Hidden Depths (11 page)

Meanwhile, Felix struggled to reach the surface, the darkest and longest swim of his life. He could barely breathe and felt as if he were swimming through treacle as he headed for the lights on his Schwalbe. On reaching the jetty, he hauled himself out of the water and collapsed.

Chapter Fifteen
: Ingrid's Secret

F
ELIX MANAGED TO DRAG
his exhausted body onto his Schwalbe and drive slowly away from Muggelsee, arriving back in Motzen in the middle of the night. He left the motorbike in Gertrude's garden and went into the darkened house, switched on all the lights and ran a bath. He looked at his neck in the bathroom mirror; it was sore and a deep rope burn was visible.
Scheisse
! Can't hide this, he thought, hoping it would have faded by the time he was due to go to England to visit Martha.

He took a bottle of beer from the fridge and once the water was ready, scrubbed and soaked away his aching body in the bath. But in bed, sleep would not come. He put on the television and watched an episode of Tatort and drank another beer. How easily the detectives solved the crimes in this programme.

He looked at the four small, white envelopes in front of him. The initials on the envelopes were HG, GS, HP and AF. Now that he had all three Musketeers' DNA he could send them off to be analysed. The envelope with AF written upon it contained hair clippings from Axel, collected surreptitiously when Felix had taken his nephew to the hairdressers to get a trim. Soon the mystery of Axel's parentage would be solved.

Felix began typing out a list of all the male names from Horst's diary to send to the police. Some he remembered from Torgau and some he didn't. They were all potential suspected paedophiles as far as he was concerned and if they were innocent then they would have to prove it.

There were not many female names in the diary but there was one woman who Felix was going after: Lotte Holler. As she wasn't a Musketeer or a paedophile, it didn't matter if he omitted her or any other females from the list but Lotte, the go-between, would get her come-uppance and that would more than satisfy him.

Felix went to bed feeling his family were safer now he'd murdered three paedophiles: all of his Torgau Musketeers.

In the morning, he overslept. Ingrid let herself in and finding a few empty bottles of beer near the sofa in the living room and Felix asleep in bed at 10 a.m. knew instinctively that something was wrong.

‘Felix, wake up. Are you ill?'

Felix stirred and pulled the covers over his head. ‘No. Tante, please, leave me be.'

‘Axel's at the kindergarten till lunchtime, Klaus is working and you and I, young man, are going to have a talk. Now get up!' Ingrid snapped.

Felix peered over the duvet. ‘I'm not a child!'

‘You've been behaving like one of late,' Ingrid bellowed and left the room.

A little while later, an aroma of coffee filled the house. Felix, downstairs now, sat opposite Ingrid with a scarf around his neck.

‘Are you cold?' Ingrid asked.

‘No.' Felix didn't want to lie. If anything, he felt, Ingrid was the one person he could tell the truth to, but dare he?

Ingrid thought she would test her nephews' integrity. ‘Look at the time. Aren't you supposed to be catching a train to Berlin for your English course?'

Felix was perceptive enough to counter Ingrid's ruse. ‘Tante, you know I haven't been to going to Berlin or going to English lessons.'

‘Thank you for not lying to me. Axel and I came to meet you at the train station a few weeks ago other and the ticket cashier said you'd caught the train to Leipzig. What the hell were you doing in Leipzig?'

‘Not an English course, that's for sure.'

Ingrid was fuming. ‘Felix! It's no time for flippancy.'

Felix nodded. ‘I'm sorry.'

‘Felix, I'm really worried about you,' Ingrid began. ‘You haven't been yourself these past few weeks, you've been moody and lost in your own world. What's going on?'

‘I've needed to sort out a few problems.'

Ingrid was concerned. ‘Problems? Please, talk to me, or if not to me, talk to Klaus. Are you in trouble?'

Felix took off his scarf and revealed the rope burn on his neck.

Ingrid gasped. ‘What happened?'

‘I got into a fight.'

‘With Carsten?'

Felix shook his head. ‘Carsten and me, we're OK. No, I met someone from Torgau, one of men who buggered me.'

Ingrid's heart sank and she was afraid for him.

‘And this man, he did that to your neck?'

Felix nodded. ‘I'm OK. I hurt him too.'

‘What did you do to the man?' Ingrid asked, afraid of the answer.

‘It's best kept a secret.'

‘Secrets can become great burdens. Tell me, and if need be, we can go to the police.'

Felix was adamant. ‘Too late, the police can't help me now.'

‘You can trust me,' Ingrid implored.

‘I trust you,' Felix said, his eyes filling with tears. ‘Tante, I'm made of secrets… I've buried myself in them.'

‘There's nothing you could do to stop me loving you,' she said to reassure him.

Felix smiled. ‘I'll remind you of that someday. Tante, trust me, there are others who would expose me, and my secrets would wreak repercussions on the whole family. I couldn't allow that. I'd die to protect my family but hopefully now I won't have to.'

