Holding On (Hooking Up) (4 page)

“You don’t know her, and you have no right to judge her.” My face was growing hotter and my stomach heaved once. I felt as though I was about to spew lava at her.

“I know enough. Why can’t you see it? Do you have any idea what these con artists are capable of? She’ll use you and take you for everything you have. And it’s beneath you to associate with people like her. She threw you away and dumped her mess on someone else to take care of, and look how that turned out. It wouldn’t surprise me a bit if she dumped another mess on your hands when she comes to see you.” She threw her hands up in exasperation.

That did it. Straw, 1; camel’s back, 0.

Instead of lava, words tumbled out of me, hot and dangerous. “Has it ever occurred to you that Shelly and Keith
wanted
me? I wasn’t dumped on them. They
chose
me. They loved me. I was theirs, in all the ways that counted. You might not have wanted me, but
they did
.” I took a breath and glared at her before continuing. “And you’re way off base about Maria. Jesus, you haven’t changed a bit, have you? I thought the past two months would have given you time to admit that maybe, just maybe, you were wrong about me, about my place in your life. I thought you might have missed me a little, and wondered how I was doing. I even thought, stupid me, you’d show up at my house some day for dinner. Of course, you probably wouldn’t have done that, because it’s bad manners not to call first, but it’s perfectly fine to belittle someone you think is inferior to you, isn’t it?”

I stood up, furious with her, but more furious with myself. Why had I thought she’d change?  She was as unbending as a steel beam, as stubborn as ten mules with migraines, and nothing I could say would change that.

She sat back in her chair and held her hands up in a defensive gesture. “Caitlin, I’m simply telling the truth.”

“No, you’re telling your version of the truth. You’re wrong sometimes, too, Gran, and now is one of those times. I’m sorry I came here. I had hoped you’d be happy for me. After all, if I have my real family back, I won’t need you anymore. But you’re still the same bitter old battle-axe you’ve always been, and I’m tired of taking your shit.”

“Don’t use that foul language with me. I raised you better than that,” she said, chin held high, holding on to her self-righteousness like a life preserver.

“Yeah, right. Another one of your imaginary truths. I’ll show myself out.”

I stomped out of the house and noticed with a heavy heart she made no effort to follow me. No last-minute apologies sprang from her lips; no arms encircled me to make me stay. Nope, she hadn’t changed at all, and it hurt more than it should have.

I drove home through a film of tears and flew up the stairs to our apartment as fast as my legs would carry me. I let myself in and bumped into Ryan’s solid bulk. Warm arms pulled me close and his voice whispered in my ear, “I love you, remember that.”

“Oh, Ryan, I love you, too. She’s still the same. She’s still a witch.” The dam broke and I sobbed. He flexed his arms and held me closer, rubbing my back with his warm, wide, gentle hands.

“Come on, let’s go lie down.” He guided me to our bedroom and picked me up, settling me on the bed. He sank down beside me and hugged me to him once more.

“Where’s Benjie?” I asked, my voice muffled against his chest.

“Down for a nap.”

“Ok, then. Make me feel better, please?”

He took my request to heart, and before I knew it, my t-shirt, shorts, and undergarments were on the floor and his mouth was working on my nipple, teasing it with his tongue and giving me delectable shivers.

His hands wandered tenderly over my skin. The purpose behind his touch was two-fold; it served to distract me from my trouble and soothe me at the same time. It worked. I gasped a little as his hand made its way down my body and caressed me in the place that ached for him.

He groaned as he felt my heat and shifted so he was on top of me. He pressed gentle kisses, nibbles really, on my mouth, plucking my lips with his in whispery caresses that smothered my moans. Then his clothes were off and he was inside me, and there was nothing but him, his heat, his fire, his tender love erasing all the neglect I had suffered at the hands of another. There was only us, a force to be reckoned with; an unbreakable circle.

I was crying out in ecstasy within minutes and reveling in the warmth, the feeling of complete and utter peace he instilled in me. And then we were soaring, frantically racing toward the future, together.

When we were finally through with each other, we collapsed into a sweaty, satisfied heap and snuggled. This was my favorite time; the
after,
when we were exhausted, content, connected. He brushed a tired kiss on my brow and said, “Feeling better?”

