Hope's Road (25 page)

Chapter 40

‘Why didn't you ask Mum to come out to the farm?'

Billy's tone was accusing, verging on belligerent. Trav had never heard his son speak like that before. They were walking towards the ute. Tammy was back in the gallery trying to find Lucy to say goodbye.

‘Didn't think of it,' he said, not entirely sure how to respond.

‘You don't like her any more, do you? You don't want her to be part of our family.'

‘It's difficult.'

‘It's not difficult.' The child's voice was scathing. ‘You just have to have a go. Old Joe's always telling me that. Give it a go, a chance.'

Trav could have cheerfully throttled the old man. ‘Love's not that simple, mate. Your mum and I . . .' He paused, not sure how to put into words his feelings, especially to a child. ‘Well, let's just say we're too different.'

‘But, Dad,
I'm
different. Just ask the kids at school.'

‘That's a different type of different, Billy.'

‘But how hard can it be to love someone you've loved before?' protested Billy, his voice rising with anger.

Travis was at the ute now and feeling really pissed off. He wasn't going to explain himself to an ten year-old, even it was his son. ‘Look, she'll always be your mum. You can see her as much as you both want. But I'm not getting back with her, Billy. And
that's it
.'

Billy came around the bonnet and stood in front of his father. Put his hand on the door to stop Trav from opening it. ‘Is it because of Tammy?'

‘What do you mean?'

‘Come on, Dad. You like her, don't you?'

‘Of course I like Tammy. Don't you?' Trav paused then tried for a joke. ‘We don't want a woman in our lives, Billy. They're nothing but trouble.'

The boy stood up straight, his eyes flashing in the light from the gallery. ‘You're wrong, Dad. Tammy's looked after me and Katrina is my mother. My
real
mum. Just like the kids at school have got. I want my mum back, Dad. Plus, you
owe 
me.'

Trav took a step back at the ferocity on Billy's face. ‘I owe you? How do you figure that?'

Billy ducked his head for a second then looked back up. ‘You know why,' he muttered before walking around to the passenger side of the ute, leaving Trav with shameful memories of just how lonely his kid had been – because of him.

Billy fell asleep on the drive back to McCauley's Hill. Both Travis and Tammy sat out the journey in strained silence, looking anywhere but at each other. Travis was off in a world of his own, obviously thinking so hard there was a frown permanently etched into his face. The vibes coming off him were negative.
Real
negative.

As the vehicle pulled to a stop outside the Montmorency Downs homestead, the electric tension in the air ramped up till it could have rivalled a high-tensile powerline.

Tammy opened the door. Got out. Travis exited his side as well and came around the back of the vehicle. ‘Tammy. Look, I'm sorry, it's just . . .' Trav ran his hands through his hair. ‘Billy wants . . .' His voice stumbled to a halt.

‘His mother?' Tammy was trying hard to keep her voice even. ‘But what do you want, Trav? What do
you
want for you and your son?'

Trav said nothing, just leaned against the ute and folded his arms. Finally: ‘I don't know what I want, Tammy.' His voice was barely audible in the still night air. ‘Not Katrina. I mean, not as a partner or a wife or anything. But Billy wants to know his mother. What right have I to deny him that?'

‘You've got every right, Hunter.' Tammy could hear her own voice rising. ‘She walked out on you both. Has never contacted you again. She forfeited her right to be his mother years ago.'

‘I
owe
my son his
mother
,' said Trav, grinding the words out. She had never seen him so angry. ‘I've done little enough for the kid, I can at least . . . give . . . him . . . that.'

‘But, Travis. Can't you see –?'

‘Billy wants his mother.'

‘He'll get hurt –'

‘For fuck's sake, surely you of all people can understand what's driving the kid!'

