Holiday Heat (4 page)

She thought
about that and then nodded in acknowledgment. “Now get up,” she said, softening
the words with a teasing smile.

“Why?”

“Because I’m
hot.”

***

She didn’t end up taking a
shower, and it wasn’t until she had dinner with Jenn at a café near her
apartment that anyone noticed any evidence of Carrie’s carnal activities that
morning.

She’d been a
little sore all day from several rounds of Matt’s vigorous thrusting, but it
was a kind of soreness she’d always enjoyed. As she came back from the
restroom, however, she stifled a wince at a particularly sharp ache.

She composed
her expression quickly when she saw Jenn watching her closely. It wasn’t always
easy to keep a secret like this from her sister, but so far she’d done pretty
well

Jenn grinned at
her, “So are you coming skiing with us or not?”

For a few days
before Christmas, Jenn was going skiing with friends, before heading to their
parents’ for the holiday.

Carrie made a
face. “I don’t know. I’m not much of a skier.”

“You don’t have
to ski! You can hang out in the lodge in front of a fire with some hunky ski
instructor.”

With a chuckle,
Carrie shook her head. “I’m sure all the hunky ski instructors would rather
cuddle up to you.”

“Don’t be that
way. You know perfectly well how hot you are. Aren’t you interested in meeting
someone?”

Because she
recognized that Jenn’s sharp eyes were studying her intently, Carrie kept her
expression casual. “Sure. I’m going on that double date tomorr—”

“That doesn’t
count. You’re just doing that because I guilted you into it. Ever since Henry,
you just won’t let yourself—”

Carrie groaned.
“Please, Jenn. I’ll date when I’m ready to date.”

“Really? I know
it took a long time to get over, but now it really seems like you might be just
hiding because you don’t want to let yourself be hurt again.’

“Well, who
wants to be hurt?”

“No one. And I
can’t even imagine how you felt after…I mean, I know why you quit school and
withdrew and everything, and I can’t blame you, because I never went through
something like that myself. But it’s been almost a year now, and you still
haven’t… I just don’t want you to give up on life completely.”

Carrie’s throat
hurt from emotion, but the grief wasn’t raw enough to push her into tears. “I’m
not. I haven’t given up. I just need to take it slow.”

“Okay.”

Carrie
hurriedly moved back to their previous topic. “Anyway, I’m still thinking about
the skiing. If it was just you, it would be different. But going to some ski
lodge with a bunch of people I don’t know just doesn’t sound that appealing to
me.”

“Well, what
else will you do? Would you go to Mom and Dad’s early?”

“I don’t know.
Maybe.” Carrie sighed and pushed her salad around on her plate.

Randomly, she
wondered what Matt would do for Christmas. His parents lived on the West Coast,
so maybe he’d go to visit them. He didn’t really have any friends anymore,
since he’d cut ties with everyone he’d partied with before the accident.

“You have
something else in mind,” Jenn said, breaking into Carrie’s thoughts.

Carrie
recovered from her distraction quickly. “No. I really don’t. I’ll probably end
up going skiing with you.”

Jenn had
narrowed her eyes. “I don’t believe you. You’re hiding something from me.”

“I am not.”

“Yes, you are.
What’s going on?”

“Nothing is
going on. I’m just tired today and keep zoning out.”

“No. That’s not
it. Why do you look like you just rolled out of bed?”

Carrie made an
outraged noise. “Thanks, a lot. It’s been a long day. I’ve been at work since
seven, and I didn’t have a chance to fix my hair and makeup.”

Her words
sounded convincing to her own ears, but her sister wasn’t buying them.

“Uh-uh. That’s
not it. And you’re sore. Don’t think I didn’t notice. You haven’t worked out
for a couple of days so that leaves—”

“Don’t, Jenn,”
Carrie warned.

“You’re having
sex!” she said, her whole face brightening as the revelation hit her. “I can’t
believe you’ve been holding out on me.”

“I’m not—”

“Don’t you dare
lie to me again. It’s all coming back to me now. All those nights you don’t
answer the phone and claim to be reading. That bruise on your neck a couple of
weeks ago. You fobbed me off with some story about tripping at work. Who is
he?”

“Jenn,” Carrie
began, desperately searching for an answer she could give her sister. She felt
trapped. And at the same time just a little relieved.

She decided to
go with the truth, since she really didn’t want to tell Jenn a barefaced lie.
“Fine, I am having a little…fling.”

Jenn clapped
her hands in delight. “Who is he? Tell me, tell me, tell me!”

“He’s no one
important.” When Jenn started to object, Carrie spoke over her. “Don’t push,
Jenn. I’m not going to give you a name. He’s just a guy I’ve kind of gotten
together with for a few months.”

