Hidden Destiny (Redwood Pack) (10 page)

“I can’t feel her like I should, Mad. I can’t bond with her like I should. I don’t have the connection you have with Ellie, that Jasper has with Willow. I just have my wolf aching for his mate and a woman I can have beneath me, beside me, and with me, but no bond. That bastard wolf has taken everything from us, Mad. Everything.”

He sank onto his bed and let his face fall into his hands, his body shaking. The bed dipped beside him as Jasper pulled him into a hug.

“You’re right. Corbin’s used a deal with the devil himself to take everything from our Pack, or at least he’s tried to. You know the prophecy says you will kill him, and we have to believe in that.”

“The prophecy didn’t say that you’d live through the process though,” Maddox whispered, and North leaned back, his eyes closed.

“I know. We keep ignoring that subtle fact. But if I can break Lexi and the Pack free from him, isn’t it worth it?”

“I’m not going to comment on your death wish, brother, but I still don’t know how you’re going to accomplish killing him when he’s so ensconced within his den beneath the dark magic wards. We can’t break in.”

North rubbed his face. “I have no fucking idea what to do. We’re at a standstill because we have no way to win. This defeated feeling makes me want to scream. The Centrals are winning because they are killing themselves in the process. We’re not them.”

Jasper let out a curse. “Of course we aren’t them. It’s been the same thing over and over again, hasn’t it? We fight, and we win a battle, and they come back and kill us because they can cross the boundaries we can’t. We’ve taken away their connection to hell, taken away their Alpha, and have hurt Corbin and Caym greatly. But is it enough? Fuck no.”

“It’s never enough,” Maddox mumbled.

“And while all of this is going on, we’re rotting from the inside,” North added.

Jasper turned sharply. “I know. Fuck. We’re letting our Pack down because we have to focus on the perimeter and the outside forces. But what about what I’m doing, huh? I’m the fucking Beta, and I can’t help all of them. I don’t know what to do, North.”

“You’re doing all you can. You’re trying to help them all, but you can’t do everything.”

“There are rumblings,” Maddox said, his voice a growl.

“I know. Something is happening, and I don’t know what,” Jasper said.

“We’re going to have to find out who is hurting our Pack from within and make sure that our family is safe.”

“And that includes the Andersons,” Maddox added, speaking of Lexi, Parker, and Logan.

“They’re mine,” North whispered. “I don’t want them to feel like they aren’t part of the Pack, but something is going on. Something I can feel, but I don’t know what it is exactly.”

“I know. We’ll just have to be careful.” Jasper stood and ran his hands through his hair.

“We’re always careful,” North mumbled. “That’s all we do.”

“We’ll have to do better,” Maddox said.

Yes, better. That’s all they could do, but for some reason, North had a feeling it wouldn’t be enough.

Not this time.

Her hands were shaking.

Lexi fisted them then closed her eyes. She had to do better than this. She wasn’t going to die.

At least she hoped not,.

She’d promised North she’d go to his clinic and have him check her over. Rather than getting naked and sweaty with the man she knew she was falling in love with—a whole other topic she would think about later—she was going to get naked and clinical.

So not even in the realm of the same thing.

North wanted to help her with her latent wolf. She knew his heart was in the right place, but she couldn’t put any hope in the situation. He was a doctor and a Jamenson, meaning if he found something broken, he needed to fix it.

Oh, he’d said she wasn’t broken, but they both knew that she was, even if he wanted to call it something else.

He wanted to find her wolf.

Damn it, so did she.

Finding it might kill her though.

She
knew
that.

There were very rare occurrences of latent wolves for as long as there had been werewolves. Almost as soon as latent wolves were discovered, attempts had been made to study them. These studies were made more difficult because most latent wolves didn’t make it past puberty. Those who were lucky enough to survive puberty almost always died as young adults, victims of the added adrenalin, hormones and changes to an already fucked up central nervous system.

