Hold the Roses (38 page)

He loved the little Off Broadway Theater, and brought a lot of stars
there to do plays. He asked me if I would do Everybody's Girl there. I said,
"Why not?"

I asked Joy to come with me, although we drove home every night.
During the weekend, we'd stay at the hotel in San Diego because of the
matinee.

I must say that Vince took care of everything. Jim Burrows (son of Abe, the movie writer) and Brian Avnet were working for Vince as director
and producer. We all had a good time doing Everybody's Girl. Even Noop
came down a lot. We'd all go out to dinner and have a great time. Jim
Burrows went on to become a very successful television producer and director. My birthday came while I was doing the show-and what a party
he threw. After the curtain came down, everyone piled up on the stage.
One gag after another, including a muscular guy jumping out of a cake
(because I was always looking for a ha). I told you what he did in
New York after Fun City. He was always coming to my rescue.

When I was asked to host a telethon in Hawaii, they said I could ask
anyone I wanted-free hotel suite at the Ala Moana Hotel, airfare, and
food. So I called Merman, Paul Lynde, Jessica Walters, Richard Deacon,
and Jane Dulo. I called Frankie Ortega, who became my piano player,
conductor, and arranger for the next eleven years. He got some of the local
musicians to fill out our orchestra-about six guys. We also had some kid
stars from different kid shows.

I had done the telethon two years before when Arthur Godfrey was
the host. He was on the air for twenty minutes, and then he ducked out. I
sort of took over. They liked what I did, and two years later they asked me
to host. I was thrilled. We had our private Western Airlines plane and
when we arrived, there was a mob there, plus a parade band and leis by the
dozens. It really was lovely. We went to the Ala Moana Hotel and we all
had the same suites on different floors.

I brought joy with me-God, she was wonderful. Knowing me as
she did, she did things before I could even ask her to do them. Our first
night we had dinner at our hotel in the big dining room. They introduced
us and told everyone about the telethon we were doing the next day. Jessica
Walters had some friends in Hawaii and wanted to leave. Merman told
her, "How dare you leave? You have a job to do here. When we're through
with that, then go visiting!" Jessica quietly sat down.

After dinner we all went to Al Harrington's nightclub. He is the most
popular and most beloved man in Honolulu. We had a long front table,
saw the show, and then Al introduced us. When he introduced Merman,
they screamed for her to sing and, bless her heart, she got up and looked at
me and said, "What will I sing?" I said, "`Show Business,' what else?" She
got up on the stage and said she'd have to bring up her conductor, Frankie
Ortega.

Frankie got up and said, "What key?"

She said, "Anything."

Well, Frankie was just about the best, so he kind of knew what key,
and she sang "There's No Business Like Show Business." We all got goose
pimples. She was just great, and she brought the house down. But before
she sat down, she talked about the telethon and told everybody to send in
money. What a night!

Back at the hotel, I called Vince to tell him about what had happened
and he said it sounded great. He also said he was coming to Honolulu the
next day, in case I needed any help. Bless him. So the next day, Ethel, Joy
and I went down to the airport and picked up Vince. And, who else was
there? Johnny, Joy's husband!

It was going to be a ball. Back to the hotel to get ready for the show.
We were to rally in the lobby of the hotel at 6:00 P.M. They had convertibles with our names on them at the door. We got leis again, which I loved.
We got in the cars and drove down the main street to the Kaiser Dome,
where we were doing the telethon.

The main guy, Dick Peicich with Easter Seals, did a helluva job of
arranging everything. We had food backstage with soda, juices, coffee, teaand they kept bringing more in. Vince and Johnny were out in the Dome
with baskets, collecting money. The two of them were wonderful, and they
helped out a lot. We were to start at 7:30 P.M. The announcer came back
for the script and I said, "No script. We open with Ethel on stage, nobody
else, nobody at the phones. We say nothing. The minute we're on, Ethel
will sing `The Star Spangled Banner.' Then the announcer says, `Welcome
to the Easter Seals Telethon.' People will go to the phones, and the band is
playing `There's No Business Like Show Business,' he introduces me and I
go on and we start."

Everybody said, "Great," and that's the way we opened. I was on the air
for twenty-one hours! Al Harrington came down and cohosted. It was just
great and we made $260,000, which is the highest they have ever made.

When the telethon was over, we went to the hotel, sat in the coffee
shop, and finally went to bed. We had the poster boy and his girlfriend
with us, they were named John and Joanie. John had been the poster boy
ten years earlier, when he was sixteen. He was now twenty-six and in love
with Joanie. They were to be married in October. Richard Deacon said,
"Why don't you get married here in Hawaii?" They said they had to call
their parents, which we all thought was adorable. We said we'd pay for
everything, so they called and the parents said, "Yes." So we planned the wedding for the next day in Merman's suite. She acted like the mother of
the bride. She was so excited. We all bought things for the wedding. I
bought the dress, Merman bought the shoes and the guest book, Richard
Deacon paid for the groom's suit-everybody bought something. The hotel heard about the wedding and sent up a beautiful wedding cake and
Vince bought the champagne. Joy dressed our bride.

