Hold Me (12 page)

Inside the first box was a wedding dress that smelled of must and old age. Small pearls adorned the silky fabric and a few fell off as I pulled it from the box. It was completely out of fashion, but absolutely stunning. It was the kind of thing I would have been able to see myself wearing to my own wedding when I imagined it as a little girl.

"That would look amazing on you." Dan smiled and looked over the dress.

I stuffed the dress back into the box in a huff and pushed it aside. "Don't be ridiculous."

The next box was full of fancy evening gowns, so I kicked that aside too.

This is a waste of time
.

"Ah look, see?" Dan held up an armful of sweatshirts. "Jackpot."

"Mmhmm." I nodded and only sort of looked in his direction.

Dan narrowed his eyes, then went back to searching.

I pulled another stack of containers over and pulled the lid off one. A couple plastic-enrobed packages marked "Christening gown", sat atop a couple baby books and other infant mementos. I slammed the lid down and slumped back on the rocking chair. The thing leaned back even further than I expected and I tumbled backwards onto the floor with a thump.

Dan stopped what he was doing and looked at me with a blank expression for a moment, before he broke out laughing.

I pressed my lips together and glared at him. "Glad you find this amusing."

He walked over and extended a hand to help me up. "What's going on with you, love?"

I snubbed his offer, and struggled to my feet, nearly falling over again. "What are you talking about?"

He straightened the rocking chair and fixed the boxes I knocked over. "You've been crabby since we got up here. What's the deal?"

I glanced around the room and sighed. He was right. Something about the place, just… annoyed me. I shrugged and shook my head. "I'm sorry. Can we just go?"

He looked over me then opened his mouth to speak, but changed his mind and nodded. "Sure. We can go."

Dan closed the attic door tightly and pulled the bookcase back in front of it. I got the idea that he might visit the place again, but I wanted no part of it.

***

By the time we got back to the basement, the rain stopped and it was nearly dark. Shorter days and cooler weather made the impending winter front and center in our minds. It would be difficult to spend the winter in the basement. If we could gather enough supplies to stay down there, it might work okay. But if we needed to come up, it would have to be when there wasn't snow on the ground, or else we'd lead anyone who saw our tracks right back with us.

Food was always harder to come by in the winter. Animals hibernated, or hid, and vegetation was all but gone completely. We had built up a decent cache of dried and canned meat since Dan found Mom's old canning equipment and dehydrator, so we wouldn't starve, but it wasn't enough.

Dan brought back a sack of stuff he found on our supply run and dropped it on the couch to sort. I went to find Will, who was in the bedroom taking a nap. When he saw me come in, he sat up and flashed me his signature crooked smile.

"Hey you." His coloring was starting to return and although he still got tired easily, he was doing better each day.

"Hey." I kicked off my wet sneakers, peeled my drenched hoodie off and tossed it onto the chair. "How ya feeling?"

"Not too bad. You have any trouble out there?"

"Nah. The rain was too much for Dan, so we waited it out a bit, but other than that, everything was good."

He patted the bed for me to join him. "C'mere."

"I should get out of these wet clothes first."

"Come over here and I'll help." One corner of his mouth curved up and he pulled the blanket down to swing his legs over the side of the bed.

"I think I can manage." I pulled some dry clothes from the closet and turned to head toward the bathroom.

"You're no fun," Will called after me.

It wasn't that I didn't want to go to him, to replace my cold, wet clothes with his warm body, but my mind was racing with thoughts. There was so much to think about after the day and I wanted to know what my own feelings were before I tried to talk to Will about them. And it probably wouldn't hurt to get a few of those condoms from Dan. Starting a family might be a possibility for my future, but I wasn't ready to start just then.

As soon as I was in dry clothes I returned to the bedroom to talk with Will. I hadn't been spending enough time with him and I knew he was starting to worry something was wrong. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at his feet. He lifted his head to look in my direction when I walked in the room.

"All clean and dry?"

"Yup." I sat down on the chair facing him.

"There something you wanna talk about?" He reached out and pulled a couple of my fingers into his hand.

"How are you feeling?"

"You asked me that." He stared at me with a blank expression.

"Sorry. I guess I just have a lot on my mind."

Will's face dropped and he let go of my hand. "Yeah. I guess I just thought you'd want to talk about it with me."

I reached out and took both his hands into mine. "I do. Please don't think that I don't. I just need to figure things out in my own head first. Can you understand that?"

He nodded and slid his hands under me to pull me off the chair and into his lap. Before I had a chance to respond, I was pressed against him and his mouth was on mine. Any thoughts I had, were quickly lost in the warm wetness of his tongue against mine and his hands stroking up my back. Every part of me responded and brought me a peace that no amount of talking ever could.

Will pulled away, both of us panting, our lungs starved for oxygen. "You will come to me when you're ready though, right?" His eyes searched mine and I knew in that moment, he needed confirmation.

"Of course I will." I nodded and slipped my hands up into his hair to pull him back.

Dan knocked on the door and waited for a response before peeking his head in.

"You wanna give me a hand with the stove? I can't really reach in there and I think you might be able to fit better." He glanced from Will to me, then down, and noticed I was sitting on his lap. "I'm uh, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt." His face flushed and he turned to go.

Will shrugged and kissed the tip of my nose. "Pick this up later?"

"Uh huh." I slipped off his lap and watched him go catch up with Dan.

