Her Perfect Match (24 page)

He sighed. “The facts are clear, Miss Manning, my brother will be destroyed socially if he remains with you. I don’t want to see that happen.”

She held his stare with great difficulty. “You mean you do not wish to be embarrassed by him or by his choices.”

“No.” To her surprise there was no anger in his voice or face. “No, this has nothing to do with me. I would be hurt by his regret. As would you, I imagine.”

He had put her earlier thoughts into words perfectly and hearing them was a jolt of reality that pulled Vivien from whatever faint fantasies she had allowed herself of love and a future. Jolted awake, she blinked at the bright sun and the pain of reality.

“Yes,” she whispered.

He nodded slowly, pained, like saying this hurt him as much as it hurt her. “Then we understand each other, I believe.”

“We do,” she said. “Just as we always have, I suppose.”

He pushed to his feet, leaving his half-full cup and an uneaten cake behind on the plate. “Excellent. Or at least as excellent as this untenable situation could be called.”

Her nod was slow and pained. “Thank you for your concern for him,” she said as he smoothed his jacket. “Perhaps I had become blind to what was best over the past few weeks. But I do promise you that I will do it.”

“Thank you, Miss Manning,” he said and his hand came out unexpectedly toward her.

She stared for a brief second, then took his gloved hand and shook it once.

“Please be there for him once I’m…gone,” she whispered.

He nodded before he headed back into her home and left her on the terrace, staring at the open door into a home that suddenly felt nothing like it.

She stepped into the parlor and rang the bell for a servant. Nettle was the first to arrive.

“Yes, miss?”

She could scarcely find her voice. “You may clear the tray,” she whispered.

He stared at her a moment, as if he could sense her pain, but he said nothing about it, only nodded. “Of course, I’ll have them take it right away.”

“And ask Rachel to bring me my stationary,” she said as she all but collapsed into the nearest chair. “I have a letter to write to my solicitor. Now, before I find a reason to change my mind.”

Benedict paced the parlor in his mother’s townhome, restless and anxious as he awaited her arrival. Being called here, just a few days after his last encounter with Vivien, gave him no relief. In fact, it only made his entire emotional state that much worse.

His mind was clouded with thoughts, with memories, with frustrations he could no longer ignore. How many times could he declare his love only to have it denied…or worse, ignored. This was the second time he had done so with similar results.

The first time he told Vivien he loved her, it had been foolish and he knew it. She had made it clear she could not be with him and in his desperation he had blurted out the truth. As expected, she had recoiled and their relationship had swiftly ended afterward.

But this time…well, things had changed.
She
had changed. They were closer than ever and he thought, for a brief moment, that she had come to care for him. Love him.

In truth, he still believed that. She did care for him, he had sensed that dozens of times since they were brought back together with such unexpected intensity. And yet something held her back.

Something
kept her from being able to accept him.

But what? He kept racking his mind, trying to find the source of her hesitance, her desperation, the distance she kept between them even as her eyes brightened with emotion around him. But there was nothing, nothing except the same old questions that had been plaguing them for years.

The door to the parlor opened and Benedict scrambled to his feet as his mother unexpectedly entered the room.

She was a tall, slender woman, with eyes like his and his brother’s. She had always been beautiful, a Diamond of the First Water her first Season when she caught the eye of their father. They had married within that year and somehow, over the time they spent together, had developed a love match made of deep affection and respect.

His father’s loss had taken its toll on his mother, but she was beginning to come out of her grief and regain some of the sparkle and shine that made her unique.

“Benedict,” she said, holding out her hands in greeting.

He crossed the room to her and took her gloved fingers. She turned her cheek so he could press a kiss on the smooth surface and then backed away. She had never been overly demonstrative in her affection, though he knew she loved her children greatly. But she was proper.

“Mama, you look well,” he said as he allowed her to take a seat on her favorite chair and then found a place on the settee across from her.

She shrugged. “I need a new maid. Isabel is leaving and she’s begun knotting my hair as she thinks of her future husband rather than my needs.”

“I actually know of a few servants who will need new positions soon.”

Benedict smiled. Their plan for Dersingham had worked in spades. The Earl was utterly ruined, his own wife had left to stay with her mother and the women who had once been tortured by him were beginning to find new places of employment, thanks to a little help from Benedict and some friends. Vivien would be pleased about that, at least.

“Good. Have your servants send a list and I’ll make some inquiries.” His mother arched a brow. “And what about you, son? You say I look well, but you do not.”

He stifled a chuckle. “Direct, as always, Mama.”

She shrugged. “Why shouldn’t I be direct, especially when it comes to those I love? You look tired.”

“I am tired,” he admitted.

“I hope this isn’t because of that woman,” his mother said with a sniff.

Benedict jerked his gaze to her with wide eyes. “W-Woman?” he repeated.

She arched a brow. “Please don’t treat me like one of those simpering fools who pretend not to know anything. I know you’ve taken back up with that woman. What is her name again? Vivien or Violet or something else with a V? For vulgar, no doubt.”

He swallowed hard. This was a most indelicate topic and one he had never imagined he would be openly discussing with his mother, of all people. But then again, perhaps it had not been brought to her attention by a stranger.

“Derek must be very desperate indeed, if he brought you into such an indecent subject,” he said, gritting his teeth with every word.

She shook her head. “You needn’t get your feathers ruffled at your brother. He has said nothing to me. You think we ladies do not hear about the antics of the gentlemen? We simply have the control not to bring it up.”

