Hold Me Close (Devil's Chariots Motorcycle Club Book 1) (5 page)

“I don't think so,” he spoke into her ear.

She had never hoped for much in life, but in that moment she wished with all she had that he would turn her around and kiss her. That his hand would move over her body. That he would want her the way she was aching for him at that moment.

“We're not boring, remember?” he finished, and held up the keys to his bike.

Bethany's disappointment in the outcome was pushed aside by her fear of the bike. She'd never even gotten on Dan's. She knew they were dangerous. And especially as you sat behind a gang member.

But on the flip side, it allowed her to be close to him and have her arms around him. In an acceptable place and without having to deny it.

“Let's go.” She smiled and walked out the door, expecting he would follow.

***

Concentrate.
That's the word he kept repeating to himself, but it was fucking hard to do. Her arms were around his waist with her hands against his chest. She was as close as she could get with clothes on. The urges he had were taking over his body. So much so that he was afraid he'd lose his concentration and wreck the bike. Maybe they should have taken the car.

He knew it was wrong. To be on this bike with her. Headed to the beach in the middle of the night. Wanting her the way he did. Hell, it was wrong to still be hanging around. He hadn't spent this much time in one place in a couple of decades. He was a rambling man. A mover. He had to be on the go.

Until she came along. He'd started out doing the right thing. Helping her. Taking care of things. The stuff his best friend would want him to do.

Then it went wrong. He was passing up women and opportunity to sit with her. They had things they did together regularly. Their things.

He'd turned down jobs to spend time with her. The brothers were not happy. They'd taken to questioning him directly. A conversation had taken place earlier that day that left him a little concerned.

“Johnny.” Aaron had been the first to speak. “You know how things work in the club.”

They were standing in the clubhouse when the guys had wanted to chat.

“Of course.” Johnny had laughed but he knew it wasn't a joke. He had no doubt about what was coming.

“So then you are aware of the bond between the brothers,” Chris had added. “The commitment we have made to each other?”

“Yes,” Johnny had answered.

“We don't like it much when one of our own seems to betray our codes.” Aaron had jumped back in. Johnny couldn't help but wonder why these two had been volunteered spokesmen for the club.

“If you are talking about me…” Johnny turned and put on a straight and pissed off face. “Then you better be able to back up the fucking allegations.” He pulled out a chair and sat down. “I'm waiting,” he said, and he took a drink of his whiskey.

“Well we can start with the declined jobs.” Chris spoke up again. “We expect each brother to play his part,” he sneered. “You've only done one job since Dan’s been killed.” He waved his hand around to signify the town.

“I've been busy.” Johnny took another swig.

“With Dan's old lady,” Aaron commented. “Which is another problem.” And there it was. The real issue with the club.

“It's not what you apparently think,” Johnny countered. “Nice to know my brothers hold me in such high regard,” he lied. He knew he was lying. But it was the best approach.

“Well,” Aaron continued. “This one is a dangerous one. She's Dan's old lady. We protect and defend her. Not hook up with her.”

“It's nothing. I've been helping her through the blow of losing Dan. He'd want us to make sure that his old lady was taken care of.”

“As long as you are careful
what
you are taking care of,” Chris snapped. “Because there are consequences.”

Johnny clenched his jaw at the thought of what that might mean. He didn't want the disapproval of the brothers. He'd tried to convince them that this was nothing more than his honoring a fallen brother. That it meant nothing.

Now he was on his bike, headed for the beach, and trying to ignore the longing that he felt for more of her touch.

Johnny didn't know what the hell had happened to him. But wrong or not, he didn't want it to stop.

***

“It's beautiful,” she exclaimed as she ran towards the water.

The moon sat not far above the ocean and gave it a glow that Bethany had never seen before. Probably because she'd never been there at night before. It was almost breathtaking.

She was trying hard to ignore the rapid beat of her heart. The ache in her loins. The yearning that was screaming inside her. It'd been harder than she thought to ride on that bike with him.

“Yes it is,” Johnny agreed.

Bethany wished he were talking about her. Was it possible that he felt the same thing she did? That bike ride had been crazy. The feel of him. The electricity between them. Could he not feel the chemistry? She longed for more of it.

The water felt warm against her skin. Almost inviting.

“Too bad we didn't bring suits,” she mentioned, realizing she had the urge to jump in.

“I don't need one,” he answered, and within a couple of seconds she watched as he jumped in the water in his clothes.

***

Her laughter filled the night and his heart at the same time. Standing ankle deep in the water, she was trying to decide if she was going to do what he'd just done.

The shadows of doubt faded from her eyes and they were bright with excitement as she ran towards Johnny in the water. His breathing all but stopped. Bethany's skin was glowing in the moonlight. Her smile was contagious. He wanted to catch her as she ran and kiss her in a way she'd probably never been kissed.