They were getting along too well to try to keep him all to myself. Seeing them working together and talking like friends was more than I could've hoped for.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Will helped Dan fix the oven while I prepared what was hopefully our last dinner on the camp stove, while Dan shot me constant instructions so I wouldn't ruin it. After we ate, the guys went over the new finds from our supply run and I took the opportunity to check out the books I found. They were mostly mass market romance garbage, but one or two actually looked like they had promise.

I settled into the old chair in the living room and cracked open the book to start, when I heard a noise from upstairs. Dad did a decent job of sound proofing the place, but every so often, we heard a thump or creak from the house above us. It could have meant there were people in the house, and usually they would leave without incident, but we still had to be on alert.

I tip-toed over to the guys and motioned toward the upstairs. Dan jumped to his feet and went for the gun we had stashed under the table. We kept a few hidden around, just in case there was ever a problem and we needed to get to one quick. Will headed into the back to get another weapon and I grabbed my knife from my belt.

Dan stood in front of the door and waited. There was another loud thump and I knew there was definitely someone up there. I hated the idea of unwelcome visitors in my house, especially ones that were making that much noise, but as long as they left without an issue, it wouldn't be too bad.

I thought about the house Dan and I found the boots in. If looters trashed my home that way I would be heartbroken.

Please, let them just take what they need and leave.

Please.

Part of me wanted to go up there, see what they were doing, and demand that they leave. Of course, I knew how ridiculous that would be. Besides, there was no way the guys were letting me out of the basement if there was any chance I could get hurt.

The waiting and wondering was giving me too much anxiety, and my hands were starting to shake. I was attached to that house and invading it was like being personally violated. When my legs started to shake, I knew I needed to take a seat and wait it out. Will shot me a sympathetic look, but kept his place a few feet from Dan.

The two of them discussed at length, what we would do if anyone broke into the house or tried to get into the basement. The way down was camouflaged pretty well, so I held onto a shred of hope that it would never come to that. But just in case, we were prepared. Or the guys were. I wasn't exactly sure how I would handle it. I wanted to say that my training would take over and I'd behave just like I would in any other location. But in reality, I knew my attachment for the place was likely to get in the way.

We held our positions, in silence, for what seemed like an eternity. It was probably more like twenty minutes since the last noise we heard, before anyone took a chance and spoke.

"I think they're gone." Dan shoved his gun into his jeans and walked over to where I was sitting. "You okay, love?"

"I guess so. Can we go check?" Visions of the possibilities of what they might have done to my home flashed through my mind. I wouldn't be able to relax until I saw the damage and knew for certain they were gone.

"Not yet, babe. We should give it some time just to make sure they are long gone." Will took the seat next to me on the couch and draped his arm over my shoulder for comfort.

My heart sank. I didn't want to wait. Every minute that passed, I imagined the scenarios, one worse than the next. "How long?"

Dan sat on the coffee table in front of me and tried to give me a comforting smile. "Will's right. They could still be up there, or not far gone. We should wait at least an hour, probably two. Then we'll all go together and check everything out if it will make you feel better."

I sucked in a deep breath and let it out in one quick swoosh. "Okay."

Will slid his hand under my shirt and scratched his nails over my back. He knew it was one of the best ways to calm me down, and this was no exception. When I was a kid, it was how my mother soothed me after a bad dream or when I was sick. It reminded me of better times and before I knew it, my eyes were heavy and I was starting to doze off.

***

"Hey, Love. Wake up. If you still wanna check things out upstairs, we can head up now." Dan ran his knuckles over my cheek and looked down at me.

Dan's smiling face above me wasn't a bad way to wake up. For a moment, I even forgot what made me so upset before I closed my eyes.

For a moment.

I sat up straight as the reality set in and reminded me what was going on. "Yeah. Okay. I'm ready." I glanced around for Will, but didn't see him. "Where's Will?"

"Right here." Will appeared from the hallway and shoved a gun into the waistband of his jeans.

Dan went up first, followed closely by Will. I hoped the house wasn't in too bad of shape, but even more, I hoped whoever was there, had gone. We checked the first floor, room by room. The front door was broken in, wooden shards laid in a splintered mess on the pale tiles. The couch was overturned and the end table was smashed into pieces. There was no reason for that kind of destruction, other than the destruction itself. Those were the kind of people who pissed me off and made me want to smack them hard, with a brick, in the face.

The first floor, though a mess, was clear, so we headed upstairs to check the rest of the house. Mom and Dad's room, which had been in the worst shape to begin with, had graffiti painted on the walls. It looked like someone used their bed frame for a trampoline, because the wood was broken into a million pieces as if it was repeatedly stomped on until it no longer resembled any sort of furniture. A small tear fell from my eye as I took in the finality of it all. I wiped it away and braced myself to check my old room.

After the guys gave me the all clear, I squeezed my eyes shut and took a few hesitant steps into the room. For a moment, I wanted to turn and run, spare myself the knowledge that any trace of my old life no longer existed. But I had to see. It was silly and childish for me to hold on to that house like it was some anchor to the past, to my family. It wasn't. It was just a house.

I opened my eyes and took a look around the room. Unlike the rest of the house, nothing was destroyed. In fact, everything was exactly the same as the last time I'd been in the room. Except that they left a message in red paint, that looked more like blood, across the wall over the bed.