‘Felix, you're talking in riddles. If it helps, I've done things I'm not proud of. I'll tell you my worst secret, something I've wanted to tell you but was afraid to. I lost Sofie's love and as a result, you and Susanne ended up in Torgau.'

‘It was no one's fault we ended up in Torgau. Blame the Stasi-run government but not yourself,' said Felix. ‘But you're talking about the argument you and Mutti had at Gertrude's funeral, aren't you?'

Ingrid was surprised. ‘You remember it?'

Felix nodded. ‘I was in the garden, I heard your raised voices. I didn't know what you were arguing about, Mutti never told us, but I knew it was serious because we never came back to Motzen.'

Ingrid was in her mother Gertrude's house with Sofie's son. It was here in this kitchen that she'd lost her sister. He's still so young, she thought, but she knew Felix had insight and understood things at such a deep level that she could tell him anything. The timing could never be right but she was desperate to admit her failings and tell her nephew the truth.

‘Your father messed up all your lives. Gertrude, Klaus and me, we watched the fall out – the bruises on Sofie's arms, her face and on both of you children. We begged her to leave Jakob and bring you and Susanne here to live with us in Motzen. It made Gertrude ill to witness it all. We told her Jakob was no longer welcome here to push her into making a choice but Sofie thought it was her duty to try and help her husband.'

‘Mutti was stubborn like that. A bit like you, she couldn't be told.'

He knows me well, Ingrid thought. ‘Yes, but my darling sister thought love would be enough. It wasn't. When people are in denial they can't help themselves and Jakob's alcoholism had you all trapped in a cage.'

Felix looked at the empty beer bottles beside the kitchen sink. Ingrid must have brought them in from the living room. ‘Before you say anything else, I had two beers last night, the first I've had in ages: I am not my father.'

Ingrid nodded. ‘I know.'

‘I remember… Jakob used to get angry over nothing, take off his belt, give us a whack and send us to bed without any supper. When he started on Mutti, I'd get out of bed and scream at him “Don't hit my Mutti” and get another whack for my troubles. He never said sorry or showed any remorse. Later on, he'd come into the bedroom and wake us up just to sing us to sleep again as if nothing was wrong. We had to pretend it wasn't going on and it never happened, until the next explosion. I remember his smell, of stale cigarettes and alcohol. My father was an angry, controlling, bitter drunk.'

‘He made your lives a living hell.'

‘Well, I guess we thought it was normal to live like that. When Jakob tried to get over the Wall in Berlin, he got his just rewards. I believe at some point or other we all get payback for our sins,' Felix said.

‘If you believe that, then I lost Sofie as a punishment,' Ingrid began. ‘I was unkind to your mother. I blamed her for Gertrude's death.'

Felix finally knew the reason why his mother had refused to kiss and make up with her sister: the wound went too deep.

‘That's why I believe I'm partly to blame for you and Susanne being sent to Torgau, and for Susanne dying. What you suffered could have been avoided. If Sofie and I had been on speaking terms, we all might be here now, together as a family. Felix, can you ever forgive me?' Ingrid asked him, tears running down her cheeks.

‘Tante, there's nothing to forgive and Mutti would agree with me.'

Ingrid wiped her cheeks. ‘Now I've told you my secret, won't you tell me yours?'

Felix had murdered three people and was planning to kill a fourth. He could not condemn Ingrid for an argument with his mother, whatever happened afterwards. He would never dare be self-righteous and judge Ingrid for her actions. His Tante had shared her darkest secret with him but he could not burden her with his.

‘Secrets and lies are a lethal combination. No, sorry. Tante, I'm not ready to tell you my secrets.'

‘I'm here for you, whenever you feel like telling me,' Ingrid said.

‘I know. You and Klaus gave me a home and a life and I love you both.'

‘We love you, too,' Ingrid said, embracing her nephew. ‘Now, what are we going to tell Klaus about the rope burns on your neck?'

Felix quickly came up with a plausible idea. ‘I'll say I was swinging on a rope over the lake and it got tangled round my neck. If you want to tell Onkel Klaus, I'll understand, but I'd rather you didn't. I just hope my neck looks better when I visit Martha.'

‘I'll get some arnica, that'll do the trick,' Ingrid suggested.

‘Tante, just so you know. I lie sometimes to stay out of trouble and to hide the truth.'

‘So do I,' Ingrid told him. ‘So do I.'

Chapter Sixteen
: The Ring

W
HEN
G
UNTHER
'
S MOTHER
M
ARIANNE
received the text sent by Felix about her son she did not know whether to believe it or what to do. Hearing her beloved boy confess to paedophilia in a text message came as a great shock and when Gunther didn't return home she feared the worst. Two weeks later, having tried unsuccessfully many times to contact Gunther on his mobile, the police turned up at dawn. They had been sent a typed, anonymous letter with a Berlin postmark containing a suspected ring of paedophiles. Gunther's name was on this list and he was wanted for questioning.

