His Love (17 page)

Gavin leaned against the door frame, his body sagging and eyes tight with remorse. “I shouldn’t have said that last thing,” he blurted. “It was right stupid of me. Rude. Spiteful. Immature. I’m sorry for that. Ya just sparked my temper, pushed me to a limit…” He stared at her balefully. “You wouldn’t talk to me. I got upset, and I acted like a bloody fool.”

“I’m sorry I upset you,” she murmured. “I didn’t mean to. You were right in the first place. I got bent over something, I shut down, and when you called me on it, I shut you out. So I’m sorry, too.”

He studied her for a long beat before asking, “Any chance you’ll discuss it with me? Whatever got you ‘bent’ in the first place?”

“There’s no point,” she whispered, her throat thickening.

“Hate that answer.” He stared harder at her. “Have you been crying?”

She shook her head no, but his hand lifted to her face, tentative yet steady. His thumb ran under her puffy eyes with a feather’s touch.

“I made you cry?” His voice sounded strangled. “Jaysus…”

“No, Gavin, stop.” She cleared her throat and found her voice, struggling for normalcy. “You didn’t make me cry. It’s been building for a few days. I just… sometimes when I’m feeling that much adrenaline shooting through me, the only way to release it is with a quick cry. That’s all. It wasn’t you. Or,
only
because of you.”

“I hate that you were crying at all,” he murmured.

His tenderness lanced her, almost bringing fresh tears. She swallowed hard. “Can we stop talking now?” she asked. “You’re sorry, I’m sorry, all’s well, we’re done.” She grasped his face between her hands and pulled him down, crushing her mouth to his. “I don’t want to talk anymore. Just touch me. Be with me.”

He seemed hesitant at first, but then their mutual passion ignited as it usually did, sweeping over them like a flash fire, and he kissed her back hard and deep. He edged her backwards into her room, kicking the door closed with his foot.

*

An hour later,
Toni walked into the bathroom, locked the door, put down the toilet cover and sat on it with a sigh, her head falling into her hands.

First, that quick argument that should never have happened. He’d seen right through her and known something was wrong. She’d lied through her teeth. and he didn’t give up. He knew her well already, after such a short time. That was perplexing enough. But add to that the fiery makeup sex she and Gavin had just had… there was the usual heat, the typical rushed passion… but there had been something else, too. A desperation. On both their parts. It was as if they were clinging to each other, forceful and needy and clawing…

Toni swallowed hard and her eyes squeezed shut. She was so in love with him. Her heart felt like it was being twisted in a vise. How the hell had this happened?

He was wonderful, that was how it’d happened. Gavin was a wonderful man. Tender, thoughtful, and attentive, while at the same time sexy, strong, and sure. Frighteningly smart, and friendly, with a dry sense of humor. Not to mention drop-dead gorgeous and great in bed. How could anyone
not
fall in love with him?

Toni felt the tears prick her eyes again. She’d finally found someone special, someone she loved and wanted to be with… and he was leaving. No way around that. He’d leave, she’d ache, and that was that.

*

They went to
the Nest later on. Though it had gone unspoken, they both knew the buffers of other people, loud music, and many drinks would be a good way to get some space from the afternoon’s intensity.

Anna bought them their first round, glad to see them there together. When Toni had her back turned, talking to Wren further down the bar, Anna half-hopped over the bar and grabbed her brother by the shoulder. She leaned in and said into his ear, “Had your first lovers’ quarrel, did ya?”

He shrugged.

“You worked it out, I gather. You’re here together, you seem better…”

“Mind your business, Annie.”

“You’re both my business,” she retorted. “You’re my brother, and she’s my friend. I care about ya both.”

“I know you do.” He drank the rest of his beer, draining the glass. “Make the next one a whisky, all right? Got any Tullamore Dew?”

“Aye. You’ll have it.” Anna blew out an irritated sigh. “She’s mad for ya, Gavin. Ya know that, right?” She pulled back just enough to look into his eyes, to make sure he was not only listening, but hearing her. “I’ve known her for a few years now. Seen her date other guys. None of ’em stuck. Because none of them mattered. But with you? Only a few weeks, and she’s all lit up. I see the way she looks at you, when she thinks you’re not lookin’. Poor girl’s head over heels for you.”

Gavin’s mouth tightened, but his eyes stayed glued to Anna’s. In his racing heart, hope battled with despair.

“And you. Sweet mother of God, you’ve got it so bad. I’ve never seen ya like this, not since your early days with Siobhan. And Toni’s ten times a better person than that bellend ever was. You know that. You’re so in love with her, ya don’t know what to do with yourself. It’s kind of cute.” Anna’s voice dropped. “But it’s not so cute, really, knowin’ you’re leavin’ a week from Monday. That’ll be it, I guess. And it’s sad, if I think about it.”

“Stop,” Gavin said tersely. “Just stop.”

“I’m not wrong.”

“I didn’t say you were, Anna.” His muscles tensed as he restlessly scrubbed his hand across the back of his neck. “Now please. Stop.”

“Gavin… what are you going to do?”

