Holding Her in Madness (4 page)

I don’t know when it happened but my hand is between her legs, and it takes an act of God to stop it from going farther up her thighs and keep it between her knees. I start making circles, then tracing my name on the inside of her knee.

“And I don’t think you’re a child, Lil. You don’t look like a child, that’s for fuck sure.”

“Oh.” She is watching my fingers dance across her sexy, tan knee. I briefly wonder if she’s picked up on what I’m writing, that I’m staking my claim right in front of her face and I don’t fucking give a shit. I hope she knows what I’m doing.

Getting back to business, but not enough to stop my hand from secretly branding her, I say “Okay, so I know you gotta watch Jules on the weekdays and that sometimes runs into the weeknights, so...whatcha doin’ this weekend, Lil?”

Answer me like a good girl, baby… Please answer like a good girl.

Without even breaking eye contact, my firecracker answers. “I’m coming with you, Leo.” Through the heavy smoke mingling in the hot humid summer air around us, I watch in fascination as she smirks and cocks her eyebrow. “Right?”

I let the exhale of smoke pour out of my mouth with the words, “Fuckin’ bet your ass you are.” I flick my cigarette and pull her even closer into me. I settle my face in her hair and let her scent saturate into my brain, my skin, into my soul.

We sit like this for over an hour.

I stay up well past two in the morning fucking jamming out to ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’ by GNR sketching Lil over and over. The arch of her long neck. The right side of her face in the new detail that’s now been seared into my fucking brain. I sketch the curves of her ear and jaw line. The perfect bow of her top lip, her full bottom lip, and the little freckle above the left side of her mouth. I sketch her hands, long dainty fingers, and straight, semi long nails that are just long enough to leave a mark, to break the skin.

I realize that I’m nearing insanity, almost completely mad. Sketching and sketching, trying to get every detail perfect. At some point, I pass the fuck out, face-planting into my firecracker’s sketches. Fucking charcoal everywhere.

I dream about her. Lil’s holding this beautiful little blond-haired angel, a perfect replica of Lil. The little girl has her head thrown back in laughter. Lil turns to me and her smile brings me to my fucking knees.

It splinters my mind and my soul. Pain ricochets though my chest, and then when she turns and waves at someone behind her, someone I can’t see—Because all I see is her round, pregnant stomach—I know, like I know my fucking name is Leo Ethan Phillips, like I know the sun sets in the west and rises in the east, just as well as I know that this girl is going to fucking light my world on fire… I know she’s carrying my son.

Our son.

Something snaps inside me the next morning when I look into the mirror and see all the goddamn charcoal smeared on my face, hands, and arms.

I’m pissed because I let this girl get under my skin—too far under my skin. Almost to the point of madness, in-fucking-sanity, I swear.

If she doesn’t end up fucking me up, I’m gonna do to her exactly what I do to everything—I’ll end up fucking her up.

I hop in the shower and scrub all this shit off of me, getting more pissed as each second passes. What the hell is wrong with me? Why didn’t I just stay the fuck away from her? I don’t have time or patience for a girl like her in my life.

I’m drying off and pulling some clothes on while I’m making my way into my room when I’m stopped short.

All those fucking sketches are still littered around my bed, every part of her I captured perfectly.

It knocks the fucking breath out of me and has me stumbling back and landing my ass half in and half out of my recliner. All I can do is sit there and fucking look at the pieces of her that are strewn across my bed and floor. I don’t know how long I sit there dazed.

I sigh, running my hands through my damp hair and tucking it behind my ears. “Fuck it.”

I gotta go find Josh’s punk ass and make him get drunk with me. I step outside and light up my first cigarette of the day only to throw it out and immediately carry my ass back inside as soon as I see Lil out front playing with Jules.

The fucking sun hit her from behind and shone through her hair, making her look like a goddamn angel, her fucking smile hitting me like a sucker-punch to the gut.

I hate to admit this shit. I fucking swear to God I do… I stay inside watching through the blinds until she leaves that night. And I do this every damn night until Thursday, when I look outside and see her sweet ass up in the air, leaning her head into the back of my aunt’s car.

“Fuck this acting-like-a-pussy shit.”

I storm outside, watching her while I light up my cigarette, and once I feel the nicotine thrumming through my veins and my nerves settle, I whistle to get her attention.

Her head flies up and she’s squinting trying to see me in the dark. She starts walking towards me, and that alone makes me feel fucking high.

Goddamn, Lil is the perfect drug. My drug. And I’m already an addict.

Euphoria is coursing through me, and it gains momentum and potency the closer she gets to me.
Fuck
… I’m gonna to lose my damn shit right here.

She’s almost to me when she nervously slaps a ponytail in her hair.

Oh hell no, baby.

As soon as she’s within reaching distance, I grab the ponytail and yank it out of her hair, watching it fall around her face and shoulder in waves.

“I like it down.”

I run my fingers through strands that feel like silk, sliding them from her scalp to the ends, all the while fighting the urge to grab a fistful and crush my mouth to hers. My body wants to fucking pin her to a surface and my will to hold back is running out fast.

“You coming with me tomorrow night, Lil?” Answer the fucking question this time.

“Mm hmm.”

Nope… That’s not an answer, firecracker.

However, she starts pushing her tits against the front of my chest, and it almost makes me lose my train of thought—almost.

