Hot Six (15 page)

Hot Six

Page: 90

His mouth pulled back into a loopy grin. "No, but if they think I'm really flipped out I can plead insanity. Poor distraught husband goes berserk. I've laid all the groundwork with you. Now all I have to do is carve you up and set you on fire, and I'm home free. "

"You're crazy!"

"See, it's working already. "

"Well, you won't have any luck, because I'm a professional trained in self-defense. "

"Get real. I asked around about you. You're trained in nothing. You used to sell ladies' underpants until you got fired. "

"I wasn't fired. I was laid off. "

"Whatever. " He opened his hand, palm up, to show me he held a switchblade. He pressed the button, and the blade flicked out. "Now, if you just cooperate it won't be so bad. It isn't as if I want to kill you. I thought I'd just stab you a couple times to make it look good. Maybe cut off a nipple. "

"No way!"

"Listen, lady, give me a break, okay? I'm facing a murder charge here. "

"This is stupid. This will never work! Have you talked to a lawyer about this?"

"I can't afford a lawyer! My wife freaking cleaned me out. "

I was inching my way back toward the couch as we talked. Now that I knew about his plan to cut off a nipple, using the gun didn't seem like such a bad idea.

"Hold still, " he said. "You're not going to make me chase you all around the apartment, are you?"

"I just want to sit down. I don't feel so good. " And this wasn't so far from the truth. My heart was flopping around in my chest, and the roots of my hair had started to sweat. I plopped down on the couch and dipped my fingers into the space between the cushions. No gun. I ran my hand under the cushion next to me. Still no gun. "

"What are you doing?" he wanted to know.

"I'm looking for a cigarette, " I said. "I need one last cigarette to steady my nerves. "

"Forget it. Time's up. " He lunged at me with the knife, I rolled away, and he plunged the knife into the couch cushion.

I let out a shriek and scrambled on my hands and knees, looking for the gun, finding it deep under the middle cushion. Munson came at me again, and I shot him in the foot.

Bob opened one eye.

Hot Six

Page: 91

I backed away and held him at gunpoint. "You're under arrest. "

"I'm shot. I'm shot. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna bleed to death. "

We both looked down at his foot. The blood wasn't exactly pouring out. A small spot by the little toe.

"I must have just nicked you, " I said.

"Jesus, " he said, "what a lousy shot. You were right on top of me. How could you have missed my foot?"

"Want me to try again?"

"It's all ruined now. You ruined it just like always. Every time I have a plan you have to go ruin it. I had it all worked out. I was going to come over here, cut off a nipple and set you on fire. And now it's ruined. " He threw his hands into the air in disgust. "Women!" He turned and started limping toward the door.

"Hey, " I yelled, "where are you going?"

"I'm leaving. My toe is killing me. And look at my shoe. It has a big rip in it. You think shoes grow on trees? See, this is what I'm talking about. You have no regard for anybody but yourself. You women are all alike. Just take, take, take. Gimme, gimme, gimme. "

"Don't worry about the shoe. The state will see to it that you get a new one. " Along with a nice orange jumpsuit and ankle chains.

"Forget it. I'm not going back to jail until everyone's convinced I'm insane. "

"You've made a believer out of me. And besides, I've got a gun, and I'll shoot you again if I have to. "

He held his hands in the air. "Go ahead and shoot. "

Not only couldn't I bring myself to shoot an unarmed man, but I was out of bullets. They'd been on my shopping list. Milk, bread, bullets.

I raced past him, snatched my shoulder bag off the wall hook and dumped everything onto the floor, since that was the fastest route to finding my cuffs and pepper spray. Munson and I both dived at the scattered junk, and he won. He snatched the pepper spray off the floor and hopped to the door. "If you come after me I'll spray you, " he said.

I watched him do a sort of gallop down the hall, favoring the injured foot. He stopped at the elevator doors and shook the pepper canister at me. "I'll be back, " he said. Then he stepped into the elevator and disappeared.

I closed and locked the door. Terrific . . . For what that was worth. I went to the kitchen and searched for something comforting. The cake was gone. The pie was gone. No Mounds bars hid forgotten in the dark recesses of a cupboard. No booze. No Cheez Doodles. The peanut butter jar was empty.

