Hold Me (5 page)

"Cure..." I whispered the word, as if it was a foreign concept. My pulse sped up and my breathing became shallow. For a moment, I thought maybe I was imagining the whole thing. I dug my nails into my arm to make sure I wasn't dreaming and needed a good waking up.

"Look," He took my hands and looked me square in the eyes. "This probably won't work. You have to understand that. Fifteen percent isn't great. That's eighty-five percent that it won't do a damn thing. You get that, right?"

I nodded, but my mind was still focused on the possibility of a cure. His words really weren't registering in my consciousness. The word
cure
played on repeat in my head, an endless loop of possible hope.

Dan sat down on the arm of the chair and took a deep breath. "Your friend just gave that to you? You sure that's safe?"

Derek took one of the syringes out and zipped the case back up. "Yeah, he risked his ass to give them to me. He's been making his own supply on the side. After Janet... well, he's a good friend. As far as safe... what does he really have to lose?"

Derek was right. As it was, Will was going to die. I could pump him full of all the ibuprofen and antibiotics I wanted, but deep down, I knew it wasn't going to do a damn thing. Even if there was only a small percentage that the shot would work, it was better than doing nothing and facing certain death.

Dan led the way to the bedroom and we all stood around the bed looking at Will. His eyes were closed tight, but he was moving around under the blanket and moaning. It looked like he was in pain and I had to look away. Seeing him like that was like having someone reach into my chest and rip my heart out while it was still beating. Actually, I think that might hurt less.

Derek sat on the chair next to the bed and pulled Will's arm out from under the blanket. "It's optimal if you give the serum within the first twelve hours. I'm guessing we missed that window?"

"By about double." Dan moved to the foot of the bed to get a better look at what Derek was doing. "Does that mean it's too late?"

"No. But, it does lower the chances that it will work." He turned to me and continued. "Andi, I need to know you understand this really is a long shot."

I hobbled over and sat down in the edge of the bed. Beads of sweat covered Will's forehead and he flipped his head back and forth. He was getting worse.

"I understand."

I held my breath as Derek positioned the needle against Will's pale skin. His veins were thick and stuck out along his taut flesh. He tried to pull his arm back, but Derek held it in place. It was clear that just the pressure of having his arm held down was painful.

"What are you waiting for?" Will's suffering was tearing me up inside. I wanted to protect him the way he protected me.

Derek looked over me one last time, then plunged the syringe into Will's arm. Will opened his eyes wide and looked down at the needle in his arm.

"What the..." He looked around confused. "Derek?"

"Hey, Will. How ya feeling?"

Will glanced around, still not fully understanding what was going on. "Not good, I guess. Why are we at Andi's house?" He tried to sit up in bed, but he didn't have the strength. "What the hell is that thing?" He pointed over to the corner at what was probably another hallucination. Fear registered on Will's face and he tried to struggle against the blanket.

Dan climbed over Derek and tried to calm Will down. I took a step back and tried to keep from crying. Part of me wanted to climb in bed with him and hold him until he either settled down, or was unconscious again, but I couldn't bring myself to move. I was grateful to have Dan there to help. I knew there was no way I'd be able to do it on my own.

CHAPTER FIVE

Will was awake for about three minutes before he tried to knock Derek down and get out of bed. He was sure that we were the enemy and were trying to kill him. He grabbed the remote to the old television set we had in the bedroom to watch DVDs on, and pointed it at Dan like a gun. He insisted that if anyone came near him, he was going to blow their head off.

I had to leave the room after that.

When Derek pulled that little case from his pack and I saw those syringes, I really thought there was a chance Will could make it. Even when Derek told me it was a long shot and when he said, it probably wouldn't work, I believed it would. I wanted a miracle so bad and that stupid, frigging case, those damn syringes, they were supposed to be my miracle.

I sat on the couch and dropped my head into my hands. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. We beat all the odds. We survived two years in a world where the dead got up to hunt the living. We found each other, when everything was against us, and we fell in love. Not just any love, but that special kind of love that some people search their whole lives for. We survived being separated, lost, and got reunited. And we were so close.

Making it back to the basement was supposed to be the start of our new lives. No more military base, nothing that was going to keep us apart. Instead, it would be the place that everything ended.

I wanted to cry, break down, but the tears wouldn't come. So I sat alone in silence with my heart aching and dug my nails into my palms to keep from screaming. Dan and Derek stayed with Will and watched over him in case he woke up again. I should have been in there, but I couldn't bring myself to watch the last bit of life drain from the one person in our shit hole of a world, that I loved.

"Andi?" Derek peeked his head into the living room from the hall.

It took all my energy to lift my head and respond. "Yeah?"

He took my answer as an invitation to join me on the couch. Honestly, all I wanted was to be alone, but I wasn't going to tell him to leave.

"How you holding up?"

I shrugged and leaned back against the cushions. "I don't even know."

"When I found Janet, my first thought was to bury her. It took forever to dig the hole with that travel shovel I have, but I took my time and made the perfect rectangular hole. It was big enough for three bodies, but I couldn't stop digging."

Derek leaned back too and took a few breaths. Janet's death was fresh and I knew it hurt more than he was willing to show. "I put her in and picked up the shovel to cover her and I couldn't do it. I literally could not cover her up. I ended up on the ground, crying my eyes out, while those little girls filled in the hole. It was all I could do just to keep breathing."

I knew that feeling. Breathing was an effort.

