Holding Her in Madness (5 page)

What the fuck was I thinking?

What in the mother
FUCK
was I thinking?

I’ll tell you what—nothing! Not a damn thing other than the fact that I got her ass drunk as hell on accident, freaked the fuck out, then…somehow found the nearest piece-of-shit motel on the damn planet. Checked us in just to get her warm—ANOTHER horrendous fail on my part.

But who drinks less than a six-pack and it has them going from a beaming, flirty bombshell, a fuckin’ mythical goddess, to a retching Lil, hanging her head out the window, blowin’ chunks.
IN THREE minutes flat?

I knew the second I crossed that state line what I was doing. I was fucking running. I didn’t want to lose her. Just the thought makes my fuckin’ chest crack in two and my blood whoosh past my eardrums.

I thought if I kept handing her beer after beer she wouldn’t notice.

Honest to God, I was bankin’ on her ass passing the fuck out. And when we were halfway across the country and she woke up in the morning, there wouldn’t be a fucking thing she could do but stay with me.

What the fuck was I thinking, goddammit? After I… Shit! I can’t even think about it without getting nauseated.

I flipped my shit. I lost my damn mind.

Before I even knew what the hell I was doing, I had already sprayed her with the damn hard rinse sprayer at the fuckin’ car wash. I couldn’t even see straight I was so livid. I just wanted to get her clean. Clean my fucking fuck-up off of her. She’s too damn pure, too perfect.
Especially
for my piece-of-shit ass.

I had her, what? Less than five hours and already I’ve fucked up too many times to count.

I feel the stark contrast of the cold, smooth tile and harsh grout as my back slides down it and my ass hits the floor of this—yet another brilliant fuck-up—stupid-ass, shitty motel shower stall. I let my face fall into my hands, grab two fistfuls of hair, and yank.

When it doesn’t satisfy the pain I am seeking to stifle the repulsion I feel saturating my insides over my actions, I slam my head back... Once, twice… On the third slam, my vision tunnels and I see stars.

As the scalding-hot water trickles, running down my hair and my face, I slam that motherfucker back even harder a fourth time. I want to crack my fucking head open. I’m on the brink of attempting just that when I realize I can’t.

I can’t smash my skull against the shower stall until I fade into oblivion. I can’t because then Lil will be stuck in this godforsaken hellhole all by herself.

FUCK
!

What the fucking hell was I thinking? I should have just taken her home is what I should have done, but that thought alone has my sinister laughter bouncing off the four-by-four bathroom walls. There was no way in hell I was going to take her little ass home. Not tonight. And probably not in the morning either.

I can only dry so much of myself off with this half a fucking towel that prick in the motel office gave me. After I’m somewhat dried off, I toss my t-shirt and boxer briefs back on and leave the tiny bathroom to go check on my firecracker.

Lying on nothing but a fuckin’ mattress on the floor, just the sight of her causes my breath catch in my throat, she’s splayed out across the bed. The t-shirt of mine that she’s wearing has crept up, and I can make out the bottom swells of both her breasts peeking out.

Fuckin’ blond hair around her in waves, she looks like every man’s wet dream, the embodiment of sensuality and purity all rolled up into one little firecracker. My firecracker.

I lie beside her as gently as I can and pull the sheet that’s tangled in knots around her thighs and knees back up around her.

I swear I have no intention of touching her.

I want to. Jesus Christ, I want to, but I don’t. Until she moans deep in her throat and moves closer to me before molding her little body around mine. I still refuse to move. I can’t. No... I won’t let this be the first time I sink into Lil.

She pulls her thigh around my waist, pressing her breasts with nipples so hard they could cut through glass up against my side. When her fucking hips start rubbing her hot little pussy against my hipbone and a moan rumbles through her chest, only two words hit me
.

Fuck it
.

I lose all mental function. All cognizant thought leaves me as every ounce of my blood rushes and swells my cock, causing it to throb in agony.

My dick, not my head, has me on top of her in the next second...contemplating my strategy, my next move, that will immediately ensure I’m so fucking deep inside Lil that it makes my eyes cross.

I’ve never felt anything so purely instinctual and primal.

All I know is, I just caught my prey...and I’m fucking starving, dammit. For Lil and Lil alone.

Her heavy-lidded eyes flutter open. I watch her face as confusion clouds her features, but as quickly as it came, it’s already gone and replaced with a shy little smile that makes the same weird shit happen in my chest and gut that only Lil is associated with.

