High Country Bride (19 page)

“Dinner won’t be more than a few minutes.” She was compassion and hope and love. It was all there in the brush of her fingers against his, before she slipped away. She gathered up the tray and the empty pitcher. “We’ll be eating on the porch due to the heat. Don’t be long.”

His soul seemed to follow her, and there it was, the love he could no longer hold back, cracking like a lightning bolt against his spirit. He stood as if paralyzed, a man unable to think, and too afraid to feel.

“Aiden, you okay?” Thad asked.

Somehow he managed to nod. He glanced around, realized Thad held a cup, too, and took another sip of his lemonade. The little ones had already gulped theirs and were standing next to Sunny, who was trying to get at the sweet-smelling cups they held. The children’s giggles lifted his heart.

“You don’t look okay.” Thad ambled closer. “Maybe it’s the heat. You want to go sit in the shade for a spell?”

He shook his head, not trusting his voice. What he wanted to do was be alone and stay real still until this pain died down. Until the turmoil settled.

“Then if it’s not the heat, it’s got to be Joanna, right?”

His throat worked. How could he admit to that? It was folly, that’s what it was, to let himself care about her. No—that wasn’t the truth. He didn’t just care about her.
Caring
was too miniscule of a word to describe what he felt for her. From the bottom of his scarred soul to the top of his battered heart, he loved her. What was he going to do about that? How was he going to stop it?

Thad was still there, concerned. “You told me once that you trusted God to know what He’s doing. Maybe bringing Joanna and these kids to you is God’s doing, too. Have you considered that?”

“I’ve been trying not to.”

“Well, consider it. That’s all I’m saying.” Thad paused as the dinner bell clanged from the porch.

Aiden bowed his head, refusing to look up to see Joanna ringing that bell, refusing to note the sympathy on his brother’s face.

“Sir?” The boy sidled up, peering at him from beneath the brim of his hat. Those big, need-filled eyes brimmed with too many questions, every one of which was too big for Aiden to answer now.

“What is it, kid?”

“I wanna be just like you when I grow up.” Joanna’s son looked as if he’d been gathering up hope the way his little sister picked flowers. “I’m gonna be a wheat rancher with lots of horses.”

Aiden hung his head. There was nothing he could say to that, fighting as he was not to feel.

Thad saved him. “James? I figure we can tie Sunny to the porch rail, and after dinner is done, you can ride him. You wanna lead him to the house for me?”

“Do I!” James rushed up to take sole possession of the rope. “C’mon, Sunny. Come along with me.”

Aiden was barely aware of feet scampering off and Thad’s voice, calm and friendly with the children, moving farther away. All that he had been holding back broke apart like a winter’s thaw. The keen rush of emotion that rolled through him nearly brought him to his knees. Perhaps this pain was life coming back to him. Whatever it was, it hurt. He drew in the hot air and let the sun bake him, trying to fight it. Trying not to be ripped apart.

There was Joanna on the front porch, waltzing down the steps with a carrot, a treat for Sunny. James and Daisy swirled around her skirts, excited by the horses and by the family surrounding them. Thad joked with James and then with his wife. Ma reached for Daisy’s hand. Noelle leaned in to kiss Daisy’s cheek. They were a family again.

Aiden had done everything he could to keep this from happening. He’d held back his feelings. He’d refused to care for Joanna and her kids. He’d stayed away from them. He’d barely talked to them. Hardly acknowledged them, and still, it happened just the same.

He clenched his fists, moving without realizing where he was going, only knowing he needed to get somewhere quiet and pray. He had to take this to the Lord because he was not strong enough to do it on his own. He was sure he would never be strong enough.

O
h, Aiden. Joanna caught a glimpse of him through Noelle’s kitchen window as she grabbed the pan of rolls to carry outside. He stood far out in the sun-scorched bunchgrass beyond the mustang pasture, with his back to her. He gazed off at the river and the reaching prairie, hands behind his back, feet braced, looking like a solitary pillar of strength. Aloneness radiated off him like sunlight off the dry earth.

So much was pulling at him right now. According to Thad, Finn was seeing a judge next week, and it did not look good for him. It was a heartbreak for all the family, she knew, but especially for Aiden, who had fought so hard for his little brother, whom he loved. That was Aiden. He was faithfulness and loyalty. Those were a few reasons why she loved him so much, why she longed to go out to him and hold him until he no longer felt sore and alone.

If only she could. She tucked away her wishes and turned from the window. No matter what, she would not give up on him. She would not stop loving him. Love made a difference in this world, she firmly believed, and she would be Aiden’s difference. She would wait and she would hope. Maybe all he needed was time. God had brought her here for a purpose—to love Aiden. She would not yield.

The breeze off the river was a pleasant relief after being in the hot house. Joanna pushed through the screen door, renewed at the sight of Daisy sitting next to Ida at the outdoor table. The little girl wiggled with happiness; it didn’t look as if she could sit still.

