Hold Me (9 page)

"I understand that. I am so sorry about what happened to her. I was afraid you would blame me." She looked down and spun a bracelet around her wrist.

I pulled her hand off the little trinket and took it into my hand. "Of course not. Why would I blame you?"

"If I had not come along, Derek would have been there to protect her." Her big eyes looked up with guilt.

"Hey, it's not your fault. We have no idea what would have happened if Derek was there. Maybe they both would be dead. Anyway it's done, there's no reason to worry about the what-ifs."

"But I should have known." She burst into tears and buried her face into her hands.

There was so much guilt going around, so much regret. Since the outbreak it was the one thing we all had in common.

I pried her chin from her hands and lifted her face up to look at me. "You couldn't have known. It's not your fault. Please don't think that."

"But…" Her voice hitched between sobs. "I should have seen it. My visions, I… I did not know. I am so sorry."

I'd almost forgotten about Hadley's supposed psychic powers. I still wasn't sure how I felt about that, but she clearly believed it. "Well, even a psychic doesn't see everything, so it doesn't make it your fault."

"I do not like that word. I just know things." She sniffled and started to calm down a bit.

"I'm sorry. I forgot, but you do realize that seeing things in the future, and having visions, is kind of the definition of being psychic, right?"

She nodded, her long lashes flapped up and down over her eyes, and for a moment, she looked like a small child. She wasn't like other sixteen year olds. Hadley was special. She had an undeniable innocence about her that made you want to protect her, but at the same time, she had a fire inside her that warned you not to cross her.

She sat back and wiped her eyes on her sleeves. "I am sorry. I only have a short time with you and I do not want to waste it with such depressing nonsense."

"Why don't you just stay?" Without even thinking, I blurted the words out.

Her eyes lit up and she smiled. "I would love to." Then her smiled faded and her head slumped down. "But I cannot. I have to return to the base for now. But maybe I can come back when they are finished?"

"Finished with what? What's going on over there?" There were so many unanswered questions and I felt like Hadley had some of the answers.

She tugged the neck of her shirt down and showed me a port in her neck, taped up and ready when needed.

"How long has that been there?"

She shrugged. "A while. They were using my arms but this is easier."

"Hadley, what are they doing to you?" I should have asked her that the first time I noticed the gauze taped to her arm.

"I am not supposed to talk about it, but I guess it does not matter anymore since you do not live there. They are using me to find a cure because I am immune."

"So they do experiments on you?" Visions of horrible, painful procedures flashed through my mind.

"Oh do not worry, it is not all bad. Mostly they just take my blood now. Then they give me presents. I do not mind it."

"How can you not mind that? It's wrong. They shouldn't be experimenting on a child. You aren't even old enough to consent."

Hadley let out a little laugh and patted me on the arm. "Oh Andi, do not worry about me. I am old enough to understand what is going on. They are using my blood to find a cure and that is a good thing. I want this outbreak to be over, as I am sure you do too. They have other people too, but the doctor says I am his favorite."

"Do they do anything else to you?" I couldn't shake the images of Hadley being strapped to a table and being poked and prodded like some alien abduction scene in a bad movie.

"They did at first. Scans and tissue samples, but it is just blood now. I think they are close to a breakthrough. I had a vision that there was a cure, and we all lived together, but it was not here or at the base. I have never been to the place, but we were happy there." She gave me a reassuring smile.

"Do you really think your visions will come true?"

She giggled and tilted her head to the side. "I had a vision just the other day that you told me you were sorry for not believing me before, but you now you did. I guess we will see if that comes true." She winked just as Will came into the room.

"I'm gonna run upstairs for a minute to see if I can find a part I need. Don't have too much fun while I'm gone." He kissed my head and disappeared up the stairs.

"You two seem to be getting along well." She pulled her legs under her and turned to face me. "Are you going to have babies?"

"Oh my God, Hadley. Did you seriously just ask me that?"

"What?" Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hand. "Is that not okay to ask? Sometimes I am not sure what things are all right."

Her innocence and lack of social skills were actually one of her endearing qualities. It sure beat her refusal to use contractions.

"I guess it's okay to ask that with me, but you probably shouldn't be going around saying that to just anyone."

"Why is it different to ask you?" Her head tilted and she looked back and forth between my eyes searching for some understanding.

"Because we're close friends."

Hadley's lips turned up into a grin as she realized the meaning of what I said. "Are we best friends?"

Dan's face flashed into my mind and I knew I'd never have a better friend than him. "You're my best girlfriend." I patted her arm and smiled.

"So no babies then?" She giggled and looked down. I hadn't realized how much I missed that girl.

"I'm sure someday. So tell me more about what's going on at the base. I don't really like them testing on you, but I guess it did kind of save Will's life."

"Derek told me about that, but there are some things he does not know about." She looked away and her smile fell.

"Well, you can tell me. I know you always seem to be holding on to secrets, Hadley, but you can tell me anything."

"I overheard the doctors talking. They do not pay much attention to me because they think I am stupid. They say I am austistic."

"Autistic." I corrected her.

"Right, that. Well that means I am not smart, but they are wrong."

"They're very wrong. Being autistic doesn't mean you're stupid at all. It just means you are different, in your own special way. And being different doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, Hadley. You're perfect just how you are."

She tossed herself forward and wrapped her arms around me for a tight hug. "I love you Andi."