“Absolutely,” I murmured as I cuddled closer to him. A contented sigh escaped from my lips and he chuckled a bit, a sexy, all-male sound that did delicious things to my insides.

“So, are you going to tell me what she said?”

“I don’t wanna,” I said, mimicking Benjie at bedtime.

“Hafta,” he insisted, smiling at me.

I sighed again, but this time it was in frustration. “It was nothing other than what I expected, really. She accused Maria of looking for money, and then, in not so many words, called her white trash in because she had a mistake baby and gave it away. You know, typical Gran.”

“Ouch. Oh, honey. She’s a real piece of work, isn’t she?” he asked with a wince. I nodded and he kissed the top of my head.

“Yeah, but I’m used to it. I don’t know why I thought it would be any different than it was the last time I talked to her. She’ll never change. I just wish I knew why she was still so bitter, especially now.”

“It has nothing to do with you.”

That made me sit up and gawk at him. “How could it not be? She was so awful to me.”

“She’s jealous.”

“Of what? She’s got it all; the money, the nice house, the well-to-do circle of friends—”

“The fear of losing you to your real family,” he interrupted. “Just think about it. You went there to essentially tell her you had a new family, that you didn’t need her anymore.”

“But that’s not true,” I protested. “That’s not why I went there. Well, not entirely,” I qualified.

“That’s how she sees it. She sees Maria as a threat.”

“Maria wouldn’t be a threat if Gran just treated me with a little decency, a little kindness. There’s room in my life for both of them.”

“Yes, but when has your Gran ever treated you that way? She’s probably also scared to death you’ll tell Maria on her for being naughty.”

I chuckled at that. I couldn’t even begin to imagine Gran cowering from Maria, like a kid hiding from her parents. But I could see his point, and it made a lot of sense.

“I just don’t know what to do. I love her, but I can only get kicked in the face so many times before I’m knocked out. I’m tired of trying and failing all the time. Isn’t that the definition of insanity?” I flung my hands up in exasperation and glared at Ryan in misery.

“Something like that. Anyway, I don’t blame you, but think about it before you completely write her off, ok? I know how much family means to you, and like it or not, your Gran is a big part of yours.”

“I know. But I’m tired.” And I was, to the bone. It was hard to keep subjecting myself to the constant berating and nay-saying. It had been so nice over the past few months to just be happy, without worrying about the drama, the underlying disapproval that was so typical of Gran.

“No matter what you decide, I’m behind you. I love you, Catie.” He pulled me down into his embrace again and held me close.

“I love you, too.” I closed my eyes and smiled.

“Hey! Daddy! Catie! I’m awake now,” a little voice bellowed from the hall.

“Duty calls,” Ryan said with a smile. “Why don’t you lie down a while? Relax a little.”

I nodded and he got up to tend to Benjie. He shut the door but left it opened a crack, and I heard him say, “I’m coming, I’m coming.”

My eyes drifted closed, but I heard a loud groan from the kitchen and strained to hear what was going on.

“What is that? Oh, crap. Benjie, my man, where did you get that candy bar and why did you put it in the toaster?”

“Because I wanted hot chocolate, Daddy.”

“I see.” Ryan’s voice was both amused and resigned, and I could picture the look on his face. I smiled and closed my eyes. As I drifted off to sleep, I felt remarkably peaceful even after this stressful day. This was how a family should be, and ours would soon be toaster-shopping.

Chapter 4

There was so much to do to get ready for Maria’s arrival. She hadn’t been this far north in years, and she had no idea where to even begin to look for an apartment. In between work and taking care of my men, I combed newspapers and websites to find her some options. Her tastes and mine were remarkably similar. She insisted on a warm, cozy space with an eclectic mix of traditional and contemporary features, and there was a neighborhood in Pittston I thought would fit the bill.

Ryan and I grabbed our digital camera and a notepad and spent a Sunday afternoon taking photos of some available apartments. It was so much fun! Some of the places we looked were awful, run-down, overpriced hovels that a college student would turn up his or her nose at, but some of them were great, and we soon had a great selection for Maria to choose from. 

