Hienama (7 page)

‘Shut
up
!’ I said. ‘I
don’t want to think about that. It makes me feel freakish.’

Minnow narrowed his eyes,
observed me keenly. ‘It was Ysobi’s idea, wasn’t it?’

I made a careless gesture with
one hand. ‘It was a mutual idea. We’re celebrating. Let’s get on
with it.’

I spent the next week paying
extra attention to my body, trying to discern changes within me. I
felt little different to how I’d felt before, but I guessed this
would change as the pearl developed. I had to keep telling myself
there was life inside me, because it didn’t feel real. The memory
of creating it began to blur in my mind. Perhaps it hadn’t really
happened and we’d just thought we’d done it. Then I started to get
twinges in my belly and when I pressed my flesh, it felt hard
beneath. Something was growing there. At times, it made me panic
and I thought it would be easy then to give in to insanity, to run
outside screaming, tearing at my skin.

Eventually, I went to see
Sinnar. I had to talk to somehar, and he was happy to oblige me. I
don’t think he’d ever harboured doubts and fears like mine.

‘Anxiety is normal,’ he said.
‘It takes a while to get used to the idea, but it is a natural
thing, Jass, so just let nature do its work.’

‘How long will it take for the
pearl to… form?’ I wanted to know.

‘Oh, between two and a half or
three months,’ he said. ‘When it’s ready, you’ll drop it, and then
it will take a couple more weeks for the harling to be ready to
emerge from the pearl. Let me be with you for the drop. I won’t lie
to you: it’s not the most edifying of experiences.’

‘Hurts?’

He pulled a sour face. ‘Have
you ever been tortured?’

I winced. ‘Fortunately,
no.’

‘Well, all I’ll say is the
worst torture cannot be as bad.’ I must have looked horrified,
because Sinnar smiled and gripped one of my hands. ‘We’ll do what
we can for you to make it happen quickly. There are certain herbal
drinks you can take beforehand to assist matters. There are things
I can do, or show Ysobi how to do if you prefer, that help the
soume-lam cope with it all.’

‘Do you go back to normal
afterwards?’ I couldn’t keep the horror from my voice, since it was
now too late to change my mind.

Sinnar laughed. ‘Completely!
We’re not human, Jass. Within a week, nohar will be able to tell
you’ve ever carried a pearl. There are benefits to it, too, I
noticed. I’m more sensitive to touch than I was before. Let’s just
say that Tibar is delighted with the changes.’

Ysobi seemed so pleased about
the pearl, I hadn’t the heart to discuss my fears with him. He felt
it was an achievement, that it proved our chesna bond was not only
right but superior. I think that to him we were like gods.

After a couple of weeks, my
shock and horror began to subside, perhaps because chemicals in my
body made it happen to ensure the pearl’s survival. I still had to
endure the curiosity of my friends, but life went more or less back
to normal. I prepared myself daily for the arrival of the first
student: Gesaril from Shadowvales. Another would be coming a couple
of weeks after that. Then there was a gap until the Spring Equinox,
when a third would arrive. At that point, it would be most likely
Ysobi would have three to train at once, at varying levels of
experience. I wouldn’t let myself think about the implications too
much, but I sensed our aruna life would suffer in the spring.
However, at that time, I’d no doubt be occupied with the harling,
who would have emerged from the pearl by then, or be just about
to.

Zehn was doing some deliveries
for Sinnar, and one afternoon, we bumped into each other in one of
the must-rooms at the vineyard. There were some moments of
awkwardness, then he said, ‘I’m happy for you, Jass. I guess you
found the thing I’ve always been looking for.’

I didn’t know how to respond. I
shrugged. ‘I didn’t expect it, Zehn. It just happened.’

Zehn laughed bleakly. ‘It’s
that training he does, I guess. I heard about it. Is that what you
used on me?’

I was horrified to realise my
face had coloured up. ‘Zehn…’

‘It’s OK,’ he said, raising his
hands. ‘I don’t regret it, nor will I ever forget it. I’d die for
you, Jass. I want you to be happy. You can always call on me as a
friend, if ever you need help.’

‘Thanks.’ I embraced him
briefly, but he was unyielding in my hold.

Gesaril arrived one afternoon,
but I didn’t get to meet him straight away. Ysobi came over in the
evening and informed me his new student was ‘as exasperating as
they come. Shall we say high maintenance?’

‘Spoiled brat?’ I enquired,
pleased to hear it.

He laughed. ‘Yeah, very much
so. Note to self: do not indulge son too much!’

