Holding On (Hooking Up) (5 page)

I’d forgotten we left the old woman outside on the curb. She’d been nice enough to let us have our little tour alone, allowing us to talk freely without pressure. She’d probably be getting annoyed by now. We quickly finished up the tour and as we were leaving, I said, “Ryan, I wish we were in the position to go house-shopping. This has been a lot of fun.”

“Yeah, it has been nice. But we’re not ready. And my apartment isn’t that bad. We all fit, and we’re comfortable there.”

“I know, but it’s not ours. It’s yours, and I just sort of moved in.”

“Does that bother you?”

“No, I love your taste, but I wish we had
our
space.”

“Someday, I promise.” He sealed his vow with a kiss and we headed down the stairs to meet Mrs. Evans, the landlord.

“Well, what did you think, you two? Did it feel like home?”

“It did, actually, but not for us. For Maria. She’s moving here from Florida.”

“How nice. Do you think she’ll like it?” The wizened old woman patted my hand with her own papery one and I smiled at the old-fashioned gesture.

“I really do. Can you please just hold off renting it out for a few days so I can talk to her and send her some pictures?”

“Of course, dear. I can give you a day or two. Just call me and let me know what she wants to do. I have someone else interested too, so please let me know as soon as you can.”

We left and immediately went home after collecting Benjie from Nancy’s mother’s house. They were watching him for us for a few hours, and even though Ryan hated the family and their highbrow attitudes, he was required by the court to allow them to spend time with their grandson. And in this instance, it did enable us to have some time to check apartments without needing to cater to a little one. It was a huge help, and Benjie was sleepy by the time we got him home. Apparently, his grandma took him to a park and let him run, the best thing possible for our exuberant little man. He was snoring lightly on the couch within minutes of getting home.

I uploaded the photos of the apartment we saw and gave Maria some particulars, such as the deposit, monthly rent, and terms of the lease Mrs. Evans gave us. At Ryan’s urging, I sent her the picture he took of me in front of the fireplace, too.

My phone rang a few moments after I sent the email.

“Catie, this is Maria. My goodness, that’s a beautiful apartment!”

“It’s nice, isn’t it? And I love the high ceilings and all the light pouring in from those big windows.”

“You have such a look of love on your face in that picture. Your Ryan must really be the one for you.”

“You have no idea, Maria. He’s wonderful.” I smiled across the room at him, and he returned it with a happy one of his own. There was an electric charge in our gaze that made the room crackle. My heart beat faster at the sight of him, all long and lean and broad-shouldered. I wanted to taste him, to leap across the room and simply devour him, but now wasn’t the time, with Maria on the line and Benjie asleep on the sofa. I dragged my attention back to my phone call.

“Well, I can’t wait to meet him. And that apartment! I love it. I think that’s the one.”

“Really? That’s great!” I said, beaming at Ryan.

“I’ll have to wire the deposit to you to give to the landlady. How long is she holding the unit?”

“I asked her for forty-eight hours. She has another couple interested in it, she told me,” I said, relating the conversation I had with Mrs. Evans before we looked at the apartment.

“Oh. That’s going to be a problem. I have most of the money in my account, but I have a large check that won’t be clearing my bank for another few days. I won’t have the rest until that clears. Do you think she’ll hold it that long without the money?”

“No, she seemed pretty eager to get it rented out. How much are you short?”

“About a thousand, I think.”

“Well, I could cover it for you, if you need me to.”

“I couldn’t ask that of you, Catie, really. I’ll just have to go someplace else.” Her voice was filled with disappointment.

“No, Maria. That apartment is you. I’m sure of it. I’ll cover it.”

“I’ll pay you back as soon as I get up there, ok? Like I said, I will have the money when that check clears. I made a very wise investment a while back and it’s finally paying off.”

“No problem. I’ll call Mrs. Evans.”

“I’ll wire up what money I can right now, alright?”

“Sure. It’s no issue.” But a little piece of me, deep inside, wondered if this is what Gran had warned me about. Would this small thousand-dollar loan turn into another hundred here, twenty there until she’d drained my savings?

Stop it, Catie
, I scolded myself.
She’s not that way. Gran doesn’t know her like you do. Maria is not a gold-digger.