“Ma!” Her grin was the widest ever. “Grandma Ida said we’re gonna have ice cream!”

A rare treat. “We are?”

“Yes! To go with the cobbler we brought. I helped make it,” she told her grandma, leaning toward her eagerly. “I sifted the flour and got to put the peaches in.”

While Ida praised her as lavishly as any doting grandmother, Joanna slipped the pan of rolls onto the table and looked around. James’s place was empty. Where was he?

“Joanna? Is that you?” Noelle was standing at the railing. “Thad went to look for James. He was right beside me on the bench when you went into the house. I felt him slip behind me, but he must have been moving fast. I called out to Thad, and he looked up just in time to see him dart around the corner of the house.”

“He knows not to run off.” Joanna fought down the panic. She tried not to immediately think of the long list of dangers to a small child on a working ranch—especially the wild mustangs. “I can’t believe he’s not right here. Noelle, will you watch Daisy?”

“Yes. Are you sure he didn’t run off to the outhouse?”

“No.” Thad’s voice came from around the corner. “First place I checked. Then the barn.” He strode into sight, worry and dust marking his face. “There’s no sign of him in the corral. I’m going to check the mustangs’ field next.”

“He went to Aiden.” Joanna was sure of it. She was already moving, hurrying around the wraparound deck to the back of the house. Panic beat with her footsteps, and she tried to stay clear and focused. She scanned the pastures and the stretch of field beyond, where Aiden was. No sign of a Stetson among the waving grass and wildflowers.

“James!” She hurried down the back steps. “James!”

No answer. She heard Thad and Ida calling out his name on the other side of the house.

She rushed through the fields, fighting panic, heading toward Aiden. Surely that’s where James would go.

Maybe bringing Joanna and these kids to you is God’s doing, too.
If only he could get Thad’s words out of his head. Aiden stared off at the river rushing below, churning, tumultuously, and realized that was just how he felt. As if he were in that dangerous current, being pulled under against his will. Life was like that river; a man had little control over it. He had to accept that the current was stronger, and let it take him where it would.

How do I do it, Lord?
He truly had to know. Living hurt, and he couldn’t remember the sky being so blue that it stung his eyes, or the sun a tangible heat on his skin. And the colors—they were everywhere, vibrant and shimmering. The thunder of the waterfall had never been louder, and a rainbow reaching from the cliff to the river below never brighter.

He was alive and whole and unable to trust.
Lord, how can I believe in love again?

He couldn’t; it was as simple as that. He could still feel the scars within him, wounds that could never heal. How could he take another chance on love? His entire being froze at the thought. Pain slammed through him. No, he could not lose like that again. He just couldn’t. Love could be gone in a blink of an eye. Love was too risky. Love could take all a man was when it died. He did not want to risk like that again. He was simply not strong enough.

He hung his head, unable to believe, after all.

He jammed his hands in his pockets. He could not go back to the house, couldn’t face the family he’d let come so close to his heart.

“Aiden!” Joanna’s shout pierced his thoughts, high and shrill with panic. “Aiden!”

Instantly alert, he whipped around and there she was, racing through the field as fast as she could toward him. That’s when he saw the mustangs running, too, and the stallion leading the pack, focused on something hidden in the grass. The top of a little Stetson. James.

Aiden was already moving. He climbed over the fence in one quick motion and hit the ground running. That stallion was closing in, ears laid back flat to his head. A sharp neigh of fury shattered the silence, but that animal’s fury was nothing, nothing at all compared to Aiden’s. All he could think about was James. There he was, just ahead, frozen in place, stiff with fear.

Aiden saw it in an instant: the stallion was going to get there first. He was vaguely aware of Joanna’s cries, of Thad shouting, but he knew they were all too far away to do anything. Aiden had to protect James. It was up to him. He changed direction, running toward the horse, pushing himself with all his might. His legs ate up the ground, but it didn’t seem fast enough. The distance between them was closing, and there was James, standing stock-still and whimpering.

Aiden launched himself at the horse and hit it, shoulder to shoulder. Pain shot up his arm, but it was distant, nothing at all. His feet went out from under him and he hit the ground. Pain slammed into his ribs and side; must have been a hoof that struck him. The air was driven out of his lungs, leaving him gasping.

Time slowed down. He squinted up to see the stallion, knocked off stride, recover and rear up against the brilliant blue sky. Aiden didn’t like seeing the underside of those hooves flailing in the air, because they were going to come down upon him. Sadness filled him, because he was not ready to leave this earth. But at least James was safe.

James. He could see the boy at the corner of his vision, standing with his jaw open, still frozen in fear. Regret filled Aiden at how he’d treated the lad, his stepson, and at the way he had spent his time here. But at least he’d accounted for something. James was unharmed, and he would stay that way. Thad was coming, and Joanna, too. That was a relief. As Aiden watched the horse rear above him, he felt at peace. At peace, because God had led him back to life. To what mattered most.

