.

With this stunt, you’ll be lucky if CPS doesn’t step in.” Lynnette’s mouth fell open. “Child Protective Services? But I never hurt my kid—”

“Never hurt him? Do you seriously believe what you did today hasn’t messed him up? You seem to have forgotten I’m a teacher. If I feel a child’s being mistreated I am required by law to report it.”

“Mistreated? That’s crazy. Anyway, that’s only for your students—”

He blew up. “Do you think I’d do less for T.J.

than I would for a student?”

Lynnette was still in shock after Tommy’s outburst when T.J. came in for a hug and a kiss goodbye. She gave him a kiss and a ghost of a smile as he reluctantly left with Tommy.

When the two women were alone, Kim indicated the tub. “Come on.”

Her friend obeyed, stepping meekly out of the nightgown and into the tub, lowering herself into the water. Kim soaped a washcloth and handed it to Lynnette, then took her place on the closed toilet seat. Lynnette’s face slowly crumpled and her shoulders shook with sobs as tears streaked down her cheeks.

Kim’s heart softened as she saw how Tommy’s warning affected Lynnette. She finally understood how her behavior hurt her son.

But what her friend said next changed Kim’s sympathy to rage. “I can’t believe Mead didn’t even try to see if I was all right.”

Kim wanted to strangle her. “For fuck’s sake.”

She flew to the tub and snatched the washcloth from Lynnette’s hand. She scrubbed viciously at the mess of tears, snot, and smeared make-up on Lynnette’s face and snarled “Didn’t you hear a goddamn word Tommy said? What about your kid?”

“Ow!”

Lynnette squirmed, pushing the washcloth out of her face. Kim let it fall with a splat into the tub. Lynnette blubbered as Kim looked on in disgust.

“I know, I know,” Kim’s friend wept. “I’m a shitty mother.”

“Yeah, you are! So quit it!”

The tears dwindled to a trickle. Lynnette picked up the washcloth and wiped her face. “Tommy’s right. I don’t deserve T.J. He probably hates me now.”

“Oh, shut up.” Kim was in no mood for her friend’s self-pity. “T.J. loves you and you know it.”

“Yeah.” The blonde’s shoulders slumped in despair. “I don’t know why, though.”

“Kids love their parents. They never stop wanting to please them, win their approval.”

“I guess.” Lynnette moved the washcloth down her arm, then stopped. “I really scared him, didn’t I, with what I pulled today?”

Kim clenched her teeth. “Yeah, Lynn. I doubt he’ll ever forget it.”

Lynnette hid her face in the washcloth and boo-hooed. Kim had had enough. She marched to the tub and took hold of the cloth, flinging it into the sink.

“All right. Get up, you’re done.”

Her friend stepped out of the tub and Kim wrapped her in a bath sheet.

“I’m a fuck-up,” Lynnette moaned.

“Well, stop being one, then,” Kim snapped. “You can change, you know.”

You can change
. Again, Charlie’s voice came to her.
All you want to do is bitch about how lousy your life is and not do one damn thing to improve it.

“We can both change,” Kim heard herself say.

“Huh?”

“I said, we can both change. Here.” She squeezed some toothpaste onto a toothbrush and handed it to Lynnette. While the blonde cleaned her teeth, Kim lifted the dirty nightgown from the floor, stuffed it into the hamper and took a deep breath.

Lynnette hesitated, her mouth full of foam.

“What?”

“We’re not kids anymore.” Kim plucked a short robe from the back of the door and held it out to her friend. “We need to start growing up.”

Lynnette slid her arms into the sleeves of the robe. “Yeah.” She sounded almost sad. “I guess so.”

“So why do we keep screwing up our lives?

You’ve got a kid and I’ve—” Kim stopped. What
did she have? An unfinished education, a lousy job 
history, and a crappy track record with men.

Lynnette filled in the gap. “You’ve got a big old fat cat who rules the roost.”

“Yeah.” Kim laughed, then shrugged. “I don’t know about you, but I’m tired. We’re too old for this shit.”

Lynnette grimaced. “So we should start being all responsible and shit? Sounds boring as hell.”

“Maybe not. We won’t know if we don’t try.”

“I guess.” She tightened the belt of the robe around her waist and stared down at the floor. A flush moved up her neck into her face. “I’m sorry.

Not just for today, but, you know. For everything. All that stuff with Dale.”

“You know what? It doesn’t even matter anymore.” And surprisingly, it didn’t. It was only a small hurt, one that no longer felt very important.

“It was awful, though. And I don’t even know why I did it. I wish I could take it all back. If I could, I would.” She risked a glance at Kim. “That’s why I never told you. I was scared I’d lose you. You’re my only friend. I mean, there’s Tommy, but he’s family…”

“Yeah.”

Lynnette’s eyes were wet with tears. Real ones, not fake oh please feel sorry for me tears. “You’re the only real friend I’ve got. And after all the shit I put you through, you still came when you thought I was in trouble.”

Kim didn’t bother to explain that she came mostly for T.J.’s sake. Some things about Lynnette would never change—she would always see herself as the center of things.

Maybe I do, too
.
I’m just as bad as Lynnie.

Maybe Charlie’s right about me, and all I am is a self-centered brat.

Her friend asked quietly, “Could you take me to my mom’s once I dress and get a few things together?”

“Yeah. You sure about going there?”

Lynnette nodded. “Yeah, I know I always bitch about her, but being there will do me good. She doesn’t let me get away with shit.” She gave Kim a small smile. “Maybe I can get started on the road to being a responsible adult. Maybe it’s not too late.”