“Hey, sleepy girl. I’m glad you woke up.”

She moans, stretching through a yawn. “Hey, baby. What time is it?”

“Three thirty, maybe four.” This girl has no idea what she is doing to me. “You get warm, Lil?”

“I did.”

“Mmm.” I slowly slide the sheet away from her body. I’m fucking scared of moving too fast. “Good, then I can get this mummy suit off of you.”

After I’ve removed the sheet from her body, I use my knee to nudge her legs apart and settle myself between them. I keep my upper body weight braced on my elbows, which are now resting on either side of her head.

Looking down into her beautiful face, I can’t stop myself from kissing every curve and line of it. Her breath is ragged and her chest is heaving, I feel her begin to slowly rock her hips against me.

“God, you’re beautiful, Lil. So fucking beautiful, baby.”

I kiss her sweet, tender lips, slow and soft, trying to tell her with my mouth, my body, how much she means to me. I know I will never be able to find the right words. I’m not good with words. I’m not good with having these feelings. I’ve never had them before and they scare the fuck out of me. But for the life of me, I can’t let this girl go.

I already know I’m in love with Lil. I already know I’ve fallen too far and that there is no going back for me.

My firecracker lights up. She gets bolder and starts rubbing herself against my throbbing erection even harder than before. Her little moans and mewls have my eyes rolling back and my teeth grinding.

Her aggressive kiss ignites the fucking beast within me. My mouth fills with the metallic taste of blood from our clashing teeth and tongues. She cut my lip.

God-fucking-DAYUM, that’s hot.

“Leo, please.”

Oh fuck yes. Beg for it.

“What, baby? Tell me what you want.”

“I need…” It’s the neediest, most seductive whine that has ever met my ears. “Please, Leo. I need it.”

The groan that escapes my chest isn’t one I can keep inside. Lil is shattering my defenses, my excuses, and any rational reasoning behind my trying to stay away from her. I strip my boxers down her legs and feel my breath get kicked out of my lungs as my eyes land on the sweetest, sexiest little pussy I’ve ever seen. I just stare. I can’t help it. Those fucking tan lines are going to be the death of me.

Fucking look at them.

She moves to hide herself, jerking me into action. I stop her.

“Fucking hell. Goddamn, baby, I fuckin’ love your tan lines.” All the words are just a jumbled growl.

I gotta taste them. I can’t not taste those sexy little lines. Running the tip of my tongue and my lips from hipbone to hipbone initiates a giggle from her that seeps into my tan-line-fogged brain.

“Leo, stoooop...” She giggles. “That tickles!”

“Shit, I need to get you back to beggin’ me, baby. Didn’t mean to get distracted and have you start laughin’ and gigglin’.” I grasp her leg by the crook of her knee, bringing it up around my waist before digging my erection against her wet bareness.

My mouth drops to hers of its own volition, begging for more of her hot, wet, puffy-lipped kisses and catching her moan when I slide my hand up her shirt to cup her warm, full breast.

Her breathing becomes ragged as hell when my fingers pinch and tug on the puckered nipple of her swollen, heavy tit in my hand.

“Mmmm, you like that, baby,” I grit out. “Huh?”

Fuck! I love how alive she gets by just the touch of my hand.

“Shit, Leo.” Her begs are almost more than I can fucking handle. My threads of patience are snapping so loud I can hear them echo throughout me.

”Answer me, baby. You like that?” I pull harder on Lil’s nipple, squeezing her heavy breast in my hand before I thrust my erection against her harder.

”Fuu... Yes, fuck yes. You know I do.” Her eyes are so hooded I can barely make out the blue right before her eyes roll back into her head again.

“Mm hmm, I do. Still wanna hear you say it.” I tighten my hand around her other breast and roll her nipple between my thumb and middle finger, quickly moving my hand between her legs. As soon as my thumb hits her clit, her breath gets caught in her throat, her neck arches, and her back bows clear off the bed.

“Mmm.” Jesus. She’s so damn wet it makes my cock pulse with every thud of my heartbeat. “Guess my baby girl
really
likes that. You like it when I rub on your clit, baby, hmm?”

“Fucking shit,” she whimpers. “Hell yes I do. Oh my Gawd.” I feel her legs quivering around my forearm. I continue fucking her mouth with mine, nipping her bottom lip and pulling it between my teeth.