Yes, she would have given anything to have known Natalie. Except death didn't give you a choice. ‘She's not interested. The way she treated him tonight . . .' She stopped. Travis's face was like thunder. But still she felt driven to make him see he needed to protect the child, not hand him over to be toyed with and then discarded. ‘Tonight, that child was desperate for his mother to pay attention to him – but she didn't. She's not interested in Billy, Travis. She's a free spirit. And they hurt people who try to tie them to the ground.'

Travis didn't respond at first, then his shoulders slumped and all the anger seemed to seep away.

‘I don't know what to think, Tammy.' He ducked down to check on Billy again. ‘Look, how about we take a break?' To his credit, he sounded almost apologetic. It was the gentleman in him again. ‘She won't stay long.' She had never heard him sound so bitter. ‘I just don't want Billy hurt. And I don't want him blaming you.'

His hand came from nowhere to lightly stroke her cheek. The strong but gentle fingers tracing patterns on her skin. What emotions other than anger were travelling through him? In the darkness she couldn't read his face.

But there was one thing she did know with certainty. He'd made up his mind to concentrate on his son and she couldn't fault him for that. Anything she said now was unlikely to move him. Damn Katrina to hell for coming back.

‘I understand,' said Tammy. The words came out stiff and stilted. She tried again, ‘I understand, Trav. I really do.' And she did. She didn't want to understand but she did.

‘You do?' He dropped his hand from her cheek.

‘Of course. Guess I'll just be seeing you around then.'

She wanted to jump into his arms and yell, ‘
Don
'
t go, don
'
t leave me
,
even for a minute. Tell Billy the truth and start building him a real family!
'
but instead she turned towards the gate.
‘Thanks for the ride in and out.'

Even though she knew he was just asking for time, she felt as rejected as she had by Shon, by Old Joe back when she was a kid . . . by Mae, for whom she could never replace the lost daughter. C'mon, McCauley, keep walking, you can do it. Goddamn it. One foot after the other. Just get the hell inside and let the man do what he has to do.

‘I'll still be staking out the dog,' he called down the path. ‘I'll give you a yell if I see anything.'

She threw out a hand in acknowledgement but didn't turn round. Not until she heard the car engine crank over and the set of tyres crunching on the gravel. He drove off, down the long drive, out onto Hope's Road and towards McCauley's Hill.

Only then did she finally allow herself to cry.

Chapter 41

‘Billy wants me and Katrina to try again,' said Trav, cradling a mug of coffee and listening to the rain on the corrugated iron roof.

Joe gave a snort.

‘I told him it doesn't work like that,' he continued, ‘but he wouldn't listen. The kid is so bloody excited he's finally found his mum.'

‘Yes, but for how long?'

‘That's what Tammy said.'

‘Mmm . . . that's interesting.'

‘You reckon? You're both cut from the same cynical cloth.'

‘Us? Hardly.' Joe gave another snort.

There was silence for a while as Trav blew on then slurped at his coffee. Cripes, the old man made the stuff hot. A bit like Billy's newfound temper.

No! Today, not tomorrow! Take me to see her now!

Joe cleared his throat, breaking into Trav's reverie.

‘Look, I know I'm a negative old bastard . . . and you don't have to nod your head. But, Hunter, these are the facts, short and curly. She up and walked out on you. Left a toddler in its bed, for fuck's sake. She's not fit to have a pet, let alone a kid like yours.'

‘She might have changed.'

‘She might,' said Joe, nodding, but his tone was disbelieving.

‘I don't need to try again with her, do I?' said Trav quietly. ‘For Billy's sake?'

‘Don't be so bloody stupid. Can't you get it through your thick skull? Marriage is hard enough when you're in love. And anyway, she did it once, she's perfectly capable of doing it again.'

‘You didn't hear him, Joe.' Or see the look of utter determination in the child's eyes.
She's my mum. You owe me. I want my family back.

‘Where does Tammy fit into all this then?'

Trav's eyes snapped towards the old man. ‘What do you mean?'

‘Well, you've been keeping company with her a fair bit.'

Trav's sharp intake of breath must have been audible.