Truth be told, I didn’t know Maria as well as I wanted to, but I hated myself for even thinking such thoughts about the woman who’d given birth to me. I fabricated a story and clicked off the line soon, troubled in spite of my heart telling me to ignore Gran’s helpful advice. I wouldn’t think such thoughts of Maria.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Ryan asked as I sat next to him on the living room floor.

“Nothing. It’s just something Gran said. A prophecy of sorts that sort of maybe came a bit true.”

“Yeah? Like what?” He pulled me to his side and draped an arm around my shoulders.

“Nothing. I’m sure it’s nothing.” I sighed and snuggled into Ryan’s side. I refused to think about it anymore. Gran was way off base, as usual. At least, I sincerely hoped so.

Chapter 5

Maria called me to give me her updated travel plans. Her belongings were coming via delivery truck on Saturday, and she herself was flying in from Florida on Friday night. I arranged to pick her up at the airport and bring her to our house for the night and help her unpack at her new apartment the next day. I was thrilled, but secretly worried about our first meeting.

To help work things out in my head and relax a little, I called my girls, Kelly and Heidi, to go out. We met at our favorite hole-in-the wall bar and hollered for Ernie to hook us up with three triple screwdrivers. We sipped and caught up. Apparently, a lot had happened in the past few months while I had been caught up in newlywed bliss.

Heidi and Peter were thrilled with the way their own wedding plans were progressing, and she quizzed me about flower arrangements, hotels to hold the reception in, bridesmaids’ dresses and the wedding night.

“But will I feel married when we consummate our vows? We’ve already done it tons.” Heidi sounded both proud and worried by that admission. She had been our token virgin, but since she agreed to marry Peter, she was now probably the most sexually adventurous of all of us, proclaiming the “reverse cowgirl” to be her favorite position.

“Oh, Heidi, you loose woman,” I said with a grin. “Of course you’ll feel married. Just because you’ve already had sex with him doesn’t mean it’ll be any less special after you get married. Trust me.”

“Well, ok. If you say so. Anyway, how’s your marriage going? We never see you anymore.”

“I know. I’ve been … busy,” I said, sipping my drink and frowning. I hadn’t realized how much I missed my girls until our night out tonight. Heidi’s sexual freedom was definitely new, as was Kelly’s, well, everything.

She was no longer a paralegal, but a full-fledged lawyer. She had passed the bar the month prior, and was now busy with litigation and discovery and affidavits.  She was also full of sass, having dumped the senior partner of her law firm after he promoted her and put her on the fast-track to a partnership. Not the nicest thing she’d ever done, but one thing could be said for Kelly: she looked out for herself.

Now she was having a grand time running around town with some very hot guys. Gone was the sensible stripper who cautioned me to refrain from having a one-night stand. Now she did what she wanted with who she wanted when she wanted, and it was actually something
I
wanted to discuss.

“Can I ask you guys something?”

“Sure,” Heidi said, putting her arm around my shoulder drunkenly. The screwdrivers were kicking in and she wobbled ever so slightly on her barstool. She’d never been able to hold her liquor.

“It’s about something Gran said.” It had been bothering me since the day I went to her house, and I knew I could count on my girls to give it to me straight. Ryan would have sugar-coated it to make me feel better, and I loved him for it, but sometimes I needed to hear the unvarnished truth.

“Oh, God. The old curmudgeon herself. What did she say now?” Kelly asked, rolling her eyes.

“Gran suggested I was just like Maria because I had a one-night stand. That’s how Maria got pregnant with me, and that’s how I met Ryan. Was what I did really such a bad thing? Was what Maria did really such a bad thing?” The parallels I saw between me and my birth mother were startling, and it made me wonder about a lot of things, especially since Gran considered Maria’s deed to be so reprehensible.

“Catie, come on. You know your Gran. She’s a complete bitch,” Kelly hollered, throwing her hands up in exasperation. Since she was holding her drink at the time, a bit of orange juice and vodka sloshed out of the glass and hit the shoe of a man at the next table, but he shrugged and gave her a drunken, suggestive leer she ignored.

“Yeah, but people typically frown on women who whore around.”