“Fucking hell, Lil. Damn, baby, you’re soaking wet.” Her hip movements that are bucking her tight, drenched pussy against my hand falter for a second before her eyes flutter open and look up at me in confusion.

“Wait, wha??? Is that bad?”

The sane and rational part of my brain that holds whatever common sense I have left starts pumping the brakes while the irrational segment starts fucking her with my fingers harder, stroking faster circles against her g-spot.

I chuckle against her neck. “No, baby, not bad,” God, she smells so fucking incredible. “That’s good. Really fuckin’ good.”

I slow my fingers and cup her face with my other hand when the innocence in her voice and her question is finally processed, and before my brain can reject it, I steel my resolve.

“Lil, baby...open your eyes. Look at me.” Her eyes are so damn drunk I doubt she can even see me straight.

I don’t want to ask her this question, and ninety-nine point nine percent of my bastard brain is trying to lock the words in my throat to keep them from coming out, but the point one percent, the last good sliver of percent, has to know.

“Lil, tell me you’ve done this before.”

I want her answer to be both yes and no. Yes so I can keep going, yes so I don’t ever have to stop, and no because the thought of her like this with anyone besides me does fucked-up shit to my mind.

“I’ve done this before. Please, Leo, don’t stop.”

She’s lying.

I stretch my finger straight inside her, shoving it back until I meet resistance and feel it.

FUCK! SHIT! FUCK. FUCKING FUCK!

“Oh my...yes, yes, please don’t stop.” I watch as her eyes roll back into her head again.

“Lil, stop. Look at me right now.” Her dark blue irises blink up at me, and she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. For a second, I talk myself into believing the devious lie…that I don’t have my middle finger on the evidence of her virginity.

A virgin!?

“Baby, I’ve got my finger right on it. I feel it, Lil. You’re a fuckin’ virgin?”

“Wait...wha?” Her confusion would be cute as hell if my cock weren’t ready to fucking ruin her. “Please, please make the ache go away. I’ll fucking beg you if I have to. Please!”

God, no. I can’t…

I won’t hold myself responsible if she starts begging. I pull my finger from her, and it physically cripples me to roll away. “Lil, I... Shit.”

I drape my arm over my face in an effort to hide her sexy, naked form from my sight as well as the shame and mortification I know can clearly be seen in my eyes.

I never even asked this girl how old she is. It never crossed my fucking mind that something as fucking hot is she is hadn’t ever been touched.

I moan when I feel her trembling thighs straddle my hips.

She’s trying to fucking kill me!

“Leo, please, please don’t do this to me. I never led you to believe any different, did I?”

She’s gonna kill me, there is no way around it.

“No, baby. But I can’t take this. You don’t even know me. I was a complete dick to you earlier. Jesus, look at where you’re at. You’re in a shithole. I can’t take this from you here, baby. I’ll hate myself.” Self-disgust unfolds inside me. It feels like someone just punched me in the balls but grasped them before pulling away.

It fucking hurts something goddamn wicked.

“Hey.” Her hands cup my face, forcing me to look up in her eyes. “No, Leo. Fuck that! Look at me, dammit.” Our eyes lock again. “Do you think I didn’t know what I was getting into when I came out with you tonight or when I walked in here with you?”

Her eyes water with unshed tears, making me feel like even more of a fucking asshole. I don’t know what the fuck to do. I know what I want, but what I want is not what I deserve, especially like this.

“I’m not trying to get you to take anything. I’m giving it to you. Only you, and not because I have to, but because I want to, baby. Please…” Her eyes are begging mine, causing my chest squeeze in agony. “Please let me give it to you.”

My resolve thins when I hear her voice cracking around her words.

I hold her face in my hands, searching her deep pools of blue. “You sure, Lil? You’re absolutely certain, baby? Because I refuse to. I’ll drive you home this second if you are not one hundred percent sure.”

“Yes, Leo. I am without a shadow of a doubt one hundred percent sure. Hell, I was sure the second I laid eyes on you, baby.”

Something unlike anything I have felt in all of my eighteen years snaps and floods inside me. The complete honesty I hear in her voice causes me to react to her words on a fundamental level, shoving her back against the mattress and my hand back between her sexy little legs, my mouth fucking devours hers, showing her how much I’m willing to take…whatever she is willing to give.