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Chapter Twelve

 

“You definitely
should have won.”

 

I was fairly
certain that Ollie was more disappointed than I was that I hadn’t come first in
the competition. “I’m pretty happy with second, to be honest.  That guy’s was
pretty good.”

 

“But yours was
better,” Ollie all but whined. “It was cleverer than any of theirs.”

 

Annabel shook
her head in amusement. “You know no one really would have given you any of the
credit.”

 

“They would,”
Ollie pouted. “But I’m serious, anyway. I really thought Maddie’s was the
best.”

 

“Me too,”
Annabel agreed with a shrug. “But you must have known it was lucky for her to
even get in with that topic.”

 

“I’m more than
surprised I’m even in second.”

 

Ollie was still
unimpressed, though. “Well, I guess we have to go and drive home now that’s
over and done with.” There was an awkward realisation between us that we were
going to have to spend two and a half hours together without anything to
effectively distract us like there had been all day. “But I’m still tempted to
enter some kind of complaint.”

 

Laughing, I
watched as Annabel gave Ollie a quick hug. “I’ll make an effort to come home
soon. As soon as there’s a break in my busy schedule,” she teased.

 

Ollie chuckled.
“Make sure you do. Mum and dad miss you loads.”

 

“I’ll come
soon, promise,” she grinned at me then. “It was cool to meet you. Hopefully
I’ll see you again when I come down to Sheff.”

 

“Yeah, that’d
be awesome.” I wasn’t sure whether Annabel and I even had that much in common –
she just thought there was just going to be more gossip about Ollie and I she could
get if she saw me. I couldn’t blame her, I’d have been exactly the same. “See
you around.”

 

Walking back to
the hotel, the contestants were basically all doing their own thing now. We’d
been one of the first to leave the hall, since everyone else seemed to have
made friends with each and had been chatting among themselves. Ollie was still
grumbling about how it was unfair. “It’s probably a good job I didn’t win
anyway, I’m sure they mentioned something about another trip for the winner,” I
joked. “That probably would have ended as well as this one.”

 

It brought the
situation back down upon us both and I realised I hadn’t been as funny as I
thought. It was one of those things I definitely shouldn’t have said. Ollie at
least chuckled slightly, though. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It just annoys me
that they have these taboo topics. That’s the whole point of writing.  Yours
was clearly the best. It was written well and it was just a good idea,” he
rolled his eyes. “It’s so stupid.”

 

I offered him a
wide smile. “Don’t worry, I think it makes me feel better that you’re so
convinced that’s true than winning would have done anyway.”

 

Ollie’s cheeks
tinged pink, much to my delight. I loved it that I could make him blush like that.
“I guess that’s okay then,” he muttered as we walked through the hotel doors.
“Go and get your stuff ready and then knock on my door when you’re done. I’m
pretty sure it’s going to take you longer than me.”

 

I smirked as I
entered my room and shut the door behind me. It didn’t actually take me long to
pack at all, but I found plenty of ways to stall in reluctance to get into the
car with Ollie. It wasn’t just the fact that it was awkward since we both knew
how guilty Ollie was feeling, but more because I was sure we were going to have
to ‘talk’ about it. I really didn’t want to do that.

 

Eventually,
though, I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer. My headache had practically
cleared up at least, so maybe we’d be able to just listen to music. Knocking on
his door, Ollie opened it immediately. He must have had the opposite idea to me
and just wanted to get this over and done with.

 

“Definitely got
everything?” He checked.

 

I glanced over
my bags and mentally recapped before nodding. “Yup. I guess we should get
going, then.”

 

The walk to the
car was silent, and the first fifteen minutes of driving were silent apart from
the sound of the engine and the tires on the road. I spend that time twiddling
my thumbs and playing with my hair, whilst Ollie’s knuckles were practically
white from gripping the steering wheel so hard.

 

I refused to be
the one to break the silence, though. What could I say? Other than perhaps to
ask if I could put the radio on, which I didn’t think would help the situation
at all. “Maddie.” It was a statement, rather than a beginning of a sentence and
I held back a groan. This was going to be awful. “Argh, fuck this. I don’t even
know what I’m supposed to say,” he finally grumbled.

 

I couldn’t help
but laugh. “This is the worst professional relationship I’ve ever seen.”

 

Ollie joined
in. “I don’t even know how this got so messed up. I mean, out of all the
teachers that could have taken you to Newcastle, it had to be me. And then in
town. What a coincidence, I mean, really.”

 

I smiled
softly. “Yeah, it’s pretty unfortunate.” I wondered whether saying that it was
unlikely we’d be doing anything like this again was kind of nullified by what
he’d just said. “It really isn’t like to happen again, though.” I tried to
assure him. “I haven’t entered any other competitions, and you’re not supposed
to go out drinking in Sheffield anyway, in case you see students.” Then I
smirked. “Not that I can see you sticking to that.”