She had no idea how she’d lived through it, other than the fact she hadn’t wanted to die.

Logan called her the most stubborn person he knew.

He wouldn’t be wrong—though her brother gave her a run for her money.

The fact that she had lived made her an exception to the rule. As far as she knew, she was the oldest living latent. At fifty, that was saying something. She’d also had a pure werewolf child who could shift and was a dominant.

She was living on borrowed time, and it wasn’t a secret.

If North could find a way to help her so she could actually have a future, not only with him, but in general, she’d take it.

She’d made it to the porch of the clinic when North opened the door. He stood there, wearing jeans that rode low on his hips and a button-down shirt that made him look sexy—though he looked sexy wearing just about anything—or nothing at all.

His hair curled slightly on his neck as if he’d had a long day and had run his hands through it repeatedly. He leaned against the door jamb, his arms folded over his chest.

“You ready for this, baby?”

“No,” she answered honestly.

He straightened immediately and walked toward her. He gripped her chin and forced her gaze to his. A simple touch made her relax and tighten like a coiled spring at the same time. Having him close made her feel safe, but the anticipation of what his touch meant made her want to brace for the pounce.

“If you want to stop this and never look at it again, I’ll do that for you, Lex. You know I’d do anything for you.”

Yes, he would. He’d back down and step away for her. He was already subjecting himself to a life where he would never have children, never feel the pull of a mate bond…never fully reach the true nirvana of mating.

He’d do this all for her.

The least she could do was try to live longer and find her wolf. Maybe if she had her wolf, she’d be stronger. If she was stronger, maybe she could help fight and bring down the Centrals. Yes, her mind worked in mysterious ways, but she’d do anything for North.

Anything.

“I’m just freaking myself out. It’s just a physical, North. I’m fine.”

He kept his grip on her chin but used his other hand to brush her hair behind her ear. “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure. Let’s get going.”

He nodded then moved to hold her hand, leading her into the clinic. It was a three-room place, complete with waiting area. His house seemed small in comparison to the attached clinic, but it suited North. She knew he loved helping people and having his work area so close would help not only him but his wolf.

The place also didn’t smell like a normal clinic or hospital. Sure, there was that underlying scent of antiseptic that came with a place of healing, but it didn’t feel sterile or hollow. She could scent North around the place, as well as other Pack members and Jamensons. It felt like a part of his home, rather than a place she should be afraid of.

Not that she was holding back all the fear today.

Once they were in the exam room, he stepped away from her, his doctor mode firmly in place.

“Strip down and put on that robe.”

She raised a brow but didn’t object or tease him. She could tell he wanted to keep the exam professional. Not only would it help her with her nerves, but it wouldn’t cross that imaginary line she knew North had with patients. Though in reality, he already had crossed that line since he treated family and friends. He was the only doctor though and even though Hannah was the Healer, she was family too.

He turned his back and did something with a chart so she stripped down quickly. Getting naked for a physical seemed very different than getting naked for him in her bedroom.

Thank God.

She really didn’t want to think about how many women must have gotten naked for him in the past.

She closed her eyes.

Nope. Not going to think about that.

His movements were swift and clinical. They talked about Parker and what she was feeling, but he seemed detached, as if he didn’t want to get too close and show his emotions while he was working. She was fine with that considering she was freaking out that he wouldn’t find a way to help her and she’d die in pain because she couldn’t find a way to let lose all the energy building and locked within her.

Okay, so maybe she held out a little hope that he could save her.

Shit. That wasn’t good.

When he was done, she dressed quickly then sat back down on the table, crossing her legs in front of her in yoga style.

“So…”

He moved closer and sat down on the stool in front of her. “Your body is definitely different.”

“Just what every girl wants to hear,” she said dryly.

He grinned at her, and she relaxed. That was the North she knew and was falling for. “You’re cute. Once we leave this room, I will tell you exactly what I feel about your body. As for what I found, I’m going to talk with Hannah about it, too. Is that okay?”