Kim hoped it wasn’t too late for either of them.

Most of all, she hoped it wasn’t too late to smooth things out with Charlie.

Kim descended the stairs, her heart thunking, her palms slippery with sweat. Halfway down she paused, took a deep breath, and squared her shoulders.

But before she reached the first floor, Charlie’s door swung open and he stepped into the hallway.

As he locked the door, he glanced at the stairway and noticed Kim.

She saw how he was dressed, in a tan suit jacket and a brown and blue striped tie. Her insides plummeted. “Oh, you’re…you’re on your way out.”

Was he going on a date?

He nodded, polite but distant. “The Community Center Art Show. A couple of my students have entered, and I just want to show my support.”

“Oh. That’s nice.” A cool wave of relief passed over her, but she felt foolish, too, just standing there with a bottle of wine in her hand. “I was just coming to see you.” She forced her lips into a smile and held up the bottle to show him. “You brought the wine last time. I figured it was my turn.”

His expression was carefully blank. Guarded.

“Oh.”

“It even has a cork, so you can use your handy-dandy Swiss Army Knife thingie.” Kim joked. He didn’t crack a smile. Flop-sweat popped out on her hairline.

“It’s nice of you, but I really have to be going.”

Okay. He wasn’t going to make this easy for her.

Well, why the hell should he? She’d been a bitch, and he was no doormat. As disappointed as Kim was, a part of her respected him for giving her the cold shoulder.

Her determination found its second wind. “Sure.

Don’t let me keep you. I’d kind of like to see the art show myself. Maybe I’ll see you there.”

He now had the perfect opportunity to invite her to come with him, and they both knew it. But he said nothing. As silence stretched between them, Kim felt the sizzle of anger. Why didn’t he yell, cuss her out, do anything but stand there as emotionless as a hunk of cardboard?

“What?” she said. “I like Art.”

“Of course. It’s open to the public. Anyone can come.”

“Meaning they’ll even let in a lamebrain like me,” she replied, trying to get his goat. “What’s the word? A philistine.”

But he wouldn’t play her game, wouldn’t let her goad him into an argument. Damn him. She’d take anger any day over this empty front.

“Okay, then,” she went on when he wouldn’t respond. “I’ll just see you there.”

And with a flourish, she turned and flounced back upstairs.

****

No one was playing basketball in the gymnasium of the Summit Community Center this evening. As part of the city’s SummerFest, the space displayed the paintings, sketches and three-dimensional pieces of local residents. Kim admired the artwork, smiled at the children’s efforts, and was awed by some of the adults’ work.

But one piece in particular brought her to a standstill. It was a pencil sketch of a handsome young man. Kim recognized the face immediately.

Her glance flew to the small square of paper identifying the artist.
C. Keller.

She stood for a long time staring at the sketch of Kevin. He looked much as he did in the photo on Charlie’s bookshelf, but in this portrait there was no smile. Instead, Kevin’s expression was serious and wise, as though he knew exactly how his life would unfold as well as everything that could have been had he made different choices.

It was an amazing piece. One that made Kim want to cry.

She was not the only one who appreciated the sketch. There was a white ribbon next to it with the words “Honorable Mention” embossed in gold.

She moved aside to give others a chance for a closer look. A few yards away she spotted Charlie talking to a boy and an older woman. When they drifted away, Kim moved toward him. “Is that one of your students?”

She’d approached him from behind, and he turned slowly, perhaps reluctantly. “Yes. He’s here with his mother. He won second prize in his age group.”

“I guess that makes you proud, huh?”

“Yeah, it does, though I can’t take any credit for his talent.”

“But you’re his art teacher. I’m sure you inspired him.”

Charlie shrugged. “I’d like to think so, but who knows?”

“I do,” she insisted. She paused as he nodded and said hello to a few people passing by. “I saw your drawing back there. It’s beautiful. It deserves more than an honorable mention. It should have won First Prize.”

He shook his head and smiled. “No. But thanks anyway.”

In the moment of silence that followed, Kim’s pulse raced in her throat. She was terrified Charlie would excuse himself, and she couldn’t let him get away. Not yet.

“Can we talk?” Her voice was low. “Somewhere away from here?”

He drew in a breath, and she knew he was about to make some excuse, to politely but firmly refuse her. “Please,” she said.

He paused, then nodded. “Let’s go out to the park.”

The Community Center was across the street from Gaylord Park. A number of children were on the playground, but Kim and Charlie still found an empty bench far enough away from the hubbub to allow them privacy.

They’d stopped on the way out to grab paper cups of fruit punch. When they sat, she gulped hers to ease her dry throat. Then she began.

“I really fucked up. I’m sorry for everything—”

He held up his hand. “Kim. You really don’t need to do this.”

“Yes, I do,” she cried. His calm, reasonable tone flustered her. It put miles between them. She’d have felt better if he hollered at her.

“No. Because you were right. I had no business sticking my nose where it didn’t belong, telling you what you should or shouldn’t do. It’s your life. I was being an arrogant ass.”

“You were being a friend.” She stopped and licked her lips, tasting the too-sweet stickiness of the punch. “Though maybe you don’t consider me one anymore. I wouldn’t blame you—”

“Of course we’re friends.” But he spoke so tonelessly that Kim knew he hadn’t really forgiven her. Sweat slicked her hairline. She had to do it now, tell him what she’d been hiding. It might make him only despise her more, but it was the only thing she could think of that might break down the stone wall between them.