Here at Last (6 page)

When he took a step back
, h
e
looked deeply into my eyes and said softly, “I know you better than you could imagine. You’re not going to be truly happy unless you’re with someone you love and who loves you back.”

Then, h
e reached forward and held my face in his hands
and
kiss
ed
me
. It was a different kind of kiss, one that was intended to open my heart and give me love
.
Leading me to the bed,
he tenderly removed my clothes, and
we made love
.
It was deeper and more beautiful than anything I had ever experienced. Afterward,
he
wrapped
his
arms around
me,
and
I
felt more comforted and loved than I had
in my entire life
.

When
I
a
w
o
ke
from my
third
dream
of Him
,
I
realized where I was
,
and
I
felt profoundly alone.
I drew in a deep breath and
put my hands over my face
,
whispering
,
“Please promise me you’ll come
.
I’ll wait for you
,
but
I
need to
know that you’re real.”

Chapter
7

During my last few months in San Diego,
although
JT
never
made
overtures
, I had a subtle sense that he was interested in me
.
Nonetheless, he was always a gentleman and
never made me feel uncomfortable.
As charming as he was, I maintained a
n emotional
distance. I remembered what Olivia had said about JT being a fortress
, and
I couldn't afford to get into another impossible relationship.
Besides, my dream had indicated that
he was looking for
sport
sex
.
Whether
it was true or not, I had no intention of
go
ing
there.
I
knew, now, that I
needed to be with someone who felt like Him.

JT sensed my distance and respected it.
The lab was nearly set up and didn’t require both of us, and h
e
began spending
fewer hours working directly with me.
By mid-
March
,
my project was completed,
and it
was time to leave
San Diego.

On
a
sunny Saturday morning, I drove out to Mission Beach and went to one of my favorite spots
there
.
I
’d
already
said
goodbye
to everyone at
the office
the previous day.
I'd shipped all of my things back home ahead of me since the house was empty.
Neelie
had been checking on the house
ever
since David
had
moved out and assured me that my boxes had arrived
and were stacked neatly in the living room
.

Sitting
at
my favorite
outdo
or café overlooking the water
,
I closed my
eyes to take in the scent and
the
breeze
when s
omeone cast
a shadow over
me
.

“Hi,”
said
a familiar voice.

I opened
my
eyes
to see JT standing over me, blocking my eyes from the sun
.

“I'm sorry I missed you at the office
yesterday
,” he said
.
“
I had
the
all-day meeting with the board."

“I know," I said. "The board retreat.
How did it go?
"

“G
reat. They really love what we'r
e
doing
."

I smiled. “I’m glad. You’ve worked so hard to build the San Diego
office
.”

“I had great help,” he said.
Sitting
down beside me
,
JT
looked at me for a long moment before shifting his gaze to the ocean
and shaking his
head.
"I didn't want you to leave without saying goodbye."

"I'm glad you're here
,
”
I said softly.

He looked at me.
"
You know, i
f our situation had been different, I wou
ld have asked you
out."

I felt myself blush
a little
. “It's the nature of work, isn't it?" I thought that was a safe enough response.

He nodded. "It is
. As long as we worked together, we could never have dated
. In another world, I think we
would
have
had
potential.
But
,” he said with an ironic smile, “
I
know that
I'm a workaholic
,
and I've been told
that
I'm emotionally
un
available."

I
laughed
. "
Y
ou’re so
straightforward
.
I love that about you
JT.
"

He chuckled.
“
That is a quality of mine
,” he said
before becoming serious again
,
“
b
ut i
t is possible to be straightforward and still not get anywhere."

I let out a long breath and looked out over the water.
"JT,
i
t's not like
I’m
the world's greatest expert on
relationships
. After all, I couldn't even keep
mine
going for
the
eight months
that
I was here
.
" I softened, "
For
what it's worth,
if you want love in your life, you’re going to have to make room for it. Y
ou're going to need to knock down some walls."

When I looked back at him, he was grinning,
and
I had the distinct
feeling that
I
wasn't the first
person who had ever said this to him.

“Don't worry," I told him. "I have a lot of work to do myself.”

He rea
ched
out
and put
his hand
on m
ine
before pulling it away casually
.
"Maybe not as much as you think."

“There’s a fair amount.”
I
smiled and
glanced at my watch.
I still had a plane to catch. “I’d better go,” I told him feeling a little sorry to leave our conversation.

W
e both stood. “Good luck, Sophia," he said.

“Good luck, JT.”

He kissed me on the cheek
and said,
“I'll miss you
."

Smiling, I said,
"I'll miss you
, too
,
"
a
nd I meant it.

We parted
, walking
in opposite directions toward our cars. Then, I made my way to the airport, turned in the rental car, and flew home to New Jersey.

Chapter
8

When I returned home, I began to unpack. Just as she’d promised,
Neelie
had ensured that all of the boxes that I’d shipped from San Diego were stacked neatly in the living room. I’d taken
a week of vacation so that I could settle back into my house
and looked forward to having
a little
downtime
before jumping back into work again
.

The hou
se seemed empty without David.
This was the first time in years that I
would be living
in the house
alone
.
A few days after I returned home,
I
ran into
him when I
was grocery shopping
in
Morristown.
We hugged, and I realized how much I missed him. It made me feel
wistful and nostalgic
,
and
I wondered
if
I had
made a mistake
in letting him go
.
When h
e told me that he
had been
seeing
someone, I
realized
that it was for the best. If I had tried to fit myself into his dream of a life, my soul would
ha
ve
died
. Why I had never
recogni
zed that before, I did not know.

As I thought about my time with David
, I
understood that I had to work on myself. After all, I’d been
willing to throw away a perfectly good relationship that didn't inspire me and a potential relationship with one of the hottest bachelors in San Diego for a man I'd only seen in my dreams
. If
I wanted
the “perfect guy,” then
I needed
to be
come
the “perfect woman.”

The expectation
that I could and should become
a
perfect woman went out the window pretty quickly. However, I did realize that I needed to
make some changes
in myself
. I needed to take better care of my body, find a better
way to manage stress
, and spend more time with
my
friends. I
n short,
I
worked too much
. Work
had become my top priority
and
consumed most of my waking hours
.

I began to study
meditation
, reading everything I could lay my hands on regarding philosophies and practice. I found
a meditation class
nearby and began going two evenings each week
.
T
hey did wonders for quieting my mind and allowing new insights and facilitating new ideas, which were helpful not only for my personal life but also for my work.

Over
the next seven months, I focused on
health
,
meditation,
and
yoga. I did a raw foods cleanse
,
adopted a vegan diet
, and
switched from coffee to decaf tea. I felt better than I had in years. I was happy and fulfilled and rested
and loved working in New York again
.

Still, there was no Him. I was
beginning to believe
that he
was
a
phantom.
Regardless of whether or not he showed up, I loved my
life
and decided to be happy alone.

Chapter
9

Although I
’d
hoped that Hastings would keep me in New York
City
indefinitely, they had other plans for me
– namely,
a
long-term project
in
the
Chicago
office
.
On October 22
nd
,
I moved
into an apartment in Chicago’s
Lakeshore East neighborhood
.
It
was in a newer
high-rise
building in a newer community that was centrally located to everything.
Measuring
about 1
,4
00 square feet,
it had
a relatively large kitchen that was separated from the
spacious
living
and dining area
by a partial wall that also served as a breakfast bar.
On the other side of the
living room
directly across from the kitchen was a
large master bedroom
with double French doors that opened into it. My office was located directly to the right of my bedroom, and the large bathroom was on
the left.