Bob and I tried a couple of olives, but they weren't totally what the situation called for. "They need frosting, " I said to Bob.

I scooped up the mess on the foyer floor and dumped it back into my shoulder bag. I put the broken alarm on the counter, turned the lights off, and returned to the couch. I lay there in the dark, and Munson's parting threat kept replaying in my mind. It really didn't matter if he was crazy by design or for real; the bottom line was that I'd come close to being nippleless. Probably I shouldn't go to sleep until I got a bolt put on the door. He'd said he'd be back, and I didn't know if he meant in an hour or a day.

Hot Six

Page: 92

And then, without warning, fingertips settled on my wrist, and I was galvanized into action. Adrenaline spiked into my system, and I catapulted myself off the couch into the intruder.

We were both caught by surprise, the two of us crashing into the coffee table, going down to the floor in a tangle of arms and legs. And in an instant I was pinned beneath him, which was not an entirely unpleasant experience once I realized it was Ranger. We were groin to groin, chest to chest, with his hands locked around my wrists. A moment passed while we did nothing but breathe.

"Nice tackle, babe, " he said. And then he kissed me. No doubt about the intention this time. Not the sort of kiss you'd give your cousin, for instance. More like the sort of kiss a man would give a woman when he wanted to rip her clothes off and give her a reason to sing the Hallelujah Chorus.

He deepened the kiss and ran his hands under my T-shirt, splaying them flat on my abdomen. Thank God I still had both of them! A rush of electric heat contracted my nipples.

My bedroom door cracked open and Grandma stuck her head out. "Is everything okay out here?"

Great. Now she wakes up!

"Yep. Everything's just fine, " I said.

"Is that Ranger on top of you?"

"He was showing me a self-defense move. "

"I wouldn't mind knowing some self-defense, " Grandma said.

"Well, we were sort of finishing up here. "

Ranger rolled off me, onto his back. "If she wasn't your grandmother I'd shoot her. "

"Darn, " Grandma said, "I always miss the good stuff. "

I popped up onto my feet and adjusted my T-shirt. "You didn't miss much. I was just going to make some hot chocolate. Do you want some?"

"Sure, " Grandma said. "I'll go get my bathrobe on. "

Ranger looked up at me. It was dark in the room, with only a shaft of light coming from the open bedroom door. Still, it was light enough for me to see that his mouth was smiling but his eyes were serious. "Saved by the grandma. "

"Do you want hot chocolate?"

He followed me out to the kitchen. "Pass. "

I gave him the piece of paper with the house design on it. "Here's the diagram you wanted. "

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Page: 93

He knew about Alexander Ramos. "How do you know?"

"I've been watching the beach house. I saw you pick Ramos up. "

I poured milk into two mugs and put them in the microwave. "What's the deal with him? He flagged me down to mooch a cigarette. "

Ranger smiled. "You ever try to quit smoking?"

I shook my head.

"Then you wouldn't understand. "

"Did you used to smoke?"

"I used to everything. " He picked the motion detector off the counter and turned it over in his hand. "I noticed the broken security chain. "

"You weren't my only visitor tonight. "

"What happened?"

"A failure to appear broke into my apartment. I shot him in the foot, and he left. "

"You must not have read the Bounty Hunter Handbook. We're supposed to catch the bad guys and drag their ass back to jail. "

I mixed the cocoa into the hot milk. "Ramos wants me to return today. He offered me a job as his cigarette smuggler. "

"That's not a job you want to accept. Alexander can be impulsive and erratic and paranoid. He's on medication, but he doesn't always take it. Hannibal's hired bodyguards to keep an eye on the old man, but he makes them look like amateurs. Sneaks out on them every chance he gets. There's a power struggle going on between him and Hannibal, and you don't want to get caught in the crossfire. "

"Isn't this nice, " Grandma said, shuffling into the kitchen, taking her mug of chocolate. "It's much more fun living with you. We never had men visiting in the middle of the night when I lived with your mother. "

Ranger returned the alarm to the counter. "I have to go. Enjoy your hot chocolate. "

I walked him to the door. "Is there anything else you want me to do? Check your mail? Water your plants?"