Something snaked across the blazing sky. A rope. Its noosed end sailed around the stallion’s neck and pulled tight. Time snapped back, and Aiden heard the furious neigh, heard the rapid cadence of James’s breathing and felt the pounding of footsteps beside him. The horse came crashing down, pulled a few feet away by Thad’s strength. A shadow cut across the sun and fell over him like grace.

Joanna. His heart stopped when he saw at the stark concern on her face. His spirit stilled as she knelt over him, touching his cheek and then his chest with her fingertips.

“Aiden? Aiden, where are you hurt? I saw you go down, and I…” Tears pooled in her eyes, precious silvery tears just for him. “You’ve hurt yourself something bad, I can see it.”

He gasped in air, but none of it seemed to reach his lungs. He couldn’t rightly say she was wrong, but he didn’t mind so much. Looking at her and drinking in her beauty and her goodness was enough to sustain him for this moment and for the rest of his life.

A tear plopped onto his chin. Her tear. His heart broke all over again with a great crash of love for her. It was a tide he could not hold back. A greatness he could not control. So he didn’t even bother. God had put this love in his heart for a reason. It wasn’t a matter of not being strong enough; all he had to do was trust God, come what may.

“I’m so mad at you for getting hurt.” She sniffled and blinked hard, but those tears just kept coming, anyway.

He heard, loud and clear, what those tears said. “Sorry,” he choked out.

“You should be.” Fear, that’s what he saw. And hurt. “Aiden, I know you don’t want a real wife, but you are a real husband to me. I don’t know if I could stand to lose you.”

He’d put that hurt there. He winced and did his best to cowboy up. Loving someone with all you had was a frightening thing, but he was no longer afraid. He felt strong. Courageous. Because life was hard enough. Love didn’t need to be, too.

“Thank you for this.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek. “For saving my son.”

Sweetness filled him right up. It sealed up every crack in his heart and every fissure in his soul. How about that? Air eked into his spasming lungs, and he hurt something fierce. But that was good, right? It let him know he was alive.

“No problem,” he choked out, needing to correct her. “I saved
our
son.”

“But…?” She shook her head, as if to tell him he was wrong, but then it must have struck her what he meant. Tears spilled from her eyes again, and the love in them, why, it was the loveliest sight he’d ever seen.

Another shadow fell across him. Little James, his face screwed up in heartache. He gave a sniff, fighting a sob.

Pain streaked through Aiden’s chest as he lifted his arm to catch the boy’s small hand in his. “Don’t cry, little buddy. I’m gonna be all right.”

“But you l-left.”

“Aw, I wasn’t going anywhere.” It hurt to see what James needed—and what Aiden hadn’t given him. He felt ashamed, and vowed on his life that he would move mountains for this child if he had to—for his child—to make this up to him. “I guess I was to teach you to rein this afternoon. We might have to postpone that for a bit.”

James nodded, sniffling.

There. That was one thing made right. Now, for his biggest offense. That hurt worse than all the broken ribs in his chest. “Joanna, I love you.”

“What?” She was gazing at him in shock, as if she were the one with the broken ribs. “What did you say?”

“I love you with all my heart and soul. I want you to know the whole truth I’ve been hiding from you and from myself. You are like the sun coming up in my life every day.”

“I love you, too.” He loved her. She could see the measure of it right there in his heart. Joy overwhelmed her. She had never hoped for so much. Aiden’s love was a dream come true. She smiled through her tears. “But then you already know that.”

“I do, but it never hurts to hear.” He smiled back, and there it was, the zing of a deeper, emotional connection between them. She could feel it in the hitch of her soul and the brightening of her spirit. It was love, abundant and abiding and true.

“You are a great gift to my life, Joanna.” Aiden struggled up onto his elbows.

She settled beside him, supporting him, taking him gently into her arms, this man she loved more than her life. Because he could not save his son, he had saved hers. What a treasure he was.

“I want a real marriage, Joanna. I want to cherish you the right way.” He coughed a little, gasping in pain, but that didn’t stop him. “I want to be the man you need in all ways. I won’t let you down again. I promise you.”

“You never let me down, and you never will.”

“Then that’s a yes?”

“Absolutely, beyond all doubt.” It was in the happiness lighting her face and in the brush of her lips on his cheek.

Footsteps drummed on the earth. Thad was coming; he must have gotten the stallion secured. “You’re looking a bit pale, big brother. I suppose I should go fetch the doc.”

“Suppose so.”

“Aiden?” It was Ma, bringing Noelle and little Daisy with her. Their little girl sidled up against Joanna’s skirts. Ma was all business. “Let me take a look at that wound. I can put a poultice on that until the doctor gets here. Thad, let’s get him in the house.”

Aiden hardly noticed the pain. He was surrounded by family, the people he loved the most. He was in Joanna’s arms, his love, his bride, his everything. Elation left him dizzy.

“Just a minute, Ma. There’s one thing I’ve failed to do. Joanna, are you ready?” He pulled her gently to him and kissed her for real this time, tender and sweet. Their first kiss as man and wife.