“I knew it! Did
you meet him at work? All of your co-workers are too immature for you. You need
someone older. Oh, was he a customer? Did he stop in to get coffee on his way
to work?”

“Yes, he was a
customer. And he’s older, yes,” Carrie said weakly.

“What is he
like? Is he the button-up type, or is he a bad boy?”

“I guess he’s
kind of a bad boy.”

“Ooh, this is
so fun! How’s the sex?”

“Really good.”

“Are you in
love?”

“No!” Carrie
exclaimed, startled by the question. “Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s just a
physical thing. We’re having a good time, but it’s just sex. I’m sure it will
peter out eventually.”

“Maybe it
won’t. Has it started to get boring, now that you’ve been seeing him a few
months?”

Carrie thought
about how hard she’d come with Matt the night before and again this morning.
How he’d looked when he was laughing. How much of a challenge it was for her to
match wits with him. “No, it’s not getting boring yet.”

“Are you sure
it’s just sex? You look…”

Carrie’s eyes
shot up at the way Jenn’s voice trailed off. “I look
what
?” When her
sister didn’t answer, she said, feeling a little defensive, “Yes, it’s just
sex. We’re not dating or anything. It hardly counts as a relationship.”

“No fuzzy
feelings at all?”

Carrie thought
about the pangs of tenderness she’d felt as she’d gazed at all the scars on
Matt’s body.

“You’re
blushing!” Jenn burst out.

Her cheeks
flushed even deeper, but Carrie managed to shape a cool look. “I am
not
blushing.”

“Yes, you are.
You’re blushing! There
are
fuzzy feelings, aren’t there? Admit it.”

Carrie wasn’t
about to admit any such thing. Instead, she said with all the dignity she could
muster, “There are no fuzzy feelings. I’m not blushing. It’s just hot in here.”

Jenn cackled,
obviously not believing a word she said.

Carrie wanted
to scream. She wanted desperately to make herself clear. Matt was obviously a
man with whom you indulged in only a steamy affair. He was not a man with whom
you fell in love. He’d said so as clear as day—he wasn’t going to trust himself
in an intimate relationship again. Carrie wasn’t a fool.

She was hardly
going to fall in love with Matthew Lynch.

He wasn’t
anything like Henry.

There was only
sex between them. Hot, wild, and exhilarating sex. But just sex. And a certain
level of camaraderie as they got to know each other better.

Jenn was just
being annoying. And Carrie really wasn’t blushing.

It was just
hot.

Carrie stared at a table full of
neatly folded sweaters and wondered which one her father would like best. There
were several in different shades of red and blue, and she fingered each of them
as she reflected.

The department
store was crowded, and the retail staff had been kept hopping, trying to
straighten up the merchandise after each new wave of customers. Carrie used to
enjoy Christmas shopping—even with the chaotic hoards of people and the
pressure of the approaching deadline. Today, she wasn’t enjoying it at all.

She wasn’t sure
how to describe the heavy feeling in her gut. It wasn’t grief as she understood
it, although it was akin. She missed Henry—she still missed Henry at random
times and places—but the pain wasn’t as sharp as she’d feared it would be with
all the trappings of Christmas surrounding her.

This heavy
feeling was different, and it had only intensified as she pushed her way
through loud families, laughing groups of friends, and couples.

She was
supposed to go shopping with Jenn today, but her sister had woken up with a bad
cold. Carrie had wanted to use that as an excuse to stay home too, but that
felt like a defeat. She’d given into that kind of defeat all year, but she
didn’t want to surrender today for some reason. So she’d gone shopping by
herself, and she was determined not to go home until she found everything she
needed.

So far she
hadn’t found anything, and she couldn’t get rid of that weird, heavy ache in
her belly.

She picked up a
dark red sweater and held it up, gauging the size and trying to visualize it on
her father. It was a wool-cashmere blend and price at forty percent off. But
the color didn’t look right so she put it down.

Her eyes lingered
on a deep blue sweater. She stroked it gently, thinking it would exactly match
Matt’s eyes. But she didn’t pick that one up.

Instead, she
chose a bright red one and shook out the folds. She turned when something hit
her in the back of the legs.

A shopping bag.
The woman carrying it apologized and then giggled up at the man she was with.

And it hit
Carrie then what the heavy feeling was.

She was lonely.

Not with the
aching grief of losing Henry, but an everyday loneliness. She wanted someone
with her, and she had no one. She hadn’t felt lonely like that for ages—since
last Christmas.

 For no reason
at all, she wondered what it would be like to actually go out with Matt in
public, go on dates, go Christmas shopping with him.

Carrie stared
at the red sweater she held and imagined Matt’s snide comment.

“Red isn’t
really my color.”

The wry voice
sounded so natural that Carrie smiled faintly, and when she turned her head, it
seemed inevitable that Matt would be standing beside her, a half-smile on his
lips and his eyebrows raised inquisitively.