"Andi, I know how much this hurts. And for you, I'm sure it's worse. Not only did you lose Janet, but now Will. This world sucks and there's nothing I can say that will bring you comfort right now. I just want you to know, you have me. For as long as you want me around, I won't abandon you. I promised Janet before we all left, that if anything happened to her, I would take care of you. And I will."

I nodded, because that was all I could handle at that moment.

Derek was a good guy. I could see why Janet fell for him, but he didn't owe me anything. I was grateful for his offer, but I wasn't going to hold him to it. He would be better off returning to the military base and continuing with his life. He didn't need to worry about me.

***

Dan nudged me awake a couple hours later with a bowl of oatmeal and some fresh wild berries on top. It was getting harder to find berries, or anything else fresh for that matter, but Dan seemed to have a knack for finding the impossible.

"Andi, you have to eat. You haven't touched any food since we got back here."

I looked down at the food and my stomach grumbled loud enough for Dan to hear. Mentally, I wasn't interested in eating, but physically, my body didn't care what was going on. It wanted food.

"Thanks." I took the bowl and mixed the berries around a bit. "How's Will?"

Dan sat next to me and laid a new ice pack over my ankle. "He's been out for two hours. Still has a fever, but the tossing and turning has stopped."

I spooned some of the oatmeal into my mouth and did my best not to gag. The idea of eating anything while Will was in the next room dying, was not exactly appetizing. I choked it down anyway because I knew my body needed it, but it wasn't a pleasant experience.

Dan looked from my face to the bowl of oatmeal and gave me a funny look. "You want something else instead?"

I scrunched up my nose and shook my head. "No, it's fine. Just not in the mood to eat."

Dan frowned and nodded. "Gotcha. Anything else you need? How's your ankle feeling?"

I tried to wiggle my toes a bit and stretch it. "Still pretty sore, but getting better. At least it's not broken." That was the last thing I needed.

"Andi, what are your plans... for after."

"After?"

"Yeah. Are you going to go back to the military base with Derek? From the way he was talking, it sounded like that was the plan."

Oh. He means after Will is dead
.

I swallowed hard and the oatmeal slid down my throat slowly in one giant lump. "Do you really wanna talk about this now? Will isn't dead yet, ya know?"

Dan sat forward and took a hard breath. "I know that, but it's only a matter of time. We both know it. That shot didn't do shit. I don't wanna lose Will either, but if I'm gonna lose you too, I need to know that."

"You really think I'm going to just leave you?" I could see on his face that he did, not that it made sense to me.

"Derek said—"

"Derek." I huffed. "Seriously?"

He slid his hand over mine and brought his eyes up to meet mine. "Tell me you won't leave me."

I pulled him hard against me and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I'm not going anywhere. And if I do, you're coming with me." There weren't many people left in the world that I cared about, but I knew I wasn't going to let anymore get away.

"Andi?" Derek took a few steps into the room. "Will is asking for you."

Dan stood and helped me to my feet. I was still using the crutches to give my ankle a chance to rest. Being injured in a zombie apocalypse was like laying down on train tracks during rush hour. I needed to be better as soon as possible.

I was almost afraid to go in the room, not really sure what state of mind he was going to be in. The further along in the process he went, the less likely he was to be himself. I knew it would break my heart if he didn't know who I was.

I stuck my head in the room and looked around. Will was sitting up in bed, propped on some pillows. His cheeks were red and the rest of him was pale. I inched my way over and stood near the side of the bed.

Will patted the bed next to him. "Sit."

I rested the crutches on the chair and climbed up next to him. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit." He laughed and ended up in a coughing fit.

I rubbed my hand over his arm to soothe him. He was still warm, but nothing like earlier.

"You don't look so great either."

He half smiled and closed his eyes for a long moment. "Gee thanks. I knew I could count on you to lift my spirits."

"I'm sorry, Will, but it's true. Derek said you wanted me?"

"More than anything." His smile widened and he slipped his hand over mine.

"Something wrong?"

"Yes. I'm in here, and you were out there." He faked a pout and even in his condition, it was adorable.

"I'm sorry. We've been taking turns sitting with you."

"Derek said I was pretty out of it. I'm sorry about that. I know it couldn't have been easy to watch."

"Don't apologize. I'm sorry I wasn't here the whole time, but I just... I needed..."

"Andi, don't feel bad for that. As much as I want you here with me, I also don't want you to see me like that. I don't want this to be any harder for you than it has to be."

"Stop worrying about me. This isn't about me."

"I'll stop worrying about you when I take my last breath." He pulled my head down to lean on his chest.

I lifted it back up a little and tried not to put any pressure on him. "I don't wanna hurt you?"

"It's fine. It doesn't hurt."

"I don't believe you." By this stage he should have been in excruciating pain. The slightest touch was misery.

"I'm not lying. Derek gave me some more morphine and it's a lot better. I promise. Please, I wanna feel you close to me."

I gently laid my head back against his chest and listened carefully for any wincing or signs of pain. There were none. It didn't make sense. He should be in agony.

He pulled his arm around me and draped it over my hip. It was an effort for him to move, but I was glad he did. I missed the feel of him more than I realized and soon it would be gone forever.

"You're breathing better." I looked up at him and he smiled. He was able to get out a whole sentence without stopping to catch his breath and the wheezing was nearly gone.

"Yeah. I don't feel like I have a load of bricks on my chest anymore. I've never really seen anyone die from a scratch. I guess that's normal."