Hidden Depths (7 page)

‘JA!'

Klaus turned to Bernd and hugged him. ‘We won!' And when he'd calmed down a little said, ‘We deserved to win. We were cheated by the England in the World Cup final in 1966. That was never a goal, the ball didn't cross the line.'

Bernd was used to his brother's weird concepts. ‘Who cares? We're in the final!'

Four days later, on 8
^th
July, the final of the World Cup in Rome, West Germany beat Argentina. Das Kino was again packed to the rafters and the crowd in the hangar was ecstatic, their cheers of delight audible at the far side of the lake. Everyone had lost any apparent reserve, embracing the moment and one another. Felix hugged his family and laughter and tears filled the air, a sense of national pride welling in most Germans, both East and West. This camaraderie and unity wasn't just about West Germany winning the World Cup. It was about the German people becoming one nation, no longer divided by political ideology or enforced walled borders.

Directly after the match, the Three Tenors, Luciano Pavarotti, Placido Domingo and Jose Carreras, gave a memorable concert live in Rome. Many of the crowds at Das Kino dispersed but some remained to have picnics and barbeques on the beach, enjoying an open air concert from the open doors of the hangar. At the lake, the mood was euphoric and Felix drank a few beers with his friends Carsten and Paul while Klaus and Ingrid turned a blind eye. It was the first time Felix got drunk and he didn't need anyone to remind him about his father's alcohol addictions because he would forever be conscious of not falling into the same trap.

On 3
^rd
October the German nation was reunited. The reunification party went on for days. It was like a simultaneous World Cup fever and New Year all over again with fireworks on top of the symbol of Berlin, the Brandenburg Gate, bringing the people of this once divided city and nation officially together again.

In Motzen, Bernd and his family escaped from the volumes of people that had descended upon Berlin and the relatives from Rugen made a surprise appearance. For the first time Felix met his new
Oma
, Gisela, and his Tante Maria. A younger version of Gisela, she was a stout and friendly woman in her early 30s married to Olaf, a robust farmer. With them was their 12-year-old son, Lutz.

Gisela, although in her 60s, was used to young teenage boys as she'd lived with Lutz since he was a toddler. She had a relaxed manner with Felix that made his initial awkwardness subside and with Tante Maria and Onkel Olaf cracking jokes with Lutz, being in their jovial company felt easy to Felix.

The family gathered outside around an open fire, the smell of cooked meat from their barbeque mixing with the smoky wood. Knowing the practice was illegal they daringly lit some fireworks and afterwards stayed huddled around the crackling fire, watching the smoke parade upwards into the night sky.

Klaus looked at Ingrid holding Axel in her arms, and pulled Felix towards him, putting his arm around his nephew.

‘Today is a very special day,' Klaus began. ‘It's the day of
Einheit
, German unity. And today of all days, Ingrid and I received confirmation that we are Felix's legal guardians and Axel's adoption has been approved.'

Felix whispered in his nephew's ear. ‘Axel, we belong to Klaus and Ingrid now.'

Everyone cheered and clapped and there wasn't a dry eye witnessing Klaus, Ingrid, baby Axel and Felix all huddled together in an embrace. The sad memories of Susanne's death the previous year were fading and it seemed the beginning of a new dawn. Felix felt he was starting to live up to the Latin meaning of his name, Felice: the fortunate one.

Chapter Ten
: Encounters

T
HERE WAS AN AREA
about five kilometres from Motzen that was once a virtual no-man's land, interspersed with landmines that were controlled and used by the Russian army for target practice and military manoeuvres. The ground was apparently polluted by ammunition and nearby there had been a waste depot and landfill site. The West Germans had paid the East Germans to deposit their waste and though it was fenced off, those in the East had risked searching through the waste for ‘Western' dregs to re-use. After German reunification, environmentalists had acted quickly to change these blots on the landscape, adding nutritious new soil to both areas, and within a year, verdant fields were the result. However, cases for remuneration and claims for compensation from those with ill health linked to the previously contaminated area were growing in vast numbers.

Those that had fled to the West before the Wall and borders divided the German nation now claimed their share of the properties and land they'd left behind. Disgruntled family members who had remained in the East had looked after the family's inheritance and ageing relatives for years, with limited or no access to their family on the ‘other side'.

When East Germany ceased to exist in 1990 families were reunited, only to be torn asunder once again when a claim for ownership under the inheritance laws was registered. While the Wall had been up, those in the West had waited up to 10 years for the right to visit their families in East Germany. Now the split was irreconcilable, engendered by a wall of greed and misunderstanding.

However, whilst some families throughout the early 1990s bickered, claimed and counter-claimed, Bernd and Klaus used their energies to purchase the Russian's no-man's land at a greatly reduced price. As owners of such a contentious site it was vitally important to ensure that impregnable terms and conditions were written into the contract so they would not be liable for any future claims made against them. Bernd didn't give up politics and was elected
Burgermeister
 – Mayor – of nearby Zossen. The family rented out their flat in Berlin and moved to a large mansion provided in the town. Ute was in her element as the Mayor's wife in charge of the functions for the self-appointed dignitaries in town and their daughters settled well in a new, local school.