"My mail is being forwarded to my lawyer. And I'm watering my own plants. "

"So, you feel safe in the Batcave?"

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Page: 94

Before he left, he said good-night to Grandma, who was still in the kitchen.

"What a nice, polite young man, " Grandma said. "And he's got an excellent package. "

I went straight to her closet, found the bottle of booze, and dumped some into my cocoa.

THE NEXT MORNING, Grandma and I were both hung over.

"I've gotta stop drinking cocoa so late at night, " Grandma said. "I feel like my eyes are going to explode. Maybe I should go get checked for glaucoma. "

"Better yet, how about getting checked for the level of hooch in your bloodstream?"

I took a couple aspirin and dragged myself out to the parking lot. Habib and Mitchell were there, sitting waiting in a green minivan with two kiddie seats in the back but no kiddies.

"Nice stakeout car, " I said. "Fits right in. "

"Don't start, " Mitchell said. "I'm not in a good mood. "

"It's your wife's car, right?"

He gave me a black look.

"Just to make life easier for you, so you don't get lost, you might as well know I'm going to the office first thing. "

"I hate that place, " Habib said. "It is cursed! It is evil!"

I drove to the office and parked in front. Habib stayed half a block back and kept the motor running.

"Hey, girlfriend, " Lula said. "Where's Bob?"

"He's with Grandma. They're sleeping in today. "

"Looks like you should have slept in, too. You look awful. If the rest of your face was as black as the circles under your eyes you could move into my neighborhood. 'Course, the good news is what with the dark circles and bloodshot eyes you don't hardly notice that big nasty pimple. "

And the really good news was that I didn't give a fig about the pimple today. Funny how a little thing like a life-threatening experience can put a pimple into perspective. What I cared about today was nailing Munson. I didn't want to put in another sleepless night, worrying about going up in flames.

"I have a hunch Morris Munson is back at his row house this morning, " I told Lula. "I'm going over there, and I'm going to stomp on him. "

Hot Six

Page: 95

I took my gun out of my shoulder bag. "I'm sort of out of bullets, " I said to Connie. "You have any extras lying around?"

Vinnie stuck his head out of his office. "You're putting bullets in your gun? Did I hear right? What's the occasion?"

"I have bullets in my gun a lot, " I said, eyes narrowed, feeling testy. "In fact, just last night I shot someone. "

There was a collective gasp.

"Who'd you shoot?" Lula asked.

"Morris Munson. He broke into my apartment. "

Vinnie rushed over. "Where is he? Is he dead? You didn't get him in the back, did you? I keep telling everyonenot in the back!"

"I didn't shoot him in the back. I shot him in the foot. "

"So? Where is he?"

"Omigod, " Lula said. "You shot him in the foot with your last bullet, didn't you? You blew off a little piggy and ran out of bullets. " She shook her head. "Don't you just hate when that happens?"

Connie returned from the back room with a box of bullets. "You sure you want these?" she asked me. "You don't look too good. I don't know if it's a good idea to give a woman a box of bullets when she's got a pimple. "

I put four rounds in my gun, and dropped the box into my shoulder bag. "I'll be fine. "

"This here's a woman with a plan, " Lula said.

This here was a woman with a hangover who just wanted to get through the day.

Halfway to Munson's house on Rockwell Street I pulled to the curb and threw up. Habib and Mitchell grimaced behind me.

"Must have been some night, " Lula said.

"I don't want to think about it. " And that was more than just an expression. I really didn't want to think about it. I mean, what the hell was this thing going on between me and Ranger? I must be crazy! And I couldn't believe I'd actually sat drinking bourbon and hot chocolate with Grandma. I'm no good at drinking. I get drunk on two bottles of beer. I felt like my brain had been beamed into outer space and my body had been left behind.

I drove another quarter-mile and pulled into the McDonald's drive-through for my never-fail hangover remedy: french fries and a Coke.

"As long as we're here I might as well get a little something, too, " Lula said. "Egg McMuffin, breakfast fries, chocolate shake, and a Big Mac, " she yelled across me.