 

“Hey!” He
complained. “That was a one off. That was like, a last night out kind of thing.
I’m just desperately trying to arrange for us to go to Leeds or something.”
Then he grinned. “Now you can understand why I was so annoyed at you. Denying
me sex on my last night out.”

 

Laughing
loudly, I shook my head in amusement. “Well, if I’d have known, I wouldn’t have
been so mean.” I teased back.

 

“Seriously,
though, Maddie,” Ollie sobered up a bit. “I really can’t help but like you,
which is kind of an issue.”

 

I bit my lip at
his admission and my cheeks flamed. “I really like you too,” I muttered, though
I was more than sure I shouldn’t have told him. It felt cruel not to let him
know just how much I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

 

Ollie blushed
again. I smiled and he looked very much like he was trying to stop himself
grinning. “This is so ridiculous. You make me feel like a child again.”

 

“I’m not sure
whether that’s a good thing or not.”

 

“It’s good,”
Ollie replied instantly. “Being old sucks. Too much responsibility. When I’m
with you I always kind of forget that I’m supposed to be doing other, more
respectable things.” He shrugged slightly. “It’s nice. Then I have to go home
and mark books and it just sucks. And I can’t go out. And it’s just so
different from being at uni.”

 

I couldn’t even
imagine that, but I guessed that was the point. When it came to be me in that
situation, I’d probably be the same. “You probably only think it sucks because
I’ve been here making the transition awkward for you.”

 

“Maybe,” Ollie
admitted. “But either way, it’s still pretty rubbish. And now I’ve gone and
done this and just made it worse. What am I supposed to tell Jemma, I mean,
really?”

 

“I don’t think
I’m the best person to be giving relationship advice,” I told him honestly. “I
can’t say I’ve ever really had a proper serious relationship.”

 

Ollie looked
marginally surprised. “Really?”

 

“Well, yeah, I
mean, for most of last year I liked Connor and that never came to anything. And
before that I had like, two boyfriends, but they were only for a couple of
months each. Nothing serious at all.” Then I smirked. “I am only seventeen.”

 

Ollie laughed.
“Oh yeah, I always forget. I guess I’m actually a proper creep, aren’t I?”

 

“It’s okay, I
think it’s hot that you’re old, so you’re all good.” I taunted, though it was
completely true. For some reason the age difference did turn me on. It wasn’t
like it was actually that big, anyway.

 

Ollie’s face
was just about permanently flushed by this point, but he managed not to falter
in his banter or expression. “Well, that’s good, then.” Then he groaned. “Or
not so good, I guess. I’m willing to take your advice whether it’s any good or
not at this point.”

 

“Oh God, I
don’t know.” I tapped my fingers against my leg. “I mean, do you think she’ll
break up with you if you tell her about it? Do you think she’s the one?” I
couldn’t exactly ask whether he actually wanted to be with her, obviously he
did, otherwise he would just be breaking up with her.

 

“I have no
idea, to either of those questions. I don’t think we’ve really been going out
long enough to say.”

 

I sighed. “Well,
that wasn’t much help.”

 

Ollie chuckled.
“I should just tell her,” he decided. “It’s the right thing to do and we both
know it.”

 

Though I of
course wanted Ollie to tell her the entire truth and for her to break up with
him, I really didn’t know what the right thing to do was. Even if they broke up
we couldn’t be together, so I was being as selfish as possible with my thought
process.

 

“I mean, if you
think this is a kind of permanent thing with her, like, you wanna be together
for a long time, then I don’t know if telling her about something that happened
in the first few months is really important, if it’s just going to completely
ruin it.” I was having to say this through gritted teeth, but I don’t think
Ollie picked up on it. I’d just told him I liked him. Was he really that dense?
He probably just meant that he wanted to sleep with me and assumed that’s what
I meant too.

 

“Maybe,” he
agreed, much to my disappointment. “I guess I’ll just see how it goes. I’ll
have to just tell her if I start feeling too guilty.” He glanced sideways at me
for only a moment to smile before his eyes focused back on the road. “Thanks
Maddie.”

 

I didn’t bother
to show any positive expression considering he couldn’t see it. “It’s fine.” I
assured him, deciding to look out the window and the passing fields instead. “I
hope it works out for you.” I was far too bitter and selfish to actually want
that, but it was worth saying, I supposed.

 

 

Chapter Thirteen

 

"Where
have you been all weekend?" I asked Meg when we met at the school gates on
Monday morning. I'd tried to get hold of her several times on Sunday to explain
what had happened, but her phone had been completely dead.