The golf club was built the following spring, a grand affair complete with an 18 and nine hole course, a licensed clubhouse, a driving range, putting green, a club shop selling the latest equipment, and a small restaurant. It was named ‘The Motzen Mayor Golf Club' and was opened by the golfer Bernhard Langer. Klaus had secured a government grant to employ a multitude of staff and by the summer of 1992, the golf club was providing a comfortable income for the Felker brothers and their families.

At the lake, the boatyard continued to be Klaus's main source of work. Using some of the profits from the golf club, they hired instructors ready for the tourist season and opened a water activity centre offering waterskiing, scuba diving and hiring out boats. They also paid for lifeguards for the swimming area on the small, sandy beach near the boathouse.

Ingrid had hired help in the café to make sure she had ample time every day for Axel, now a beautiful and energetic toddler of nearly three who was running about all over the place. She had grown into the role of motherhood and didn't want to miss out on his development and precious moments. Klaus too, enjoyed fatherhood but his busy and industrious life meant he only had half the weekends and holidays free. He always tried to be present when Axel awoke, at mealtimes and for the last few hours before the boy went to sleep. With constant juggling they made time for Felix as well as each other, managing to go out on their on mountain bike rides, hiking around the lake, with or without their boys. Klaus had also joined a gun club with Bernd, shooting at targets with small, rapid-fire pistols.

Felix, now a muscular, handsome lad of 17, was happy to work in the boathouse with Klaus and help run the waterside activities. He also helped out at the golf club, collecting and refilling the balls in the machines on the driving range or assisting the ground staff around the golf courses. He was the proud owner of a 50cc, light blue Schwalbe – ‘The Swallow' – one of the most popular mopeds from the East German era with three speeds and a manual clutch. This was Klaus and Ingrid's present for his birthday in January. Ingrid didn't want Felix driving a more powerful and faster motorbike, and the Schwalbe was her compromise, as was paying for his driving lessons in Klaus's old car, a VW estate.

The girls in the village had begun to notice Felix's Aryan good looks. Tall, athletic, with shoulder length fair hair which he usually let blow in the wind (except at work, when he tied it in a ponytail), he had turned into quite an Adonis. He remained wary of intimacy, though. Happy to make friends with the opposite sex and hang out with the village girls or his girl-mad pals Carsten and Paul, he was always slightly remote around them, which only added to his appeal.

A deep thinker, Felix believed life was about a series of moments. He'd managed to survive in Torgau by being in the moment, dealing with whatever life threw at him, good and bad. He'd learned to take whatever pleasure he could in small things, such as being with the family, enjoying nature, pushing his body to its physical limits of whatever he was doing at the time. He tried not to think too far forward or stay too much in the past. One of his greatest pleasures, much to everyone's surprise, was looking after Axel. He liked nothing more than playing on the beach with him, taking a bucket and spade to build snowmen in the winter months or sandcastles in the summer, and trying to teach him how to kick a ball or swim. By nurturing his nephew he felt close to Susi, who was often in his thoughts. The handsome toddler was the image of his mother, which was some small consolation and pleased Felix more than Axel being surrounded by love, and that he adored his Onkel Felix.

* * *

The summer Olympics of 1992 were held in Spain, with the opening ceremony in the last week of July. In Motzen, it was a bit cooler than the heat the athletes were enduring in Barcelona. Ingrid arranged for the café and the golf club to hold weekend Spanish nights of tapas, paellas and flamenco dancing for the duration of the Games. The screen in Das Kino beamed the various sporting events live throughout the day and they'd also installed a satellite dish at the golf club to cover sporting events for the patrons to watch in the bar lounge.

During the Olympics, Klaus and Ingrid invited Dr Jens and his family to the lake.

‘
Hola
!' said the doctor, with Latin gusto, on arrival.

‘Jens was happy to come to a Spanish night to practise his language skills,' Angele, his wife told them. ‘Please humour him.'

Angele was an attractive, stylish lady in her early 40s and Jens was 12 years older but there was warmth and humour between them that was natural and the age gap didn't show or matter. Jens clearly adored his younger wife and children: Martha was a pretty, 17-year-old with long auburn hair, who took after her graceful and poised mother, and her brother Friedrich was a lively 13-year-old.

The last time Felix had set eyes on Martha was in Berlin, a few days after the Wall came down. He had the same feeling of butterflies in his stomach.

‘Can we go out on a boat?' asked Friedrich.

‘When you've eaten,' his mother told him.

‘I'll take you later, if you like,' Felix offered, unable to take his eyes off Martha.

‘Thank you, Felix,' Dr Jens said. ‘Haven't seen you since I played golf with you and Klaus back in the spring. How are you?' Unusually tongue-tied, Felix didn't know what to say. ‘I'm keeping busy.'

Ingrid noticed Felix's discomfort. ‘Yes, we keep you busy, working hard for the family business, here at the lake and up at the golf club,' she told the visitors adding ‘He even helps me with Axel.'

‘Saint Felix.' Klaus poked his nephew playfully in the ribs.