‘C'mon, Hunter. What do you think, an old man can't see things?'

‘I didn't realise it was that obvious.'

Joe gave another snort and looked away.

Trav sighed. He didn't want Katrina. He could never trust let alone love her again. He had been so hurt last time. And now there was this thing with Tammy. ‘Tammy was good last night. Said she understood. I guess she meant about Billy.'

Joe nodded. ‘She'd sure know all about that. Was probably wishing it was Natalie returned from the dead.'

Trav moved uncomfortably, remembering how in his anger he'd thrown Tammy's own loss at her. She didn't even know he knew Natalie was dead.

‘What did you say about you and her?'

‘That we'd better give it a break. See what happened.'

Joe rocked his chair a bit. His thoughts sheltered behind an impassive old face. Eventually he said, ‘Women. They're a different breed,' and he reached a hand down to stroke Boots, who was leaning against his knee. ‘I'm not concerned about you and Tammy, so much as the boy. You're both big and ugly enough to make your own mistakes, but that child is special.'

‘Yeah, he is.' And he really meant it. He gazed out across the verandah rail. Mount Cullen and the Burdekin Gap were shrouded in grey; the whole valley was drowning in water. The bloody rain had started after they'd all got home from the disastrous opening and just wouldn't let up.

‘How long's she stayin'?'asked Joe.

‘Not sure. She didn't say.'

‘I'll bet she didn't.'

‘What do you mean by that exactly?'

‘You be careful's all I'm saying. And take care with that child. Now, what are you doin' about the attacks on them calves?'

The change of subject threw Trav for a moment. ‘I'll keep staking the paddocks out even in this rain. I reckon the dog might have gone for a wander around its patch. That, or it's just laying low, waiting for a chance. They're sneaky bastards and clever enough to wait it out until you're gone.'

‘You be out early tomorrow? Want me to have Billy?'

Trav was surprised at how eager Joe sounded. Damn it, he was going to have to disappoint him again. Trav cleared his throat. ‘Ummm . . .'

‘Well, c'mon. If you got somethin' to say, say it,' said Joe.

Geez, why did it all have to be so hard? It was a lot easier when it was just him and the kid. ‘Billy and me are going into town this arvie. We're picking up Katrina. Probably bring her out here, show her around, take her back and have some tea somewhere. The boy's at home now sorting out his stuff to show her. I'll be late home, and Billy'll be with me so I won't go out in the morning.' Trav stopped. Joe's face was scrunched into a frown. ‘The kid wants to know his mother, Joe, and I have to run with that, regardless.'

‘Since when did you develop a conscience?'

Fuck it! Joe could hardly bloody talk. How dare he be so judgemental? Trav stood up, put down his cup and turned on the old man. ‘I've always had a goddamned conscience. That's why I brought the kid here, to a place where he could set down roots, have a place he could call home. And that's why I brought my mother back where she belonged. My brother was going to put her in a nursing home in Adelaide. Wanted me to send Billy to a hostel for kids whose parents lived remote. I wasn't going to do it. So I left my job on the fence and came back here.'

‘You neglect your kid and then, just when you realise what a good father you can be, when your life's just getting on track, you welcome his shitty mother back? Yeah right, that's not a conscience. That's just fuckin' stupidity.'

‘You
bastard
!' spat Trav. ‘I'm not welcoming her back!'

Joe tried to stand up, couldn't. But that didn't stop his tirade. ‘
Yes, you are
– you want to be the man – to fix what you broke back then – and you
can't
. You're only thinking about yourself. You've only ever thought about yourself. That child's going to get hurt, Hunter, and it's your bloody job to make sure it doesn't happen.'

Trav didn't want to hear any more. He shot Joe a look of near hatred, turned on his heels and walked off, headed for his ute.

He could hear the old man shouting from behind him. ‘That woman is trouble with a capital T. She'll just cut and run for the hills. You'll see!'