‘Think you can train him?’

‘Give me a whip and a chair,
and there’s a fair chance. He thinks it’s all beneath him, but his
parents are keen for him to have the labels of the levels, as it
were. They’re quite high-ranking, it’s obvious.’

I imagined an obnoxious, cocky
little har, who would no doubt be very much like the obnoxious,
cocky little humans I’d hung out with before I was har. I’d
probably been the same way myself. Perhaps I should be more
understanding. ‘He’s young,’ I said. ‘Getting to know himself.
Maybe it’ll be all right.’

‘Come here,’ Ysobi said, and
pulled me onto his lap. He put a hand on my belly, nuzzled my
neck.

Things did not go well with the
training. Ysobi would come to visit me and get the closest to
ranting in anger that he was capable of. Gesaril was rude,
inattentive and disruptive. When Ysobi tried to teach him a
technique, even as basic as mind touch, he’d just say something
like, ‘Why the fuck should I?’

‘So often, I long to throw him
out,’ Ysobi said to me.

‘Then, why don’t you?’ I
asked.

Ysobi only grimaced. ‘I can’t
do that. The training’s hardly begun. How would it appear to his
hara at home?’

I really didn’t care. I
couldn’t understand why Ysobi wanted to persist with a hopeless
case. If he was worried about his reputation, he could always say
that the har wasn’t of high enough standard for him to teach. But
Ysobi wouldn’t give up. He was sure he could reach this har.

‘He’s behaving this way for a
reason,’ Ysobi said. ‘He’s bright, and could do the work easily. I
want to get to the bottom of it.’ He shook his head. ‘He just won’t
let anyhar in.’

Somehow, I couldn’t see the
arunic arts figuring greatly in Gesaril’s education. That is, not
until I met him.

Gesaril had been in Jesith for
over a week. A couple of bands were in town, so Ysobi and I went
out at the weekend to see them play. As usual, the event was at
Willow Pool Garden, since it was the largest hostelry we had. We
sat down with our friends, and were indulging in idle gossip, when
I saw him. I didn’t know who it was. I just saw this beautiful
creature and remember thinking he had ‘Zehn’ written all over him.
‘Yz,’ I said discreetly. ‘I think there’s an out-towner here we
could put money on, in terms of Zehn having him later on.’ I jerked
my head in the new har’s direction.

Ysobi glanced over his
shoulder. He sighed, rolled his eyes and said sarcastically, ‘Oh,
great.’

I knew then who it was.

The har in question sashayed
over to our table. He had thick brown hair, cut to his shoulders
and astounding straight black eyebrows, with sultry dark eyes
beneath. His lips were full, made to kiss. ‘Ysobi,’ he said. ‘I
wouldn’t have thought this was your kind of thing.’ He glanced at
me, summing me up in seconds.

‘Gesaril,’ Ysobi said wearily,
‘this is my chesnari, Jassenah. Jass, this is my latest
student.’

‘Hi,’ said Gesaril. One
shoulder was bare, since the oversize, soft wool jumper he wore
kept slipping off it. He spent a lot of time needlessly sliding it
back, only for it to drip once more seductively to his elbow.

I nodded to him. My hackles
were up. I knew his type. I was actually praying for Zehn to show
up. Now that the charming Gesaril was aware his teacher had a
chesnari, Ysobi would become infinitely more fascinating to him. I
just knew it. And Gesaril was exquisite, in that mean, careless way
his kind has. He was an ouana-charmer. Hara would fall helplessly
and mindlessly before him.

‘Are you enjoying your
training?’ I enquired pleasantly.

He wrinkled his perfect nose.
‘It’s OK. Yzzi insists it’s all essential stuff, but I just want to
get to the interesting part. I know what he’s famous for!’ He
laughed beautifully, while I froze from the gut outwards. With
these words, knowing how accurately he’d hit his target, no doubt,
Gesaril sauntered off, with a languid wave of one hand and a
drawled: ‘See ya!’

Don’t be ridiculous
, I
told myself.
He’s a posturing fool. He’s an empty pretty shell,
that’s all.
Then I could see him on the cushions in the Nayati,
his gorgeous body spread out, his face transfigured by pleasure,
those wonderful lips slightly open. I could see Ysobi’s head
between his legs, and I heard the moans he would make. I felt
sick.

‘Jass?’ Ysobi said. He sounded
worried.

I shook my head. ‘What a little
shit!’

‘I know. I’ll speak to him. He
doesn’t realise you’re with pearl.’