“She’s our Healer, so sure.”

He grinned again, a little light entering his eyes to clear out the darkness. “I love that you said
our
.”

She tilted her head. “I’m a Redwood now. It’s a little strange getting used to, but I’m trying.”

“Good. I’m glad you are. Okay, as for what I found, right now, I have the facts but I need to put them together to make sense of them. Your blood pressure and heart rate are slightly elevated. I don’t think that’s because of the exam itself, but more because your body is under chronic stress. Your eyes are dilated a little more than most people’s. That could be because you were scared about what we were doing today, but I don’t think so. I’ve noticed in the past your pupils slightly larger than other’s, but I never picked up on it like I should. I think the excess hormones and adrenaline in your system might cause this. I’m not sure yet.”

“Is that bad?”

“The dilation? I don’t think so. You don’t have eye strain, do you?”

She thought about it. “No, not really. Only if I read too long, but that’s normal.”

“That’s what I’m thinking. The excess chemicals in your body though might be an issue. When we shift, we use up that excess adrenaline and power. That’s why, though it’s a painful process, it’s a relief too. You have all those extra chemicals in your body with no way to relieve them. Well, at least not like you would when you shift.” He grinned broader this time. “We could find another way to relieve that tension.”

She snorted, her muscles relaxing like he’d meant them too. “Shut it, you.”

“Just saying, Lex.”

“Tell me what else you found and maybe we can talk about how to relieve tension.”

“What I’m looking at more though is your elevated heart rate.”

She sighed. “That’s the symptom that really sucks.”

He cupped her face, and she leaned into his hold. Damn the restrictions they’d put between them while they were in this room. She needed to be held.

“Your body is taxing itself, baby. I’m not sure how you are controlling it to the point you’re not always tired, but you need to relax.”

“I’m
trying
.”

“I know, baby. Your reflexes and strength are just as good as someone who can shift though. That’s good.”

“It’s helped.”

He pulled away, and she felt the loss of his touch. “I’m going to try one more thing.”

She nodded.

He reached around her shoulders and pinched her pressure point on her shoulder. The arcing pain slicing through her body made her feel as though she was on fire. She screamed and pulled away from him, tears running down her face.

“Shit, baby.” He pulled her into his arms, and she tried to get away, the pain still rocking her body as though someone had electrocuted her.

“Fuck, Lexi, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it would hurt that bad.”

She finally stopped wanting to throw up then leaned into his touch. “What…what was that?”

“Everyone has a few pressure points. Usually when I do that it’s like a little knee jerk reaction or even a calming one if your body is in tune with itself. But since you have all that excess pressure…”

“I freaked the fuck out.”

He nodded then kissed her forehead.

“Shit. That’s not good, North. It’s another weakness.”

“One we’re not going to tell anybody about,” he growled, and she nodded.

She knew better than to advertise her weakness. As it was, others thought she was a submissive wolf because she couldn’t shift. Oh, she knew she wasn’t as high ranking as others within the hierarchy of the Pack, within
any
Pack, but she wasn’t submissive.

Well, she was submissive to North in bed, but that was a whole other topic.

“There’s one more thing.” His voice rumbled against her cheek, and she sucked in a breath, his scent washing over her, calming her.

“What is it?”

“I don’t have magic, not like Hannah, but I can use the fact I’m so in tune with my wolf to help me with my diagnostics.” She must have given him a blank stare because he continued. “I can sense things when I’m really trying that others miss because they can’t feel their wolves as much as I can. Baby, my wolf can feel your wolf. Do you know what that means?”

She froze.

“That means your wolf is there, baby. She’s
there
.”

Tears filled her eyes. “I know she is, but I don’t know what she wants. What she needs.”

He swallowed hard. “She’s in agony. I got a huge dose of that when I pressed that point on your shoulder. Baby, we’re going to figure out a way to get her out. Not only for her but for you. I hate that you can’t feel your wolf like you should. We will fix this.”