“Nothing. There’s nothin’ to do.” His jaw was gritted so tight it started to give him a mild headache. “She and I both knew that when we started this. Come the first, I go back to Ireland, she lives here, and we’ll always have the memories, right? That’s it. That was the deal from the start.” His eyes narrowed and his voice came out in a gravelly strain. “What would you have me do, Anna? There’s nothing I can do.”

“Oh, you poor lad…” Anna’s eyes went liquid.

His heart clenched. “If ya don’t stop this now,” he said, “I swear I’m leavin’. I can’t listen to another word of this. I can’t, Anna.”

“All right. But I’m not sorry for caring about you,” she said.

“I’m not either. And I’m thankful that ya do. But please… just drop it now.” He lifted his brows at her. “And don’t breathe a word of this to Toni. Promise me.”

“I swear.” She smacked a kiss on the back of his hand and slid back down to her side of the bar. Pulling a glass from above her, she moved to the shelf to pull the bottle of Tullamore Dew, filled the glass with a double shot, and placed it before him. “That one’s on me,” she said, then moved over to help the next customer.

Gavin’s head hurt and his heart did, too. The day had been so fantastic, down on the beach with all the housemates. They’d lain in the sun, relaxed and laughed, and rollicked in the waves until their fingertips pruned. He and Toni had talked while standing waist deep in the ocean, the waves moving and flowing around them. If he tried, he could still conjure up the scent of the sea mixed with the coconutty smell of her sunscreen, which he’d found intoxicating. He’d held her in his arms and kissed her, tasting the salt from the ocean on her lips, feeling the grain of it on her wet skin…

If it was so obvious to Anna that he was in love with Toni, why didn’t
she
see it? Or had she, and it broke the rules of their supposed-to-be-casual summer fling, so she didn’t want to talk about it? Was that why she’d stiffened up and shut him out at dinner?

He had no clue. Would he ever understand women? For a smart man, sometimes he felt plain bloody stupid.

Heaving out a sigh, he glanced over his shoulder at where Toni stood and talked to Wren. Her long curls were pulled back in a loose ponytail, and her striped tank top and olive shorts were as casual as could be. Her lightly tanned skin glowed, her curves called to him, and her radiant smile… she was the most beautiful woman in the room, without an ounce of effort. She just shone from within, like a beacon of light, and had from the moment he’d laid eyes on her. Her head fell back as she laughed at something Wren said, and his stomach twisted. God, he loved her. He loved everything about her. The power of his feelings stunned him. She was so fantastic, in every way… finding her had been a fluke, or a miracle, or maybe both. All he knew was that she’d breathed life back into his life. How would he be able to give her up?

He looked at the glass in his hand, raised it to his lips, and drank the whole thing down in a few hard gulps.

‡

“I
have a
surprise for you,” was all Gavin had said over breakfast on Sunday morning. A black Town Car had pulled up to the house at eleven o’clock; now, they were in the back seat of it, shooting along the Meadowbrook Parkway. It was a cloudy day, and the air outside was thick with humidity. Toni was grateful for the air conditioning in the car.

“I hope what I’m wearing is appropriate for wherever we’re going,” she said.

Gavin leaned over and lifted one of her feet, the black sandal dangling from it. “Are these comfortable for walking?”

“Yes. You said to make sure I wore good walking shoes. These are fine for me.”

“Then you’ll be fine.” He grinned mischievously, eyes sparkling as he leaned in to kiss her.

“What about the rest of me?” she insisted. “You know, my clothes?”

His eyes did a slow glide over her, surveying her black tank top and olive capri pants. “Your clothes are fine too. Though I like you better out of them.”

She snorted out a laugh and rolled her eyes, bringing a hearty chuckle from him.

The ride was smooth, and with no traffic on the parkways, fast and easy. After the Meadowbrook, the driver took the Northern State Parkway, heading west.

“Are we going to the city?” she inquired from the cradle of his arms. Her back rested against his chest, and she tipped up her face to catch his eyes. “Come on, I know how to get to the city from my house.”

“Christ, you’re tenacious.” He grinned and dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose. “Yes, we’re going into the city. We’re doing something first, then having dinner with Sean and Cassandra. Hope that’s agreeable?”

“Dinner with them, of course. The rest, still no clue.”

“I’m fairly sure you’ll enjoy it.”

“Are you, now?” She dug her fingers into his thigh. “I have ways of making you talk, Doctor McKinnon.”

“You can try. But I’m good with secrets. I’m like a vault.”

“Ah. Duly noted, Doc.”

“Might as well give up, sit back, and just enjoy the ride.”

“Okay. Fine. You win this time.” She kissed his mouth quick, then nuzzled into him, watching the scenery pass outside as they sped along. The trees were a blur, their leaves a lush, dark summer green, a contrast to the brownish hue of the grass on the sides of the road. Weeks of the sun beating down had stripped the grass of its color. The expected rain later that day would be welcome.

“Is tonight the last time you’ll see your brother before you leave to go home?” she asked.

“Aye.”

“Will, um…” Toni swallowed hard. “Will you come back to visit him? All of them, I mean? Him, his wife and the baby, Anna…”

“At some point, sure. But I don’t know when.” Gavin’s voice got quiet. “I’ll want to meet the baby, of course. But since I’m starting the pediatrics switch in the fall… I don’t know what that’ll entail, what my schedule will be like. I’ll have to wait and see.”