Hidden Deep (35 page)

Staring at my feet, focusing on putting one in front of the other, I nearly ran into a large Elven man coming out of the tunnel. I automatically looked up to apologize.

My words dried up and blew away.

It was Nox.

“Ryann—what are you doing here?” His shock was obvious.

“Shock” didn’t begin to describe my condition. I looked at Nox, shirtless except for the leather breeches that all Elven men typically wore. It took me a few moments to find my voice, and when I did, it came out sounding shaky and strange.

“What am I doing here? What am
I
doing here? Oh… I’m a total moron. The black sheep brother. It’s you. You… phony. I was
worried
about you!” I shoved at his chest and the guards started toward me, but Nox stopped them with a don’t-bother gesture as I continued to rant. “I
sacrificed
… let you go for
your
sake because I thought you deserved better than what I could give you. But it was all a lie—the whole time. You’ve been lying to me since the day I met you.”

He shook his head and reached toward me. “I never lied to you, Ryann.”

I took a step back. “You never told me the truth either. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Lad told me what his ‘brother’ was like.”

“Lad.” Nox spit out the name like it was a dirty joke. “Don’t waste your love on Lad, Ryann. He doesn’t care about you. He’s already replaced you. He forgot about you the minute you were out of his sight.”

“Shut up. Don’t even talk about him. Is that what all this has been about, some kind of twisted sibling rivalry? It was
you
who saw us together that day up in Lad’s tree, wasn’t it? And then you set out to take me away from him, to take what was his.”

A guilty grin. “I’ll admit at first I thought it would be fun to—no, don’t leave yet.” He grabbed my sleeve as I tried to push past him. “Listen, Ryann, at first, you’re right, my motives weren’t good. But as soon as I got to know you, things changed for me.
You
changed me. What I feel for you is absolutely real.”

“What you
feel
for me? You don’t care anything about me. And the fact that you instantly hooked up with Savannah proves it.”

He laughed. “I was only pretending with that silly girl to make you jealous—to make you see you actually do want me as much as I want you. And see? It worked.”

“No. I don’t want you. Not at all. I never did.”

He huffed another disbelieving laugh. “Now who’s a liar? And I don’t know how you can say I don’t care about you after I got that job for you at The Skillet. And made the store manager at Food Star give your tea a chance.”

I staggered backward. “You… glamoured them.” My breath was wheezing in and out of my lungs as if I were allergic to the air around me. “You glamoured
me
.”

He took a step forward, following my retreat. “No. I didn’t. If I had, you’d be with me instead of embarrassing yourself chasing after a guy who
doesn’t
want you. I
still
want you, Ryann.” He reached out a hand to me.

I stared at it then looked up. His mesmerizing eyes locked onto mine. For a moment I was nearly compelled to put my hand inside his.

“It’s not too late for us.” His melodic low voice was almost like a song.

I jerked my gaze away. “There
is
no
us
.”

I pushed past him and ran for the tunnel. Though I was closely followed by the guards, they really needn’t have bothered making sure I was leaving. I had absolutely no interest in ever seeing this place again.

When I surfaced, the bright daylight was a cruel contrast to the way I felt inside. It was the blackest day of my entire life.
Lad’s wedding day.
I could hardly bear to think about it, but of course I couldn’t stop the images from coming. Was the beautiful girl who’d touched his arm the one? His bride? I wanted to throw up. I wanted to cry.

I walked in the general direction of home, but without even realizing it, I ended up at the foot of Lad’s special hideaway tree. The place we’d first met as children. Looking high up into the branches, I spotted the nest he’d made there and started climbing. A fear of heights doesn’t hold you back when you’re no longer particularly disturbed by the idea of falling to your death.

Reaching the nest, I crawled inside, knowing I had no right to be there.
It’s all right
, I told myself. It was my final indulgence. Lad would never even know. I needed a few more minutes of feeling close to him, and then I’d go, somehow manage to keep breathing, get on with my life, and let Lad get on with his.

But, oh, it felt good to be there, in his special place. Crawling over to the carved chest, I opened its lid, gently touching the things he’d collected or made in his childhood. A slingshot, a beautiful feather, a perfect pinecone. And of course my treasured Book of Virtues, which had become the Rosetta Stone for our relationship. I crawled back across the nest, finding a comfortable spot in the soft lining to settle into. The fabric was warm and smelled like Lad. I inhaled deeply and accepted the painful ache that came as the tears leaked from the corners of my eyes.

Opening the worn book, I curled up and read the words I knew by heart, letting the familiar phrases and illustrations soothe me like a lullaby. Eventually I drifted off, cuddling my book like a security blanket as I had when I was a child.

My dreams were much, much better than my reality. In them, Lad loved me and I was free to love him. There was music and dancing. Smiling Elven people surrounded us as I walked down a long, flower-strewn aisle toward Lad.

He waited for me, dressed in the fine clothing I’d seen him wearing today, his golden hair gleaming, his smile blindingly white. His green eyes glistened with moisture as he watched me. Tears of happiness streamed from my own eyes. I wanted to run to him, but I kept my pace slow and even because this was a—wait—the platinum-haired girl was there. She stepped up beside Lad in her flowing white gown, her otherworldly beauty drawing the admiration of every eye in the room.