Marianne was extremely anxious about Gunther's disappearance and had felt his absence deeply, because without him there was no one to love or even to care for her except those she paid. She had deleted Gunther's texted confession and when the police asked her about her son's alleged paedophilia she denied any knowledge and was adamant it was all a big mistake. When they left, Marianne had a heart attack and slumped to the floor. She died shortly afterwards, believing her son was a good boy down to her very last breath.

Harald's wife Ina had also been in a state of panic since receiving Felix's text about her husband. She had two young children to think about and they missed their father as much as she missed her husband. When the police turned up at dawn wanting to question Harald about alleged paedophilia she told them he'd gone missing, which only added to their suspicions.

If Harald was not the person she thought he was, Ina wondered if what the police were suggesting could be true. As a worried mother, it crossed her mind that Harald might have abused his own children and because of this, Ina decided to show the police the text message she'd received and kept from Harald – sent, of course, by Felix.

The police were immediately sympathetic and offered Ina and her children psychological help to cope with the trauma, as well as police protection should anyone find out the truth about her husband and turn up unexpectedly at her home to cause trouble. The news that day was full of the paedophile dawn raids so they also advised her not to allow her children access to any media reports.

Felix was in the cottage looking after Axel when he saw the breaking news about the dawn raids on the television. He left Axel to his puzzle on the kitchen table and turned up the volume. In the television studio the anchorman was saying that various male suspects had been arrested and taken in for questioning, and then switched to a live report from Berlin. On the steps of police HQ against a backdrop of the Brandenburg gate, a female journalist was conducting an interview with a craggy-faced detective sporting a five o'clock shadow of facial stubble.

The journalist began enthusiastically. ‘I'm here at police headquarters in Mitte, Berlin, with Detective Oskar Kruger. Detective Kruger, what can you tell us about the success of this operation?'

Detective Kruger scratched his stubble. ‘We received an anonymous tip-off which has proved to be reliable and as a consequence made a number of arrests of potential sex offenders in an operation by our undercover team of police officers. It has been a great success.'

‘Am I correct in assuming these potential sex offenders were in a paedophile ring and worked in children's' institutions such as Torgau?'

Kruger nodded. ‘That's correct. I'd like to make an appeal to any young person who was interned in places such as Torgau to come forward and give us vital information to help secure the imprisonment of those connected to this paedophile ring. I will personally guarantee anonymity to anyone giving evidence in court.'

The journalist probed further. ‘Surely those who have been sexually abused might be reluctant to go over such sensitive and painful memories?'

Kruger nodded. ‘I understand, but can assure anyone who comes forward can be assured that we have a team of dedicated individuals working in conjunction with the police who will offer psychological support. Anyone coming forward would ultimately help themselves and other victims of abuse, in the past and in the future.'

Felix felt vindicated. By sending the police a list of names from Horst's diary he'd saved some of the next generation of children from suffering at the hands of the Musketeers and the rest of paedophile ring. Moreover, Axel was now safe.

In the last few weeks, Felix had turned his attention to his next and last victim: Lotte Holler. He had found her details in Horst's diary and wondered if the Musketeers had kept in touch with their go-between once they no longer worked together. He thought it unlikely – they would have had no use for her after her role in bringing to them their favourite kids became obsolete.

Lotte lived in the Berlin suburb of Kreuzberg, not far from the Oberbaum Brucke, where Felix's father Jakob had lost his life. Felix had been stalking Lotte on daily visits to Berlin for the past few weeks and he didn't have long before he left for England to see Martha. It was now or never.

Once Felix had planned his strategy he announced to Ingrid he was going to Berlin for a few days. ‘I've some unfinished business to settle.'

Ingrid was afraid. ‘I've heard on the news about the police after this paedophile ring. I have the feeling…?'

‘Tante. We promised. No questions.'

‘You can't expect me to stay silent!' she cried.

Felix was adamant. ‘I've no choice! I've a mission to complete.'

Ingrid shook her head. ‘Your quest might be the death of you.'

‘Mother's can rest easier in their beds knowing their children are a little bit safer. You're a mother now, you understand,' Felix replied.

‘Stop it!' Ingrid was crying now. ‘You're not some kind of vigilante who has to take the law into his own hands, you don't have to do anything. You've come so far, you've got a good life now. Forget about those Torgau bastards!'

‘Susi couldn't forget and neither can I.'

‘Felix, I'm scared. I don't want to lose you.'

‘Tante, you won't lose me. I'm scared too, but it's something I have to do. Like you say, it is my quest.'

‘Stop talking like you are Don Quixote or something. He was delusional and was taken for a crazy fool.'

‘Maybe Quixote was a Toreador in disguise,' Felix said, thinking about the role he played and the music he used against the Musketeers. ‘I may be crazy, but I'm no fool. Tante, let me ask you some questions. If anyone abused Axel, what would you do? Would you be satisfied if the police locked up the sicko, or would you want some revenge of your own? And Onkel Klaus, what would he do?'

Ingrid concurred with a reluctant sigh of tacit approval.

‘Then, won't you let me help you? I could be Quixote's mule.'