Horrid Henry Wakes the Dead (3 page)

Andrew looked uncertain.

“Vote for me and I’ll make you Vice-Chairman of the Presidential Snacks Subcommittee.”

“Oooh,” said Andrew.

Henry promised the same job to Dizzy Dave, Jolly Josh, and Weepy William.

He promised Needy Neil his mom could sit with him in class. He promised Singing Soraya she could sing every day in assembly. He promised Greedy Graham there’d be ice cream every day for lunch.

The election is in the bag, thought Horrid Henry gleefully. He fingered the magic marker in his pocket. Tee-hee. Just wait till Margaret saw how he was planning to graffiti her poster! And wasn’t it lucky that it was impossible to graffiti
his
name or change it to something rude. Shame, thought Horrid Henry, that Peter wasn’t running for president. If you crossed out the
t
and the
r
you’d get “Vote for Pee.”

Horrid Henry strolled over to the wall where the campaign posters were displayed.

Huh?

What?

A terrible sight met his eyes. His “Vote for Henry’ posters had been defaced. Instead of his crowned head, a horrible picture of a chicken’s head had been glued on top of his body. And the
ry
of his name had been crossed out.

Beneath it was written:

“Cluck cluck yuck! Vote for a Hen? No way!”

What a dirty trick, thought Horrid Henry indignantly. How dare Margaret deface his posters! Just because he’d handed out leaflets showing Margaret with a frog’s face. Margaret
was
a frog-face. The school needed to know the truth about her.

Well, no more Mr. Nice Guy. This was war.

Moody Margaret entered the playground. A terrible sight met her eyes. All her “Vote Margaret’ posters had been defaced. Huge beards and mustaches had been drawn on every one. Beneath the picture, instead of “Be on target! Vote Margaret!” the words now read:

The next poster read:

How dare Henry graffiti over her posters! I’ll get you Henry, thought Margaret. Just wait until tomorrow.

The next day was campaign speech day. Horrid Henry sat on the stage with Moody Margaret in front of the entire school. He was armed and ready. Margaret would be blasted from the race. As Margaret rose to speak, Henry made a horrible, gagging face.

“We face a great danger,” said Moody Margaret. “Do you want a leader like me? Or a loser like Henry? Do you want someone who will make you proud of this school? Or someone like Henry who will make you ashamed?
I
will be the best president ever. I’m already captain of the soccer team. I know how to tell people what to do. This school will be heaven with me in charge. Remember, a vote for me will brighten every school day.”

“Go Margaret!” yelled Sour Susan as Margaret sat down.

Horrid Henry rose to speak.

“When I’m president,” said Horrid Henry, “I promise a Goo-Shooter Day! I promise a Gross-Out Day! With my best friend Marvin the Maniac presenting the prize. School will start at lunchtime and end after playtime. Gobble and Go will run the school cafeteria. I promise no homework! I promise skateboarding in the hall! I promise ice cream! And candy!

“If you vote for Margaret, you’ll get a dictator. And how do I know this? Because I have discovered her top-secret plans!” Horrid Henry pulled out a piece of paper covered in writing and showed it to the hall. “Just listen to what she wrote:

“I never wrote that!” screeched Margaret.

“She would say that, wouldn’t she?” said Henry smoothly. “But the voters need to know the truth.”

“He’s lying!” shouted Margaret.

“Don’t be fooled, everyone! Margaret will ban candy! Margaret will ban chips! Margaret will make you do lots more homework. Margaret wants to have school seven days a week.

“So vote Henry if you want to stop this evil fiend! Vote Henry for tons of candy! Vote Henry for tons of fun! Vote Henry for president!”

“Henry! Henry! Henry!” shouted Ralph, as Henry sat down to rapturous applause.

He’d done it! He’d won! And by a landslide. Yes!! He was President Lord High Master of the Universe! Just wait till he started bossing everyone around! Margaret had been defeated—at last!

Mrs. Oddbod glared at Henry as they sat in her office after the results had been announced. She looked gray. “As president, you will call the school council meeting to order. You will organize the bathroom tidy rotation. You will lead the litter collection every playtime.”

Horrid Henry’s knees felt weak.

Bathroom…tidy…rotation? Litter? What??
That
was his job? That’s why he’d schemed and bribed and fought and campaigned and given away all that candy?

Where was his throne? His title? His power?

NOOO!

“I resign!” said Horrid Henry.

Ding dong.

“I’ll get it!” shrieked Horrid Henry. He jumped off the sofa, pushed past Peter, ran to the door, and flung it open.

“Hi, Grandma,” said Horrid Henry. He looked at her hopefully. Yes! She was holding a huge carrier bag. Something lumpy and bumpy bulged inside. But not just any old something, like knitting or a spare sweater. Something big. Something ginormous. That meant…that meant…yippee!

Horrid Henry loved it when Grandma visited, because she often brought him a present. Mom and Dad gave really boring presents, like socks and dictionaries and games like Virtual Classroom and Name that Vegetable.

Grandma gave really great presents, like fire engines with wailing sirens, shrieking zombies with flashing lights, and once, even the Snappy Zappy Critters that Mom and Dad had said he couldn’t have even if he begged for a million years.