The tears flowed now because I realized I was seeing the guy I loved marry someone else. “Lad…” I called out to him, but there was no sound. He gazed at the impossibly beautiful girl next to him, unable to see or hear me. Tears kept coming, running in rivers down my face and into my mouth, and they tasted sweet, like saol water. The sweetness washed over me, filling me up.

I opened my eyes. My heart was a vibration inside my chest because my dream had shifted again and seemed wonderfully real. Lad was there with me, kissing me with his delicious sugar-sweet mouth, wrapping his arms around me, holding me against his inhumanly warm strength, his steady, rapid heartbeat.

Sobbing with happiness, I kissed him back feverishly. This was the best dream of my life, and I prayed I’d never wake from it. After this, real life held no more appeal for me. I captured his beautiful face in my hands, ran my fingers through his thick curls and over his hard shoulders and back, kissing him with frantic passion.

He felt so good, so real, and I didn’t feel guilty for kissing someone else’s husband because this was
my
dream. In my dream he belonged to me, not to her, and I was not about to let him go for any reason.

“Ryann. Ryann—” Dream-Lad said with a smothered breathless laugh as I refused to let him up for air. “Hey, calm down. I’m glad to see you, too. But let’s talk for a minute.”

He gripped my arms lightly, enforcing a slight distance between us. I looked at him and began to cry all over again because the melting heat was back in his eyes the way it used to be, and it was there for me, no one else.

“No, no, sweet baby, don’t do that,” Lad whispered, kissing the tears before they made it halfway down my cheeks, “There’s no need to cry.”

His warm whisper drifted across my wet cheeks. The sensation was so physical, distinct, undeniable. I put my fingertips lightly on his lips and felt his moist breath. I had to ask. “You’re… real?” My voice sounded ragged from a mixture of anguish and passion. Lad’s answering smile spread slowly across his face.

“Are you going to say that to me every time I see you?” he teased softly, seductive warmth oozing from every word.

“Are there going to be… other times?” I was still afraid to trust my senses.

His smile was like heated honey. “There will be lots and lots of time for us. If that’s what you want.”

“But how… why are you here? You’re getting married today… and I thought…” I was hopelessly confused. If I wasn’t dreaming, what wa
s
happening?

“My father changed his mind. After he saw you and your grandmother today, he asked to speak with me. He told me I’m free to make my own decision about when and
whom
to marry. He called off the wedding. I left immediately to find you.”

“But what about the girl? Your fiancée?”

“Vancia. Someone will talk to her. I don’t even know her really.”

“Won’t her family be mad?”

“Probably. But her father’s never happy anyway. Now he has something new to be grouchy about.”

“Oh.” I tried to take it all in. The sudden turnabout had me feeling like I’d just ridden the teacups at Disneyland. “How did you know where to find me?”

“Nox told me, actually. He followed you when you left.” Lad paused and his brows lowered. “We need to talk about all of
that
by the way. Apparently when he saw where you went, he turned back around and came home. I ran into him outside of Altum. Luckily I didn’t knock him out before he could tell me where you’d gone.” Lad’s eyes softened again, glowing with their own verdure illumination as he wiped a tear from my face. “I found you weeping and calling my name in your sleep.”

“I was dreaming. You were getting married… to someone else.”

“No.” Lad shook his head and wrapped me tightly in his arms again.

“But why would your father change his mind? He was getting what he wanted. He hates me.”

“No he doesn’t. In fact, he
told
me to come find you.”

“I can’t believe it. What in the world did Grandma
say
to him?”

“It wasn’t what
she
said, Ryann. It was what you said to him.”

“What I said?”

“Yes. He
heard
you. How you care for me. How you were willing to give me up if it was best for me. And when you asked him to watch out for me and make sure I had a happy life, that’s exactly what he decided to do. It turns out he was reminded today about young love. I guess it’s not something only humans indulge in, after all.”

“It’s too wonderful. I’m afraid to believe it.”

“Believe it, Ryann. I
am
real… and I’m in love with you. Now… tell
me
. Tell me what
you’re
feeling, and don’t speak aloud.” He looked at me, expectation glowing on his face.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, looked deep into his eyes, focused my mind, and told Lad I loved him, without saying a word. After that, there was no need for words. Our mouths were kind of busy anyway.

So now I have my icing… and my cake, too. And I plan to enjoy every morsel. We don’t have all the answers. A few months ago, that would have driven me crazy. Now I know sometimes you have to just take life for what it is instead of worrying about what might happen.

Lad’s still an Elf, an Elven prince, to be exact, with all the responsibilities that entails. And I’m still human. Well, mostly human. I’m still not sure how much the Elven part of me will manifest itself now that I’m aware of it. I hope it’ll make me at least a little more acceptable to his people. I also hope it means my ability to communicate with him in the nonverbal Elven way will continue to develop. And who knows what else I might be able to do?

Lad and I are still tied to our two separate worlds. He has a kingdom to run… someday. In the meantime he has a lot to learn. And there are some pretty hacked-off Dark Elves to contend with now as a result of the broken marriage contract.

As for me… I guess I won’t be able to avoid Nox forever. He’s part of Lad’s world, which means he’s part of mine, whether I like it or not. I also have to stop my best friend from running off and unknowingly enslaving herself to a Dark Elf in his fan pod. And there’s the small matter of trying to maintain passing grades in high school while running a beverage manufacturing company.

But I know whatever is coming, Lad and I will face it together. How do I know? I heard it straight from his heart.