 

"My phone
ran out of battery and I've been at Dave's all weekend. It was definitely a
good time, though I don't think I've had more than about five hours sleep since
Thursday." You could see it in the massive bags she had under her eyes. I
wouldn’t be surprised if she fell asleep in at least one lesson today, or just
through the whole of lunch.

 

I forced out a
laugh and told myself that it was just a one off. Meg did do these things every
so often with her other friends.

 

"But
that's not important," she continued. "Tell me all about your
romantic getaway with Mr. Wright.” After the last time I'd played this game
with her, she was much more open to what might have actually happened.

 

I couldn't help
but flush at even the memory. "Well..." I trailed off.

 

"Maddie!"
Meg exclaimed as she pulled out a cigarette after we'd double checked to make
sure no one was around. "You really did, didn't you? Oh my God."

 

I flushed.
"We were drunk again and it just kind of happened," I defended
myself. It was actually Ollie who'd instigated it this time, I was pretty sure;
it hadn't just been me coming onto him. "But it was good," I informed
her smugly. Pretending that I wasn’t an immoral piece of shit was the way to go
here. "Maybe even better than the first time." I teased.

 

"I can't
believe it. What happened after? What did he say?" She demanded, taking a
large drag and then passing me her lighter since I'd forgotten mine.

 

"That it
was a mistake, obviously," I laughed and tried not to show how much that
hurt. "The day after was a big mix of kind of awkwardness and flirting. I
don't really know how else to describe it."

 

"He
obviously didn't think it was that much of a mistake then," she replied,
watching my reaction carefully. We both knew this meant more to me than I was
admitting, but I was glad Meg decided to just joke with me instead of pushing
it.

 

I rolled my
eyes. "He asked me advice on whether to tell his girlfriend or not,"
I deadpanned. "I think he knew it was a mistake if he was too guilty and
confused to even realise how much that hurt."

 

Meg sighed.
"Yeah, I guess so, but I'm sure that's not all. I mean he must have said
something else, right?”

 

I bit my lip.
“Well, we might have admitted that we liked each other.”

 

“Maddie!” Meg
exclaimed again. “How could you have even left that detail out?”

 

I chuckled
slightly. “You know he only meant that he liked me as in he wanted to sleep
with me.”

 

“But you didn’t
just mean that?” She prompted.

 

“Oh come on, we
both know I
like
like him.” I admitted, sighing heavily. “But it’s
impossible for many reasons, so that’s that. I’ve already been the biggest
bitch by seducing him whilst he has a girlfriend.”

 

“Right, like it
was impossible that you’d sleep with him?” Meg goaded. “What did he decide to
do about his girlfriend?”

 

“He’s going to
try and not tell her.” I was really starting to regret being honest now.
“Though he said he would if he got too guilty.”

 

“What an idiot,”
Meg muttered, shaking her head.

 

“Hey guys!”
Hannah greeted, though I wasn’t sure how she’d found our smoking spot. I hoped
that didn’t mean it was obvious to the teachers, too. Our conversation stopped short
since Hannah didn’t even know who ‘Mr. Wright’ actually was to me. “How was the
competition?”

 

“I came
second.” Hearing praise from everyone I’d told did a good job of inflating my
ego.

 

“Well done!”
Hannah chimed whilst we stubbed out our cigarettes and picked our bags back up.
“And how was Mr. Wright?” She gave me almost as much of a knowing look as Meg
had done.

 

“As hot as
always,” I teased back, glad I didn’t flush this time.

 

“Really
starting to regret not taking English. Anyway, I have bad news, guys.” I wasn’t
picking up a lot of sadness in her tone.

 

I raised a
questioning eyebrow, glad to get off the topic of Ollie for a while. “Go on.”

 

“I’m thinking
about breaking up with Mike,” she revealed, pouting slightly.

 

Meg and I
shared a look. “You’re kidding, right?” Meg questioned with a slight chuckle.
“After all we’ve had to listen to.”

 

Hannah laughed.
“Yes, I know. It’s just, I don’t know, it’s not as good as I thought it was
going to be.”

 

I had to grin
at that. “Guess we weren’t so cynical after all,” I said to Meg, remembering
our conversation in Costa. She was giggling to herself.

 

Hannah only
grimaced at us. “Seriously, though, what can be so bad? You spent so long
wanting to be with him.” We filtered through the people entering the school and
towards our classrooms.

 

“I don’t know.
I just, I really liked the time we spent in summer, where every time we saw
each other I was asking myself whether he actually liked me, and he’d do these
cute little things and, I don’t know, now it’s just like he definitely does
like me and there’s no fun in that.”

 

“Hmm.” I
supposed I couldn’t really comment. The only two relationships I’d been in had
ended because it just turned out we didn’t really have similar interests and
the first one we’d just argued constantly. I’d never been bored, so to speak.
“How long have you been together now?”