I hadn’t realised it was
possible for my frozen innards to go colder. ‘Don’t tell him,’ I
said quickly.

Ysobi frowned. ‘Why not? He’s being
flirty. He should know it’s not really appropriate at the moment.
Your emotions are up and down.’

I wanted to stand up and leave.
I felt furious, not least because of Ysobi’s rather patronising
remark. ‘He called you Yzzi,’ I said. ‘How come he’s so familiar
with you after so short a time?’

‘He does it to try and wind me
up,’ Ysobi said. ‘Ignore it. I do.’

I shook my head. ‘He’s
trouble,’ I said. ‘Be careful, Yz.’

‘I know he’s trouble,’ Ysobi
said. ‘I don’t need you to tell me.’ He squeezed my shoulder. ‘Just
enjoy yourself. Forget him.’

I did try. But all evening, I
had to endure the butterfly presence of Gesaril, whose laughter
reached far. He was forever messing with his hair, twisting little
locks of it, chewing it, or else trying to pull his clothes back
on. Always, wherever he was in the room, his glance kept sliding
towards our table. He didn’t care that I noticed.

Zehn arrived late, accompanied
by a har called Arken, who was another fairly recent addition to
our community, not yet shattered by Zehn. He was a good-natured and
attractive har, fair-haired like Zehn, and very tanned. I hoped
Zehn wouldn’t damage him too much. I hoped he could find a
companion in Arken, somehar to care for. Hara called them over to
our group, and Zehn had little choice but to comply, even though I
was aware he hated being near me, especially when Ysobi was there.
I didn’t want to make his evening miserable, and in fact was
feeling quite tender towards him, mainly because of the vileness of
Gesaril. At one point, we were sitting close to one another. I
smiled at him and leaned towards him to say, ‘Arken’s lovely, Zehn.
You look good together.’

He smiled back thinly. ‘How are
you?’

‘Fine. Have you met Ysobi’s new
student?’

He shook his head.

‘I’m tempted to ask you to do
your stuff on him. He’s a monster.’

Zehn laughed a little. ‘When I
said I’d always help you out, I didn’t think you’d expect my
services to extend that far.’

‘I’m joking. I wouldn’t wish
him on anyhar.’

Gesaril had stopped by our
table several times during the evening, clearly to display himself
to Ysobi, who I’m glad to say didn’t react. The next time he came
by, he spotted Zehn, who in the beauty contest stakes could give
the little horror a run for his money. ‘You must be Zehn,’ he said.
‘I’ve heard about you.’

Zehn gave him a cold eye. ‘Who
are you?’

‘Hasn’t Yzzi’s chesnari told
you?’ I had no doubt he remembered my name, just chose not to use
it.

Zehn merely shook his head. He
turned to me. ‘I’m going to the bar. You want a drink, Jass?’

‘Please. I’m trying to be good
and not have too much.’ I didn’t want to say more.

‘I understand. I’ll get you
something not too toxic.’ Zehn stood up.

‘I’m Gesaril,’ the horror said,
in a tone that implied he thought Zehn must surely know who he
was.

‘Congratulations,’ Zehn said.
He brushed past Gesaril. ‘Excuse me.’

Gesaril was left standing there
before me. I smiled sweetly, then looked the other way.

Of course, the only thing that
this scenario amounted to was a declaration of war.

It didn’t take long for Gesaril
to change his tactics, although he didn’t put them into play until
after the new student turned up. This was Orphie, a shy and fairly
withdrawn young har, who was second generation as Gesaril was. I
took a liking to Orphie straight away, perhaps for obvious reasons.
In retrospect, I can see that I’d begun to burgeon with nurturing
instincts, but Orphie was also such a welcome change from the other
one. I asked Ysobi if he’d mind me asking Orphie to come and eat
with us sometimes, and he said he had no objection. He’d become a
lot more open, since me.

The first time Orphie came to
my house, he could barely speak to me. He was a small, fragile
creature, with soft light brown hair, a pointed elfin face and
enormous doe-like dark eyes. It was hard to credit he’d been
through feybraiha a year before. I tried to make him feel at ease,
and got him to help me prepare the meal. When it was ready to eat,
Ysobi hadn’t arrived yet. It was not like him to be late. I opened
some wine, and poured Orphie and me a glass each. The dinner was
being kept warm on the stove. If Ysobi didn’t come soon, it would
spoil.

The atmosphere became ever more
strained, until I said, ‘Well, perhaps we should just eat.’