He stared at her. “Then why bring it up now?”

“I had no desire to do so, I assure you. In fact, I have tried to ignore it, but the situation has begun to get out of hand,” she said with a sigh. “It is one thing to have an affair or to obtain a mistress, but it is another to ignore your duties in order to keep the company of that lady. How do you think our Prince became a laughing stock?”

“My duties are fulfilled,” he said, though his voice croaked.

She shook her head. “You told me you intended to look for a bride this Season. I was thrilled to hear it. Your brother has married and I’m certain that he will begin producing heirs in good time, but you are still his spare. If something happens or if he is only able to have daughters, you will be obligated to create heirs to carry on the family name.”

“So all this is about heirs?” he repeated, overcome with disbelief even though Derek had said as much during their last encounter.

“You can be terribly modern about all this and pretend that your father’s name doesn’t matter, but it does,” his mother snapped. “I owe it to him to ensure it carries on. And in all honesty, I think settling down with a lady of proper value would be good for you. You have been…
unpredictable
as of late and it troubles me. I’ve always believed I could depend on you.”

He clenched his hands as he tried with all his might to retain some civility. “So you think that by involving myself with someone outside the realm of your approval, this somehow proves I’m not dependable?”

She shrugged one slender shoulder. “It could create problems for me, for your brother, for yourself if you got carried away and believed yourself in love with this person. Or are my reports incorrect?”

He pursed his lips. “I do not think I want to discuss that with you, Mama.”

She held his stare for a long moment and then tilted her head. “Very well. You say that you can handle yourself and I have no choice but to have faith in you. But that does not mean I cannot encourage you. So I have made a list.”

Benedict squeezed his eyes shut. “A list,” he repeated with as much pain in his voice as he felt deep in his soul.

“Of women currently on the market who would be the most appropriate matches for you,” his mother said as she dug into her reticule to pull out a folded sheet of vellum.

As he watched her, Benedict had a flash to something very familiar. A memory of being in Vivien’s chamber and seeing a list of hers on her end table. Her reaction had been powerful and she had snatched the paper away before he could read anything on it beyond the words in the title that read “Loose Ends”.

“Benedict,” his mother said, her tone sharp as she shook the paper in front of his face until he took it. He looked at the neat line of names, almost two dozen, but could hardly focus as his mind returned again and again to Vivien and
her
mysterious list.

Why had she wanted to hide it from him? Did her reaction have something to do with her behavior in the weeks since that night?

“Are you not even going to pretend to examine the names I have so carefully compiled?” his mother asked.

He glanced at her. Her arms were folded and one slippered foot tapped beneath her gown. He shook thoughts of Vivien away as best he could.

“Of course,” he said, looking at her chosen names with a little more focus. But even as he scanned them with increasing dread, he knew one thing above all others.

He needed to find Vivien’s secret list. And he would.

Chapter Twenty-One

Vivien sat in the parlor of Mariah’s home, nervousness building inside her with every tick of the clock. Today was a regular meeting of the Charitable Fund for Young Ladies and her friends went about their discussions as normal. For the past hour, she had remained almost entirely silent, watching the two women interact, smile at each other, look over paperwork together as they discussed the best idea for this problem or a way to promote their cause to ladies of rank.

She would miss this terribly.

Suddenly Mariah turned on her. “Vivien, I cannot remain silent any longer.”

Vivien tensed. Her intelligent friend was about to comment on her distance, and then she would be forced to tell them something she dreaded.

“What in the world did you do to Lord Dersingham?” she finished with a laugh.

“You mean his sudden change of good fortune?” Vivien said, her lips twitching with laughter she could scarcely hold in.

That was one of the high moments as of late. Dersingham had been crushed under the weight of his scandal when the engagement to the American had failed and his creditors began to call in their debts. He was no longer invited to parties and had been holed up in his London estate for days without word.

“Change in forture is one way to put it,” Mariah said with an arched brow. “The man is utterly destroyed. They say he will never be invited back to polite Society again and now women are coming out of the woodwork to accuse him of impropriety. There may even be an investigation by the Crown about a recent duel and a stolen bit of gold… Since all these circumstances happened just a few days after you brought up his evil deeds, I
must
think you had a hand in it.”

“I have heard even his servants are fleeing the house, seeking and finding new employment in the best homes in all of London,” Lysandra continued with a wide smile. “Thanks to you?”

She shrugged with relief. The inevitable was put off for the time being.

“I suppose I had some hand in the fact that the American won’t marry his son as planned, which stole the funds right from the bastard’s coffers, but the rest is not my doing at all. It is only a fair recompense for years of evil deeds. And Benedict has ensured the safe placement of the servants from Dersingham’s home, not me.”

Lysandra held her gaze for a long moment. “Benedict is a good man.”

She couldn’t smile. It was too painful. “Indeed he is.”

“Isn’t there any way to be with him?” Lysandra pressed.

Vivien swallowed. She wasn’t even going to deny that was her heart’s desire. “No. Not with my reputation.”

“But Lysandra and I each came from similar backgrounds and our husbands—” Mariah began.

Vivien lifted a hand to stop her. “You did not come from anything like my background. Lysandra never had a lover beyond her husband and you married a rake with a terrible reputation who could be expected to do something so shocking. Neither of you were ever the most notorious woman in the city.”