“It’s for my
dad.”

“Oh. Then it’s
probably all right.”

Carrie’s smile
broadened, and she draped the sweater across her arm, deciding it would do for
her father’s gift.

“Do I even
merit
a Christmas present from you?” Matt asked, eyeing the red sweater without
favor.

Her eyes
strayed to the deep blue one she’d noticed before, but she sniffed
disdainfully. “Of course not. What could I give you that you can’t buy for
yourself?”

Something
smoldered in his blue eyes. “I’m sure I could think of something.”

It was the tug
of desire in response to his husky voice that awoke Carrie’s common sense at
last. She gasped and grabbed at his arm. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I felt like
Christmas shopping.”

“You followed
me?”

“That was the
only way I could know where you went.”

“That’s kind of
creepy, you know.”

“Not really. I
don’t follow you all the time or lurk in the shadows. You said Jenn wasn’t able
to come today, so I just followed to see what store you went to.

“So you’re planning
to join me?”

“Of course.”

“And the fact
that you weren’t invited…”

“Is irrelevant
to me. If you don’t want to hang out with me, then I can do my own shopping in
the same general vicinity.”

His pleased
expression and the ironic laughter he was obviously hiding were so contagious
that Carrie laughed out loud.

The heavy
feeling in her gut disappeared.

***

She never would have thought
Matt would be a good companion on a shopping trip, but he was. And their
exploration of various stores was punctuated with lively arguments and bouts of
laughter. The laughter was mostly on Carrie’s part, since Matt maintained a
pretense of superior calm, but she knew the warm amusement in his eyes meant he
was having a good time too.

They were
leaving a novelty store, where she’d found some inexpensive gifts for her
friends at work, when she saw someone she knew turning a corner and
approaching.

Sandra had been
an art history major at the same university and had been in several classes
with Carrie. They hadn’t seen each other in over a year, but Sandra recognized
her immediately and came over with a grin and a curious look at Matt.

Carrie didn’t
introduce him.

“Hey, it’s good
to see you, Carrie. I asked around, but no one seemed to know what you were
doing.”

“I’ve been
working.” She assumed everyone knew what happened to Henry. The plane crash had
been headline news for a couple of weeks. But she’d pulled away from all of her
friends from college, so she wasn’t surprised Sandra didn’t know where she’d
been working. “I guess you’ve graduated by now.”

“Yeah. I
started the Master’s program this fall. So you’re not going back to school?”

“I don’t think
so.”

“That’s too
bad. You were always the smartest of us all.”

Carrie felt
strange, but she smiled politely and murmured some sort of response. After
another minute of small talk, Sandra said goodbye.

 “She would
have recognized your name,” Carrie explained, stopping in the middle of the
sidewalk and looking up at Matt. “That’s why I didn’t introduce you.”

A smile played
at the corners of Matt’s mouth. “Yeah, I figured. I didn’t think you were
ashamed to be seen with me.”

Carrie narrowed
her eyes, trying to figure out what his knowing expression meant. “Okay. Good.”

Matt put a
casual hand on the small of her back to urge her forward, preventing a jam on
the crowded sidewalk. “You could have told her my name if you’d wanted.”

“I just told
you. She knows art. She would have recognized your name. You’re supposed to be
hiding from the world, aren’t you?”

 “I’ve just
been avoiding the old scene. It’s not like I can’t go out in public.”

“Okay.” She
slanted him a look, trying to figure out what he was thinking. He’d laid the
ground rules for their relationship, after all, and introducing him to her
former friends wasn’t the best way to maintain their boundaries.

“So you were
the best in your classes?” Matt asked.

She shrugged.
“Not really.”

“Did you get
all A’s?”

“Yeah. But I’m
sure I wasn’t the only one.”

“Have you
thought about going back to school?”

Carrie
stiffened at the question. “Why would I?”

“Because maybe
you don’t want to work at a coffee shop all your life, and art history was
something you were good at. You can’t do that kind of work without a degree.”

“I’m not going
to do that kind of work.” She felt defensive and unsettled, like Matt was
poking at a sensitive spot. He’d never asked her anything like that before, and
it didn’t feel like such questioning should be part of their relationship.

“Why not?” His
voice was mild, almost a caress, but his eyes were sharp.

“You know why.
I’m through with that part of my life. I prefer things the way they are now.”
Her throat ached, but she thought she did a pretty good job of sounding cool
and casual.

Matt obviously
wasn’t fooled by her attempt. “Carrie,” he said, his voice thickening slightly.
He pushed her back into an alley and pressed his body against hers, his heat
and his strength both intimidating and intoxicating. “Carrie, I don’t really
think you do.”