“Catie, go stand over there by the fireplace,” Ryan directed at one apartment we both particularly liked. The fireplace was massive, done in white wood with an emerald-green tile accent, and flanking it were two massive built-in shelves topped with windows that made the huge space light, bright and airy. It was nearly noon and the sun shone in brazenly, announcing its presence with warm, undulating golden banners. I good-naturedly stood where he directed me, putting my elbow on the mantle and smiling at him. He snapped the photo and lowered the camera, a look of wonder on his face.

“What?” I said with a laugh.

“You. There. With the light in your hair, your smile, you take my breath away. You’re really mine.”

“Ryan—” I began, but he walked slowly to my side and brushed my lips with one finger.

“No, let me. You’re everything. I can’t believe you’re mine.” He claimed my lips in the most gentle, tender kiss I’ve ever felt, and my eyes swam. This man, this wonderful, warm, mesmerizing man was my husband. Mine. It
was
breathtaking.

“Ditto,” was all I could think of to say as I gazed into his eyes.

He laughed once, a husky male sound that shot straight from my ears to my center, and pulled me close.

“We’re lucky, aren’t we?”

“Very. Thank goodness I picked you up in a bar, huh?”

“I was watching you, you know.”

“What?” I was shocked. That night, the night we’d met, I’d swept the room with my eyes the moment I set foot in that bar, never noticing anyone else noticing me.

“I’m a cop, remember? My life depends on my ability to observe, but even if I wasn’t a cop, I would have noticed you. I saw you as soon as you stepped in the door. That dress, God, the way your body looked all snugged into that sexy dress, and your legs, all long and lean and strong. Your hair, so thick and rich a man just had to bury his hands in it. Yeah, I was watching you.” He ran a gentle hand through my hair and pulled slightly to tip my face up to his. He claimed my mouth in a smoldering kiss and I groaned a little, unbelievably turned on by what he was saying.

“Were you planning on talking to me? I mean, if I hadn’t approached you first?”

“I told myself I’d finish my beer and go ask you to dance. And if another man got in my way, I’d drag him away and put myself in between you and anyone who dared to take what I wanted.”

“I’m a man, hear me roar?” I said, smiling as he buried his face in my neck and started to nibble.

“Something like that. I knew, from the first time I saw you, that I had to have you. There was something so mysterious and sexy about you.”

“Ryan, what were you doing in that bar that night?” I had always been curious about that, and it seemed like a good time to ask.

“I’d had a fight with Nancy. She told me she wanted to take Benjie to New York with her dickhead stockbroker. I blew up at her and I had to get away. I was pissed off, and honestly, lonely. I wanted my family back. I wanted to be free to have Benjie with me forever, to be a family and not some broken home. I see broken homes all the time at work, and the thought of ending up like that just depressed me, so I went and grabbed a beer with Danny to try to unwind and cool down. He had just left when you walked in, which was good, because I wouldn’t have wanted to fight him for you.” He winked at me.

“So you were still in love with Nancy at that point? You still wanted her back?”

“No. We were done. We were done as soon as she chose money and status over me and our family. But I wanted the stability back, not only for me, but for my son. I wanted to just, hell, I don’t know, live without sorrow. I wanted to live without giving Benjie sorrow. Does that make sense? Family is so important to me, and in an instant, it was gone.”

“Yeah, I get it. Completely.” My eyes burned as I remembered my adoptive parents, who were also there in one instant and gone in the next.

“But that night, I met you in a bar, and you took me home. I met you and finally, my family is complete.”

“I know. For me too.” And not only was I thinking of him and Benjie, but also Maria. My family was finally nearly complete. “Speaking of family, we came here to do a job, remember?”

He pulled away from our embrace for a moment to look in my eyes. “Catie, I love you. Every single part of you. You’re more than I could have hoped for, but everything I’ve ever wanted. I want you to know that, and I want you to know I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you how precious you are, how absolutely vital you are to me. I love you. You. Forever.”

I sighed and melted into my man, kissing him with happy tears coursing down my cheeks. He wiped them away and said, “Come on, let’s check out the rest of the place. The landlord has to be wondering what the hell we’re doing up here.”