‘Onkel!' Felix felt embarrassed and added, ‘Hardly.'

‘What do you think about the latest hand-sized mobile phones?' Dr Jens asked Felix, thinking the subject would take the heat off him.

‘They're handy!' Felix replied.

Dr Jens smiled. ‘You have to be German to get this joke. I think mobile phones will catch on but personally, I'll wait till the price comes down.'

‘Where's Axel?' Angele asked.

‘As it's Spanish night, my son's having a siesta,' Ingrid informed them. ‘Tomorrow I'll call it a
nickerchen
again.'

Dr Jens loved playing with words or language. ‘I believe the English call it a nap.'

‘We usually speak English with the tourists,' Felix said and turned to address Martha. ‘I hear you don't have to learn Russian in school any more and the second language is now English.'

‘That's right… and you don't have to go to school, lucky you!' Martha ventured.

So began their first, tentative conversation.

Felix kept his word, taking Martha and Friedrich in a small motorboat out onto the lake. Friedrich draped his hand in the water as they sped around whilst Martha sat on the bow, her hair blowing behind her, as Felix steered the boat and watched her surreptitiously out of the corner of his eye.

Before she went home, Felix got a chance to talk to Martha alone. He wondered if Dr Jens would approve if he asked to see his daughter again and wondered what Martha knew about him and if her father had told her about his background. He had decided to risk being rejected because he wanted to see her again, to get to know her and didn't want to wait until another get-together was arranged between the families, which could take six months or more.

‘How long will it take you to get back to Kopenick?'

Martha raised an eyebrow. ‘Less than an hour. Why?'

‘Oh, well, I was wondering…' Felix began tentatively. ‘There's a bus in Motzen, it goes to Berlin and stops in Kopenick.'

‘Really?' Martha said, smiling inwardly.

‘Well, you're welcome here any time,' Felix told her.

‘Or maybe, Felix, you could come to Kopenick, to see us?' Martha suggested, adding ‘I'd like a ride on the back of your Schwalbe.'

‘It's a deal.'

For the following two months, Felix and Martha spent a lot of time to-ing and fro-ing between Motzen and Kopenick. The long summer days when Felix worked were more enjoyable when Martha visited and she was always ready to lend a hand and even baby-sit Axel until his shift had ended. After eating with the family they'd take a relaxing walk, staying outside on starry nights to share moonlit kisses. Although Felix had, by this time, moved into Gertrude's house, Martha would stay overnight in the cottage under Klaus and Ingrid's watchful eyes. They were so young that they were more than happy just to hold hands, hug and kiss. It was an innocent kind of love and their sceptical guardians decided not to interfere. After all, who could stop two young, headstrong people falling in love?

As summer drew to a close, the youngsters sat nestled in each other's arms under a blanket on the end of the jetty with their feet dangling in the water, listening to a chorus of night owls over the lake. The night sky seemed endless and full of promise.

Martha sighed. ‘School starts next week.'

‘Never mind.'

Martha was curious. ‘You don't regret leaving school at 16?'

‘Not at all, I enjoy my work,' Felix told her.

‘I don't want to think about work just yet. In two years I'll finish school and before I go to university, I'm going to take a year off and travel the world.'

Felix felt happy for her but at the same time, afraid to lose her. ‘What, on your own?'

Martha squeezed his hand. ‘Are you fishing for a compliment?'

Felix was thinking she knew him well and was comfortable with this. He believed he could trust her and tell her most things about what he thought and felt, except the darkest secrets from his time at Torgau. He tried to block out those experiences and for the most part, he was successful. The love he had for Martha made him feel vulnerable and insecure but he tried to deal with his fear.

‘Of course! I'm a fisherman, aren't I?' he said, trying to turn his confusion into a joke.

Martha realised he needed reassuring. ‘I'd like to go travelling with
you
.'

Felix's anxiety was assuaged. ‘What, you'd travel the world with someone like me, even though I was sent to Torgau?'

‘I know all about what happened to you. Papa told me.'

Felix was embarrassed. ‘What, everything?'

Martha nodded, looking sad. ‘You were abused by those sick bastards and no one helped you. Well, Papa did, but by then the damage was done.'

Felix was adamant. ‘I don't blame your father. I'm not angry with him, he was kind to me and my sister. But If I ever see any of those wardens again, I don't know what I'd be capable of.'

‘Who would blame you? Felix, remember, it wasn't your fault.'

‘I know.'

‘Do you really know it, deep inside? Say it. It wasn't your fault.'

Felix faltered with his words. ‘It wasn't my fault.'

‘Again.' Martha insisted.

‘It wasn't my fault.'

Martha squeezed him tight. ‘Really believe it.'

‘It wasn't my fault.'

And with this Felix broke down.

Martha held his shaking body until his tears stopped falling and he could speak.

‘And it doesn't make any difference to you, knowing I was an abused Torgau boy?'

‘Not one bit.'

‘I feel I could tell you anything.'

‘You can, you must. Let it out, don't keep it all inside, festering and sabotaging your potential happiness.'

‘I'll try not to. Martha… I love you.'

‘Darling Felix… I love you, too.'