“You didn’t whore around. You slept with two guys and ended up marrying one of them. Maria slept with one guy, well, that we know of anyway, and accidentally got pregnant. This isn’t medieval times; it’s the twenty-first century. Well, the twentieth century when she had you, but anyways, it happens. Why would you let it bother you like that?”

Kelly rolled her eyes again and heaved a frustrated sigh, and Heidi nodded in support. They pounded their drinks and hollered for Ernie to bring us another round. I shook my head quickly, signaling to Ernie that I was done. My stomach was doing flip-flops. It appeared I was more upset about all this than I initially thought.

“I just wish Gran could be supportive. I’d love for her to meet Maria, but it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen. Gran will just look down her nose at Maria and blame her for her own loss of freedom, and then Maria will get mad and I’ll be in the middle. I don’t want to be in the middle. I’m sick of being in the middle. Why can’t things just be simple for once?” You’d think I’d be used to the drama by now, but since I married Ryan and settled down, my life had been amazingly drama-free. It was nice, and very hard to go backwards.

Kelly slung her arm over my shoulder, nearly knocking me off my stool. She looked me in the eye and slurred, “Haven’t you ever heard the expression ‘you can’t have your cake and eat it too’?”

“Yeah. So?”

“Well, Maria’s the cake and Gran is the eat it too.”

I snorted. I must have been a bit tipsy if I actually understood what Kelly meant by that. 

“Hey, you know what we should do?” Heidi slurred.

“What?”

“We should throw Maria party when she gets here. She needs to get to know us all and feel like she belongs here. You wanna bring her to the bar? Ernie’ll make her some screwdrivers.”

“A party’s a good idea, but maybe we can have it someplace a bit more refined.” I smiled at Heidi in appreciation.

“Ok. We’ll have it at your place, then.”

“We will?” I asked with a laugh.

“Yep. Your apartment screams refined. It’ll be fun!”

It would be fun, and I was touched they’d even think of doing something like this for me. For us. I threw my arm around my girls’ shoulders and said, “I love you both.”

“Yeah, yeah. If you love us so much, buy the next round,” Heidi said with a giggle. I sighed, kissed them both on the tops of their head and headed to the bar to sweet-talk Ernie into giving me two free drinks.

“Here,” I said as I returned, handing off the screwdrivers. They raised them to their lips simultaneously and drained their glasses in three big gulps. Heidi belched and it made me laugh to see such a delicately-featured young woman burping like a sailor.

“Wow. I’m impressed,” I said, still chuckling. They’d have killer hangovers in the morning, but for now, they were having a blast.

“Yeah, well, get ready to be impressed some more. Let’s dance!” Kelly shouted, pulling us off our stools and leading us to the dance floor.

The jukebox had been loaded with a new selection of horrendous ‘80s and 90s techno, and we inserted about ten dollars’ worth of quarters. No more important stuff was discussed. I hadn’t been out with my girls since the night before my wedding, and this was no time for seriousness. It was time to dance.

The regulars at the bar watched in appreciation and eventually, we coaxed a few of them off their barstools and onto the dance floor. It was hysterical watching drunk fifty-year-olds do the Electric Slide, and I laughed more than I had in a long time.

I felt better. The normalcy of this night out with my friends, the sight of the old men ogling us and trying to keep up and the taste of the screwdrivers on my tongue were a welcome relief. I could let go and not worry, if just for the night, about what was to come. And when I had enough, I could go home and be with the man of my dreams, the man who was also my reality, and all the wonderful things that went with him.

And soon, I’d meet the woman who was half me. I’d be able to hug Maria and tell her all the things I’d been saving for that moment, and we’d be together forever.

I wouldn’t need my nasty grandmother anymore. I’d have my family, people who really wanted me, who loved me in spite of every mistake I’d ever made, in spite of all of my flaws, or maybe even because of them, and it would be more than enough.

Chapter 6

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?” Ryan asked for the third time as I paced and watched the clock. The airport was forty minutes away, and Maria’s plane was due in at seven. It was five. I wanted to leave, to be heading to the airport right at this very moment, but I knew if I went too early, I’d be a nervous wreck by the time the plane touched down. I’d have way too much time to fret and think and worry and pace and freak out—