"I love you too, Hadley." The girl was not only one of my best friends, but she was like a little sister and I wouldn't change a thing about her.

Once she was finished squeezing the oxygen from my lungs she leaned back and crossed her hands in front of her. "So," She took a deep breath and a serious look spread across her face. "The doctors said they were close to a real cure, something much better than what they already came up with. And, they said they had a vaccine. They were going to start trying it on people. I did not want them to try it on me, so I ran out of there."

"You don't need a vaccine. Those are for people who aren't already immune. It's what will give others the immunity that you have. That's exciting news though. I mean, if they are planning on giving it to everyone. I'm not really sure I trust them that much."

"I can understand that, but my visions tell me they will help people. I saw people lined up to get shots."

"Did you see if it worked?" I still wasn't sure if I believed Hadley was psychic, but after all the things I'd seen since the outbreak, I wasn't willing to completely rule it out.

She looked down and frowned. "No. I am sorry. I will try harder next time."

"You don't have to feel bad. It's not your fault. I really hope your visions are real. I want to believe they are." I felt bad for not being able to completely trust her, the way she did with me, but it was just so farfetched. Not that zombies walking around eating the living wasn't, but I guess you had to draw the line somewhere.

"It is okay. I know you have trouble believing. Good thing it does not require you to believe." Her smile returned and her face brightened. "I forgot, I have brought you something." She reached behind her for one of the bags Derek deposited on the couch before he left and dug around for a few items to hand me.

"This is from Jack." She handed me an envelope with my name scrawled on the front in Jack's chicken scratch. "And I brought you some more chocolate." She handed me a large square wrapped in paper and beamed. She knew how much I loved chocolate.

"Thank you so much." My mouth watered at the thought of such a large chunk of chocolaty goodness.

"I have one more thing, but I do not want you to be sad."

"What do you mean?"

She pursed her lips together and held her arm straight out with her fist curled tight around something. "Please do not be sad." She squeezed her eyes shut and waited for me to open her hand and free the item inside.

I pried her fingers apart and she dropped it into my palm. At first, I thought it was a coin, but as she let go, I realized it was a locket on a long silver chain.

"Thank you, it's beautiful." I wasn't really one for jewelry, but it was a nice gesture. I opened the clasp and started to reach around my neck to put it on.

She grabbed my wrist and stopped me with a serious look on her face. "No, no. You have to open it."

"Oh okay." I closed the clasp back up and pulled open the locket open with my fingernail. Inside was the photo of a young family. A handsome dark haired man, with his smiling blonde wife, and a small boy who looked just like the woman, stared up at me. It took me a moment to realize the beautiful family was Janet with her husband and son. I looked down at the photo, unable to pull my eyes away. I knew it was Janet, but nothing about the woman in the photo looked like her. The happy, carefree gleam in her eyes was something left behind, before the outbreak, never to surface in all the time I knew her.

"I am so sorry. I knew it would make you sad. I should not have given it to you." Hadley reached out to take the necklace, but I pulled my hand back.

"No. I love it. Thank you so much for bringing it to me." A fat, wet tear fell down my cheek and landed on my arm.

Before I met Will, it was easy to push people away, to forget them when they were gone. It happened all the time and I expected it. After Will though, it seemed like everything changed. I changed. I never expected Janet to die and missing her hurt in ways I thought I'd gotten over a long time before.

Having her locket meant a lot. I had some of her things that I'd taken from her backpack that day, but I hadn't been able to bring myself to look at them because I knew it would be painful. I was avoiding dealing with the loss, but I knew I needed to do it.

I looked down at the smiling faces once more and knew I'd never have that. The outbreak had taken that from me. All thoughts of having a normal life, a family and children, left my mind the day I surfaced from the basement and realized my whole family was dead and I was on my own.

I closed the locket and shoved it in my pocket. I might never have the things I thought I would, but I had my friends, wonderful, amazing friends, that I loved more than anything in our whole screwed up world. I wrapped my arms around Hadley and pulled her against me.

"Thank you so much for being here."

***

Hadley and I spent the rest of the afternoon talking and catching up. I was really starting to understand the quirky girl. She talked a little different and definitely had her strange moments, but underneath it all, she was no different from anyone else. Okay, that probably wasn't exactly true. She was kind of different. She had a better heart than so many people I'd met since the outbreak began. When she cared about someone, she threw herself all in and loved with the innocence and loyalty of a child who hadn't been disillusioned by the world. She was definitely something special.

By night, we were all exhausted and ready for some decent sleep. Will took one of the other bedrooms so Hadley could stay in with me. She'd be gone in the morning when Derek returned, so it was good to spend the time together. She was excited to sleep in the bunk bed and insisted on the top bed.

"I cannot believe they make beds in a stack. It is like a bed sandwich." She squealed and clapped her hands together.

"I can't believe you've never seen bunk beds before."

"Oh no. I have not seen anything like this. I wish I could stay here forever with you, in this very bed."

I smiled in the dark. Hadley had that effect on people. "I wish you could stay too, but from the way you describe it, it sounds like you are doing something very important."

"Yes, indeed. Very important. But I will not be needed forever. The doctor actually said that I will be done very soon. So I do not have to stay there after they are finished with me. May I return then and sleep in this sandwich bed?"

"Of course." I laughed. "You're always welcome back."

***