“Where’s my present?” said Horrid Henry, lunging for Grandma’s bag. “Gimme my present!”

“Don’t be horrid, Henry,” said Mom, grabbing him and holding him back.

“I’m not being horrid, I just want my present,” said Henry, scowling. Why should he wait a second longer when it was obvious Grandma had some fantastic gift for him?

“Hi, Grandma,” said Peter. “You know you don’t need to bring
me
a present when you come to visit. You’re the present.”

Horrid Henry’s foot longed to kick Peter into the next room.

“Wait till
after
you get your present,” hissed his head.

“Good thinking,” said his foot.

“Thank you, Peter,” said Grandma. “Now, have you been good boys?”

“I’ve been perfect,” said Peter. “But Henry’s been horrid.”

“Have not,” said Henry.

“Have too,” said Peter. “Henry took all my crayons and melted them on the radiator.”

“That was an accident,” said Henry. “How was I supposed to know they would melt? And next time get out of the hammock when you’re told.”

“But it was my turn,” said Peter.

“Was not.”

“Was too, you wormy worm toad—”

“Right,” said Grandma. She reached into the bag and pulled out two gigantic dinosaurs. One Tyrannosaurus Rex was purple, the other was green.

“RAAAAAAAA,” roared one dinosaur, rearing and bucking and stretching out his bloodred claws.

“FEED ME!” bellowed the other,

shaking his head and gnashing his teeth.

Horrid Henry’s heart stopped. His jaw dropped. His mouth opened to speak, but no sound came out.

Two Tyrannosaur Dinosaur Roars! Only the greatest toy ever in the history of the universe! Everyone wanted one. How had Grandma found them? They’d been sold out for weeks. Moody Margaret would die of jealousy when she saw Henry’s T-Rex and heard it roaring and bellowing and stomping around the yard.

“Wow,” said Horrid Henry.

“Wow,” said Perfect Peter.

Grandma smiled. “Who wants the purple one, and who wants the green one?”

That was a thought. Which one should he choose? Which T-Rex was the best?

Horrid Henry looked at the purple dinosaur.

Hmmm, thought Henry, I do love the color purple.

Perfect Peter looked at the purple dinosaur.

Hmmm, thought Peter, those claws are a bit scary.

Horrid Henry looked at the green dinosaur.

Oooh, thought Henry. I like those red eyes.

Perfect Peter looked at the green dinosaur.

Oooh, thought Peter, those eyes are awfully red.

Horrid Henry sneaked a peek at Peter to see which dinosaur
he
wanted.

Perfect Peter sneaked a peek at Henry to see which dinosaur
he
wanted.

Then they pounced.

“I want the purple one,” said Henry, snatching it out of Grandma’s hand. “Purple rules.”

“
I
want the purple one,” said Peter.

“I said it first,” said Henry. He clutched the Tyrannosaurus tightly. How could he have hesitated for a moment? What was he thinking? The purple one was best. The green one was horrible. Who ever heard of a green T-Rex anyway?

Perfect Peter didn’t know what to say. Henry
had
said it first. But the purple Tyrannosaurus was so obviously better than the green. Its teeth were pointier. Its scales were scalier. Its big clumpy feet were so much clumpier.

“I
thought
it first,” whimpered Peter.

Henry snorted. “I thought it first,
and
I said it first. The purple one’s mine,” he said. Just wait until he showed it to the Purple Hand Gang. What a guard it would make.

Perfect Peter looked at the purple dinosaur.

Perfect Peter looked at the green dinosaur.

Couldn’t he be perfect and accept the green one? The one Henry didn’t want?

“But I’m obviously the best,” hissed the purple T-Rex. “Who’d want the boring old green one? Blecccchhhh.”

“It’s true, I’m not as good as the purple one,” sobbed the green dinosaur. “The purple is for big boys, the green is for babies.”

“I want the purple one!” wailed Peter. He started to cry.

“But they’re exactly the same,” said Mom. “They’re just different colors.”

“I want the purple one!” screamed Henry and Peter.

“Oh dear,“ said Grandma.

“Henry, you’re the oldest, let Peter have the purple one,” said Dad.

WHAT?

“NO!” said Horrid Henry. “It’s mine.” He clutched it tightly.

“He’s only little,” said Mom.

“So?” said Horrid Henry. “It’s not fair. I want the purple one!”

“Give it to him, Henry,” said Dad.

“NOOOOOOO!” screamed Henry. “NOOOOOO!”

“I’m counting, Henry,” said Mom. “No TV tonight…no TV tomorrow…no TV…”

“NOOOO!” screamed Horrid Henry. Then he hurled the purple dinosaur at Peter.

Henry could hardly believe what had just happened. Just because he was the oldest, he had to take the bad present? It was totally and utterly and completely unfair.

“I want the purple one!”

“You know that ‘I want doesn’t get,’” said Peter. “Isn’t that right, Mom?”

“It certainly is,” said Mom.

Horrid Henry pounced. He was a ginormous crocodile chomping on a very chewy child.