I run my hands up her body and grab my fists full of hair, yanking her head back, forcing her eyes to mine. “Mm hmm?” I sound pissed because I am. “Nuh uh, Lil. I asked you a question. You comin’ with me tomorrow night?”

“Yes, Leo, I’m coming with you tomorrow night.” She doesn’t even blink, and fuck me if I’m not hard as fuck and feeling pride swell in my chest. “Now are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“Don’t give away surprises, Lil. You’ll find out tomorrow.” I lean into her and get rid of her cigarette, keeping one hand in her silky hair. My other hand grabs a handful of the most delicious ass I’ve ever had my hands on. I yank her up and rub the evidence of how fucking much I want her little ass against her belly. I keep my eyes on hers, waiting for her to run away screaming for help or shy away back into that head of hers like she did Tuesday night.

She does neither. This fucking gorgeous angel runs her goddamn hands up my chest, grabbing her own tiny fistfuls of my hair to pull my face down to hers. I don’t know how, but I barely keep hold of my reins.

However, when she crushes her mouth to mine, I lose my motherfucking shit right there.

My patience and manners have worn thin and snapped to fuck. The next thing I know, I’ve scooped her ass up and have her pinned up against the damn house. Her legs wrap around my waist and I can’t stop my hips from thrusting my dick, rubbing it against her.

Lost in a foggy lust unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, I allow myself to fuck the shit out of her mouth with mine.

Jesus fucking Christ, this woman, girl, whatever… She tastes more fucking incredible than
anything
I’ve ever tasted on my tongue.

She keeps grinding harder and harder against me, trying to take control over the kiss. Fuck that shit. Before I know what I’m doing, I have my hand around her throat in an effort to regain control.

But when I hear her fucking moaning, I’m ready hand the control over to her.
Fucking take it… I don’t give a
fuck
.

I yank her wife beater and bra down with one hand. The very next second, my hand is full of the softest fucking breast I’ve ever held. The only thing I can think right now is,
How in the fuck am I gonna get my dick between her perfect goddamn tits the quickest, and how I can do it without her stopping at me?

Instead, only to keep her from running the fuck away, I squeeze her breast until it’s almost completely out of her bra and I shamelessly thank God it was always tit and never padding right before I start licking and biting the top of my new favorite place.

My dick goes out of control, thrusting on its own accord, especially when I feel her hot pussy through her shorts, seeping wet against me. Pre-cum starts leaking from the head of my cock and I don’t give a fuck that I’m about to blow my goddamn load from dry humping this beautiful, wild firecracker.

My beautiful, wild firecracker.

I’m right on the motherfucking brink when I hear the front door open and feet step out onto the porch.

I snatch Lil’s shirt up and pry myself away from her, sealing my damn fate for the worst case of blue balls a guy could ever subject himself to. My dick is screaming fucking pissed at me, begging to continue, but somehow I gain a grasp on the last thread of sanity I didn’t know I had left and move my body behind hers, wrapping my arm around and clamping my hand down on her mouth to shut any of her fucking protests up.

The entire time, my hips involuntarily thrust against her ass, seeking the release my dick desperately needs.

“I’m sorry, baby.
FUCK,
I’m so sorry. I didn’t...” The fucking brick lodged in my throat stops me for a second until I cough to clear it away. “I didn’t mean to get carried away. I swear to God I didn’t. It’s just...”

“Lil? Lil? Where’d you run off to, girl?” my aunt Vikki calls from the porch. When I hear the front door close, I yank Lil around. A fucking smile is splitting my face in two, but I could not give a flying fuck.

Apparently my little firecracker finds this funny. “Mm hmm, it’s just what, Mr.-I-Asked-You-A-Question?” Her grin does absolutely nothing to calm my raging hard-on.

“You ain’t no fucking child, are ya, my little firecracker? Shit! You’re like nothing I’ve ever seen before, Lil. Fucking sexy as hell, sassy as shit, lookin’ so goddamn innocent. I’ve been running from you for a month. Then I get one taste, one fuckin’ taste of you, and you come alive in my arms like I’m balls deep inside you.”

I watch as confusion flashes across her face.

I realize we’re out of time. I need to think quick, get Lil’s ass into the house, and sell Aunt Vikki our cover story.

I don’t know what the hell falls out of my mouth until we’re standing in front of my uncle’s disapproving glare. “Guess what I found in the backyard running around, trying to catch lightning bugs when I stepped outside for a smoke?”

After my aunt and uncle seem to accept the lies spewing from my mouth, they walk out of the kitchen. I, however, keep my arm locked around Lil’s waist until they are out of sight and hearing range before I kiss her freckled shoulder and whisper with my lips still against it, “Tomorrow night, firecracker, tomorrow night...and make sure you have a friend and a lie lined up, ‘cause you aren’t goin’ home at bedtime, baby.”

Okay, so… Keep in mind, I’m only saying this because when I decided to tell my story, I swore I would do my fucking BEST not to leave anything out, and I also swore that I wouldn’t hold back, nor would I lie.

After Lil left with my aunt, I’m exactly where you know I am—at home in bed, jerking off like a fucking preteen, trying in vain to make my wood go away.

Fuck! No Dice!

Lil may not know it yet, but she’s fuckin’ mine. Don’t know when it happened or how it happened. But that girl is mine... All of her, come tomorrow night.