She made an
indignant sound in her throat, flattening her palms against his chest in a
futile attempt to push him away. “What the hell do you know about it? You might
be arrogant enough to invite yourself on my shopping trip, but you can’t really
be arrogant enough to think you can read my mind and—”

“Carrie,” Matt
interrupted sharply, imprisoning her gaze with his. His expression was intense.
And dead sober. “It’s not arrogance. If you’re genuinely happy with things as
they are, then I won’t say another word about it.”

Carrie’s mouth
fell open as she processed his words and his expression. She suddenly wasn’t
exactly sure what he was talking about. “I’m fine working at the coffee shop,”
she managed to say.

His expression
softened, and one hand slid up to cup her hot cheek. “Are you sure you just
want to be fine?”

“It’s too late
to—”

“That’s ridiculous.
You’re twenty-two. It’s not too late for anything.”

Her heart was
pounding, and it was only partly because of his closeness. She was suddenly
wondering if maybe she
could
go back to college, have the career she
used to want. Maybe it wouldn’t be tainted with the bitterness she’d thought
would always define it last year. “I—I…” She had absolutely no idea what to
say.

“You what?”
Matt murmured, tilting his head down and grazing his lips against her ear. His
warm breath and the vibrations from his voice sent chills of pleasure down her
spine. He’d dropped her shopping bags at their feet. “You agree I’m brilliantly
insightful?”

“No. I’d never
agree to anything like that.” She’d arched unconsciously against him, pressing
her body eagerly against his. Her arms had twined around his neck, and she was
only barely conscious of the fact that they were in an alley just off a busy
city sidewalk.

Matt sucked on
her earlobe deliciously, making her whimper. Then he said against her ear, “Oh
well. It was worth a try.”

Carrie felt
like she would melt, but she managed to pull away reluctantly. “Anyway, you
have no room to talk about my going back to school, since you haven’t painted
since the accident.”

He gave her a
strange look and didn’t respond. Her heart fluttered, and she wondered if she’d
overstepped their boundaries. But Matt was the one who initiated the intimate
conversation, so he shouldn’t be surprised if she responded in kind.

Then he reached
down to pick up the bags again with a teasing smile. “I guess you put me in my
place. If you’re done shopping, I can think of a few other things we might do
to pass the afternoon.”

Carrie knew
exactly what he had in mind, and the return to their familiar sexual spark was
actually comforting. The emotional intimacy of the last few minutes was
something entirely new to their relationship. It was thrilling, but it just
wasn’t comfortable.

She rolled her
eyes. “Get your mind out of the bedroom. I’m not even halfway done. Now I need
to find something for Jenn.” She noticed something across the street. “Oh!
Bookstore!”

Matt fell in
step with her. “Is Jenn really going to want a book for Christmas?”

“Why do you ask
that? You don’t know Jenn at all. She might be a bookworm.”

“She doesn’t
sound like one from the way you talk about her.”

It had never
occurred to Carrie that he might know anything about her sister from the casual
things she’d said over the last three months. It was a strange realization and
made her heart beat faster. “I might be able to find her something here. Besides,
maybe I can find something for
me
.”

She and Matt
spent forty-five minutes scanning the shelves. And, though Carrie ended up with
an armful of books, none of them were for Jenn. They ended up in the Sexuality
section, where the cover of a hardback book caught her eye. It looked like a
coffee-table book, but it was beautifully illustrated with artistic images of
different sexual positions.

She stared at
the pictures, mesmerized, and Matt appeared equally diverted, reading over her
shoulder.

“Oh my God!”
Carrie gasped, as she turned the page and was confronted with an erotic image
of a beautiful couple tangled intimately in an exotic position.

At some point,
Matt had slid his arm around her waist and had pressed her body back against
his. “We have got to try that one,” he murmured thickly.

Her inner
muscles clenched at the texture of his voice, and she turned her head back to
meet his eyes.

The hot hunger
in his expression was unmistakable. When her mouth parted, he leaned down to
claim it with his, sliding his tongue sensuously along the inside of her lips.

She moaned
involuntarily and nearly dropped the large book.

Then a fellow
shopper brushed by behind them, mumbling irritably, “Get a room.”

Carrie giggled
helplessly as they broke off the kiss, her cheeks burning and her body still
stimulated. “I can’t believe I’ve become one of those annoying women who make
out in the middle of a store.”

Matt’s face was
slightly flushed too, and his body was tenser than normal. “We can always find
a more appropriate place.”

“I’ve got more
shopping to do.” She closed the gorgeous book and added it to her pile. “Jenn
will think this book is hilarious.”

“Maybe you
should buy yourself a copy too,” Matt suggested. “Just for future reference.”

“You’ve got to
be crazy if you think I can contort my body into some of those positions. I’m
going to go buy these. I’ll be right back.”