It was the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to. Joy and Johnny
got all the flowers to decorate Merman's room. Merman was at the door as
people came in. She said, "Please sign the guest book." The champagne
was on ice and there was a table set with glasses. Another table for the
three-tiered wedding cake. Everyone came. We started the wedding. Both
the bride and the groom wore wedding leis and, while the minister said the
service, Merman sang "They Say That Falling in Love Is Wonderful," a
cappella. There wasn't a dry eye in the house!

When we got home, Merman went to New York, and most of the
gang went back to their normal routines, but I don't think any of us will
forget that wedding.

Vince and I went out a lot-any big charity, premieres, and sometimes, just dinner. When Merman played L.A., Vince got tickets and we
called Merman to let her know we'd be at the theater. Now, normally you
don't go backstage before the show, you wait until after the performance.
But she said, "Come backstage before the show."

So I went backstage (Vince said he'd see her later), and there she was,
in this large dressing room, doing needlepoint. We hugged and I said,
"How are you?"

She said, "Fine. I have a present for you," and she handed me a package. She said, "Open it."

I did and it was a pillow she had needlepointed for me, with her
initials on the side. I was floored.

She said, "It's for your dining room-I remembered the colors."

I said, "Oh, Ethel! It's the best gift I ever received," and I hugged and
kissed her.

They announced that it was fifteen minutes until curtain, so I went
out saying, "I know you'll do it anyway, but knock 'em out."

She smiled and said, "I will."

We saw the show, which was sensational, and picked her up for night
lunch. It was great, and Vince couldn't believe that he could be that close
to Merman. She liked him, so all was well.

Op a Tee, ok Qiq cuoud Qosie

I got a call from Bill Loeb. It seems that Tony DeSantis, from Drury Lane
in Chicago, wanted me to do a play for six weeks. "What play would you
like to do?" asked Bill. They always do the same plays over and over, only
with different stars, and I didn't want to do that.

I told Bill, "I have a new play that was written for me and I want to
do that."

He said, "I don't think they'll go for that."

I said, "Then forget it."

He called me back in about an hour and said, "What's the name of
the show?"

I said, "Up a Tree, and I want the guy who wrote it to play my husband in the show"

Bill said, "He won't do it, you'll lose the job."

I said, "Fine, so I'll lose the job."

He called back in about twenty minutes and said, "Tony DeSantis
says they have good actors in Chicago."

I said, "I'm sure they do, but it's a new play and if it needs fixing, the
writer is right there."

An hour later, it was set!

I had made friends with a wonderful astrologer, Angela Gallo. She
became my best friend and lived about two blocks away from me. We met
on The Merv Griffin Show and hit it off immediately. She was from New
Jersey and lived across the street from my girlfriend Gerri's husband. So we
talked Jersey, and things we remembered as kids, and we became very close. And as an astrologer, she was the best. When I said I would do the show, I
was really sticking my neck out. I asked Angela to do a chart on Up a Tree
and how I would do in it. She came over to the house and I taped what she
said. She said that it would be a smash, that I would stay longer than six
weeks, and that I was going to call her on July 4 and tell her about the
extension. She also said that this would not be the end of it. It would go on
and on, which I didn't understand until later. She also said that a Cancer in
the cast would cause some trouble. Nothing big, but annoying. So we
laughed, had a cup of tea and that was that.

I left for Chicago with Joy and was met at the airport by Robert
Nichols, who had written the play. We were to play Drury Lane South,
which was outside of Chicago. Drury Lane was one of many Drury Lane
Theaters in and around Chicago, but I think South was the best.

We started rehearsals, and I found out we had a helluva cast. When
we broke for lunch, I invited all of them to a restaurant for lunch. I wanted
to find out who the Cancer was. I asked all of their signs and the only
Cancer was the girl who played my daughter. That knocked me out. She
seemed pleasant and nice, so I didn't think any more about it.

Rehearsals went well-very well-and after four days of rehearsal, I
knew we had a helluva show. I met Carol Saenz, who played the reporter
and doubled as an old lady. She was unbelievable. I told her if she didn't get
a hand as she walked off every night, I'd kill her. She got the hand every
night! Bob Nichols played my husband, and even though he wrote the
part for himself, he was great and super to work with. I don't remember the
girl who played my daughter. She was all right, but very odd at times. The
other actors were Otto Schlesinger, Tom Elrod, and Dick Stadleman. Just
about the best you could get.

We opened and we were a hit. DeSantis threw a party in his suite and
the raves were nonstop. They even called Bob Nichols "the new Neil Simon."
We did great business, the reviews were outstanding and I became very
good friends with Carol, her husband, Ralph, and their two boys. I even
cooked an Italian dinner for everyone.

DeSantis was opening another theater in downtown Chicago, a beautiful little place right next door to the Ritz-Carlton Hotel. He was opening
with Raymond Burr in The Good Doctor. They opened on our night off, so
the cast went to see the show. It wasn't very good, and Raymond was actually holding a clipboard with the script on it-we were all in shock. The
next day Tony DeSantis wanted to see me. We met and he asked me to stay five more weeks. He was having trouble with Raymond Burr, and he didn't
want to open a new show at Drury Lane. Plus, we were doing sell-out biz.
Believe it or not, it was on July 4! I called Angela, forgetting that she told
me I would do that! She was amazing. So we stayed the extra five weeks. I
asked Tony DeSantis if he had watched our show. He said he never watched
a show, except for The Odd Couple.