 

“Two months.”

 

Meg frowned.
“Isn’t that kind of soon to be making the decision to break up with him? And I
mean, aren’t relationships supposed to be like that. Like, what else would it
be like?”

 

“I don’t know,”
Hannah groaned as we stopped outside Ollie’s classroom to finish our
conversation. “I don’t know what to do, but I’m just not wanting to really see
him that much.”

 

I watched her
suddenly sceptical. “Please don’t tell me you’ve already got your eye on
someone else.” I was playing hypocrite of the year spectacularly well.

 

Hannah’s cheeks
flamed.

 

“Oh wow,
really?” Meg demanded. “That didn’t take long. And who is it? Anyone we know?”

 

“Actually, he’s
a guy in my physics class. He’s transferred from Scotland. His accent is to die
for.”

 

I had to admit
that I had a thing for accents. “And do you think that if you dumped Mike and
got with this Scottish guy that the actual relationship part would be any
better?”

 

Sighing, Hannah
ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know, but there’s no point in staying in
a relationship that I’m not enjoying, right? If I got with the Scottish guy,
which I’m not saying there’s even a chance I could, I’d just break up with him
and come to the conclusion I’m not a relationship girl.”

 

We were saved
from giving a response by the classroom door opening and Ollie popping his head
out, though. “It would probably be useful if you were actually in my lesson
instead of chatting in the doorway,” he commented sarcastically, eyes flashing
to mine and holding them for a second. I had to really concentrate on not
letting my cheeks heat up. “The lesson started five minutes ago.”

 

“Sorry,” I
replied, giving him a small smile. “See you later, Han. And there’s nothing
wrong with not being a relationship girl. Just don’t lead anyone on.”

 

She gave Ollie
a sweet smile that made me want to roll my eyes. I sure hoped I was the only
student he’d be sleeping with. “See you later guys!” She called behind her as
we entered the classroom and took our normal seats.

 

I couldn’t help
but pay extra attention to Ollie and wish I’d get to run my fingers through his
amazing curls once more, but Meg seemed to have other plans as she poked me in
the arm. “Hey, I had something to tell you,” she whispered. “I met a guy at
Dave’s.”

 

I almost
scowled. Since when had my friends had super active love lives whilst I pined
after an unavailable guy? Normally we were all in the same boat when it came to
that. “You slept with him?” She’d presumably been high and drunk all weekend,
which normally equalled sex as far as we were concerned.

 

Meg chuckled
softly so that Ollie wouldn’t hear. “Surprisingly not. We just talked and I
don’t know, I just got on with him really well. And he was really good
looking.”

 

I didn’t bother
to mention the fact that she’d probably only gotten on with him so well because
they’d both been completely off their faces and because doing ecstasy made it almost
impossible
not
to get on with someone. I was a bitter bitch and I knew
it, but the thoughts plagued me anyway. If she ever talked to him sober then
she’d find out whether she actually liked him or not. “I’m happy for you,” was
what I settled on.

 

If Meg could
find someone that made her happy, since I was awful at it, then it could only
be positive. She’d done a good job of putting on a brave face this far and I
hadn’t had the nerve to ask for any details on her mum, but every so often when
she thought no one was looking her face would fall into the expression which
told me she was anything but all right.

 

“Madeleine,
could you read the part of Katherine, please.” He did pretty well at hiding how
smug he was when my face flamed, though his eyes gleamed. It rolled off his
tongue perfectly and I hadn’t been expecting it at all, which made it even more
effective in embarrassing me.

 

“Sure,” I
muttered, hiding my face behind my hair and trying to find where we were
starting from. Of course he’d given me the biggest part, too.

 

“Madeleine?”
Meg inquired in a whisper.

 

I shrugged
guiltily. “I may have told him I liked the way it sounded with his accent.”

 

Meg chuckled.
“I feel sure he like likes you.”

 

“Yeah, right,”
I rolled my eyes. “He’s just teasing me. It doesn’t mean he likes me.”

 

“Sure. Because
he should definitely be teasing you and not ignoring you completely after this
weekend,” Meg replied with a smirk, only to grimace when Ollie gave her a part.

 

“It’s not even
a big one. I’m reading the main character, so don’t even bother bitching to me
about it.”

 

Meg grinned.
“But I like winding you up.” I was glad Meg managed to be cheerful when I held
a conversation with her. Sometimes I just couldn’t think of anything to say
because I knew the pressure was on for me to say something and that just meant
my mind went blank. Hannah obviously didn’t know about the situation with her
mum. “As does someone else, apparently.” The smirk was back in full force with
that comment and I held back a groan as I began to read the excessive amount of
lines Ollie had assigned me.

 

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