His arms reached out automatically and she landed exactly as she was supposed to. His hands braced her shoulders. Bethany turned her head to face him and stared up into his eyes with anticipation. Desire seemed to burn across her face and his body was feeling the reaction of it.

Racing thoughts sent strong urges through him. He wanted to give her what both of them wanted in that moment, but he was afraid. What if she rejected him? What if it made him wrong?

Right as she almost closed her eyes in preparation of the kiss, he lifted her by the arms and tossed her into the water, covering her head. The intention was to remove the thought of kissing her from his mind, but as she emerged it came right back. The water had formed drops along her lips and eyelashes that added to her beauty.

Not even a second passed before he had taken her head in his hands and placed his lips over hers.

***

It was quick. Simple. Almost friendly. But not friendly at all. The waves of electricity that floated through her body were overpowering. Could he feel that?

The kiss had been expected originally, but not at that moment. He'd taken her off guard. She wondered if she'd responded badly and that was why he had made it so short. Maybe he didn't like the way she kissed. Maybe he realized she wasn't that good at things like that. Hadn't had enough experience.

She was embarrassed. She'd really only been with one man. She'd dated a few, but when it came to all of that, Dan was it. He'd had to teach her a lot of things. The thought of him brought her back to reality.

He had been her husband and here she was. Standing in the water. Longing for another kiss from his best friend. What the fuck was she thinking?

All she knew was that she wanted more. Craved more. Needed more. But she was holding back. She was afraid of strangling the progress they'd made. So she didn't.

She just stood there. Waiting. Hoping. Terrified.

“I think we should go out.” His words brought her out of her thoughts.

“Out?” she asked.

“Out. A movie. Dinner. Something not pizza. Since we are being less boring and all.”

“Okay.” She smiled at him. “Sounds great. When?”

He thought for a moment. “Tomorrow.” And with that he walked out of the water. “I'm done tonight.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

He watched her. Standing in the water. Dumbfounded by the idea. He watched her and he bitched at himself. Why had he done that?

The kiss had left him feeling uneasy. Not in a bad way. He wanted more. Needed more. And now that he'd had a taste, it was going to be hell on earth to fight his urges and instincts.

The date was a sudden decision. Although it wasn't a date. But it was. God damn. He felt like a psychopath. He didn't know what was real. He didn't know what he wanted. He could barely deal with everything going on inside of him.

“Dan, I need your advice.” He found himself talking to the sky.

Beth was still in the water. Splashing and trying to make herself okay with everything. He was asking his best friend who was dead for advice about wanting his wife. That seemed logical.

He figured what the hell and he began to talk to what amounted to himself.

“Buddy, I fucked up. I tried to do what you asked. I wanted to help her. Take care of her. Make sure she was safe and okay.” He took a deep breath. “She's amazing, man.” He smiled as the words came out. “I never expected that. I mean, I should have. You loved her. She had to be special. But I never guessed how very much.” he sighed. “It feels wrong. Wanting her the way I do. It feels like I'm betraying you.” Johnny looked up and saw Bethany swimming in the moonlight.

“I can't help it. She is so easy to love. Her smile. Her laugh. Even her cooking.” He laughed out loud. “She says you didn't like her cooking. I think it's awesome.” He thought for a second. “I kissed her, man.” He felt like he was in a confessional. “Not much, but it was a kiss. I want to do it again. And a lot more. But I'm not sure. She needs a man who can be there. Am I up to it? Is it bad? Am I wrong? Is this something that is going to hurt you man? I feel like a fuck up.” He finished up quickly because he saw Beth approaching.

“Ready?” she asked with an uncomfortable gaze.

“Sure.” Johnny stood and took her arm to lead her back to the bike.

“I've been thinking,” she said as they walked.

Johnny was afraid of what she was going to say. She'd been thinking about their date? She didn't want to go? He kept reminding himself that it wasn't a date.

“About?” He was waiting and hoping for the best.

“I think Dan would be happy for us,” she said, and his heart skipped.

Was she really saying what he thought she was saying? Was this an answer to the questions he'd just been asking himself?

“That we are friends and all. He would be happy that we have each other,” she finished, and his hopes sank.

Of course. She was referring to their friendship.

“I'm sure he would,” Johnny replied.

“I miss him, Johnny,” she admitted.

Seeing the hurt on her face gave him even more guilt that he'd felt before.

“Me too,” he answered, and he knew he meant it.

***

She wasn't ready to head back. She wasn't ready to feel him underneath her hands. She was still reeling in the kiss. In fact, she was hopeful another was on its way. She needed it.

“I don't…” she stopped before they got on the bike.